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Matrix Reloaded - Abridged Script (long post :) )

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  • 19-06-2003 12:57am
    #1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 944 ✭✭✭


    from http://ter.air0day.com/index.php?script=matrixreloaded in case it ends up going down I'll copy n paste it here.


    THE MATRIX RELOADED: THE ABRIDGED SCRIPT™

    By Rod Hilton


    FADE IN:

    EXT. DARK, NOIR-ESQUE CITY STREET

    A computer model of CARRIE-ANNE MOSS with an
    inhuman-looking face flies out of a window, shoots at an
    agent, and is killed.

    INT. THE NEBUCHADNEZZAR - BLUE

    KEANU REEVES wakes up from his nightmare. CARRIE-ANNE
    MOSS, played by a human being, is laying next to him.

    KEANU REEVES
    Whoa.

    CARRIE-ANNE MOSS
    What's the matter? Did you wet the
    bed again?

    KEANU REEVES
    I had this dream. You flew out of
    a window in slow-motion and shot at
    an agent and he killed you.

    CARRIE-ANNE MOSS
    Well of course you dreamed that -
    you've gone online and watched the
    Matrix Reloaded trailer like fifty
    times in the past two days.

    KEANU REEVES
    Did you see the computer generated
    me fight all those Agent Smiths? It
    was awesome! I'm gonna go hack in
    and watch it again now.

    INT. DARK, NOIR-ESQUE SEWER

    LAURENCE FISHBURNE, CARRIE-ANNE MOSS, and KEANU REEVES join
    #SewerChat with all the other rebels.

    LAURENCE FISHBURNE
    Gimme ops! I want ops!

    JADA PINKETT SMITH
    Shut up. Listen everyone. The
    Osiris has sent a transmission - the
    machines are drilling straight down
    to Zion. It's a wonder they didn't
    think to do this sooner.

    LAURENCE FISHBURNE
    Ops! Ops! Ops!

    JADA PINKETT SMITH
    Fine! Jesus.

    * SexyJada69 sets mode: +o TheOneBeliever.

    LAURENCE FISHBURNE
    Woohoo!

    * SexyJada69 was kicked by TheOneBeliever (Don't hog ops!)
    * Joins: SexyJada69

    JADA PINKETT SMITH
    Not funny.

    LAURENCE FISHBURNE
    Sorry. Okay, everyone. I believe
    the Gloria Foster will contact us
    soon, so I need one ship to stay
    back here and be available if she
    makes contact. This goes directly
    against the order of our military
    commander, but he's a total dick, so
    **** him.

    * SexyJada69 has quit (irc.logos.net irc.thematrix.com)
    * -[Ghost]- has quit (irc.logos.net irc.thematrix.com)
    * StokChar02 has quit (irc.rebels.net irc.thematrix.com)
    * StokChar01 has quit (irc.rebels.net irc.thematrix.com)
    * TheOne has quit (irc.nebuchadnezzar.net
    irc.thematrix.com)
    * Trin303 has quit (irc.nebuchadnezzar.net
    irc.thematrix.com)

    LAURENCE FISHBURNE
    Oh ****.

    * Joins: -[Ghost]-
    * Joins: StokChar02
    * Joins: TheOne
    * Joins: AgentJohnson
    * Joins: Trin303
    * Joins: StokChar01
    * Joins: AgentJackson
    * Joins: SexyJada69
    * irc.thematrix.com sets mode: +o AgentJohnson
    * irc.thematrix.com sets mode: +o AgentJackson
    * AgentJackson sets mode: -o TheOneBeliever
    * AgentJohnson changes topic to 'Th3 M4tr1x h4s j00
    h4h4!!1!'

    JADA PINKETT SMITH
    Agents! Get the hell out of here!

    * Parts: SexyJada69
    * Parts: StokChar01
    * Parts: StokChar02
    * Parts: Trin303
    * Parts: TheOneBeliever
    * Parts: -[Ghost]-

    KEANU REEVES
    I don't feel the slightest bit
    intimidated, and as a result the
    audience feels absolutely no danger.

    AGENT JACKSON
    That's a shame, since this is the
    first fight scene and should really
    get them hyperventilating.

    They use kung fu and KEANU beats the crap out of the AGENTS
    and flies away.

    INT. ZION

    All of the ships head to ZION. Nothing happens for a
    while. Characters talk to other characters. Eventually,
    there is an erotic rave scene, but it too is somewhat
    boring. The AUDIENCE goes to sleep.

    AUDIENCE
    This is what they're fighting to
    save? It sucks! Wake me when they're
    back in the matrix.

    Eventually, GLORIA FOSTER contacts KEANU, and they visit
    her.

    EXT. WELL-LIT, NON-NOIR PARK

    KEANU sits down next to GLORIA FOSTER after fighting SING
    NGAI for no good reason.

    GLORIA FOSTER
    Hello Keanu. My dialogue this time
    around isn't anywhere near as well
    written as the last time we talked,
    so let me get to the chase. I'm a
    program, all of your decisions have
    already been made, Trinity is going
    to die, and you need to find Randall
    Duk Kim. Gotta run!

    KEANU REEVES
    Got it. Hey, have you seen that
    spoon-bending kid from before? There
    haven't been any cool quotable
    phrases in this movie and I think he
    could help.

    GLORA shakes her head and leaves.

    HUGO WEAVING
    Mr. Anderson.

    KEANU REEVES
    That's good, but it really came
    from the first movie. Got anything
    else?

    Suddenly, a bunch of other HUGO WEAVINGS show up. They
    FIGHT to VIDEO GAME MUSIC. Despite all of the enormous
    hype, it is extremely clear when the scene switches into
    CGI-mode.

    HUGO WEAVING
    Why are you using kung fu? Can't
    you jump inside us and delete us
    like in the last movie? Isn't that
    one of your super awesome powers?

    KEANU REEVES
    Nah, the only real new power I have
    is flight.

    HUGO WEAVING
    That sucks.

    KEANU REEVES
    Not as badly as my appearance when
    I do my little mid-air spin move
    with this pole.

    He fights and fights and fights and eventually gives up and
    flies away.


Comments

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 944 ✭✭✭Captain Trips


    INT. WELL-LIT, NON-NOIR RESTAURANT

    LAURENCE, CARRIE-ANNE, and KEANU enter the restaurant and
    talk to LAMBERT WILSON.

    LAURENCE FISHBURNE
    We want Randall Duk Kim. I am
    totally dead serious here, as I
    always am.

    LAMBERT WILSON
    I won't give him to you, but you
    can use my girlfriend, Monica
    Belluci to go behind my back and get
    him. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm
    going to go have some matrix sex.

    MONICA BELLUCI
    Grrr, I get so mad when he cheats
    on me. To spite him, I will give
    you Randall.

    KEANU REEVES
    Wait, you're a program right? So
    some machine actually specifically
    programmed you and gave you the
    ability to be jealous, conniving,
    and spiteful?

    MONICA BELLUCI
    Not only that, but they made me a
    hornball. I will only help if you
    make out with me.

    LAURENCE FISHBURNE
    What? It's bad enough that the
    agents no longer pose any threat at
    all, but now these are the kind of
    obstacles we must overcome to save
    Zion? Make out with Monica Belluci?
    What will we have to do next, eat
    our way through a prison wall made
    of chocolate?

    MONICA helps them and they escape with RANDALL DUK KIM in a
    car.

    LAURENCE FISHBURNE
    Hurry, we have to get Randall out
    of here!

    CARRIE-ANNE MOSS
    And take him where, exactly?

    LAURENCE FISHBURNE
    Uhhhh.. away from the bad guys? It
    doesn't matter, we're just waiting
    for Neo to save us.

    CARRIE-ANNE MOSS
    Don't you realize that without any
    real goal, this scene is utterly
    without tension, regardless of how
    cool it is, stylistically?

    LAURENCE FISHBURNE
    This is a matrix film, there's no
    point to anything other than style.

    They are CHASED by TWO ALBINO RASTAFARIANS. More video
    game music plays in the background.

    ALBINO RASTAFARIAN #1
    We are utterly pointless.

    ALBINO RASTAFARIAN #2
    Yes we are.

    Eventually, KEANU REEVES saves them all and takes them to a
    secret hideout.

    INT. DARK, NOIR-ESQUE CONFERENCE ROOM

    LAURENCE, KEANU, CARRIE-ANNE, JADA, and VARIOUS OTHER
    REBELS meet with RANDALL DUK KIM.

    RANDALL DUK KIM
    To save your world, you must strike
    at exactly midnight.. it will
    require a complicated three-pronged
    attack...

    AUDIENCE
    Holy ****, we're at the climax of
    the film! I haven't seen anything
    from this in the trailer - it must
    be ****ing amazing, especially since
    it has to top the burly brawl and
    the car chase.

    We see a montage of shots from the important mission while
    RANDALL and THE REBELS discuss the plan in voiceover. Once
    the discussion is over, the problem is solved. KEANU enters
    a ROOM OF LIGHT.

    INT. WELL-LIT, NON-NOIR WHITE ROOM

    KEANU enters a white room, the walls of which are covered
    in monitors. A chair spins around to reveal THE EXPLAINER.

    KEANU REEVES
    Who are you?

    THE EXPLAINER
    I am The Explainer. I designed the
    matrix screenplay. Unable to
    decently explain the convoluted plot
    well, I have resorted to putting
    myself here in the final act and
    having you ask all of the questions
    the audience wants to ask.
    (dramatic pause)
    You must begin by asking your own
    questions then gradually switch to
    asking those of the audience, in
    order to not make this scene any
    more awkward than it already is.
    Concordantly, while your first
    question may be the most pertinent,
    you may or may not realize it is
    also the most irrelevant.

    KEANU REEVES
    Why am I here?

    THE EXPLAINER
    Many years ago, shortly before the
    success of Speed, you sold your soul
    to the devil in exchange for a
    promise of notoriety that your
    piss-poor acting skills do not
    deserve. This series is the
    actualization of this promise.

    KEANU REEVES
    What was the Osiris? And who was
    that kid in zion who kept pestering
    me?

    THE EXPLAINER
    You will find the answers to these
    questions by purchasing The
    Animatrix, a collection of nine
    animated shorts from some of Anime's
    top directors.

    KEANU REEVES
    Alright. Well, what was that crap
    Glora said about vampires and
    werewolves? And how did Jada Pinkett
    Smith get to Laurence Fishburne
    during the car chase? And what the
    hell happened during the power plant
    takeover climax that-wasn't?

    THE EXPLAINER
    You will find the answers to those
    questions by purchasing the Enter
    The Matrix game, available for
    Windows, Playstation2, Xbox, and
    Gamecube. Enter the Matrix features
    awesome gunplay and spectacular
    martial arts that bend the rules of
    the Matrix. This game isn't just
    set in the Matrix universe--it's an
    integral part of the experience,
    with a story that weaves in and out
    of The Matrix Reloaded. Enter the
    Matrix is the story behind the
    story.

    KEANU REEVES
    Fine! Then tell me this, what the
    hell is with Hugo Weaving saying he
    and I have some special connection?
    And how come I can control machines
    in the real world? And will we win
    the war if I don't choose the door
    to my right?

    THE EXPLAINER
    You will find the answers to these
    questions when you watch The Matrix
    Revolutions, coming later in 2003.

    KEANU REEVES
    I hate you.

    THE EXPLAINER
    Perhaps you should drink more
    Powerade.

    KEANU REEVES
    Just answer me one question. We're
    not going to find out that the real
    world is in another matrix, are we?

    THE EXPLAINER
    Christ I hope not.

    KEANU leaves and flies to save CARRIE-ANNE MOSS from being
    shot. She is SHOT anyway. Then KEANU reaches into her
    matrix code and pulls out the bullet in a comical fashion.

    CARRIE-ANNE MOSS
    That was preposterous.

    KEANU REEVES
    Wait till you see what I do outside
    of the ship.

    THE CREDITS roll, as DISC ONE of the soundtrack is played
    in its entirety.

    END


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,105 ✭✭✭Tyrrial


    that is bloody brilliant.. it said what we were all thinking!


  • Moderators, Computer Games Moderators Posts: 4,560 Mod ✭✭✭✭Ivan


    Yeah that was really good.

    But I still enjoyed the movie.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,139 ✭✭✭Sauron


    pure hilarity!:D


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 944 ✭✭✭Captain Trips


    Originally posted by Ivan
    Yeah that was really good.

    But I still enjoyed the movie.

    yeah I loved the movie, but that bit above with Laurence Fishburne saying "Ops! Gimme ops!" just cracked me up, had to post it :)


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  • Registered Users Posts: 286 ✭✭Brerrabbit


    LOL Excellent!

    I'm still in stitches.

    The bit about the "albino rastafarians" really got me.

    nice one!


  • Registered Users Posts: 12,778 ✭✭✭✭Kold


    Blasphemy.

    The ops bit was funny though


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,274 ✭✭✭de5p0i1er


    I loved it.
    I'd love to know who thinks up these things and wastes so much time typing the out.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 944 ✭✭✭Captain Trips


    I found it by accident, but the guy who runs the site, called The Editing Room, has a load of similar stuff on various movies, none as long as this one though. It's well worth a visit, link is at the top.


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,274 ✭✭✭de5p0i1er


    Originally posted by Captain Trips
    I found it by accident, but the guy who runs the site, called The Editing Room, has a load of similar stuff on various movies, none as long as this one though. It's well worth a visit, link is at the top.
    Thanks for the hook up.


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