Younger Men

julie129 · 12-09-2005 9:44pm #1

ok your advice please

I recently met a younger man on a night out, we got on pretty well he's 28 and Im 35. Now I've been told and I know that I dont look or act my age and did inform him of the age difference. So the man in question took my no and has rang a couple of times to arrange a night out, now a friend of mine recently told me Id be mad to do this as most men in their twenties will only go out with an older women based on the myth that most single women in their 30's are "mad for it" so to speak and therefore the younger guys are just looking for the one thing, hmm now Im not looking for a serious relationship here but now not into the one night stand thing either so advice please

Memnoch · 12-09-2005 9:50pm

go out with him and enjoy yourself. If he wants to have sex and you don't say no, it's not that big of a deal! If he wants to have sex and you do also then bob's your uncle. Or maybe he is happy to wait till you feel you are ready for it.

Either way, what's the worst that could happen (not counting psycotic stalkers and court barring orders).

You're friends are just jealous that a younger man fancies you. Makes them feel WELL old I bets.

Shrimp · 12-09-2005 9:55pm

half your age(35) + 7 .. tbh..

35/2 + 7 =
17.5 + 7 =
25.5 = He's ALRIGHT

once he's older that, but that mainly applies to when the guy is older.

Victor · 12-09-2005 10:08pm

julie129 wrote:

based on the myth that most single women in their 30's are "mad for it"

No, the myth is that their biological clock is ticking and they are desperate for "the" relationship so they can have kids.

julie129 · 12-09-2005 10:15pm

Yes well lets not split hairs here about the "myth" so at least 2 think its a good idea thanks Im going to go for it (so to speak) oh and yes if I fancy the sex part even better!!!!!!

pickarooney · 12-09-2005 10:21pm

In fairness, if it was a 45-year-old you'd probably suspect the same motives of him (and there's no reason to believe he doesn't have his suspicions about you abusing his nubile young body

)

is_that_so · 12-09-2005 10:24pm

Go for it. He has obviously sparked some kind of interest in you. Most people are worth one date anyway as long as they've heard of music from your "era".

Victor · 12-09-2005 10:25pm

julie129 wrote:

Yes well lets not split hairs here about the "myth" so at least 2 think its a good idea thanks Im going to go for it (so to speak) oh and yes if I fancy the sex part even better!!!!!!

Good for you, go for it.

Beruthiel · 13-09-2005 7:38am

my b/f is 8 years younger than me, we've been together for 6 years now, the age gap doesn't come into it as we both want the same things out of life.
I suggest you stop listening to other peoples opinions on what you should do with your life and do what you want.

jcoote · 13-09-2005 7:51am

age gaps only apply when the younger person is like 16-19...after that its just a myth imo..

i have had briliant conversations with people 3 tmies my age and younger than me too...

go for it its about how well yis get on and if u get on well enough he will feel like stayin with u rather than just wantin a sex buddy..

the reason i think men like oder omen is because they don't have to dictate and be as dominant in the relationship because the woman will know what she want/likes both in and out of the bedroom..

best of uck

!

Kell · 13-09-2005 8:07am

Beruthiel wrote:

I suggest you stop listening to other peoples opinions on what you should do with your life and do what you want.

Kell wholeheartedly endorses Ruthies sentiments. Eh, ah nothing else to add really.

K-

ambro25 · 13-09-2005 8:14am

4 years younger than my wife, together 13 years this year.

The age difference thing is a myth, not older women 'mad for it' or 'clock ticking' and any other such nonsense what-so-ever... it's -as in every relationship- all about personal chemistry

dub45 · 13-09-2005 8:22am

Beruthiel wrote:

......... I suggest you stop listening to other peoples opinions on what you should do with your life and do what you want.

Why post here then?

Maybe he's a guy who has an attraction for older women simple as that?

If the age difference was the other way around would people be 'woried' (Isn't there a sort of implicaton out there that the man should be slightly older and slightly taller?)

jcoote · 13-09-2005 8:25am

dub45 wrote:

If the age difference was the other way around would people be 'woried' (Isn't there a sort of implicaton out there that the man should be slightly older and slightly taller?)

yeah its strange there is also a myth that women mature quicker than men

Tazz T · 13-09-2005 8:29am

That really is an insignificant age gap in two people in your age group. In ten years time it will be even less important. Go for it.

Blub2k4 · 13-09-2005 8:30am

Shrimp wrote:

half your age(35) + 7 .. tbh..

35/2 + 7 =
17.5 + 7 =
25.5 = He's ALRIGHT once he's older that, but that mainly applies to when the guy is older.

This is a load of shite, I dunno where you got it from but it is not possible to capture the range of human sentiments and emotions and sum up how they will work with some glib mathemathical formula. Grow up and read a little more into human relationships, and I dont mean that ladder theory shite either.

HelterSkelter · 13-09-2005 8:33am

I'm 27 and my gf is 33. The age difference was a bit weird for her at first but she is fine about it now. It was never an issue for me. We are engaged now. So I'd say go for it. Don't listen to your friend and her myths.

jcoote · 13-09-2005 8:35am

tbh i think people thnk a little too much of what people will say in relation to ages and even down to what area your partner is from

its bullsh1te if u like her go for it

BrianD3 · 13-09-2005 9:02am

As already said, it's not that big of an age difference. Now if you were in your forties and he was in his early twenties then that mightn't work out so well although I do know of one of two couples like this and they seem happy.

Lots of guys in their twenties are very attracted to slightly older women. The thing about women in their thirties and forties is they are generally far more straightforward, less likely to head wreck or play games, less likely to have a princess complex etc. than younger women. Too many younger women in this country have a really annoying attitude to sex eg pretending not to enjoy it, letting on that if they have sex with a man they're doing him a "favour", withholding sex as a "punishment" for wrongdoing etc.

PS look at the hollywood actor Maxwell Caulfield (a hunky alpha male) For the past twenty years he has been married to a woman around 20 years older than him. So it's not always older men with younger women.

dramaqueen · 13-09-2005 9:07am

Don't judge this guy by what your friend thinks is going on in his head. The only way you will know what's possible between you is if you go find out, instead of sitting chatting to a friend who is just talking about a stereotype.
(One that sounds like complete boll*cks anyway!)
If that's what he does want, fine deal with it, and if he wants more, deal with that then. It's between you two and no-one else.

crazymonkey · 13-09-2005 9:21am

7 years is not really an age gap, i know lots of 30 something hotties,, Go for it and good luck,

SparkyLarks · 13-09-2005 9:27am

Blub2k4 wrote:

This is a load of shite, I dunno where you got it from but it is not possible to capture the range of human sentiments and emotions and sum up how they will work with some glib mathemathical formula. Grow up and read a little more into human relationships, and I dont mean that ladder theory shite either.

It's from Hugh Heffner.
He says the age of ythe woman that your sleeping with should be half your age plus 7
so at 20 sleep with a 17 year old
at 30 sleep with a 23 year old
at 40 Sleep with a 27 year old
at 50 sleep with a 33 year old.

of course hugh still thinks he's 30.

Off topic but that's wher it comes from,AFAIK

electric69 · 13-09-2005 9:29am

Shrimp half your age(35) + 7 .. tbh..

35/2 + 7 =
17.5 + 7 =
25.5 = He's ALRIGHT once he's older that, but that mainly applies to when the guy is older.

Ok..i know this is off the topic but could someone please explain 2me how 17.5 + 7 = 25.5? I mean is this person still in play school or what?the intelligence of some people on this site leaves a lot 2 be desired.

Beruthiel · 13-09-2005 9:32am

can we keep it on topic people
B

vibe666 · 13-09-2005 10:01am

can only speak from experience, as previously being the younger man in a relationship.

I was 19 and she was 28 when we met.

3 1/2 years together in the end, and the age difference was never an issue between us, apart from when other people opinions were given on our relationship, which we mostly ignored or laughed at. we were happy, and that was that.

in the end it comes down to two things. you and him, end of story. if it feels right and you both feel the same way, there's nothing wrong with it. it's not like he's 15 and you're 30. both mature consenting adults who are old enough to make your own decisions.

I say go for it, and see where it leads you.

Blub2k4 · 13-09-2005 10:06am

SparkyLarks wrote:

It's from Hugh Heffner.
He says the age of ythe woman that your sleeping with should be half your age plus 7
so at 20 sleep with a 17 year old
at 30 sleep with a 23 year old
at 40 Sleep with a 27 year old
at 50 sleep with a 33 year old.

of course hugh still thinks he's 30.

Off topic but that's wher it comes from,AFAIK

ah ok forgive me I didn't know that Hugh Heffner was an authority on stable relationships, and here's me thinkin he is shallow and likes to ride bunnies.

Nevyn · 13-09-2005 10:21am

Who or what Hugh heffer enguages in sexual congress with is off topic to this thread.

julie129 you were happy enough to give him your number,
Don't let others peoples ideas or restrictions they put on themselves
stop you from having fun and getting to know someone who may be fun and intresting.
If people pass remarks or stare then they really must lead very boring lives.

20 Times 20 Times · 13-09-2005 10:30am

I think you should go for it , big time tehre is no reason other then he finds you attractive / interesting that is why he has asked you out if he waned just sex hell he would of asked for it , some men inclluding myself find older women VERY atrractive for a few reasons , i like the confidence a older women has i love the experience , i feel i can talk to them better and i love the power they have in some cases . i personally have ALWAYS gone for some one older then me , now i am only 21 but i also go for some one older then me , i just find them a lot more attractive .

Hope this helps

Faye · 13-09-2005 11:10am

Being an older woman (37), I can only agree with many of the previous posters. Age is only an issue if you let it become one. I had a relationship with someone 10 years younger than me some time ago. I can honestly say it was the least fraught, least pressured and most fun relationship I had in a long time. When it ended 4 months later, it was a gentle experience, something I cannot often say of breakups. He contacts me occasionally to fill me in on what is going on in his life and I am always glad to hear from him.

I think about it sometimes and wonder if the age gap had been smaller would I have considered him as more long term but properly not. I often felt protective of him and I know while he felt the same towards me occasionally, that for me it was different, at some stage my feelings could have turned ‘motherly’! Nobody wants to go there with a partner. I asked him once why he was attracted to me and he said, ‘You’re beautiful, intelligent, classy and gentle, I’d be attracted to you even if you were half my age!’ Hard to argue with that logic.

Anyway, for what it’s worth, I say go for it. Every relationships allows us to learn and grow - why limit that experience just because of an age gap.

jrey1981 · 13-09-2005 1:58pm

Victor wrote:

No, the myth is that their biological clock is ticking and they are desperate for "the" relationship so they can have kids.

a la Bridget Jones!?

Some older women are just incredibly cool - eg the "yummy mummy", etc.

in my humble opinion is all about their outlook on life, personality, character, etc...if that is young at heart and they have that certain cool joie de vivre, it can really catch the eye of a guy, be they 19 or 59...

In that sense, age is a state of mind

Sifo · 13-09-2005 2:14pm

go for it, forget about this age gap bullsh1t that so many people tend to go on about an just go with the animal instincts that god gave you!! of course he's gonna want sex!! he obviously finds you attractive!! do what makes YOU feel good..

Talliesin · 13-09-2005 4:09pm

I wouldn't even call that an age-gap relationship.

Really, compared to some people I know you're practically twins (try 18yo and 45yo - those two are still going 5years later).

Forget stupid attempts to encapsulate the complexity of human relationships in twee mathematical formulas.

Forget what myths there may or may not be about women above a certain age (and actually both myths mentioned above are believed in by some, but not everyone is that stupid).

Go for it, if his being 28 is the worse thing you can say about him then it'll be great

Shivvv · 13-09-2005 4:22pm

Hi Julie

I'm 34 and for the past while I've been seeing a guy who has just gone 28 - so very similar situation - I was a bit concerned about what other people thought at the beginning but it really doesn't matter at all - he's more mature and together than a lot of men my age.... And then I was chatting to my Mum and she told me that she's 7 years older than my Dad which I never knew before and they've been married for 36 years!!

So my advice would be to do what feels right based on the guy in question and how you connect with each other and not based on age.

Good luck

S

dictatorcat · 13-09-2005 4:50pm

This has been really worth reading. I'm at the start of a relationship with someone 13 years older than me. I don't even notice it. If it feels right then go for it.

vibe666 · 14-09-2005 6:49am

don't forget that being with someone younger than you will make you look and feel younger too, so there are many good reasons to go ahead with it.

pickarooney · 14-09-2005 7:18am

Shivvv wrote:

And then I was chatting to my Mum and she told me that she's 7 years older than my Dad which I never knew before and they've been married for 36 years!!

You really didn't know what ages your parents were?

I've been with my +6 ladyfriend for almost ten years. It occasionally comes up as a problem, but is invariably just a cover for some other issue. It's always her that brings it up, I couldn't give a monkey's myself.

Kalina · 14-09-2005 5:14pm

I think you should go for it, the age difference is not that much and I wouldn't let that be a reason not to give it a shot. Best of luck!
I recently met a lovely guy who is about 6 yers younger than me, I'm almsot 25 and he's 19. I've been deliberating over what to do about him for ages and reading the advice in this thread has given me my answer.

Younger Men

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