39 and never been to a foreign country

LegacyUser

As you can see from the title I have an embarrassing admission to make. I am aged 39 I've never been outside of Ireland/UK in my life.
It's actually really hard for me own up to that even anonymously.
I don't know how it happened, it was a kind of a combination of things really. I was a big soccer fan in my twenties and I spent most of my spare cash going to matches in England with my mates. I lost interest in that in my thirties as I returned to college for five years so I didn't really have the money to spend on it. In the time since then I have had the free time and money but I just made up excuses. I don't like myself very much and I know I would enjoy it if I went somewhere so that's why I don't go (if that makes sense).
I don't have a girlfriend and what few friends I have are married so I don't have anyone to go with.
It's been giving me a lot of trouble lately because most people want to travel and experience other cultures. That's the weird thing; I want to go somewhere and I have an interest in other cultures as I read and watch a lot of TV about stuff like that.
It's a real handicap when I am in the company of other people and they start to talk non-stop about their weekend in Barcelona or wherever. I just want to shrivel up and die.
In one place I worked I had to have my lunch on my own because of my workmates conversations at lunchtime about holidays.
I have to book some holidays from work soon but I don't know what to do because I don't have anyone to go with and I suffer pretty badly from anxiety and depression so I don't know if I could properly relax if I went.
I know lots of people of all ages go on holidays on their own but I'm not sure about that. I also know there are sites where you can hook up with other people to travel with.
I suppose it's more my "weirdness" of never having been to another country outside of the British Isles that upsets me most. Because let's face it, it IS weird isn't it?

brandom

I think you should try going on a trip with a group, a friend of mine did it a couple of years ago, in fact she took a year out and travelled the world by herself with various friends meeting her here and there when they could ...she met so many new and interesting people and said it was the best thing she ever did, and that she never really had an issue with being alone

DoozerT6

My brother has lived in the UK for all of his adult life and he had never been on a proper 'holiday' until two years ago. He's in his mid-40's now. A combination of a mortgage, working hard and paying maintenance for his son put paid to most of his cash and free time, until I think he realised, like yourself, that he had literally never been beyond Ireland/the UK in his life. He then rallied a mate, saved like a good thing for over a year, and they both did the US and OZ over a three week period. They had a great time, in fact they're going again next year to see the bits they missed first time round

As for myself (same age as you), I have lived and worked abroad in a few different countries, but I have only ever been on TWO proper holidays in my adult life. I completely understand what you mean about people comparing resorts in Spain etc like they were only down the road, like everybody's been there, like it's just...normal.

Could you level with a few of your married mates about your situation and how you're feeling about it, and ask them if they'd come away on a long weekend or city break somewhere in Europe with you? Maybe not Amsterdam or Ibiza in case the other halves veto it, haha! Maybe somewhere a bit less raucous, like Rome or Scandinavia somewhere?? (just flinging random placenames out there!)

If nobody's available during the summer, there's always the Christmas Markets in Europe, maybe you could use the 3-day flight & accommodation deals that always pop up for those to get a few lads together to go to a city for a few days (the trip doesn't have to be about the markets!) That's if their missus's haven't taken the idea first

Just a couple of ideas for you...

ladysarah

I only went abroad for the first time at 35. i went with friends but now they are married with children. I now go abroad 5 times a year usually with the travel department on city breaks for 4 nights. they also do solo holidays. i find them great. or you could go somewhere like edinburugh in yr own and when you land ask your hotel for guided tours.

it depends on yr budget but definely ring the travel department or if money is tight book everything seperateldely. it id neve too late

December2012

I know it's a big deal to you, but it's not that unusual, honestly.

Some people go abroad to the same place all the time. You've gone to the UK for football because that's what you enjoy. And you should do what you enjoy! Nothing wrong with that.

Don't be so hard on yourself about the travelling to other places.

Maybe a way to break into this would be to book a football trip abroad to another destination if possible?

Or go to a place with amazing and fascinating sights to see, eg you mentioned Barcelona. Well if you went to Barcelona for a few days you could see the Noucamp, the gaudi architecture, las ramblas, the Olympic area, the beach, the bus tours of the city.

They are all things that can be done solo and enjoyably so.

Would you like that?

Stavro Mueller

There are other companies out there too. Scan down through this thread which I just found at random - there are a few companies mentioned in it which might be worth looking up. I can't vouch for any of them personally but I've a couple of single thirtysomething friends who have gone on these sort of holidays and had a great time.
http://www.fodors.com/community/europe/tour-groups-for-30-to-40-year-olds-singles-groups.cfm

judgefudge

I went abroad when I was 19, to Nepal, on my own. It absolutely terrified me at the time but the moment I landed I made a huge group of friends. I've found that people who travel around (at least to those kind of poverty stricken places) are incredibly friendly and inclusive. So much more open than people normally are. I would recommend it to anyone. You get to see amazing exotic countries and meet people from all over the world that you never would have met.

And yes it's terrifying, but worth it.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies,you've all been very sympathetic.I suppose it is difficult when you are a single male in your 30's/40's and want to go somewhere with someone male. I mean even if you have a gang of friends from childhood it's unlikely they will all be single by the time you all get to 40.
If they are working they have to use their holiday time to go on holidays with their wives/girlfriends/families.
That's understandable.
Guys are always a bit more reticent about these things than women anyway.
It's just not a "male" thing to ask "will you come on holidays with me?".
I'd prefer the idea of going with a group,I'm not going to know them but I'd rather that than the humiliation of asking someone I know to go.
I suppose I just don't want anyone to know I don't have anyone to go somewhere with.
In spite of what people have said on this thread I'm still a bit ashamed of myself.
I accept I have to get over it though.Thanks to the person who posted the link.

Grandpa Hassan

If you're not comfortable travelling solo with no network around you and no real plan other than wandering around, try one of the adventure holiday sites that cater for single travellers (and I'm not talking single in the dating sense).

I've gone with travelbagadventures a couple of times. Once for a week trekking in the Atlas mountains and once tracking mountain gorillas in Uganda. Both groups were around 12 people, and almost all travelling solo and meeting up for the first time at the airport. I still keep in touch with a couple of people from those trips. They were both great holidays.

So you're travelling solo, but not really, if you see what I mean

http://www.adventurecompany.co.uk/holiday-types/solo-travellers

Mrs Garth Brooks

You've done alot more than I ever had. I was never out of Ireland, never on a plane, never been to the UK and im 30. To make things worse, I live in the west of Ireland and i've never even been to the Aran Islands. Im going to England next week, so its still not too late for me.

Its others peoples problems if they're not happy you've never been somewhere. Ignore their talk.

Its not easy either, you need money for flights, hotel and things to do. You might still have to pay rent and bills for the few weeks you're gone.

For myself I was too in dept to take a holiday. By the time I had savings, I was in a job I hated. So I used my savings to go back to college.

I still have savings and thinking about australia for a year. And im definately going if I dont get the job from next weeks interview in england.

But its not easy for others to give up work and fcek off for a year or two or even a couple of months.

You're not alone, but I dont feel bad about it.

Nymeria

Hi OP, I think you are being really hard on yourself. Coming from someone who travels abroad several times a year, you are not missing much queuing for airport security .

I first left to travel at 19 years old on my own and went to New Zealand thinking I would never talk to anyone, but made lots of friends and had a great time. I was really shy before I left, and having to talk to people cured me of it.

If you really want to go away, you could start small. A weekend away somewhere not too far - maybe you could plan a trip with one or two friends for your 40th birthday, that would be a good excuse for a weekend in Europe somewhere.

More worrying is your impression that having reached 39 and not traveled much somehow makes you 'less than' or unworthy of joining in conversation with others, and therefore makes you some sort of pariah.

When you start to isolate yourself because you worry that you can't join in the conversation then it is affecting you. I'm sure you have many worthwhile things to contribute to a conversation at lunchtime with workmates. Even if you have not been to a place, you could ask questions about it, or you could steer the conversation in another direction.

In any case, most people who've been away tend to just want to waffle on themselves about where they went/ what they did. As long as you ask a few questions, nod along and generally be a good audience that's all that matters (I'm only half kidding about that).

Just thought of another great idea, you could travel somewhere and teach English as a foreign language, or volunteer for a few weeks. That way you are meeting the locals and immersing yourself in culture and really getting something out of the experience. Many people do things like that alone, and meet other volunteers/ teachers over there.

Please don't feel that you are odd or unworthy just because of this one thing, it's only a big deal if you make it one.

Best of luck x

dd972

Good job you didn't post in After Hours OP, some nut job would be giving out about the fact you've been to the 'foreign' UK. :pac:

Why not The Netherlands or Germany with Ryanair, if you might have had some trepidation as regards language barriers or whatever it's the perfect stepping stone beyond these isles, friendly, clean, and nearly everyone speaks English.

To be honest, once you've covered most of Europe you tend to cease viewing it as 'foreign' and wish to cast your net a bit further afield, I always feel envious of those who've been to the Far East or South America.

Citycap

December2012 wrote: »

I know it's a big deal to you, but it's not that unusual, honestly.

Some people go abroad to the same place all the time. You've gone to the UK for football because that's what you enjoy. And you should do what you enjoy! Nothing wrong with that.

Don't be so hard on yourself about the travelling to other places.

Maybe a way to break into this would be to book a football trip abroad to another destination if possible?

Or go to a place with amazing and fascinating sights to see, eg you mentioned Barcelona. Well if you went to Barcelona for a few days you could see the Noucamp, the gaudi architecture, las ramblas, the Olympic area, the beach, the bus tours of the city.

They are all things that can be done solo and enjoyably so.

Would you like that?

That is a good idea. Why not go when the Irish team is playing abroad? There is a trip to Germany coming up. Tie a few days on to it and visit Berlin etc and other parts of Germany and then see the match as well

Koptain Liverpool

You won't be judged by what age you first go abroad. And anyway I'd be surprised if anyone asked you about that. If you want to visit places just go!!
You can't change the past but you can take control of your future.

Take a weekend break first. Just book a Ryanair flight to Madrid, Rome or Paris and head off. Do some research on the city first and list some museums you could visit, and restaurants and bars you could go to. I bet within no time you'll be travelling a few times a year! Good luck!

sassyj

What about a lads weekend away to start with, a European city. People can still go away even though they've partners, I know plenty of guys that do this, and this way they aren't using up holiday time.

username123

Its not unusual at all. And whats more common is people who have no one to go on holidays with.

I totally agree with the poster who suggested going on a single but group holiday. Very popular. Mixed bag of ages and types of people who for whatever reason find themselves wanting to go somewhere but no one to go with. Just do it, break out of your comfort zone and book a week with a guided group somewhere. You'll love it and everyone will be in the same boat and not know each other. Its grand!

LegacyUser

Wow, I'm really blown away by all these responses, thanks so much. It actually took a lot of guts for me to post about it in the first place. It has stopped me talking to people as you know how people love to boast about how many countries they have visited.
If I'm in a group of people and they talk about countries they have visited I tend not to hang out with them again in case they ask me where I've been. I may not have been abroad but I've seen my county win the All-Ireland five times and I wouldn't swap that for any amount of trips abroad. :-)
I started thinking about it because I was asked by my manager to book my holidays today and I have to book a whole two weeks in a row. That brought it into my consciousness and I decided I have to do something about it.
I know I'm not alone in not having anyone to go with as if you google the words "nobody to go on" the next words that come up are " holiday with".
I suppose it's easier to go on your own if you are just out of college or just after doing your leaving cert but I'm nearly 40. Those links may be the solution though.
Thanks again for posting them.

beks101

I agreed that you're being too hard on yourself.

I live in Canada, where the vast majority of people here have never been out of the country. Same thing when I lived in the US.

Now Canada and the US are huge and they just don't have the same ease of access or cheap flights to other countries as we do - but it's just to show you that travel is not universally as common as it is in Ireland. I've never met a country as culturally inclined to travel as Irish people in any other place in the world.

The main problem here doesn't seem to be the fact that you haven't travelled; moreso that it seems to be something you're interested in but are prevented from doing because of some sort of mental block.

Are you getting help for your depression and anxiety? Are you willing to make more of an effort socially, outside of your current group of married friends, to establish friendships that will give you some options in terms of travel buddies? Is there any one particular place you'd love to visit, that you could turn into a goal in terms of making it happen in the next year?

If you're getting sufficient help for the depression, I think sometimes the lack of experience of something can turn into crippling fear if we allow ourselves to obsess over it without really doing anything about it. Being proactive and facing your fear can fix that.

Babooshka

el_moreno wrote: »

I know I'm not alone in not having anyone to go with as if you google the words "nobody to go on" the next words that come up are " holiday with".
I suppose it's easier to go on your own if you are just out of college or just after doing your leaving cert but I'm nearly 40. Those links may be the solution though.
Thanks again for posting them.

Hi there

As someone else mentioned, the travel department do great singles and group package holidays. A relative of mine is an F1 nut who we got a present of a ticket to the German F1 some years back - they loved it and even came back with life long friends they made along the way. I am envious of you, just think of all the new places you're going to get to see with fresh eyes, if I was you I'd be very excited

Don't be too hard on yourself, I only got my driving licence last year and I am nearly 40...some people get them at 18...do I care? Nah! And I love the fact driving is still a novelty for me to boot, look at it as though it's not our god given right to own a car/home/travel/adventure all the time in life and this is just an area that you're a late bloomer in...so what?!! It's all to play for.

Best of luck. B

ladysarah

as I said i am 42 and only recently started to travel.

I have with the travel department gone to Prague and Rome and loved it.

You can also do solo holidays with them and they are starting a 3 dat sale on Monday.

Powerhouse

el_moreno wrote: »

I don't know how it happened, it was a kind of a combination of things I suppose it's more my "weirdness" of never having been to another country outside of the British Isles that upsets me most. Because let's face it, it IS weird isn't it?

This is far more common than you imagine, just perhaps not among your milieu. And there are some people out there who'd have gone to various counties but wouldn't have been in the next county. Plus it's an easy one to change. But don't get too down about listening to people talking about 'travel' - most people I hear who have gone travelling had benefitted little culturally from the experience (usually going somewhere like Ireland except with sun) and no generation talks as much scutter about it as the current one. There are more significant things in life. But if it bothers you get on the 'net and buy a ticket. The only 'barrier to entry' to this club is having a few bob.

P.S. Incidentally, England is a foreign country.

Zebra3

OP,

You need to stand back and take a look at things. You've spent plenty of time and money being away from Ireland even if it's only been in Britain. When people bring up travelling make a joke about it on how much you put into going over to England over the years and ask them for tips on where to go. That won't leave you out of the conversation.

If you wanna go travelling on your own, Scandinavia, Holland and Germany are places you can ease yourself into as most people there speak a high standard of English.

If you fancy off the beaten track with groups have a look at http://gadventures.com/ or http://dragoman.com/ . Highly recommend both.

And remember plenty of Irish people who have "travelled" have simply gone to the Canaries or somewhere similar and sat in an Irish bar watching English football on tv. So they don't really have anything on you!

You've taken the first step by posting here, so go for it! You won't regret it!

LegacyUser

beks101 wrote: »

The main problem here doesn't seem to be the fact that you haven't travelled; moreso that it seems to be something you're interested in but are prevented from doing because of some sort of mental block.

I think you are right there;I actually planned a holiday before but never went even though I had flights booked. I was out of work at the time and I was afraid if I went then a job opportunity might come up while I was away and I'd miss out so I didn't go.It cost me €200.

beks101 wrote: »

Are you getting help for your depression and anxiety?

Yes I am on medication and I see a GP fairly regularly.

beks101 wrote: »

Are you willing to make more of an effort socially, outside of your current group of married friends, to establish friendships that will give you some options in terms of travel buddies?

Yes I joined a social group and I made a couple of friends there but I don't know them well enough to ask would they be interested in going on hols with me (they also seem to already have people they do that with anyway).
However I was joined in a hill-walking club there a few years ago but I gave it up. They go away for walking trips in other countries occasionally so I might get back into it again.

beks101 wrote: »

Is there any one particular place you'd love to visit, that you could turn into a goal in terms of making it happen in the next year?

Yes, L.A. or as I mentioned South America. But I think for a first trip abroad I better stick to Europe as those places might be a stretch for a first time trip. It's better to get some experience first I think.

beks101 wrote: »

If you're getting sufficient help for the depression, I think sometimes the lack of experience of something can turn into crippling fear if we allow ourselves to obsess over it without really doing anything about it. Being proactive and facing your fear can fix that.

Yes I think you are right there although I am not afraid, "apprehensive" would be a more accurate description.
By the way, to the posters pulling me up about England being a foreign country; I know but its still doesn't count as a holiday destination IMO :-)
Anyways, I have thought a bit more about it and I think it would suit me better to go on a "tour" visiting a few places in one country, either by rail or air. I suffer from restlessness so lying on a beach for a week would not be my thing at all. That might make it more difficult to make friends with strangers but I suppose I could still meet people if I strike up conversations.

miamee

OP, if you want to start small, would you consider going to a part of the UK that you haven't been to before? I.e. one that has no connection to football. There are lots of lovely places worth visiting and it's a short hop on a plane so you won't really be too far from home. E.g. I was in Edinburgh last month by myself for 3 days. It's a lovely city, lots to see and do and the people are very friendly.

LegacyUser

I checked out those links that were very kindly posted and it turns out that there is a holiday on adventurecompany.com at just the exact same week of one of the two weeks that I have booked for my hols. It's also going to a part of Europe that I've always wanted to travel to.
It's now or never for me as regards making that first step.
It sounds good but I'd be a little concerned about going away with people I've never met before. I will post on a few travel forums online and see if I get some feedback.
Thanks again to everyone who replied.

JustAThought

el_moreno wrote: »

I checked out those links that were very kindly posted and it turns out that there is a holiday on adventurecompany.com at just the exact same week of one of the two weeks that I have booked for my hols. It's also going to a part of Europe that I've always wanted to travel to.
It's now or never for me as regards making that first step.
It sounds good but I'd be a little concerned about going away with people I've never met before. I will post on a few travel forums online and see if I get some feedback.
Thanks again to everyone who replied.

That's just great news -looks like things could be combining to make it your destiny to go! I've gone on a few different types of travelling alone in organised groups holidays & they have always worked. Everybody has the same goal -to get away & enjoy the sights ; everyone has the same issue of not having someone available to go with them , & there is usually a willingness to get on with it & have a good time .

I used intrepid.com & found them great -but that was for a long trip around Vietnam which I would never had done by myself. Their website used to do last minute deals or half price deals close to the date /coming up to departure dates. If memory serves, their trips did NOT include flights -ALWAYS read the little print : )

Optional tours usually mean not included on the price !!!

Group trips are a great way to travel & you always tend to get along -I'd recommend them!!! Don't be worrythistle much - just take courage & decide to be brave - this year will be the start of a lifetime of new & interesting trips & a great adventure : )

LegacyUser

Good for you! I hope you enjoy your holiday.

I took one of those sorts of holidays when I had nobody to come with me and I have no regrets. I was worried I'd be lonely or left standing on my own like a spare. Turned out I was wrong. There were other single people on the holiday so we tended to hang out more. The people who'd travelled together were great as well so I got included in their activities.

Another friend went by herself on a holiday with a different company and she found the very same thing.

Someone on my holiday said that people become your friend for the week. They might not become lasting friendships or anything like that but for the week you've got friends.

Grandpa Hassan

el_moreno wrote: »

It sounds good but I'd be a little concerned about going away with people I've never met before. I will post on a few travel forums online and see if I get some feedback.

It you're nervous you should remember that they haven't met you either. Everyone is in the same boat. Sure, some of the group night be more experienced than others with respect to going on these group holidays, but everyone had a first time when they were nervous about joining up with a bunch of strangers. I was certainly nervous the first time

Also, these aren't random people. By virtue of going on this holiday, you already have a huge amount in common....similar mindsets and approaches to a holiday.

Let us know how you get on.

LegacyUser

You asked me to let you know how I got on so I am posting to let you know. The news isn't good I'm afraid. I am on two weeks holidays at the moment and I booked a flight for Barcelona for next Sunday but I've decided not to go.
I didn't book a return flight as I wasn't sure if I was going to commit to it. I wanted to leave it open for me to come back as soon as possible after I arrived in case I got anxious when I arrived there and decided I wanted to come home. I suffer a little from anxiety so I didn't want to book a return flight for say a week later and then run the risk of being stuck there for a week if I got anxious.
I had planned to spend a few days in Barcelona, travel up to the Basque region and then finish off by going to Madrid and then flying home from there. The whole thing would have been a week. I didn't have anyone to go with but I was going to go on a few travel forums and post that if there were any solo travellers in the same area would they like to hook up. I was also going to stay in a hostel as that would have given me a better chance of meeting people.
I didn't go for any of the group holidays on the links people posted as I wouldn't know any of the people (most of them would not have been Irish so I would have nothing in common with them). I looked at an Irish company but the holidays they had were not for the time I had booked off.
I don't think I would have enjoyed it anyway as I moved to a new job a few months back and I hate it. Even though I am on holidays I am all stressed about going back (it's not until the 19 Aug) and I can't relax as I am fretting about what will be wrong (or will go wrong) when I go back. I know if I was out there and I was looking at the sights subconsciously I would be worrying about work.
When I booked the flight I was actually quite enthusiastic about it but my mood dropped dramatically in the days leading up to my hols. I am on medication for depression, I also don't sleep too well.
I suppose I should have told you about the anxiety when I first posted as that is the real problem I think. I googled it; "travel anxiety" is what it is called. It's not a fear of flying (I don't fear flying). There's a lot of stress in travelling; preparing, organising, buying stuff, bringing luggage, booking hotels, flights, trains etc. Water off a duck's back to "normal" people but I suppose I am not normal.
This is the second time I have booked a flight and not travelled so I have accepted that I will never be able to do it now. It's upsetting but there it is.
I am posting this I suppose as a kind of apology (I hope it's OK with the mods) because you gave me lots of help so it wasn't your fault I am not going.

December2012

Have you talked to a counsellor about this and your depression?

username123

el_moreno wrote: »

There's a lot of stress in travelling; preparing, organising, buying stuff, bringing luggage, booking hotels, flights, trains etc. Water off a duck's back to "normal" people but I suppose I am not normal.

I find travelling quite stressful as well actually. But usually its a bit like stage fright (for me), in that once I actually get to the airport and am on the way, the anxiety goes away. For me its the thoughts of it thats stressful, doing it - not so much - mind you, a lot of life is like that isnt it?

If I were you I would look to do something very simple, nothing that involved moving around, trying to meet people, changing rooms etc... Just a short simple trip, stay in a nice hotel for 2 or 3 nights, wander round a nice city, see the sights, eat out, read a book, do a couple of tours - thats it.

You could still go to Barcelona and do that. There would be far less organisation involved for just 2 or 3 nights, seeing as you have the flight booked.