new housemate smoking inside

LegacyUser

ok, just a quicky here...new housemate moved in yesterday, when he came to see the house initially, i said that its a non smoking house and that if anyone is over (my friends or family etc) that they always go outside to smoke, he seemed fine with that.

so he moved in yesterday, everything was fine and then he had a joint in his room last night. so instead of making a big deal, i told him where the key for the back door is kept and said "ya know, for when you're havin a smoke" he said "oh yeah, cool thanks" and is now in his room smoking away again.... any advice?

happymondays

sick of smoke wrote: »

ok, just a quicky here...new housemate moved in yesterday, when he came to see the house initially, i said that its a non smoking house and that if anyone is over (my friends or family etc) that they always go outside to smoke, he seemed fine with that.

so he moved in yesterday, everything was fine and then he had a joint in his room last night. so instead of making a big deal, i told him where the key for the back door is kept and said "ya know, for when you're havin a smoke" he said "oh yeah, cool thanks" and is now in his room smoking away again.... any advice?

just be straight with him, when hes smoking in his room knock on his door and ask can you have a word please? When hes finshed trying to hide his joint and comes to the door say "i dont want am argument but i can smell your smoke through the whole house, i said to you before you moved in this is a non smoking house. Can you please not smoke inside, thanks"

LegacyUser

hi, thanks for your reply....i said it to him earlier and his response was "well, this might be a problem for me coming into the winter now and all..." i was like "eh...well have a think about it cos its a problem for me already"

am i being unreasonable? he kinda went down the route of "well, what i do in my room is my business" which is true, to some extent, but i DID say it was a non smoking house in the very beginning...

boarddotie

Thats gross OP, I feel so sorry for you. We had this problem with a housemate but she was only smoking ciggies. She was so stoopid that she thought we wouldnt notice but the smoke smell slowly travelled down the stairs.

Say it to him for sure, there is no other way. That is a total lack of resepect especially since you told him when he looked at the room and again when you caught him.

If he comes back with any BS about him paying rent and he can do what he want say that its a hire hazard and everyone hates the smell etc etc.

Good luck

LighterGuy

Hmmm,
Maybe a slight bit of a gray area from what has been said and defined.

First off op, if you own this house and you are just renting the spare room out. Then it is your rules. 100%. He can either follow them, or move.

However if you are both renting from a landlord this is where things might be tricky... From the sounds of it he either doesnt care about the rules or thinks it would be ok to smoke in his room. As thats the gray area. It is his room. When acc sharing, the room becomes your own private space.

if he just smokes and doesnt care if it travels around the house. then thats bad.
if he smokes in the room and leaves a window open.. thats different.

boarddotie

LighterGuy wrote: »

Hmmm,
Maybe a slight bit of a gray area from what has been said and defined.

First off op, if you own this house and you are just renting the spare room out. Then it is your rules. 100%. He can either follow them, or move.

However if you are both renting from a landlord this is where things might be tricky... From the sounds of it he either doesnt care about the rules or thinks it would be ok to smoke in his room. As thats the gray area. It is his room. When acc sharing, the room becomes your own private space.

Grey area my aras. If its a non-smoking house then thats what it is even if you are in your own personal space. Apart from it being dangerous its bloody disgusting him fermenting away in his own stale smells. I would really kick the new guys aras if he doesnt co-operate. Im sure the landlord wouldnt be too enthused if he heard about this. Threaten that if thats the case. There are gaps under the door of his own personal where smells seep into the OPs own persoanl space.

Ickle Magoo

A non-smoking house by definition means no smoking in that house - I don't think it was at all ambiguous, I think your housemate is taking the proverbial and relying on you not being confrontational to get away with it.

He got the room on the proviso that he didn't smoke in it, I'd be telling him to pack his bags and take a hike but that really depends on who owns the property and so who decides what is or isn't allowed and who rent/deposits are paid to.

Boskowski

Some people get very militant about this subject as you can already see from some of the responses.
I agree with the poster who says it depends who formally calls the shots on the house. If it's merely a non-smoking house because you would want it to be one but you guys are equal tenants then it's tricky.
I think morally the guy is in the wrong since he seemed in agreenment fair enough but maybe he thought this extends to the shared rooms only? Also it's not much of a life if you can't even smoke in your own place is it? Maybe you can come to a compromise like insulating the doors or something?

Distorted

Mention to him that you have asthma which is triggered by smoke. Have an wheezing asthma attack in front of him. (I actually have asthma which is only triggered by air polution and I know the effect it can have).

Boskowski

Please don't do that. You're in a strong position here and the last thing you want is weaken your position or even open yourself to ridicule by coming up with some silly lies.

Shelli2

If he insists on smoking in his room, ask him to open the window and to block the gap under the door with a rolled up blanket, it really does make a difference. If it's possible, and a way around it I found, I hung a heavy curtain over my door, making sure it touches the floor and covers the whole door, not allowing any smoke to escape. This way I could have a smoke in peace in my room without annoying the non-smokers I lived with!

Also, a cheap neutradol anti-tobacco ouder neutraliser works wonders!

Good luck.

LighterGuy

boarddotie wrote: »

Grey area my aras. If its a non-smoking house then thats what it is even if you are in your own personal space.

Haha. "Aras" I love it

boarddotie wrote: »

Apart from it being dangerous its bloody disgusting him fermenting away in his own stale smells. I would really kick the new guys aras if he doesnt co-operate.

Ok you're obviously an anti-smoker. Which is fine but this isnt about the views of smoking


I'll be blunt. I was tip-toeing around it in my first post.... :::

it all depends on weather the op owns the house, or if the landlord states its a non-smoking house. That is it. If its either he shouldnt be smoking in the house. 100%.

But its not always so clean cut. What is the op doesnt own the house and the landlord hasnt imposed a non-smoking enviroment? ... then the op has no right to tell people what to do when he doesnt own the place.


Lets just have all the facts. I think who exactly owns the house and who exactly enforced the no-smoking rule should be said.

Logical Fallacy

sick of smoke wrote: »

hi, thanks for your reply....i said it to him earlier and his response was "well, this might be a problem for me coming into the winter now and all..." i was like "eh...well have a think about it cos its a problem for me already"

am i being unreasonable? he kinda went down the route of "well, what i do in my room is my business" which is true, to some extent, but i DID say it was a non smoking house in the very beginning...

Not when what he is doing is illegal.

Tell him smoke outside or get the **** out.

This is not the time to pussy foot around.

I'm a smoker. An ardent smoker. I proposed the smoking room on boards where we could talk freely about smoking without the "ewww! it's so bad for you" brigade leaping on anything to do with smoking.

Just so you know where I'm coming from.

This guy is 100% in the wrong. This is a no if's, but's or maybe's debate. When you move in somewhere, you follow the house rules, or you don't move in. Simples. Your house rule is no smoking. Therefore, there is no smoking in the house. He shouldn't have moved in if it was going to be a problem. I would NEVER move into a non smoking house for that reason.

Say it to him plainly, "In this house we do not smoke. We were looking for a non smoker. If you're not happy with that, please move out". Even the smell off his clothes is going to bother you after a while. Get him to move out before it gets too late.

LegacyUser

I agree to stand your ground and have the no smoking in the house rule upheld, if there is a landlord i would call him ASAP and get him to sort it out, if you are the landlord then be very blunt, he is being very cheeky and it may be a sign of things to come, also i think you said he was a hash smoker, if you get the chance -get rid of him now before it gets any worse, he sounds like he will just go ok i wont smoke again and then just keep on doing it.

Miss Fluff

He agreed to take the room, one of the provisions being that it is a non-smoking house. You can't really make it any simpler than that. It is more or less the same as moving into a pet-free house and keeping an alsatian in your wardrobe. He is taking the p1ss. Tell him to either stop smoking or he moves out. End of.

tenchi-fan

If you said "non smoking" and your housemate started smoking ,tell him to move out.

If you're happy enough for him to smoke, what's the problem??

How is this an issue?

Gannicus

sick of smoke wrote: »

new housemate moved in yesterday, when he came to see the house initially, i said that its a non smoking house and that if anyone is over (my friends or family etc) that they always go outside to smoke, he seemed fine with that.

Are you the landlord or another tenant?? What was the landlords stance on smoking in the house???

1. If you are the landlord then tell him he'll have to move out and that he'll lose his deposit. it was agreed upon before he moved in.

2. If you're another tenant then its really down to the landlord at the end of the day and he/she probably won't care because she/he'll just be glad to be getting the rent these days.

I had the other side of the coin before but. I am a smoker and I rented a flat. Looked for a room mate and I mentioned while interviewing them that I smoked and was told by a flatmate she was cool with it. she moved in and then she started asking me to smoke outside or by the window and the rest of the usual moaning. needless to say she lasted about a month or so and I asked her to move out.

xzanti

Shelli2 wrote: »

If he insists on smoking in his room, ask him to open the window and to block the gap under the door with a rolled up blanket, it really does make a difference. If it's possible, and a way around it I found, I hung a heavy curtain over my door, making sure it touches the floor and covers the whole door, not allowing any smoke to escape. This way I could have a smoke in peace in my room without annoying the non-smokers I lived with!

Also, a cheap neutradol anti-tobacco ouder neutraliser works wonders!

Good luck.

Lovely, so when he moves out the room will be nice and yellow and stinking.. Great stuff..

With regards to the window being open, I went to New York with my smoking parents last winter.. We had a 2 bedroom apartment and they kept their window open and door shut for the entire duration of our stay, so not only was the whole apartment constantly freezing, it STILL stank of smoke.. It's just unfair whatever way you look at it.

I'd have the landlord involved, non smoking house means NON SMOKING house.. stand your ground OP.

gossipgal08

A lot of LL have the no smoking rule due to insurence and damage.

LegacyUser

thanks for all the replies...

i probably shouldve been a bit clearer at the start - im not the landlord, im just the other tenant, but to be perfectly honest, i dont see how that should make any difference - the problem is not that hes smoking - its the fact that he agreed to move in, knowing it was a non smoking house - and hes smoking...

i was a bit shocked at his response yesterday when i asked if he'd mind smoking outside from now on - "all the time like?! well, that might be a problem for me now, coming into winter and all..." so have decided if he does it again, thats it, i'll ask him to go.

somebody mentioned its like someone coming into a non-pet house and keeping an alsatian in the wardrobe (which did give me a giggle btw).....he actually brought a dog with him - although, i agreed to that and have no problem with the dog! but it just shows that i've been more than fair and accommodating towards him.... i just think hes being completely rude and disrespectful and i have no intention of living with someone like that.

Im due to go away for a few days next week and im dreading it because i know when i get back the house will be stinking...

Neyite

when i smoked, i moved into several non-smoking shared houses. to smoke in them, i felt, is a serious F-U to flatmates. its the height of disrespect. i always smoked outside, and furthermore, cleaned up my fag butts etc so they wouldnt mess up what is still a shared area.

these days i dont smoke, but i dont tend to mind myself if someone smokes in my house, once or twice, but if it was ongoing, i think i would have to eject them outside to puff.

if its a non smoking house, even sticking his head out his own window is not good enough. either he takes his fags outside or tell him to move out.

You can't imply rules like that in the house if your not the landlord. He's smoking in 'HIS' room so get over it. Say it to the landlord but he'll most likely tell you the same thing.

If you don't like it, move out.

LegacyUser

thanks for your reply Mak_united, but you seem to have misunderstood the problem...its not like he moved in thinking that it was ok to smoke inside the house and then I just decided out of the blue to "imply rules like that"... he agreed to move into a non smoking house and is now smoking.

i could be wrong here, but i really don't think that lying to get yourself into a nice house is either fair, decent or respectful...he didn't HAVE to move in, he knew what the rules were before he decided, it was his choice.

thanks for your advice re me having to up and move out of the house that i've lived in for years, just so that he can be warm and comfortable whilst getting stoned, but i think if anyone is moving, it will be him - perhaps you could take him into your house and "imply" your own rules?!

username123

He agreed to move into a non smoking house, then he smoked in it - he needs to stop smoking indoors or leave and find a smoking house to live in.

A non smoking friend of mine moved into a houseshare where the other tenant said she didnt smoke in the house. In the first week she had smoked inside 3 or 4 times, with excuses of, 'i forgot', 'it was raining', 'i was drunk', 'i thought you werent in'. My friend moved out the next week. Its just not acceptable behaviour from your new tenant to smoke in a non smoking house - end of.

Im a smoker myself btw, but I dont smoke in my own house. It IS dirty, smelly and makes the place stink and go yellow.

LighterGuy

Op,
Mak_United did not misunderstand the problem.

The simple fact is you are not the landlord of this house. And you clearly let it be known that the landlord has not imposed any non smoking rule.
The reality of it is that these are your rules you are imposing.
The guy seems to be meeting you half way on things. He is only smoking in his room. You have every right to say "dont smoke around the house" as you dont like it. Thats fine. But as for in his room you have no right to tell him not to smoke there.

If you owned the house, different story. Your rules. But you dont. You cant impose rules on something you dont own.

I reckon you've been living there for a good while and feel because of that you have a right to state the rules. You dont.

foundry

I agree with mac and lighter guy op.

As an ex smoker if i was told the house was non smoking i would think to myself ; right no smoking in sitting room, kitchen, bathroom etc but as i'm renting the room i can do what i like in it. .
as you are not the landlord I don't see how your gonna stop him.
I think he's meeting you half way. . just my 2cents

LegacyUser

LighterGuy wrote: »

Op,
Mak_United did not misunderstand the problem.

The simple fact is you are not the landlord of this house. And you clearly let it be known that the landlord has not imposed any non smoking rule.
The reality of it is that these are your rules you are imposing.
The guy seems to be meeting you half way on things. He is only smoking in his room. You have every right to say "dont smoke around the house" as you dont like it. Thats fine. But as for in his room you have no right to tell him not to smoke there.

If you owned the house, different story. Your rules. But you dont. You cant impose rules on something you dont own.

I reckon you've been living there for a good while and feel because of that you have a right to state the rules. You dont.

agree 100% house is not the Op's and op has no right to make it a no smoking house. That is landlords gift. smokers 'agreement' with the op not to smoke is not worth much as op is not owner and cannot make rules or agreements. the rent is paid to the landlord.

btw i am non smoker and would not have anyone smoke in my house and think it is disgusting but the op simply does not have that authority in the hose or especially the smokers own room.of course since it is hash she could call the cops

LegacyUser

just checked the lease and it states in it that the house is to be kept smoke free...

that aside, he moved into a house KNOWING it was a non smoking house, the room is IN the house. if he didnt like that ONE rule, he should have moved in somewhere else.

Esoteric_

OP, if you don't own the house and are a tenant just like the new housemate, you can't actually dictate any rules, regardless of what he agreed to with you. You can complain to the landlord, but you haven't really got a leg to stand on because you're a tenant just like he is. It's down to the landlord to make him move out, not you.

Ickle Magoo

sick of smoke wrote: »

just checked the lease and it states in it that the house is to be kept smoke free...

that aside, he moved into a house KNOWING it was a non smoking house, the room is IN the house. if he didnt like that ONE rule, he should have moved in somewhere else.

The house rules are decided by the land-lord, tell your land-lord the guy is smoking and get him to kick him out. It's not your place, as long as you are both paying rent you have equal right to live there - if the land-lord's rules are being broken then ejecting his new tenant is his issue.

LighterGuy

sick of smoke wrote: »

just checked the lease and it states in it that the house is to be kept smoke free...

that aside, he moved into a house KNOWING it was a non smoking house, the room is IN the house. if he didnt like that ONE rule, he should have moved in somewhere else.

I think you are coming off as a person who likes to get their own way now. With house sharing there is comprimise. Meeting each other half way. In general things even.

See this "ONE RULE" - its your rule. It is perfectly fine for you to not want him to smoke around the house. By him agreeing thats him comprimising. But you cant ask him to not smoke in his room (his space) that is you not comprimising.

But, I think my words will fall on deaf ears.

I can see you ringing up the landlord sometime soon trying to get him on your side. Aka, to get your way. To get him to move.

Take a long look at yourself op and see how much you want to get your own way.

LighterGuy

LighterGuy wrote: »

I think you are coming off as a person who likes to get their own way now. With house sharing there is comprimise. Meeting each other half way. In general things even.

See this "ONE RULE" - its your rule. It is perfectly fine for you to not want him to smoke around the house. By him agreeing thats him comprimising. But you cant ask him to not smoke in his room (his space) that is you not comprimising.

But, I think my words will fall on deaf ears.

I can see you ringing up the landlord sometime soon trying to get him on your side. Aka, to get your way. To get him to move.

Take a long look at yourself op and see how much you want to get your own way.

With smoke there is no 'his space'. Smoke gets everywhere. That's the reason the vast majority of house shares are non-smoking. I've yet to live in a place where it's fine to smoke inside, and I've lived with plenty of smokers. There is no compromise with smoking. It's a smoking house or it isn't. OP was there first, so why should someone else, who agreed not to smoke inside the house, come along and force his habit on the tenant already in the house? That sounds very much like he is the one who's the bully, pulling the 'aww I don't wana smoke in the cold, boo hoo' crap, trying to make OP feel bad. Either the guy goes outside, or OP is forced to breathe in the guy's smoke, there is no compromise. The guy agreed to a non-smoking house, I don't see how it's reasonable or decent in any way to go back on that promise now.

LegacyUser

OP call the Landlord and tell him the problem, if he does not sort it out then say you are moving out because you cannot live in a smoking environment, at this point your issue is with the Landlord and not the tenant you have rights and the Landlord should protect you as a long standing tenant, forget about the tenant and go straight to the landlord IMO. Rather you than me to live with a hash head who brings a dog with him, if this is a sign of things to come, i would hope he would get the boot from the landlord or id be gone! I couldnt live with that personally and the Landlord should know he has a hash head with a dog living in his property, he may not be too pleased himself. I doubt your house was the first house he tried to rent he has a lot to accommodate and sounds like a selfish git.

LighterGuy

LighterGuy wrote: »

I think you are coming off as a person who likes to get their own way now. With house sharing there is comprimise. Meeting each other half way. In general things even.

See this "ONE RULE" - its your rule. It is perfectly fine for you to not want him to smoke around the house. By him agreeing thats him comprimising. But you cant ask him to not smoke in his room (his space) that is you not comprimising.

But, I think my words will fall on deaf ears.

I can see you ringing up the landlord sometime soon trying to get him on your side. Aka, to get your way. To get him to move.

Take a long look at yourself op and see how much you want to get your own way.

Tbh, I'm loving the irony in this post.

See this "ONE RULE" - its your rule.

yet you quote:

just checked the lease and it states in it that the house is to be kept smoke free...

That's not her rule for a start. For a second, I'm sharing a two bed apartment. I like to party, I like to drink, and I like to smoke. Indoors. As does my flatmate.
To a lot of people I'm probably a very unreasonable sharer. HOWEVER, it's absolutely within my rights to put an ad saying: smoker, drinker, late night person seeks someone to share apartment. If I get someone to move in who works 9-5, and is a non smoking, non-drinking person, and they have a problem with me and the way I live, who should move out? Me? Because it's my "rule"?

Don't be ridiculous. If you have been invited by someone into their home to share with them, you have to agree to their rules. Simples.


OP: Please do yourself a favour and don't involve the landlord. Don't be soft. If you catch the smell of smoke in your apartment again, give him a week/months notice (Whatever rent they've paid) and say, "Sorry, it's obviously not going to work out."

And to be honest, it sounds like you two will never get over this. Unless he quits. And you should never force people to quit :pac:

Overheal

sick of smoke wrote: »

hi, thanks for your reply....i said it to him earlier and his response was "well, this might be a problem for me coming into the winter now and all..." i was like "eh...well have a think about it cos its a problem for me already"

I just want to say that was the perfect retort. The sort of thing George Costanza could have only dreamed of saying hours after it was too late.

Put your foot down, he is so in the wrong here that he doesn't even see the wood from the trees. If he is going to complain about the cold you can tell him thats what coats are for. You always appreciate heating more when you've just come in from the elements anyway.

xzanti

Daniel Plain Apricot wrote: »

With smoke there is no 'his space'. Smoke gets everywhere. .

+1,000

The guy is completely taking the p1ss.. this stuff really boils my blood!! :mad:

tinkerbell

OP, that guy is taking the piss. He knowingly moved into a non-smoking house and yet now is complaining about the winter months and it being cold to stand outside to smoke. Boo frikkin hoo. That's his problem, not yours.

Today, go speak with him and tell him that he either (a) goes outside when to smoke or (b) moves out. He agreed to move into a non-smoking household so is completely in the wrong here. And tell him that if he continues to smoke then he will have to leave.

LegacyUser

He has a choice.
He stops smoking in the house or he leaves.
Tell him straight.
He sounds a right selfish gob****e who thinks he can do what he likes in his own room. Well, he was aware of the rules governing smoking indoors and signed up to them by agreeing to move in.
Now he is in breach of those same rules he signed up to and therefore he either stops smoking indoors or he leaves.
Simple as.

kylith

If the lease says no smoking then the landlord could have ye both out. Show him the lease and tell him to either smoke outside or move out, his habit isn't worth your deposit.

Three Sheets

sick of smoke wrote: »

....am i being unreasonable? ...

No, you're not being unreasonable. You've already approached the subject in a civilized manner but ..... in a word - he's lying to you and he's intentionally playing on your good nature. He well understood the rule before he put down his hat. I'm afraid the best way to put a stop to it quickly is to lie to him. Did you forget to mention that it's a serious health issue and that you are allergic to smoke? If that doesn't work you have little choice than to toss him out on his ear.

LegacyUser

Hi everyone,

thanks a million for all the replies, they really helped me put things in perspective because i was a bit worried that i was being a bit pedantic...

I came home this afternoon form a run and the house was again STINKING so i just went straight upstairs, asked him what we were going to do about the smoking thing and he said "well, its obviously not gonna work because im not going outside everytime i want to have a smoke" (with the look on his face as if i was asking him to wash the windows every day or something!) he then says (and i love this!) "so i'll ring the landlord 2m and tell them its just not working out for me and that i'll be moving out..."

needless to say, i sent an email the minute after the chat and told the landlord exactly why its not working out for him! cheeky git!!!

so thats that, its sorted, he's going. only problem now is that i dont want people coming to view the house and walking into the bang of that...! doubt i'll have any joy on that front tho...

thanks again for all the advice

xzanti

Well done you cheeky git.. sounds like you're well rid!!

LighterGuy

Papa Smut wrote: »

.....Don't be ridiculous. If you have been invited by someone into their home to share with them, you have to agree to their rules. Simples....

The smoker was not "invited" by the op. Op doesnt own the house. The smoker went through the landlord.

To be honest its not about smoking in my view. I just get a big sense of the op wanting their way. Acting like it was their house when it is not.

But either way the op got rid of this guy. fair enough. My question is what about the next person? (obviously wont be a smoker :pac: ) but will the op have an issue with the next person? (i get a real big sense of the op wants their way)

But thats just my view for whats its worth.

Boskowski

LighterGuy wrote: »

To be honest its not about smoking in my view. I just get a big sense of the op wanting their way. Acting like it was their house when it is not.

Why do some people always try to read between the lines - do this mastermind soulreader thing from nothing whatsoever - and then make things up out of thin air?

I think it's not unreasonable by the OP to have an issue with this and she brought that issue forward. Me personally I wouldn't have been looking for confirmation on the interwebs whether I was unreasonable or not, I would have told the guy straight off to cut the cr@p or leave. Does that make me a controlling issue person who'd pick some other issue with the next guy? I don't think so. Certainly not the OP who needed some sort of moral support even.

I think sometimes (most of the times actually) an issue brought forward like this is just that. No deeper meaning, nothing to get a sense of. But I guess there's always one...

dellas1979

You did the right thing.

I smoked 10-20 per day (now cut to 2 or so at weekends), and I think he was being very cheeky to do what he done.

For other reason, also think of what might happen if he feel asleep with a fag in his hand? Whos house would it be then?

xzanti

LighterGuy wrote: »

To be honest its not about smoking in my view. I just get a big sense of the op wanting their way. Acting like it was their house when it is not.

Do you smoke? Just curious if you know how irritating it is for a non smoker to live with someone who smokes.. To have someone else decide when you get to have clean air to breath? Whether they lock themselves in their room or not makes no difference, when you're still within the same dwelling, the smell will always make it's way through the house and it's foul..

There's nothing worse than waking up in the morning to the smell of someone elses morning cigarette when you're not a smoker.. Yuk :mad:

What makes me laugh OP, is that your worried now that people who come viewing the house will worry about the smoke.

Its the landlord's job to do that not your's. Its his house, not your's.

LighterGuy

Boskowski wrote: »

Why do some people always try to read between the lines - do this mastermind soulreader thing from nothing whatsoever - and then make things up out of thin air?

Well see, in the real world alot of what is told isnt the full story. Alot of life is just the bs you are told, and then the real reasons/actions are hidden.

Example,
Guy has 1 date with a girl. Later, Guy wants another date. Girl turns around and says "Im so busy for the next few weeks. I'll let you know" - aka "I dont want to go out with you again" ... - would that really be "making things up out of thin air" if someone came to that conclusion by reading what she said?

You would be a very naive person to take what people say as the "absolute truth" .... That even applies to situations and problems. People have large tendancies of telling things in their own version. To make themselves the good guy, to be right or to even get their own way. Not everyone. But alot do.

But I think what you are saying is that people look into things too much. Yes people can. But knowing when to look behind something and to not is a skill in itself

LighterGuy

xzanti wrote: »

Do you smoke? Just curious if you know how irritating it is for a non smoker to live with someone who smokes.. To have someone else decide when you get to have clean air to breath? Whether they lock themselves in their room or not makes no difference, when you're still within the same dwelling, the smell will always make it's way through the house and it's foul..

There's nothing worse than waking up in the morning to the smell of someone elses morning cigarette when you're not a smoker.. Yuk :mad:

To be honest, I think this situation is probably a great example of how two people with two different views will clash. One smokes. One doesnt.

But I am a firm believer in meeting people half way in certain situations. To give and take. To find a middle ground. In this situation house sharing you definitely have to find a middle ground. Especially when either party doesnt own the house.

Maybe im just too laid back.

LighterGuy

LighterGuy wrote: »

The smoker was not "invited" by the op. Op doesnt own the house. The smoker went through the landlord.

To be honest its not about smoking in my view. I just get a big sense of the op wanting their way. Acting like it was their house when it is not.

But either way the op got rid of this guy. fair enough. My question is what about the next person? (obviously wont be a smoker :pac: ) but will the op have an issue with the next person? (i get a real big sense of the op wants their way)

But thats just my view for whats its worth.

Where in the OP does it say that?

ok, just a quicky here...new housemate moved in yesterday, when he came to see the house initially, i said that its a non smoking house and that if anyone is over (my friends or family etc) that they always go outside to smoke, he seemed fine with that.

Have you ever had someone move out of a two bed and replace them? Would you do the interviewing or your landlord who doesn't live there?

And for intents and purposes, it is not just their house, but their home. They are entitled to be comfortable with where they live. Whats wrong with the OP having their own way in their own home?