Education important?

LegacyUser

Education important?

Hello everyone, i am a young 24yo female just finishing my BSc degree, looking to do a Master's this year. I met a guy at the weekend, on Friday to be specific. Gave him my number that day, we exchanged texts and then he joined my freinds and i last night at a freind's birthday.
He came home with me(no sex) just talking, kissing etc
Anyways, he's uneducated. And this might be a problem for me. 95% of my freinds are educated: accountants, doctors, programmers, IT nerds, physiotherapists, some are studying PHD's and MBA's. Education and success is quite important for me and this guy isn't educated, he is successful though.
I mentioned this to a few freinds and they are split 50 50 on whether i should look to continue things or end things before they get any further, what will you do in my situation.
He seems nice, i am very very attracted to him physically and i beleive there can be more.

Note: I am not stuck up, i don't look down on people or am i a show off. I am just used to being surrounded with well educated people(i know Bill Gates isn't educated )

Nevyn

Having a qualification from a college/uni is not the be all and end all he could be very well read, I think you maybe being a bit judgemental.

bluecell99

Oh deary me...........whether to reject someone who has not done the university thing.Poppycock.Get to know him and see if ye have things in common for the future and forget M.A.s or any kind of B.A.Means nothing .Its the person what counts.Some of the nicest and most decent people I have met dont have a Ph.D.

He is succesful.Hopefully he is a nice guy and you can get together and enjoy.Stop this pointless analysing over degrees.

While I m not a fan of higher education per se and reckon its given far too much priority I accept and respect any person who has a degree I would never discriminate in a relationship situation ( or friendship) as to whether a person is educated or not.I have a very close pal who is a Ph.D and equally have friends who did not complete second level.

Powerhouse

I'd never have thought of someone at 24 finishing a mere Bachelor's Degree as someone with such towering educational achievement behind them that this would be an issue, but it seems to be so you need to deal with it now. There will plenty of unemployed PhD graduates out there in the current environment for you have intellectual jousts with when you finish your primary degree, without dragging this poor sod into it.

pookie82

With your attitude towards the whole situation I would recommend that you don't take this any further. Not because he's less educated than you (LESS educated, not UNEDUCATED, unless I'm wrong and he never set foot inside a school in his life) but because you clearly won't be able to get past this. The fact that after only one night you need to consult your highly educated peers to figure our whether or not you want to see him again speaks volumes.

I realise and appreciate that most people would like to be with someone - and would have more in common with someone - who is on a level playing field when it comes to in intellect and interests and that's fair enough. But it doesn't sound like you've given him any chance at all before consulting your friends about what to do next. Believe it or not, someone being a doctor or a lawyer does not mean that they will make you happy or that you'll live happily ever after.

If you have any decency or sense of being able to get past this superficial hang up, you'll at least give him a chance. You might be pleasantly surprised. But I think that by the sounds of things, and the people you hang around with, he probably won't be entertained for too long.

Just re-read the OP there - you have a BA, right? You and thousands upon thousands of others. Nothing about what you wrote singles you out as a highly educated person.

Queencake

I don't see the issue here?

I know people who are "well educated" but boring as dirt. They claim to be open minded and intelligent but often in my experience they're judgemental. You seem to be one of them.

An education is a great aid in life but you shouldn't write someone off because they don't.

This guy has managed to be successful despite not having an education which says a lot for the man.

Fair play to him. I bet if he knew you were thinking this way he'd lose interest sharpish...

Wibbs

Well the fact is you are making a value judgement on the guy. That's cool too, but see it for what it is and be honest about it. There appears to be some feeling of "how my social circle will take it?" Now you may say this isn't the case, but put it another way, if you weren't this would not be an issue.

Now when you say uneducated, is he not well informed or intelligent? Education and wit and intelligence are not always constant bedfellows. Indeed some of the most informed, interesting and intelligent people I have met have no formal qualifications and some of the least well informed, dull and actually quite slow have and that includes two I can think of who have doctorates. For me education brings it's own rewards and it's social kudos would be way down the list of those rewards. You say he is successful, so what is the real issue? His intelligence and compatibility or his social acceptance for you? I don't dismiss the social aspect BTW, it is important, you just have to figure out if the package that is this man trumps that.

spurious

Being 'educated' is no guarantee of being any sort of a decent human being.
Getting 'educated' is much easier than getting to be a decent person who treats others well.

For relationship-material, I know which sort of person I'd choose.

Nervous Wreck

OP, it sounds like your head is stuck up your own ass. I'd recommend not going any further with this guy because he doesn't deserve to be judged by you for his life choices. Go out with one of those accountants you were talking about. I'm sure you can have some very well educated conversations about Microsoft Excel.

sitstill

I'm going to say that education is important in some ways. Having little letters after your name do not make you a good person. There are plenty of decent people with no education and plenty of PhD holders who are god awful people. But its about even more than that.

I have 3 degrees and have never dated someone who hadn't gone to university.

I think it comes down to often mixing in different circles, having different experiences and having different interests.

I'm not saying I would rule out someone who hadn't got much education, just that I would imagine I'd have more in common with someone who did go to college.

Powerhouse

Powerhouse wrote: »

I'd never have thought of someone at 24 finishing a mere Bachelor's Degree as someone with such towering educational achievement behind them that this would be an issue, but it seems to be so you need to deal with it now. There will plenty of unemployed PhD graduates out there in the current environment for you have intellectual jousts with when you finish your primary degree, without dragging this poor sod into it.

+1

A BSc at 24, so what? Not belittling it, as I'm sure you worked hard, but you didn't just find the cure for cancer. My sister has a BA from Cambridge and a Masters finished at age 21 and she doesn't consider herself superior to anyone.

I definitely think education is important, but it's plain snobby to assume someone is uneducated or not intelligent just because they didn't go to university. A person can be very well read without formal education. I met a complete idiot last night who is doing a doctorate. There's nothing wrong with not wanting to date someone who isn't intelligent, but that's not what you're asking here.

Hooked

2 of the smartest, well read, and just plain "witty" friends of mine have no leaving cert. I think you've answered your own question in your original post.
To me it seems you'll always be bothered by his educational status and your friends 'opinions' on this.

Do what feels right for YOU. We're not going to be the ones dating him.

chocgirl

Think people are being a little harsh on the OP. What do you mean by uneducated? Presumably he does have some level of education. Education and success aren't the same thing and they don't go hand in hand. Just because you're educated doesn't mean you are going to be successful, or more importantly happy!
Why don't you give him a chance and see what you have in common. It's likely that he is more knowledeable than you in many ways and could teach you a lot.
I'm of similar age and I'd say education to yourself but being out in the big bad world teaches you a lot more than any university degree will.

Miss Fluff

Unreg1005 wrote: »

Anyways, he's uneducated. And this might be a problem for me. 95% of my freinds are educated: accountants, doctors, programmers, IT nerds, physiotherapists, some are studying PHD's and MBA's. Education and success is quite important for me and this guy isn't educated, he is successful though.......He seems nice, i am very very attracted to him physically and i beleive there can be more.

Tbh it seems like you are far more concerned with what your friends think. And that's silly.

Some of the richest people I know don't a univeristy degree, some do. A bog-standard BA doesn't really automatically mean that someone is educated. He could be enormously well read, savvy and has obviously good business acumen if he has successful as you say.

You've only been with him once. Give him a chance, date the guy and if it transpires that his lack of education results in a plethora of social fuax pas due to his ignorance of the world about him then don't go any further with it.

Sin1981

If you like him, give it a go. To hell with your snobby friends.
Often those people who don't go uni are more intelligent that graduates in many other ways. May not have high Academic intelligence but can have plenty of cop on, that docs/accountants don't have. That's my exp. Think he def deserves a chance!

RedXIV

6 in my dads family. the eldest 5 all own their own houses and 3 have successful businesses. the youngest got a degree. she's 33 and renting a flat while unemployed.

forget education. learn something instead.

MrEko

Never actually replied before to a PI but this one is a special one. I worked for a few summers on sites when I was in college and one day a brickie asked me what I was studying. I answered with Anthropology and Sociology, fully expecting the usual 'What the hell is Anthro?'. Instead he started a convo on the virtues of Karl Marx, Sigmund Freud, and the importance of pyschoanalysis in cultural investigation. The guy left school at 16, had a kid by 20 with his girlfriend, is a qualified blocklayer and maybe is one of the smartest guys I know. He reads Marx, Weber, Freud, all in his spare time.

Never judge a book by its cover.

AARRRGH

I think it's fine to want to be with someone who is educated or at least values education, but isn't intelligence a lot more important?

I know some incredible dumbasses who have degrees and masters degrees.

I think you should forget what your snobby friends are saying and start trusting your own opinion.

SheRa

Well OP if this is your biggest concern dont contact him again and let him find someone who doesn't look down on him. Because like it or not thats what you are doing.

By the way two of the cleverest men I know dont have a degree or masters. it doesn't make any difference to their intelligence though.

zxcvbnm1

OP - what exactly is the issue?

Is it:
1) You feel that because he doesn't have a degree then his income potential in teh future will be limited ?(i.e. you will want someone who would be richer)
2) IS it the status of having a degree that he lacks that bothers you?
3) Is it that you feel that due to him not having a degree that you therefore don't have similar enough backgrounds to result in a proper relationship?

3) may ne the answer yo would like it to be but i am assuming that option 1 or 2 is the real answer.
By teh way - i'm actually very surprised that half your friends said with no hint of shame to dump him because he doesn't hbave a degree.
That wasn't ver nice of them on you either. Obviously that has probably made it more difficult for you to continue this relationship for fear of what your friends will think of you.

For teh recpord - although you said in your original post that you don't look down on people i think you are fooling yourself here.

It may not be easy to admit to yourself but you clearly do look down on people that do not have a degree like you.

Saying that i wouldn't be too hard on yourself. Everyone looks down on some people and look up to some people.
WHile not admirable it is real life.

Out of curiosity - what does this guy work at?

krudler

OP, education is in no way shape or form a reflection on a persons character, although it does seem to bring out the judgemental side of people like you, I left college after 6 months as it wasnt for me, and now I'm earning more money than some of my friends who stuck it out and got degrees but couldnt get jobs in the field they studied in, does that make me better than them?course not, my parents never finished secondary school, yet opened and ran their own business for 27 years, they retired last year and now live abroad, so would them finishing college have made them any happier in life?

as people have already said, over-educated people can be some of the dullest, unimaginative people you could ever meed, this guy is probably better off without someone as small minded as you in his life tbh

krudler

Note: I am not stuck up, i don't look down on people or am i a show off. I am just used to being surrounded with well educated people(i know Bill Gates isn't educated )

If thats not a contradiction in terms I dont know what is, you clearly are stuck up with that kind of attitude,would you like some sugar lumps for that high horse of yours to munch on?

dreamlogic

Unreg1005 wrote: »

Education important?

Depends on what you mean by 'important'.

LegacyUser

being educated shows you had/have endurance, ability, can work hard, perservere at getting something done/ have a focus etc etc

he could have proved all of the above through his being successful at whatever it is he does. Education is so broad. The most important thing is how you get on and how he makes you feel, treats you. is he good to you. is he happy at his job/work... that is much more important than being "educated"... and being an accountant is just a narrow education base.. same as being a physio... he is prob a specialist in whatever field/work he is in.

they say if you woke up beside your other half and suddenly all titles/money/status was robbed from them, would you be happy with them as they are... as in a relationship marriage anything can happen, from becomming bankrupt, to having a disabling accident, sickness.. you have to ask yourself would you still stick with love this person then...

RedXIV

Unregistered wrote: »

being educated shows you had/have endurance, ability, can work hard, perservere at getting something done/ have a focus etc etc

nope. educated means you know how to pass exams. I'm about to finish a 4yr Bachelor of Science in Computer Game development. It's hugely focused on programming with the idea of it's graduates of the highest programming standard. And it's a common joke in my course which turned a 60 strong class into a group of 9 that i can't program. I'm going to get a degree pretty much saying i can but the truth is i can cram like a champion and know how exams should be tackled. thats it. shows you what education means

Chucky the tree

End it now. He'll probaly dump you in a few weeks once he realises your a snob and meets your tosser-like mates anyway.

CathyMoran

Can you have a decent conversation with him? Does he bore you? These are the important questions, not wether he has an "education" or not.

Wagon

Unreg1005 wrote: »

Education important?

Hello everyone, i am a young 24yo female just finishing my BSc degree, looking to do a Master's this year.

So?

I met a guy at the weekend, on Friday to be specific. Gave him my number that day, we exchanged texts and then he joined my freinds and i last night at a freind's birthday.
He came home with me(no sex) just talking, kissing etc
Anyways, he's uneducated. And this might be a problem for me. 95% of my freinds are educated: accountants, doctors, programmers, IT nerds, physiotherapists, some are studying PHD's and MBA's. Education and success is quite important for me and this guy isn't educated, he is successful though.

It's grand to have standards. But this one i have to disagree with. The bloke is probably grand on paper. Why does he need a degree to be worthy of you? It's pretty shallow. just because he doesn't have the precious piece of paper to prove it doesn't mean he's thick.

I mentioned this to a few freinds and they are split 50 50 on whether i should look to continue things or end things before they get any further, what will you do in my situation.
He seems nice, i am very very attracted to him physically and i beleive there can be more.

What has this got to do with your mates? I honestly don't get why their opinion matters on this regard. you're the one who will be going out with him, not them.

Note: I am not stuck up, i don't look down on people or am i a show off. I am just used to being surrounded with well educated people(i know Bill Gates isn't educated )

That is a massive contradiction.

College degree's are bollocks for the most part. I know this from experience cos i have one myself. Anything i learned that was useful wasnt from sitting in a college but from actually doing the thing itself.

The Sweeper

Education isn't important. If he's motivated, intelligent and committed, chances are he's more successful than some of your university mates. If he's a feckless waster, don't bother your arse.

I wasted years of my life on unemployed musicians.

LegacyUser

Education is not so important as intelligence and life-experience. But these often go hand-in-hand. Not always mind.

LegacyUser

Since you've already received all the predictable responses, I'll just throw in something slightly controversial for you to think about. Some people think that this kind of relationship is the way for women to get ahead: http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2006/feb/26/gender.comment