Pros and Cons of Marrying Abroad - Discussion

Glowing

For me, it's really important that our guests can get to our venue easily and cheaply - and that there's a large variety of accommodation of all price ranges!

That's why I'm looking at the Italian Lakes (less than an hour from Milan, and both aerlingus and ryanair fly there) and also Florence, as you can get there in less than an hour from both Pisa and Bologna ...

I thought about the Amalfi coast as it's supposed to be amazing, but prices are way higher down there, accommodation is pricey, and it's slightly more awkward to get there. I also like the idea of a Tuscan Villa in the countryside rather than an expensive sea-side hotel.

It all comes down to personal preferences, you can't look for venues everywhere as it's just so much work, so I've just decided to focus my efforts on 2 or 3 accessable regions, rather than finding the dream venue in Positano only to find the flights are crazy!

Good luck!! weddingsonline.ie is a great resource by the way!!

Tim Robbins

Glowing wrote: »

For me, it's really important that our guests can get to our venue easily and cheaply - and that there's a large variety of accommodation of all price ranges!

Why not have it in Ireland then?

Glowing

Beause I've always dreamed of a small Italian wedding ... so why shouldn't I? I'll do my very best to ensure my guests can make it over cheaply etc, and I'll be as considerate as I can ... nothing wrong with that.

Tim Robbins

Glowing wrote: »

Beause I've always dreamed of a small Italian wedding ... so why shouldn't I? I'll do my very best to ensure my guests can make it over cheaply etc, and I'll be as considerate as I can ... nothing wrong with that.

Fair nuff. It's your day. But I was just wondering what's the difference between a small Italian Wedding and a small Irish one?

Presumably:
1. You want the service in English
2. Anyone serving your guests etc will be doing so in English.

Glowing

Well firstly .. you've got much better value food and wine, then there's the weather and the scenery .... plus I don't want to have a Church wedding, so getting married in Italy will allow us to get married in the open air - in a beautiful lake side garden, or in a park.

I don't like the whole Irish traditional wedding thing, and we're not particularly close to our extended families, cousins etc. Most of our guests are in their late 20's and don't have kids so they're all looking forward to the holiday!

Regading the service, it will either be carried out in English or we'll have a translator. I don't think waiter/bar service will be an issue tbh .... it's never an issue when you go on holidays!

Each to their own Tim, I'm not hurting anybody and wouldn't dream to question your choice of wedding .... it's a personal thing.

Tim Robbins

Glowing wrote: »

Well firstly .. you've got much better value food and wine, then there's the weather and the scenery .... plus I don't want to have a Church wedding, so getting married in Italy will allow us to get married in the open air - in a beautiful lake side garden, or in a park.

I don't like the whole Irish traditional wedding thing, and we're not particularly close to our extended families, cousins etc. Most of our guests are in their late 20's and don't have kids so they're all looking forward to the holiday!

Regading the service, it will either be carried out in English or we'll have a translator. I don't think waiter/bar service will be an issue tbh .... it's never an issue when you go on holidays!

Each to their own Tim, I'm not hurting anybody and wouldn't dream to question your choice of wedding .... it's a personal thing.

Each to their own I agree with but that doesn't mean you can't have a friendly discussion.

I don't get the Wedding abroad thing.
Firstly:
1. You save money, but your guests spend a lot more money. So in terms of overall cost, it's more expensive having it here.
2. If you don't want extended relations to go, don't invite them.
3. As for the non-religious part, you can have secular Weddings in this state too.
4. As for the scenary, well if you think the mountains and lakes are better over there than the mountains and lakes over here, maybe they are. I don't see much difference.

So I am sorry, I don't get it. It's like the SUV thing to me, makes no sense.
But to some people, there's a huge difference between an SUV and a Ford Focus, and it's their personal choice also.

Glowing

I don't actually save money Tim, it'll probably cost me more, but I'll get better value for what I spend.

- I'm insisting on no wedding presents from my guests.
- I'll be able to provide a free bar for 3 hours.
- Accommodation will be cheaper than an average wedding hotel in Ireland.
- I'm giving 10 months notice so flights will be dirt cheap.

I'd say it'll be the same, if not cheaper for our guests, and many of them are happy to combine the trip with a holiday for a long weekend or a week.

And I hate SUV's.

kenmc

@Tim
For me the advantages of an 'away' wedding far outweigh any potential disadvantages. The choice of food/wine etc is far superior than you get here for the money. The weather in summer in Italy for example would, on average, be better than Ireland, so you're paying perhaps a bit more to hedge your bets on better weather.
And finally, the hotels etc have had it far too good here for too long, they've been raping wedding parties with exhorbitant prices, poor service and unacceptable compulsory 'extras' e.g. paying for the bar extension.

For me a wedding abroad is a holiday, where I happen to come home married. My friends and family are treating it as a holiday where they see me get married.

I am under no illusions that it will be a cheaper wedding than in Ireland. I *do* believe that it will be a better value wedding than I would have in Ireland for the same money.

tim robbins wrote:

Firstly:
1. You save money, but your guests spend a lot more money. So in terms of overall cost, it's more expensive having it here.

No, you don't necessarily save money, but you get better value all around. You get to have better wine, better food, open bar (imagine the cost of that in Ireland?!) etc, and if you tell your guests who attend not to spend money on a present, it won't actually cost them much more than going to a wedding in ireland at all, AND they get a holiday.

tim robbins wrote:

3. As for the non-religious part, you can have secular Weddings in this state too.

in a very few select venues which meet some invented 'standard'. I doubt that there are many old villas lying around the countryside in Ireland which meet these 'standards'.

tim robbins wrote:

4. As for the scenary, well if you think the mountains and lakes are better over there than the mountains and lakes over here, maybe they are. I don't see much difference.

On a good day in Ireland, the scenery is stunning, second to none. Unfortunately we don't reliably get good days in Ireland, and I doubt even more that any of the 'approved' venues would be near many of these stunning scenery.

tim robbins wrote:

So I am sorry, I don't get it. It's like the SUV thing to me, makes no sense.

What's there not to get? Do you holiday abroad? Do you buy things from abroad? Same thing really.

If you can show me a venue in Ireland which has the same sort of scenery as the Italian lakes, and I can get married in the open air overlooking it, please let me know and I will certainly examine it as an option.

Finally, one more reason for having a wedding abroad, is that all of my friends so far have done the Irish church wedding. I want to do something different.

nedoo

Away every time. Did it myself in Spain and would do it again( dont tell the wife!). Ireland has no idea of service when you compare it. Now I did go 5 star there but we have nothing here that would match, our five stars are just not the same ( and I work in the industry)

Wedding organiser over a wedding planner. Great for translations, paperwork etc. If you have a wedding in mind, find the location and talk to the hotel crew, they will do the most of the work for you. Wedding planners tend to refair their buddies and have seen and heard some horror stories. Make it easy on yourself. Dont do a run down castle with no facilities, you have enough going on.

Build a good relationship with the manager, go out a few times to go over details, tastings, see another wedding out there. Costs are building but if you are bringing 50 people that distance, it needs to be right. Think of everything from your guests point of view and have them wanting for nothing. Transport everywhere during the wedding, food and drink on tap for them for the day, they have spent enough between your gift, flights and hotels.

Know the law re closing times, music etc. Very different to ours.

We did direct family and friend. 75 of the people we love and had the best time. F*&k the relis that you haven't seen in years, its your day. Will cause a bit of upset but again f*&k them!

Most of all enjoy the process. It is the biggest and best party you will ever organise. It is stressful but sure is that not great training for marrage!:D

Good luck with it and your life together. Neddo

Tim Robbins

Glowing wrote: »

- I'm insisting on no wedding presents from my guests.

Good for you.

- I'll be able to provide a free bar for 3 hours.

Sounds good.

- Accommodation will be cheaper than an average wedding hotel in Ireland.

Take your point, but usually abroad means you have to spend 2, 3 nights in the hotel. In Ireland you either taxi home or spend the night.

- I'm giving 10 months notice so flights will be dirt cheap.

Depends where it is I suppose.

I'd say it'll be the same, if not cheaper for our guests, and many of them are happy to combine the trip with a holiday for a long weekend or a week.

Fair enough. But any Wedding abroad for me has been min 500 quid. Ireland is usually half that.

Tim Robbins

What's there not to get? Do you holiday abroad? Do you buy things from abroad? Same thing really.

Those questions don't involve other people so they are not comparable.

This is all to do with expectation and what's a fair expectation. More specifically:

What's a fair expectation for guests?
- Should they have to take days off work?
- Should they have to plan their holidays around your Wedding?
- Should the lads have to wear black tie?

What's a fair expectation for the couple?

- Should they provide free drink?
- Should they get a bar extension?
- Should they pay for transportation costs for guests?

These aren't always simply questions. You can be certain of some things such as costs of hotel, costs of flights but where the line between what's reasonable and what's too much is drawn is a little bit tricky.

I just think the "Wedding abroad thing" like the SUV thing is very much a Celtic Tiger / SSIA thing. I see no evidence for the net cost of the Wedding being cheaper. In fact, the total net cost (couple and guests) is much more expensive.

It's something that can only happen in a rich society where people are given the opportunity to spend more, in a quest for them to make something better. I think there are other ways of making things better that don't necessitate more money, better weather or better scenary. But that's just me.

kenmc

Tim Robbins wrote: »

Those questions don't involve other people so they are not comparable.

This is all to do with expectation and what's a fair expectation. More specifically:

What's a fair expectation for guests?
- Should they have to take days off work?
- Should they have to plan their holidays around your Wedding?
- Should the lads have to wear black tie?

What's a fair expectation for the couple?

- Should they provide free drink?
- Should they get a bar extension?
- Should they pay for transportation costs for guests?

These aren't always simply questions. You can be certain of some things such as costs of hotel, costs of flights but where the line between what's reasonable and what's too much is drawn is a little bit tricky.

I just think the "Wedding abroad thing" like the SUV thing is very much a Celtic Tiger / SSIA thing. I see no evidence for the net cost of the Wedding being cheaper. In fact, the total net cost (couple and guests) is much more expensive.

It's something that can only happen in a rich society where people are given the opportunity to spend more, in a quest for them to make something better. I think there are other ways of making things better that don't necessitate more money, better weather or better scenary. But that's just me.

Your entire reasoning seems to revolve around cost. A wedding is a once in a lifetime experience. Cost, within reason, should not be the limiting factor, and is not for me. Value for money, however, is. I see MUCH better value for money abroad, and that has a direct impact on the experience.

Example. I can get a 6 course meal in a villa for 80 euro per person, including 1/2 litre of wine per person, and a 1 hour open bar afterwards. Chair covers are included in the cost, as are waiters, and indeed many of the 'extras' that hotels here rip you off with.

At the end of the day it is about the couple getting married, not the guests; telling them far enough in advance (over a year in our case) allows them to budget the time/cost reasonably well. Having it on a bank holiday weekend allows them to not have to use holidays to attend if they so wish.

Oh, and the SSIA/Celtic tiger thing : people have been having weddings abroad FAR longer than either of these, again because of VALUE.

Glowing

I know my friends would rather pay 4 or 500 euro for a long weekend in sunny Italy with food and drink included, than pay *almost* as much for an average 2 or 3 star hotel in the bog arse of Ireland in the rain - many people have their weddings on Fridays too so having a wedding here does not guarantee that you won't have to take time off either.

Tim Robbins

kenmc wrote: »

Your entire reasoning seems to revolve around cost.

No it's expectation.

At the end of the day it is about the couple getting married, not the guests; telling them far enough in advance (over a year in our case) allows them to budget the time/cost reasonably well. Having it on a bank holiday weekend allows them to not have to use holidays to attend if they so wish.

You are contradicting yourself. You are saying the guests don't count and then pointing out about telling them in advance or having it a bank holiday weekend.

Of course the count. The question is how much?
That's where expectation comes into it.

Oh, and the SSIA/Celtic tiger thing : people have been having weddings abroad FAR longer than either of these, again because of VALUE.

I doubt very much they were as popular pre-Celtic Tiger.

Tim Robbins

Glowing wrote: »

I know my friends would rather pay 4 or 500 euro for a long weekend in sunny Italy with food and drink included, than pay *almost* as much for an average 2 or 3 star hotel in the bog arse of Ireland in the rain - many people have their weddings on Fridays too so having a wedding here does not guarantee that you won't have to take time off either.

Well your expectation reference points are obviously very different.

kenmc

Tim Robbins wrote: »

You are contradicting yourself. You are saying the guests don't count and then pointing out about telling them in advance or having it a bank holiday weekend.

Not at all. You can have a wedding without any guests. You cannot have a wedding without a bride and groom. Guests are optional extras. You can choose to make it easier for them to come along, if you want, which is why I mentioned far in advance, and bank holidays, but at the end of the day if they're not there, so be it.

Tim Robbins

kenmc wrote: »

Not at all. You can have a wedding without any guests. You cannot have a wedding without a bride and groom. Guests are optional extras. You can choose to make it easier for them to come along, if you want, which is why I mentioned far in advance, and bank holidays, but at the end of the day if they're not there, so be it.

So if you invite guests, do they count in any way at all?

bangersandmash

kenmc wrote: »

Not at all. You can have a wedding without any guests. You cannot have a wedding without a bride and groom. Guests are optional extras.

That's a fairly selfish attitude. For many of us a wedding without our close friends and family would be meaningless.

Tim Robbins

bangersandmash wrote: »

That's a fairly selfish attitude. For many of us a wedding without our close friends and family would be meaningless.

+1 IMO Of course they do count. I don't want to be burning the pockets and eating their annual leave. I'd be more concerned they have a good time, when they give me their free time.

kenmc

bangersandmash wrote: »

That's a fairly selfish attitude. For many of us a wedding without our close friends and family would be meaningless.

I don't think it's selfish at all as you are taking my post out of context. But in order to play along.....

What if all of your friends and family said they would not attend your wedding unless <insert demands here>. Would you
a) do what they want?
b) not get married at all?
c) suit yourself?

It's your day. If you invite people, and have given them ample time to arrange it, then the ball is in their court. If you turn around on a friday and invite them abroad for a wedding the next day, then THAT's selfish.

Oh and for what it's worth, I mentioned to all my friends that I was thinking of getting married abroad, and they were all 100% on for it. Not one said they'd prefer it in Ireland. So no, I didn't choose it selfishly.

Now, we've derailed the OPs thread far enough.

tinkerbell

I think a wedding abroad is a much better idea than getting married in Ireland. I mean, first and foremost - the weather! Ireland no longer has seasons, it's just winter and less winter! Our summer months tend to have the most rain these days, e.g. last yr and the year before.

Plus you get better value for money going abroad too. You could have an amazing intimate wedding abroad rather than the usual rip-off Republic prices over here. And with abroad weddings, you don't have the whole "oh your fourth and fifth cousins want to go to your wedding too", etc.

Weddings are what the bride and groom want, and if they wanna get married abroad then let them! I've been to weddings in Ireland and I was also at one in Vegas. There is no comparison! At first we were unsure about going all the way to Vegas because of the expense and everything but we made a holiday of it and had a fantastic time.

tSubh Dearg

Meant to mention I split this earlier, but I got distracted by shiny things.

I split this off from the other thread as it makes a good discussion by itself and this way we're not dragging the original thread off topic.

Emerald Lass

I was due to get married abroad as I was living abroad at the time. It was to be a small affair on my families side - just immediate family and close friends. none of them minded coming over, and were going to make it their holiday. However, we moved back to Ireland in the mean time and now I am actually glad I am getting married here. First off, I have a lot more control of everything than I would have had abroad - language barriers, and just the fact that things can be done differently are a problem. I know a lot oof people use planner who have the language, but again you are explaining what you want to an intermediary and hoping that they convey this to the local florist/cake maker/ hotel etc and that nothing is lost in translation. I know that people have done it and it has all gone well, but I also know of people who have been dissapointed by certain things, because what was wanted was not fully understood.

Also, it would be hard for me to not be in control of everything. I am now marrying here and I feel so much more comfortable. I can see first hand exactly what I am getting, I can speak directly to my florist/cake maker etc. SO I know they know exactly what I want.

So in my experience as a bride to be, marrying here is much less stressful and I feel more confident about the day and about my guests enjoying it.

As for expense, I know some people will not mind the expense of going abroad and will consider it part of their annual holiday, but it can be really expensive, so before making the decision to marry abroad, I think its important to look at who you REALLY want there. If no one is sacrificed by you marrying abroad then great, but if you end up with some people missing then for some people that can be too big a compromise.

Having said all that, I am actually having TWO weddings! one here and one abroad, as many of my partners family cannot attend due to cost and visa issues. But now I don;t mind if my Turkish wedding is not perfect, or the flowers are nto what I wanted, or something goes wrong - my 'real' big day will be how I want it (fingers crossed!)

so as for wedding abroad v's wedding at home - there is more to consider than just cost. If you are a bride that wants to be in control of things, or directly involved in allt he organising, than a home wedding might be more practical.

zefer

to all these people saying their friends dont mind going over to their wedding, are you sure about that??

I am invited to 2 in the summer in Italy and I do mind that it is costing over €500 to go to each of them (thats without a present or money over there) and that I have to use 5 or 6 holiday days also. But I would never tell them that it bothered me.
From talking to other people going to the wedding, I know they feel the same. The main reason for both wedding parties having their wedding abroad was cost and I know for a fact that one of the weddings is costing the same as mine is going to cost here and I am sure the other one isnt far off it.

The way things are, I think it is selfish of people to ask others to spend that much money attending a wedding and then have a cheek to tell people they HAVE to rent a car as the wedding is in the back of beyond! (Thats a seperate rant!)

Tim Robbins

zefer wrote: »

to all these people saying their friends dont mind going over to their wedding, are you sure about that??

I am invited to 2 in the summer in Italy and I do mind that it is costing over €500 to go to each of them (thats without a present or money over there) and that I have to use 5 or 6 holiday days also. But I would never tell them that it bothered me.
From talking to other people going to the wedding, I know they feel the same. The main reason for both wedding parties having their wedding abroad was cost and I know for a fact that one of the weddings is costing the same as mine is going to cost here and I am sure the other one isnt far off it.

The way things are, I think it is selfish of people to ask others to spend that much money attending a wedding and then have a cheek to tell people they HAVE to rent a car as the wedding is in the back of beyond! (Thats a seperate rant!)

How do you handle it when it's your partner's friends, not your's?

Biro

zefer wrote: »

to all these people saying their friends dont mind going over to their wedding, are you sure about that??

I am invited to 2 in the summer in Italy and I do mind that it is costing over €500 to go to each of them (thats without a present or money over there) and that I have to use 5 or 6 holiday days also. But I would never tell them that it bothered me.
From talking to other people going to the wedding, I know they feel the same. The main reason for both wedding parties having their wedding abroad was cost and I know for a fact that one of the weddings is costing the same as mine is going to cost here and I am sure the other one isnt far off it.

The way things are, I think it is selfish of people to ask others to spend that much money attending a wedding and then have a cheek to tell people they HAVE to rent a car as the wedding is in the back of beyond! (Thats a seperate rant!)

You have a problem with it so don't go. The answer really is that simple.

galah

Currently organising our wedding abroad - and must say:

the money we're saving is unreal (and don't start the 'be patriotic and buy local BS - these rip-off merchants had it good for way too long!')

Obviously, most of our guests will have to fly over, and spend two nights in a hotel - but if I have to attend a wedding in, say, Meath, or Waterford, I'd probably have to do the same. Hotels abroad are usually cheap, as well. Our guests pay roughly 60 Euros per double room per night including breakfast.

Wit Ryanair, flights are cheap if you book early enough (just make sure you're not totally dependent on a Ryanair airport - they managed to cut flights to our destination, leaving some people with not as great a choice of flights - but we have Aerlingus and a second Ryanair airport as a fallback, although this makes the logistics of getting a bus to pick people up slightly more awkward).

We made it clear that if guests travel to attend the wedding we do not expect presents. And we mean it. If you fly over, don't bring anything.

We are able to provide an open bar for everyone, all night, including spirits, for a flat rate of 35 Euro per person. The venue stays open until the last guest leaves - none of this 2.30 am closing hour cr*p.

Everthing else is way cheaper - from the cake to to the flowers to the photographer to the DJ - I'd say, in total, we're saving about 15 grand compared to a wedding of the same size in Ireland.

The wedding is in a castle, on a summer bank holiday weekend (so people will only have to take one day off to travel).

Obviously, it's a bit ore stressful to organise a wedding abroad, I've been travelling across multiple times this year to sort stuff, and you spend a lot of time on the phone trying to get everything done - but it will be sooo worth it!

(and the weather will be better - guaranteed).

barbiegirl

Tim Robbins wrote: »

Each to their own I agree with but that doesn't mean you can't have a friendly discussion.

I don't get the Wedding abroad thing.
Firstly:
1. You save money, but your guests spend a lot more money. So in terms of overall cost, it's more expensive having it here.
2. If you don't want extended relations to go, don't invite them.
3. As for the non-religious part, you can have secular Weddings in this state too.
4. As for the scenary, well if you think the mountains and lakes are better over there than the mountains and lakes over here, maybe they are. I don't see much difference.

So I am sorry, I don't get it. It's like the SUV thing to me, makes no sense.
But to some people, there's a huge difference between an SUV and a Ford Focus, and it's their personal choice also.

Hi Tim,

I got married abroad last summer and when we looked at it, with our family being split between Dublin, Kerry/Limerick and Kildare at least 2/3s of the guests would be paying for 2 nights accomodation, in a decent hotel costing roughly €400 a double room for 2. Our guests flew to Italy and stayed for 3-4 nights for that price. So they got better value for their money. My aunt, uncle and 4 cousins stayed in a campsite in an air conditioned cabin, where the kids had clubs etc. for €600 for the week total. Getting the location right is key.

Plus we paid for everything the whole day, including travel to and from venue by bus, taxi's afterwards, open bar all day etc. We got a wedding that on the prices I see here would have cost us €80k+ for €23K for 110 people. I wouldn't do it any other way. You have to be willing to give up some control but once you have a good planner it makes all the difference. Our guy answered every query within 48 hours, but that meant you had to also answer him within 48 hours. He had a tried and tested planning tool, his 8 steps and it covered everything, then when we arrived on the Saturday, we met all the suppliers on the Sunday and they couldn't have been more helpful. The candle sticks we shipped across had broken, they sourced new ones and supplied them foc. The flowers that cost me €280 were fantastic and would have easily cost over €1k here. We were brought in the day before to the court house to fill in paper work and testify to the fact that neither of us had or were suspected of killing a former spouse of the other :-) and that we weren't related :-) Marco acted as translater and then on the big day we had an English speaking priest. It was a dream, our dream, that as a couple we did our best to ensure that everyone enjoyed and could afford.

The food, the service, the wine, beer, spirits, transportation, accomodation everything was top notch. I'd love to do it again :-)

nedoo

(and the weather will be better - guaranteed).[/QUOTE]

Sorry to burst your bubble on this cause I agree with everything else you said, this is the one thing that is not guaranteed.:(

Kimia

I have to say we went abroad this year for the wedding of one of our friends, and it was absolutely fantastic. We spent about 400 euro each - which included the hotel for 5 nights, drink, food, everything - and had a brilliant time.

The couple insisted on no presents so we didn't have any additional expense, and they paid for the travel to the hotel, the hotel room on the night of the wedding, and the bar was free all night. If we had gone to a wedding in Ireland and stayed the night we would have paid about 200 euro for the room plus an easy 100euro each on drink for the night, plus a present!

We had a wonderful time and I would definitely get married abroad myself!!

galah

nedoo wrote: »

(and the weather will be better - guaranteed).
Sorry to burst your bubble on this cause I agree with everything else you said, this is the one thing that is not guaranteed.:(

nope, anything will be better than Galway in August. Seriously. Anywhere.
Even a proper 24 hour rainstorm will be better than the constant drizzle and grey skies at 17 degrees max.