Pros and Cons of Marrying Abroad - Discussion

Glowing

For me, it's really important that our guests can get to our venue easily and cheaply - and that there's a large variety of accommodation of all price ranges!

That's why I'm looking at the Italian Lakes (less than an hour from Milan, and both aerlingus and ryanair fly there) and also Florence, as you can get there in less than an hour from both Pisa and Bologna ...

I thought about the Amalfi coast as it's supposed to be amazing, but prices are way higher down there, accommodation is pricey, and it's slightly more awkward to get there. I also like the idea of a Tuscan Villa in the countryside rather than an expensive sea-side hotel.

It all comes down to personal preferences, you can't look for venues everywhere as it's just so much work, so I've just decided to focus my efforts on 2 or 3 accessable regions, rather than finding the dream venue in Positano only to find the flights are crazy!

Good luck!! weddingsonline.ie is a great resource by the way!!

Tim Robbins

Glowing wrote: »

For me, it's really important that our guests can get to our venue easily and cheaply - and that there's a large variety of accommodation of all price ranges!

Why not have it in Ireland then?

Glowing

Beause I've always dreamed of a small Italian wedding ... so why shouldn't I? I'll do my very best to ensure my guests can make it over cheaply etc, and I'll be as considerate as I can ... nothing wrong with that.

Tim Robbins

Glowing wrote: »

Beause I've always dreamed of a small Italian wedding ... so why shouldn't I? I'll do my very best to ensure my guests can make it over cheaply etc, and I'll be as considerate as I can ... nothing wrong with that.

Fair nuff. It's your day. But I was just wondering what's the difference between a small Italian Wedding and a small Irish one?

Presumably:
1. You want the service in English
2. Anyone serving your guests etc will be doing so in English.

Glowing

Well firstly .. you've got much better value food and wine, then there's the weather and the scenery .... plus I don't want to have a Church wedding, so getting married in Italy will allow us to get married in the open air - in a beautiful lake side garden, or in a park.

I don't like the whole Irish traditional wedding thing, and we're not particularly close to our extended families, cousins etc. Most of our guests are in their late 20's and don't have kids so they're all looking forward to the holiday!

Regading the service, it will either be carried out in English or we'll have a translator. I don't think waiter/bar service will be an issue tbh .... it's never an issue when you go on holidays!

Each to their own Tim, I'm not hurting anybody and wouldn't dream to question your choice of wedding .... it's a personal thing.

Tim Robbins

Glowing wrote: »

Well firstly .. you've got much better value food and wine, then there's the weather and the scenery .... plus I don't want to have a Church wedding, so getting married in Italy will allow us to get married in the open air - in a beautiful lake side garden, or in a park.

I don't like the whole Irish traditional wedding thing, and we're not particularly close to our extended families, cousins etc. Most of our guests are in their late 20's and don't have kids so they're all looking forward to the holiday!

Regading the service, it will either be carried out in English or we'll have a translator. I don't think waiter/bar service will be an issue tbh .... it's never an issue when you go on holidays!

Each to their own Tim, I'm not hurting anybody and wouldn't dream to question your choice of wedding .... it's a personal thing.

Each to their own I agree with but that doesn't mean you can't have a friendly discussion.

I don't get the Wedding abroad thing.
Firstly:
1. You save money, but your guests spend a lot more money. So in terms of overall cost, it's more expensive having it here.
2. If you don't want extended relations to go, don't invite them.
3. As for the non-religious part, you can have secular Weddings in this state too.
4. As for the scenary, well if you think the mountains and lakes are better over there than the mountains and lakes over here, maybe they are. I don't see much difference.

So I am sorry, I don't get it. It's like the SUV thing to me, makes no sense.
But to some people, there's a huge difference between an SUV and a Ford Focus, and it's their personal choice also.

Glowing

I don't actually save money Tim, it'll probably cost me more, but I'll get better value for what I spend.

- I'm insisting on no wedding presents from my guests.
- I'll be able to provide a free bar for 3 hours.
- Accommodation will be cheaper than an average wedding hotel in Ireland.
- I'm giving 10 months notice so flights will be dirt cheap.

I'd say it'll be the same, if not cheaper for our guests, and many of them are happy to combine the trip with a holiday for a long weekend or a week.

And I hate SUV's.

kenmc

@Tim
For me the advantages of an 'away' wedding far outweigh any potential disadvantages. The choice of food/wine etc is far superior than you get here for the money. The weather in summer in Italy for example would, on average, be better than Ireland, so you're paying perhaps a bit more to hedge your bets on better weather.
And finally, the hotels etc have had it far too good here for too long, they've been raping wedding parties with exhorbitant prices, poor service and unacceptable compulsory 'extras' e.g. paying for the bar extension.

For me a wedding abroad is a holiday, where I happen to come home married. My friends and family are treating it as a holiday where they see me get married.

I am under no illusions that it will be a cheaper wedding than in Ireland. I *do* believe that it will be a better value wedding than I would have in Ireland for the same money.

tim robbins wrote:

Firstly:
1. You save money, but your guests spend a lot more money. So in terms of overall cost, it's more expensive having it here.

No, you don't necessarily save money, but you get better value all around. You get to have better wine, better food, open bar (imagine the cost of that in Ireland?!) etc, and if you tell your guests who attend not to spend money on a present, it won't actually cost them much more than going to a wedding in ireland at all, AND they get a holiday.

tim robbins wrote:

3. As for the non-religious part, you can have secular Weddings in this state too.

in a very few select venues which meet some invented 'standard'. I doubt that there are many old villas lying around the countryside in Ireland which meet these 'standards'.

tim robbins wrote:

4. As for the scenary, well if you think the mountains and lakes are better over there than the mountains and lakes over here, maybe they are. I don't see much difference.

On a good day in Ireland, the scenery is stunning, second to none. Unfortunately we don't reliably get good days in Ireland, and I doubt even more that any of the 'approved' venues would be near many of these stunning scenery.

tim robbins wrote:

So I am sorry, I don't get it. It's like the SUV thing to me, makes no sense.

What's there not to get? Do you holiday abroad? Do you buy things from abroad? Same thing really.

If you can show me a venue in Ireland which has the same sort of scenery as the Italian lakes, and I can get married in the open air overlooking it, please let me know and I will certainly examine it as an option.

Finally, one more reason for having a wedding abroad, is that all of my friends so far have done the Irish church wedding. I want to do something different.

nedoo

Away every time. Did it myself in Spain and would do it again( dont tell the wife!). Ireland has no idea of service when you compare it. Now I did go 5 star there but we have nothing here that would match, our five stars are just not the same ( and I work in the industry)

Wedding organiser over a wedding planner. Great for translations, paperwork etc. If you have a wedding in mind, find the location and talk to the hotel crew, they will do the most of the work for you. Wedding planners tend to refair their buddies and have seen and heard some horror stories. Make it easy on yourself. Dont do a run down castle with no facilities, you have enough going on.

Build a good relationship with the manager, go out a few times to go over details, tastings, see another wedding out there. Costs are building but if you are bringing 50 people that distance, it needs to be right. Think of everything from your guests point of view and have them wanting for nothing. Transport everywhere during the wedding, food and drink on tap for them for the day, they have spent enough between your gift, flights and hotels.

Know the law re closing times, music etc. Very different to ours.

We did direct family and friend. 75 of the people we love and had the best time. F*&k the relis that you haven't seen in years, its your day. Will cause a bit of upset but again f*&k them!

Most of all enjoy the process. It is the biggest and best party you will ever organise. It is stressful but sure is that not great training for marrage!:D

Good luck with it and your life together. Neddo

Tim Robbins

Glowing wrote: »

- I'm insisting on no wedding presents from my guests.

Good for you.

- I'll be able to provide a free bar for 3 hours.

Sounds good.

- Accommodation will be cheaper than an average wedding hotel in Ireland.

Take your point, but usually abroad means you have to spend 2, 3 nights in the hotel. In Ireland you either taxi home or spend the night.

- I'm giving 10 months notice so flights will be dirt cheap.

Depends where it is I suppose.

I'd say it'll be the same, if not cheaper for our guests, and many of them are happy to combine the trip with a holiday for a long weekend or a week.

Fair enough. But any Wedding abroad for me has been min 500 quid. Ireland is usually half that.

Tim Robbins

What's there not to get? Do you holiday abroad? Do you buy things from abroad? Same thing really.

Those questions don't involve other people so they are not comparable.

This is all to do with expectation and what's a fair expectation. More specifically:

What's a fair expectation for guests?
- Should they have to take days off work?
- Should they have to plan their holidays around your Wedding?
- Should the lads have to wear black tie?

What's a fair expectation for the couple?

- Should they provide free drink?
- Should they get a bar extension?
- Should they pay for transportation costs for guests?

These aren't always simply questions. You can be certain of some things such as costs of hotel, costs of flights but where the line between what's reasonable and what's too much is drawn is a little bit tricky.

I just think the "Wedding abroad thing" like the SUV thing is very much a Celtic Tiger / SSIA thing. I see no evidence for the net cost of the Wedding being cheaper. In fact, the total net cost (couple and guests) is much more expensive.

It's something that can only happen in a rich society where people are given the opportunity to spend more, in a quest for them to make something better. I think there are other ways of making things better that don't necessitate more money, better weather or better scenary. But that's just me.

kenmc

Tim Robbins wrote: »

Those questions don't involve other people so they are not comparable.

This is all to do with expectation and what's a fair expectation. More specifically:

What's a fair expectation for guests?
- Should they have to take days off work?
- Should they have to plan their holidays around your Wedding?
- Should the lads have to wear black tie?

What's a fair expectation for the couple?

- Should they provide free drink?
- Should they get a bar extension?
- Should they pay for transportation costs for guests?

These aren't always simply questions. You can be certain of some things such as costs of hotel, costs of flights but where the line between what's reasonable and what's too much is drawn is a little bit tricky.

I just think the "Wedding abroad thing" like the SUV thing is very much a Celtic Tiger / SSIA thing. I see no evidence for the net cost of the Wedding being cheaper. In fact, the total net cost (couple and guests) is much more expensive.

It's something that can only happen in a rich society where people are given the opportunity to spend more, in a quest for them to make something better. I think there are other ways of making things better that don't necessitate more money, better weather or better scenary. But that's just me.

Your entire reasoning seems to revolve around cost. A wedding is a once in a lifetime experience. Cost, within reason, should not be the limiting factor, and is not for me. Value for money, however, is. I see MUCH better value for money abroad, and that has a direct impact on the experience.

Example. I can get a 6 course meal in a villa for 80 euro per person, including 1/2 litre of wine per person, and a 1 hour open bar afterwards. Chair covers are included in the cost, as are waiters, and indeed many of the 'extras' that hotels here rip you off with.

At the end of the day it is about the couple getting married, not the guests; telling them far enough in advance (over a year in our case) allows them to budget the time/cost reasonably well. Having it on a bank holiday weekend allows them to not have to use holidays to attend if they so wish.

Oh, and the SSIA/Celtic tiger thing : people have been having weddings abroad FAR longer than either of these, again because of VALUE.

Glowing

I know my friends would rather pay 4 or 500 euro for a long weekend in sunny Italy with food and drink included, than pay *almost* as much for an average 2 or 3 star hotel in the bog arse of Ireland in the rain - many people have their weddings on Fridays too so having a wedding here does not guarantee that you won't have to take time off either.

Tim Robbins

kenmc wrote: »

Your entire reasoning seems to revolve around cost.

No it's expectation.

At the end of the day it is about the couple getting married, not the guests; telling them far enough in advance (over a year in our case) allows them to budget the time/cost reasonably well. Having it on a bank holiday weekend allows them to not have to use holidays to attend if they so wish.

You are contradicting yourself. You are saying the guests don't count and then pointing out about telling them in advance or having it a bank holiday weekend.

Of course the count. The question is how much?
That's where expectation comes into it.

Oh, and the SSIA/Celtic tiger thing : people have been having weddings abroad FAR longer than either of these, again because of VALUE.

I doubt very much they were as popular pre-Celtic Tiger.

Tim Robbins

Glowing wrote: »

I know my friends would rather pay 4 or 500 euro for a long weekend in sunny Italy with food and drink included, than pay *almost* as much for an average 2 or 3 star hotel in the bog arse of Ireland in the rain - many people have their weddings on Fridays too so having a wedding here does not guarantee that you won't have to take time off either.

Well your expectation reference points are obviously very different.

kenmc

Tim Robbins wrote: »

You are contradicting yourself. You are saying the guests don't count and then pointing out about telling them in advance or having it a bank holiday weekend.

Not at all. You can have a wedding without any guests. You cannot have a wedding without a bride and groom. Guests are optional extras. You can choose to make it easier for them to come along, if you want, which is why I mentioned far in advance, and bank holidays, but at the end of the day if they're not there, so be it.

Tim Robbins

kenmc wrote: »

Not at all. You can have a wedding without any guests. You cannot have a wedding without a bride and groom. Guests are optional extras. You can choose to make it easier for them to come along, if you want, which is why I mentioned far in advance, and bank holidays, but at the end of the day if they're not there, so be it.

So if you invite guests, do they count in any way at all?

bangersandmash

kenmc wrote: »

Not at all. You can have a wedding without any guests. You cannot have a wedding without a bride and groom. Guests are optional extras.

That's a fairly selfish attitude. For many of us a wedding without our close friends and family would be meaningless.

Tim Robbins

bangersandmash wrote: »

That's a fairly selfish attitude. For many of us a wedding without our close friends and family would be meaningless.

+1 IMO Of course they do count. I don't want to be burning the pockets and eating their annual leave. I'd be more concerned they have a good time, when they give me their free time.

kenmc

bangersandmash wrote: »

That's a fairly selfish attitude. For many of us a wedding without our close friends and family would be meaningless.

I don't think it's selfish at all as you are taking my post out of context. But in order to play along.....

What if all of your friends and family said they would not attend your wedding unless <insert demands here>. Would you
a) do what they want?
b) not get married at all?
c) suit yourself?

It's your day. If you invite people, and have given them ample time to arrange it, then the ball is in their court. If you turn around on a friday and invite them abroad for a wedding the next day, then THAT's selfish.

Oh and for what it's worth, I mentioned to all my friends that I was thinking of getting married abroad, and they were all 100% on for it. Not one said they'd prefer it in Ireland. So no, I didn't choose it selfishly.

Now, we've derailed the OPs thread far enough.

tinkerbell

I think a wedding abroad is a much better idea than getting married in Ireland. I mean, first and foremost - the weather! Ireland no longer has seasons, it's just winter and less winter! Our summer months tend to have the most rain these days, e.g. last yr and the year before.

Plus you get better value for money going abroad too. You could have an amazing intimate wedding abroad rather than the usual rip-off Republic prices over here. And with abroad weddings, you don't have the whole "oh your fourth and fifth cousins want to go to your wedding too", etc.

Weddings are what the bride and groom want, and if they wanna get married abroad then let them! I've been to weddings in Ireland and I was also at one in Vegas. There is no comparison! At first we were unsure about going all the way to Vegas because of the expense and everything but we made a holiday of it and had a fantastic time.

tSubh Dearg

Meant to mention I split this earlier, but I got distracted by shiny things.

I split this off from the other thread as it makes a good discussion by itself and this way we're not dragging the original thread off topic.

Emerald Lass

I was due to get married abroad as I was living abroad at the time. It was to be a small affair on my families side - just immediate family and close friends. none of them minded coming over, and were going to make it their holiday. However, we moved back to Ireland in the mean time and now I am actually glad I am getting married here. First off, I have a lot more control of everything than I would have had abroad - language barriers, and just the fact that things can be done differently are a problem. I know a lot oof people use planner who have the language, but again you are explaining what you want to an intermediary and hoping that they convey this to the local florist/cake maker/ hotel etc and that nothing is lost in translation. I know that people have done it and it has all gone well, but I also know of people who have been dissapointed by certain things, because what was wanted was not fully understood.

Also, it would be hard for me to not be in control of everything. I am now marrying here and I feel so much more comfortable. I can see first hand exactly what I am getting, I can speak directly to my florist/cake maker etc. SO I know they know exactly what I want.

So in my experience as a bride to be, marrying here is much less stressful and I feel more confident about the day and about my guests enjoying it.

As for expense, I know some people will not mind the expense of going abroad and will consider it part of their annual holiday, but it can be really expensive, so before making the decision to marry abroad, I think its important to look at who you REALLY want there. If no one is sacrificed by you marrying abroad then great, but if you end up with some people missing then for some people that can be too big a compromise.

Having said all that, I am actually having TWO weddings! one here and one abroad, as many of my partners family cannot attend due to cost and visa issues. But now I don;t mind if my Turkish wedding is not perfect, or the flowers are nto what I wanted, or something goes wrong - my 'real' big day will be how I want it (fingers crossed!)

so as for wedding abroad v's wedding at home - there is more to consider than just cost. If you are a bride that wants to be in control of things, or directly involved in allt he organising, than a home wedding might be more practical.

zefer

to all these people saying their friends dont mind going over to their wedding, are you sure about that??

I am invited to 2 in the summer in Italy and I do mind that it is costing over €500 to go to each of them (thats without a present or money over there) and that I have to use 5 or 6 holiday days also. But I would never tell them that it bothered me.
From talking to other people going to the wedding, I know they feel the same. The main reason for both wedding parties having their wedding abroad was cost and I know for a fact that one of the weddings is costing the same as mine is going to cost here and I am sure the other one isnt far off it.

The way things are, I think it is selfish of people to ask others to spend that much money attending a wedding and then have a cheek to tell people they HAVE to rent a car as the wedding is in the back of beyond! (Thats a seperate rant!)

Tim Robbins

zefer wrote: »

to all these people saying their friends dont mind going over to their wedding, are you sure about that??

I am invited to 2 in the summer in Italy and I do mind that it is costing over €500 to go to each of them (thats without a present or money over there) and that I have to use 5 or 6 holiday days also. But I would never tell them that it bothered me.
From talking to other people going to the wedding, I know they feel the same. The main reason for both wedding parties having their wedding abroad was cost and I know for a fact that one of the weddings is costing the same as mine is going to cost here and I am sure the other one isnt far off it.

The way things are, I think it is selfish of people to ask others to spend that much money attending a wedding and then have a cheek to tell people they HAVE to rent a car as the wedding is in the back of beyond! (Thats a seperate rant!)

How do you handle it when it's your partner's friends, not your's?

Biro

zefer wrote: »

to all these people saying their friends dont mind going over to their wedding, are you sure about that??

I am invited to 2 in the summer in Italy and I do mind that it is costing over €500 to go to each of them (thats without a present or money over there) and that I have to use 5 or 6 holiday days also. But I would never tell them that it bothered me.
From talking to other people going to the wedding, I know they feel the same. The main reason for both wedding parties having their wedding abroad was cost and I know for a fact that one of the weddings is costing the same as mine is going to cost here and I am sure the other one isnt far off it.

The way things are, I think it is selfish of people to ask others to spend that much money attending a wedding and then have a cheek to tell people they HAVE to rent a car as the wedding is in the back of beyond! (Thats a seperate rant!)

You have a problem with it so don't go. The answer really is that simple.

galah

Currently organising our wedding abroad - and must say:

the money we're saving is unreal (and don't start the 'be patriotic and buy local BS - these rip-off merchants had it good for way too long!')

Obviously, most of our guests will have to fly over, and spend two nights in a hotel - but if I have to attend a wedding in, say, Meath, or Waterford, I'd probably have to do the same. Hotels abroad are usually cheap, as well. Our guests pay roughly 60 Euros per double room per night including breakfast.

Wit Ryanair, flights are cheap if you book early enough (just make sure you're not totally dependent on a Ryanair airport - they managed to cut flights to our destination, leaving some people with not as great a choice of flights - but we have Aerlingus and a second Ryanair airport as a fallback, although this makes the logistics of getting a bus to pick people up slightly more awkward).

We made it clear that if guests travel to attend the wedding we do not expect presents. And we mean it. If you fly over, don't bring anything.

We are able to provide an open bar for everyone, all night, including spirits, for a flat rate of 35 Euro per person. The venue stays open until the last guest leaves - none of this 2.30 am closing hour cr*p.

Everthing else is way cheaper - from the cake to to the flowers to the photographer to the DJ - I'd say, in total, we're saving about 15 grand compared to a wedding of the same size in Ireland.

The wedding is in a castle, on a summer bank holiday weekend (so people will only have to take one day off to travel).

Obviously, it's a bit ore stressful to organise a wedding abroad, I've been travelling across multiple times this year to sort stuff, and you spend a lot of time on the phone trying to get everything done - but it will be sooo worth it!

(and the weather will be better - guaranteed).

barbiegirl

Tim Robbins wrote: »

Each to their own I agree with but that doesn't mean you can't have a friendly discussion.

I don't get the Wedding abroad thing.
Firstly:
1. You save money, but your guests spend a lot more money. So in terms of overall cost, it's more expensive having it here.
2. If you don't want extended relations to go, don't invite them.
3. As for the non-religious part, you can have secular Weddings in this state too.
4. As for the scenary, well if you think the mountains and lakes are better over there than the mountains and lakes over here, maybe they are. I don't see much difference.

So I am sorry, I don't get it. It's like the SUV thing to me, makes no sense.
But to some people, there's a huge difference between an SUV and a Ford Focus, and it's their personal choice also.

Hi Tim,

I got married abroad last summer and when we looked at it, with our family being split between Dublin, Kerry/Limerick and Kildare at least 2/3s of the guests would be paying for 2 nights accomodation, in a decent hotel costing roughly €400 a double room for 2. Our guests flew to Italy and stayed for 3-4 nights for that price. So they got better value for their money. My aunt, uncle and 4 cousins stayed in a campsite in an air conditioned cabin, where the kids had clubs etc. for €600 for the week total. Getting the location right is key.

Plus we paid for everything the whole day, including travel to and from venue by bus, taxi's afterwards, open bar all day etc. We got a wedding that on the prices I see here would have cost us €80k+ for €23K for 110 people. I wouldn't do it any other way. You have to be willing to give up some control but once you have a good planner it makes all the difference. Our guy answered every query within 48 hours, but that meant you had to also answer him within 48 hours. He had a tried and tested planning tool, his 8 steps and it covered everything, then when we arrived on the Saturday, we met all the suppliers on the Sunday and they couldn't have been more helpful. The candle sticks we shipped across had broken, they sourced new ones and supplied them foc. The flowers that cost me €280 were fantastic and would have easily cost over €1k here. We were brought in the day before to the court house to fill in paper work and testify to the fact that neither of us had or were suspected of killing a former spouse of the other :-) and that we weren't related :-) Marco acted as translater and then on the big day we had an English speaking priest. It was a dream, our dream, that as a couple we did our best to ensure that everyone enjoyed and could afford.

The food, the service, the wine, beer, spirits, transportation, accomodation everything was top notch. I'd love to do it again :-)

nedoo

(and the weather will be better - guaranteed).[/QUOTE]

Sorry to burst your bubble on this cause I agree with everything else you said, this is the one thing that is not guaranteed.:(

Kimia

I have to say we went abroad this year for the wedding of one of our friends, and it was absolutely fantastic. We spent about 400 euro each - which included the hotel for 5 nights, drink, food, everything - and had a brilliant time.

The couple insisted on no presents so we didn't have any additional expense, and they paid for the travel to the hotel, the hotel room on the night of the wedding, and the bar was free all night. If we had gone to a wedding in Ireland and stayed the night we would have paid about 200 euro for the room plus an easy 100euro each on drink for the night, plus a present!

We had a wonderful time and I would definitely get married abroad myself!!

galah

nedoo wrote: »

(and the weather will be better - guaranteed).
Sorry to burst your bubble on this cause I agree with everything else you said, this is the one thing that is not guaranteed.:(

nope, anything will be better than Galway in August. Seriously. Anywhere.
Even a proper 24 hour rainstorm will be better than the constant drizzle and grey skies at 17 degrees max.

Emerald Lass

galah wrote: »

Currently organising our wedding abroad - and must say:

the money we're saving is unreal (and don't start the 'be patriotic and buy local BS - these rip-off merchants had it good for way too long!')

I'd say, in total, we're saving about 15 grand compared to a wedding of the same size in Ireland.

Just on this, I'd love to know where in Ireland these people were originally planning on marrying, cos to save €15 implies that you were originalyl spending more than that initially! I know large weddings can be expensive, but people spending €20k plus is madness - the celtic tiger totally gone mad. I would hope in the new climate people would be getting more wise to the fact that there is no justification for throwing money around and that this ridiculously opulent lifestyle some people have bought into is crazy.

My wedding is for 60 people sit down, additional 50-60 in the evening. It is in a castle for the ceremony and a 4* hotel for the reception. I am having all the trimmings and nothing is sacfriced - it will be no less beautiful or classy than other peoples. My wedding will come in under €10k. I know friends who have paid up to 3 times this for less than I am getting. They are amazed at what I am getting for my money, but its simply a case of not being sukered into this whole assumption of 'the going rate' and handing over money just cos thats what everyone else pays!

and friends who are coming from other parts of Ireland, will certainly not be paying similar to what they would pay to go abroad! I have made a deal with the hotel of €66 per double room and €80 per family room per night inc Breakfast. They also have a courtesy bus prepared to travel to teh ceremony venue to collect people and bring them to the hotel, and also they are collecting people from the airport the day before for €10 per person. There is no way my out of town guests will have to pay €400 per person - even with the gift.

galah wrote: »

Obviously, it's a bit ore stressful to organise a wedding abroad, I've been travelling across multiple times this year to sort stuff, and you spend a lot of time on the phone trying to get everything done - but it will be sooo worth it!

just curious - have you included the costs of these trips, international phone calls, etc into your costings?

Look, I fully agree, that its your day and you are entitled to have the day you want. I myself was originally intending to marry abroad, so I'm not criticising your choice. But please be accepting of the fact, that you are not doing your guests any favours! you are doing it for your own wants and thats fine, but don't try to pretend you are doing the guests a favour (and nor do you have to! don't get me wrong, its your day). While some people will be only too delighted to travel, not all the guests will be thrilled with the thoughts of abroad, but will never say so. And just consider the current climate - my sister was invited to a wedding abroad in September and was all set to go, ready to book flights next week and everything, but my bro-in-law has just lost his job, and if he is still unemployed there is no way they will be going. This could become very common in months to come.

galah

have to disagree - the cost to go to a wedding abroad is easily similar to one in Ireland - if you add the gift, the cost of drink (I still think it's an outrage that wedding guests will have to pay for their own drinks at weddings! Understandable, but still an outrage!), taxis, hotel, fuel, etcetc, you spend easily the same amount for a weekend in 'sunny' Donegal that a weekend in Spain or Germany, for example.


We never even thought of having a wedding in Ireland - but a lot of people around us are getting married here, so we compare notes - and it's madness what people have to pay. And I, too, think that a 20 k wedding is mental - but for a party the same style and 'oppulence', we would easily have to fork out that in Ireland.

Starting from deposits (that you won't get back should the venue go bust) to rental for the cake stand and all these other shenanigans, plus the above mentioned fact that guests pay for their own drinks, the standard 'salmon or beef' wedding food (*yawn*), exorbitant rates for photographers, bands and Djs, and all that...Oh, and of course the dress, hairdressing, make-up etc.

Having the party abroad is turning out so much cheaper.
And on guests being too shy to cancel the wedding for financial reasons- to be honest, I cannot see any of our friends not being honest with us - if they can't afford it, then they will say so. If they don't, it's their problem. We do not force anyone to travel if they don't want to or can't.

Oh, and I forgot to add - we have a large number of international guests coming as well - and to them, it does not matter if they fly to Ireland or Germany - but Germany will be the cheaper option for them, too. Plus, if we were getting married here, a lot of Germans would have to travel. So whatever way we look at it, people would have to go abroad.

Emerald Lass

galah wrote: »

have to disagree - the cost to go to a wedding abroad is easily similar to one in Ireland - if you add the gift, the cost of drink (I still think it's an outrage that wedding guests will have to pay for their own drinks at weddings! Understandable, but still an outrage!), taxis, hotel, fuel, etcetc, you spend easily the same amount for a weekend in 'sunny' Donegal that a weekend in Spain or Germany, for example.

not in my experience. My wedding is in 8 weeks, and there is NO way it will cost my guests around €400 per person to attend. And again if people get married in Donegal or timbuktoo, if you want people to travel to a wedding regardless of where it is, you have to be considerate to people's expense. If I couldn't afford to go to Germany/Italy at €400 likewise I would not be able to afford to go to Donegal for €400 - its not the destination that is relevant, its the cost to the guests.

galah wrote: »

We never even thought of having a wedding in Ireland - but a lot of people around us are getting married here, so we compare notes - and it's madness what people have to pay. And I, too, think that a 20 k wedding is mental - but for a party the same style and 'oppulence', we would easily have to fork out that in Ireland.

are you sure about that? cos I'm certainly not paying €20k - I know people who have, but it does not mean that it is a requirement for a decent wedding! and people don't HAVE to pay €20k - they choose to. I assure you my wedding is in no way plain and simple - having a ceremony in a castle is hardly run of the mill, my hotel is 4*, the meals are not *yawn* salmon and beef meals, and I am certainly not prepared to fork out for nonsense charges like cake stands! if people are prepared to pay for these things then I'm not surprised people end up with whopper budgets.

galah wrote: »

Starting from deposits (that you won't get back should the venue go bust)

you won't get the full price of most flights back either, and if its Ryanair you'll get nowt! And if the wedding is cancelled for any reason then guests have the hassle of going through their travel ins to get their money back. And you may be able to get your money back, but not necessarily your guest. and hotels can go bust in Italy/Spain/Germany just as easily as they can in Ireland - so I don't see the relevance of that argument.

galah wrote: »

Oh, and of course the dress, hairdressing, make-up etc.

you mean you aren't getting those things if you marry abroad? you still need a dress and makeup - what you choose to spend and how is up to you, but regardless of where you buy you still need to get one! what you spend is your choice regardless of venue.

galah wrote: »

Oh, and I forgot to add - we have a large number of international guests coming as well - and to them, it does not matter if they fly to Ireland or Germany - but Germany will be the cheaper option for them, too. Plus, if we were getting married here, a lot of Germans would have to travel. So whatever way we look at it, people would have to go abroad.

fair enough on that issue - but most people marrying aborad have primarily Irish guest who are expected to travel.

Look I am not attacking you, but please stop trying to justify why a wedding abroad is 'better' or 'cheaper' for your guests - that is simply a false argument. If you want your wedding abroad and it is cheaper/easier/more appealing to you then thats fine, its your day and your choice where you marry. But to say it makes no difference to your guests is simply not true.

On another thread a poster has pointed out that they have 2 upcoming weddings abroad and it is costing about €500 per person for each wedding, and it appears that the couple also want pressies! She agrees that weddings abroad are not cheaper for guests! That is from the mouth of a guest of a wedding abroad!

galah

Look I am not attacking you, but please stop trying to justify why a wedding abroad is 'better' or 'cheaper' for your guests - that is simply a false argument. If you want your wedding abroad and it is cheaper/easier/more appealing to you then thats fine, its your day and your choice where you marry. But to say it makes no difference to your guests is simply not true.

But that is all I'm saying - for OUR wedding , OUR situation, and OUR guests, the wedding abroad will be cheaper than a wedding here (all in all). I can only speak from MY experience and the stories I hear from other people that happen to get married here - and I know that for US, it will be different. I've never claimed that this goes for eveythone and everything, it's just MY opinion, based on MY experience. I am not saying that our wedding will be better or worse than anyone elses wedding - I wouldn't dare to compare that.

We're still argueing the pros and cons of the wedding, and my personal pro is that it will be cheaper. It may be more inconvenient for Irish guests, but I can also argue that for the other side of the family who would have to travel to Ireland.

Regarding the deposits: It is a valid argument - cause with our venue (and most other venues I heard of), we do not have to pay a deposit at all. We will get the bill the night of the wedding, which we will then pay the day after the wedding. If the venue goes bust before that, I will not lose ANY money. Not so true here, I believe. Same goes for any other services. Settle AFTER the service was rendered.

All I'm saying is that wedding-related goods and services are way cheaper in Germany than here. For us. In our situation. So we're saving a lot of money compared to having the wedding here.

antiskeptic

The OP doesn't indicate anything about a "German angle" so I won't base my comments around same.

The main reason for dispensing with a foreign wedding from the outset had to do with a sense of imposing on the guests. Now if it were possible to trim down the guest list to only those who were really close (v.close family and v.close friends) then... Not a hope in hell of that as soon as you begin to include the (v.quickly) more distant types: slightly less close family, spouses of friends who you don't know particularily well, work mates rather than work friends. But perhaps there's something to be said about a wedding being a bit more formal and a bit more "before your peers".

I'd agree that you can trim down a wedding in the current climate. Dispense with all the fluff n' stuff and keep the essentials. We're having the reception in a tip top Dublin restaurant. They started at 12500k for exclusive use and are currently at 8500k. We've still not put actual money down..

Mrs Fed

I wouldn't get married abroad. You will necessarily have to hire somebody who plans on your behalf unless you have the time to move abroad for a perioud of time. That, in my opinion, will take most of the pleasure away.

But, I am lucky cause I live in Italy :-)

Tim Robbins

galah wrote: »

have to disagree - the cost to go to a wedding abroad is easily similar to one in Ireland - if you add the gift, the cost of drink (I still think it's an outrage that wedding guests will have to pay for their own drinks at weddings! Understandable, but still an outrage!), taxis, hotel, fuel, etcetc, you spend easily the same amount for a weekend in 'sunny' Donegal that a weekend in Spain or Germany, for example.

What whopping nonsense. Compare notes with the guests who are the ones who pay more money and have to take more time off work.

If I had to go to a Wedding in Donegal I could stay in a B&B for 35 euro, petrol up and back would be 50. That's 85.

If I had to go to a Wedding in Spain / Italy / France / Portugal, the flight would be 200 on average. the costs of getting to the airport and back in Dublin would be 40 and probably another 20 over there.

The accomodation would be in the hotel as getting a B&B would be too much hassel and it would be two nights. I've never heard of anyone going to a Weding abroad and only staying for one night.

So abroad min would be:
Flight + airport transport= 260. 2 nights in a hotel = 130.
That's 390. I have to buy spend more on grub and drink abroad as the Wedding is a two day event rather than a one day.

The best Weddings are of course in the Dublin 01 area :-)
Here the minimum cost is a taxi home. 35 euro.

Anyway this is all moot. I can't see any Weddings abroad now we are in recession times. It's a Celtic tiger / SSIA thing just like the SUV which most people just won't be able to afford and will just go out fashion as it was all based on money. Nothing else.

galah

Not really.

Our wedding is on the bank holiday weekend in August, so people don't need to take time off. Flights are 60 Euros return. Hotel is 60 Euros per night per room. Stay two nights in a double, that's 60 per person for the weekend.

That's 120. We provide the airport transfer in Germany. Granted, you need to get to Dublin airport, if 5 people share a car from Galway, that's ten euros each return. Airport parking is another 10 if you book early.

So we're at 135, roughly. Add some food and drink and other expenses, this wedding will cost our guests a maximum of 200 Euros. Absolute max. And our guests won't have to fork out for a present.

I've spent more on weddings in Ireland than that.

But it doesn't really matter - there'll always be pros and cons to weddings abroad. I'm glad we're having our wedding over there and not here. That's all I can say.

Tim Robbins

galah wrote: »

Not really.

Our wedding is on the bank holiday weekend in August, so people don't need to take time off. Flights are 60 Euros return. Hotel is 60 Euros per night per room. Stay two nights in a double, that's 60 per person for the weekend.

That's 120. We provide the airport transfer in Germany. Granted, you need to get to Dublin airport, if 5 people share a car from Galway, that's ten euros each return. Airport parking is another 10 if you book early.

So we're at 135, roughly. Add some food and drink and other expenses, this wedding will cost our guests a maximum of 200 Euros. Absolute max. And our guests won't have to fork out for a present.

I've spent more on weddings in Ireland than that.

But it doesn't really matter - there'll always be pros and cons to weddings abroad. I'm glad we're having our wedding over there and not here. That's all I can say.

Wait it go! That's German efficiency for you. Well done.
60 per room is excellent. Are all the flights 60 euro?

Sounds like very very good value. In my experience you're the exception, not the rule.

Sounds fantastic. I respect this because you're systematically getting good value for money and showing Ireland is a rip off.

Well done again. Sounds like a great Wedding already. Full marks to Gunther. In fact I 'd like to see Ireland let Germany control everything. I mean your Wedding would be even cheaper again if everyone lived over there. As would be your morgages and your wages would be about the same.

To the Fatherland!

Emerald Lass

just curious - is that €60 return inc baggage and taxes etc? are they flights at good times, or are they the 6.10 in the morning job? also is that price available to everyone travelling (you know the way some airlines only have x many seats at a cheap price and then the rest are more expensive). because if it is not available to everyone across the board then some people will pay considerably more than that.

also never answered my comment about the dress, hairdressing, make up costs. Again no one answered my question as to whether they were including the cost of travelling abroad and making international phone calls into the costings? I'm just curious about these points.

Also for my wedding I only paid €500 deposit to the hotel, which although not refundable was transferable. I also got wedding insurance for €98 so I would get back my deposits etc were anything to happen (touch wood).

I just think to base the away v's home argument on price is silly, as an Irish wedding CAN cost less than a foreign wedding, just like SOME Irish weddings can be mad money. Where you have it is not the deciding factor in price - YOU are and what you are prepared to spend.

Is marrying abroad more convenient? IMO no, but if the thoughts of a wedding in an Italian villa fills your heart with joy, then go for it. But that is the justification, not price. and I can totally understand why people want that - I could see how beautiful it would be. Then again my wedding in a stately home overlooking the sea will also be beautiful and many people would never have imagined it possible in Ireland, so abroad is not the only option for stunning settings.

Emerald Lass

Tim Robbins wrote: »

Sounds like very very good value. In my experience you're the exception, not the rule.

Sounds fantastic. I respect this because you're systematically getting good value for money and showing Ireland is a rip off.

Well done again.

+1 - I also respect you because you are being sympathetic to the inconvenience for your guests and trying to minimise costs and hassle. but not everyone does this. but again, I think this should be done regardless of where you wed - home or away, its good manners IMO to take the cost to guests into consideration

Ireland CAN indeed be a rip off - but it doesn't have to be, is all I'm saying. As I said before several times, it does not HAVE to be expensive unless people CHOOSE for it to be. Too many sheep out there who got bored with competing over how much their houses were worth, and started bragging about how expensive their weddings were - idiots.

Tim Robbins

Emerald Lass wrote: »

Ireland CAN indeed be a rip off - but it doesn't have to be, is all I'm saying. As I said before several times, it does not HAVE to be expensive unless people CHOOSE for it to be.

Exactly. We just checked a few hotels that were:
1. Near B&Bs so people didn't have to stay in the hotel if they couldn't afford it.
2. Possible to get a taxi home from.
3. Reasonable value by Irish standards.

Too many sheep out there who got bored with competing over how much their houses were worth, and started bragging about how expensive their weddings were - idiots.

Ha Ha. Agree.

I see Weddings as an opportunity for a great party but I don't like the show off aspect you get at a lot of them. Usually the Wedding abroad thing has an element of this, but I think there's also exceptions as in galah's case.

galah

Emerald Lass wrote: »

also never answered my comment about the dress, hairdressing, make up costs. Again no one answered my question as to whether they were including the cost of travelling abroad and making international phone calls into the costings? I'm just curious about these points.

Right. Dress - a lot cheaper in Germany than here (same dress). I saved 50 Euros on the shoes by bying them abroad, same type of shoes).
International calls are cheaper than calls to mobiles, believe it or not (currently 7 cents a minute, it used to be free for a while. Try 13434 for further pricing).
Hairdressing and makeup - my beautician will come to the hotel and charges 80 Euros for the full hairdo and make-up on the day. Beat that (knowing what hairdressers charge here, it will be difficult).
So obviously, I would need the same service were I to get married in Ireland - but all these things are definitely cheaper in Germany.

Oh, and the Ryanair flights are at 'proper' times - in the afternoon.

And I do agree - i'm sure if you shop around you get a fantastic wedding in Ireland for a good price as well, there's no denying. But mostly, it's a rip-off, if you compare services. (seriously, could you afford an open bar until 7 am here? For 100 people? I think not. I know we can't. But we can abroad.)

Tim Robbins

galah wrote: »

And I do agree - i'm sure if you shop around you get a fantastic wedding in Ireland for a good price as well, there's no denying. But mostly, it's a rip-off, if you compare services. (seriously, could you afford an open bar until 7 am here? For 100 people? I think not. I know we can't. But we can abroad.)

All very interesting. And yet another example, what a rip off things are in Ireland. There's always been a perception that Spain is cheaper possibly because it's not as industrialised as other parts of Europe. But I never thought the Fatherland would be that cheap.

Well done again.

KazDub

We're going to a wedding abroad soon. I'm sure the bride and groom will save an absolute fortune, but their guests won't. For us anyway, the return flights will be 370euro, taxi to and from the airport probably about 30 euro each way. One night accomodation is 110 euro. Then the additional cost of it being black tie means that himself will have to splash out on a tux, he's never hired one before but I'd guess that it's about 100 euro or so. So that's over 600 euro before we even think about a present for them. I got married a few years ago and managed to have a nice day without blowing a massive amount. It was expensive but 'do-able'. Still, we're going and that's that. I'm sure it will be a lovely day but it's going to leave a massive hole in our finances for a while. So for anyone thinking of a wedding abroad, please don't insist on black tie at the very least! It just adds a painful cost for the guests to an already expensive trip. Plus, it'll be the middle of summer, the men will be keeling over and will probably take off the jackets anyway. They'll just look like a bunch of waiters! ;p

Thoie

Chipping in from the guest perspective here.

No matter what people say about relative costs of Ireland vs Furrin, being a guest at a wedding abroad always ends up costing me a lot of money, regardless of presents or otherwise. People always say things like "It's on the bank holiday, so you don't need to take time off". Firstly, bank holidays are usually when flights are most expensive. Secondly, I might have liked to use the bank holiday to bolster my annual leave. Your choice of supreme wedding venue in some remote part of whereever may not be my idea of a great place to spend my annual holiday. Just because you've told me a year in advance doesn't mean that other people getting married haven't also told me a year in advance.

I'm not denying anyone their perfect wedding, but I think it would be nice if it was made clear to the guests that there is no pressure on them to attend - and mean it. Yes, I absolutely agree, it's your big day. But it's not mine, and it could be the 5th "My Big Day" I'm expected to attend this summer. Emotions run high around weddings, and brides in particular are inclined to feel that any "Can't attend" is a personal attack. Everyone appreciates that this is your day, and you want it to be perfect. But to me, as a guest, it's just another bloody flight, another bloody dress, do I have any suitable shoes to go with that dress in hot weather, what am I going to do about my hair, oh look, now I have to check in luggage cos I can't take makeup on the plane.

Tim Robbins

KazDub wrote: »

It just adds a painful cost for the guests to an already expensive trip. Plus, it'll be the middle of summer, the men will be keeling over and will probably take off the jackets anyway. They'll just look like a bunch of waiters! ;p

I bought a black tie in Arnotts Bargain Basement for a Wedding for about 100 euro and it looked fine. Although many of the lads who went just wore black suits with dicky bows and dress shirts and they also looked fine.

Tim Robbins

KazDub wrote: »

We're going to a wedding abroad soon.

Would you note just turn down the invite and say you couldn't afford it?
I have had a few mates get married abroad and I just apologised I couldn't afford it. I could have gone but it would have meant I wouldn't have had any money for a proper holiday that year. I still gave them a present and I even helped with the best man's speech for one.

Sage'sMama

Totally true Tim! Getting married in 5mths in Majorca it's been planned for the last 18mths and we were totally honest about wanting to get married abroad for our own personal reasons. Some of our guests can't come esp at the minute with the country going sh*t up me incl i was let go 5wks ago. We will spend €12k - €14k. Half of which is paid already the rest within the month/week of the wedding. As for the guests i invited them thats all i could do as long as our parents and best friends were there thats all that mattered to us hence the reason we asked our bff's to be best man and bridesmaid and we are paying for them as we have there wedding in Lanzarote in May. Ultimitely it doesn't matter i fully intend to only get married once so i'll do it my way if my guests are all their on the day so be be it if not i won't dwell on it too much cos i'll be having the time of my life and i can enjoy showing them the pics and reliving it when i tell them about it.

PS.... I'm going through my selfish phase

Sage'sMama

Thoie wrote: »

Chipping in from the guest perspective here.

No matter what people say about relative costs of Ireland vs Furrin, being a guest at a wedding abroad always ends up costing me a lot of money, regardless of presents or otherwise. People always say things like "It's on the bank holiday, so you don't need to take time off". Firstly, bank holidays are usually when flights are most expensive. Secondly, I might have liked to use the bank holiday to bolster my annual leave. Your choice of supreme wedding venue in some remote part of whereever may not be my idea of a great place to spend my annual holiday. Just because you've told me a year in advance doesn't mean that other people getting married haven't also told me a year in advance.

I'm not denying anyone their perfect wedding, but I think it would be nice if it was made clear to the guests that there is no pressure on them to attend - and mean it. Yes, I absolutely agree, it's your big day. But it's not mine, and it could be the 5th "My Big Day" I'm expected to attend this summer. Emotions run high around weddings, and brides in particular are inclined to feel that any "Can't attend" is a personal attack. Everyone appreciates that this is your day, and you want it to be perfect. But to me, as a guest, it's just another bloody flight, another bloody dress, do I have any suitable shoes to go with that dress in hot weather, what am I going to do about my hair, oh look, now I have to check in luggage cos I can't take makeup on the plane.

IMO i'd rather any of my guests who felt like this didn't come and i think expecting presents when your getting married abroad is greedy your presence is a present enough. Although we only invited relatives. Any rsvp we have received i have not taken as a personal insult and have always called them to tell them thank you for replying and assuring them they will be missed etc. My hubby2b sister got married two yrs ago and spent over €24k on it. The venue wasn't a 5star one or anything she spent a fortune on the dress and now refuses to have her wedding pics on display because she "hates her dress now". We spent over €500 to attend the do and then the cash present so it was expensive enough for us and we didn't even have an excuse to take a foreign holiday.