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Oh Mr Sandman..

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  • 24-04-2005 11:31pm
    #1
    unufa
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8 ✭


    Oh Mr Sandman...

    Take me to the land of dreams,
    I need respite from the deafening screams,
    Those bloodcurdling shrieks, ones of horror-
    A 16 year old girl just looked in a mirror.

    She sees her face, marred by one glitch,
    The urge to remove it, just like an itch,
    It engulfs her, she cannot contain
    The disgust with herself, the disdain.

    She knows that beauty is inside, not out
    Yet in this world, she cant help but doubt
    Is it enough to be beautiful at heart,
    Or must her body become a work of art?


    It's not good, I know. Just a thought in my head. basically teenagers are made to feel inadequate by the standards set in today's world - stick-thin models with beautiful faces, perfect skin. How are we expected to contend with that? We all know that beauty is supposed to be on the inside, but a lot of the time, it doesnt seem that way.

    I'm not sure about this also, in the way I feel it's missing something. I dunno. Any thoughts? All comments appreciated, thanks.


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    #2
    Shad0r
    Registered Users Posts: 1,166 ✭✭✭Shad0r


    unufa wrote:
    It's not good, I know. Just a thought in my head.

    Its a poem now too and I liked it. A little unsettling, which i suppose is the point and also probably what drew me in.
    Not so sure how the first three lines mesh with the rest of the poem but I thought the second and third verse were very effective. Keep writing.


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    #3
    BEAT
    Hosted Moderators Posts: 5,945 ✭✭✭BEAT


    I actually liked it very much. I thought you got it down very well, like to see some more of your work. ;)


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    #4
    unufa
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8 ✭unufa


    Shad0r wrote:
    Its a poem now too and I liked it. A little unsettling, which i suppose is the point and also probably what drew me in.
    Not so sure how the first three lines mesh with the rest of the poem but I thought the second and third verse were very effective. Keep writing.


    cheers!

    the first few lines are odd, yeah...I kinda meant it to represent escapism, as opposed to the reality I tried to show in the rest of the poem. Every teenager has some form of escapism, my dreams are my escape. Hope that clears it up! :)


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    #5
    unufa
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8 ✭unufa


    BEAT wrote:
    I actually liked it very much. I thought you got it down very well, like to see some more of your work. ;)


    you're way too kind! :) I'll post up some more of my poems soon. Thanks for the encouragement.


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    #6
    Velvet Vocals
    Registered Users Posts: 1,345 ✭✭✭Velvet Vocals


    I really liked it too! very good!


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    #7
    hada
    Registered Users Posts: 699 ✭✭✭hada


    Thumbs up from me.

    Go on and post/write some more. Would be great to see it :)


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