Need advice how to make arrangements for a separation

RedYellowGreen

I am want to split with my partner, need advice on best way to do it.

I am the sole-earner. My partner of 15 years (not married) is a stay-at-home mum. We have one 10 year old together. We own a house together- both our names are on the morgage and deeds. If it matters, it was 100% my savings went into the house deposit.

We have been saving for a house renovation. Most of this money is in my own name.

Since my partner is looking after child and I work, it makes sense to me that she continues to live in our house and this provides stability for our child. I think I can just about afford to move somewhere locally into rented accomodation.

My ideal scenarios:

1. I get to look after my child half of the time.
2. I get to keep my own money that I have accrued in my own name. Happy to split the money we have in a joint savings account even though I contributed all of it. 
3. I continue to pay the monthly amount I am currently contributing to the joint current account (our mortgage, food and bills all come from this).
4. She doesn’t have a pension. I think it is fair that she takes a portion of the pension I have accrued through work based on our time together.

The problem is, my partner has a history of aggression (the main reason I wish to leave) and is likely to turn very nasty when I try to leave. There is almost guaranteed not to be an amicable separation and frankly I’m worried how it will play out. In the past when I’ve threatened to leave, she’s told me she won’t allow access to child for example. There is a strong chance I will have to fight legally for anything.

I badly want to leave the family home as the tense atmosphere and her aggression (usually just verbal) is unbearable at times. I’ve recently started getting health issues, and I think they may well be stress related. However, people here often advise not to leave until arrangements are made. Does that advice still stand if we are not married? Staying around for days or weeks to make arrangements after I’ve told her I’m leaving will likely be hell on earth.

So how do I go about this? If my ideal scenarios/outcomes listed above are reasonable how do I go about trying to secure them? Thanks in advance. 

RedYellowGreen

No responses yet, perhaps I'm asking too many questions. My main question is this: I see a lot of people advise: "Don't leave the house until you have an agreement". Is that because in the future a judge may look unfavourably on the person who left? Does that really make a difference? Thanks.

RedYellowGreen

Thanks so much for that response. It's very helpful. I understand better now the consequences of leaving. I need to have a think about those now versus what I expect will be the difficulties in staying once the relationship has ended. At the very least, I think I need to be in a better place mentally and physically to have the energy to deal with those difficulties (I don't feel able for it at the moment).

You mentioned the Section 47 report. I'd never heard of that but it looks like it's enacted only when there is a concern for the child- which isn't currently the case. I can understand how it might be good to get an independent assessment, but not sure if I could justify it?

RedYellowGreen

Thanks again @Jazmine Hissing Teaspoon, very useful information. I will connect with the support groups.