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Problem with Sister

  • 06-09-2020 11:36am
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭

    My sister and I are roughly around the same age 25. Out of our family we would be very close. We would talk the most, go on holidays together and do weekend stuff together.

    In the past we would have arguments. Mainly these arguments would be between my parents and her, but I would intervene in some occasions to clarify that her behaviour is unacceptable and that I cannot allow her to treat my parents like this. My parents are traditional hard-working folk who didn’t get an opportunity to pursue education. They are the most selfless people I know. Their number one priority is keeping the peace.

    However, around the start of Covid 19 lockdown we had a massive argument. Essentially, she was arguing with my parents and just being rather ignorant to them. Things got said and we agreed now to talk to each other again. She blocked me on all social media platforms. I was rather disappointed to see this.

    A couple of weeks later she sent requests to re-join her on social media. I didn’t accept. I haven’t had a proper conversation with her. I would reply to any questions she may have but essentially, we are like strangers.

    In recent times she had apologised to me and maintained she wanted a relationship again. However, since then I have seen her treat my parents bad again and I just cannot bring myself to forgive her.
    The way she treats my parents is hurting me, even if it doesn’t hurt my parents themselves. I hate losing her as a sister, but I know I can’t be friends with her if she continues to treat my parents in this manner.

    My parent’s put it down to her as having a ‘mood’ or ‘acting out’ but it is more than that. She is being hugely disrespectful and doesn’t provide them with any affection or care which they deserve. The only thing is my Parents and her can forgive and forget nearly automatically but I can’t seem to do the same.

    I know I should be interfering into arguments which do not concern me but its just hard to watch and listen.

    Any suggestions of what I should do?


  • Registered Users Posts: 145 ✭✭lurker2000

    I can see your point of view on this but perhaps its best all round to open up the channels again so that you can have a mature discussion about how her behavior is affecting you so negatively. I'm sure your parents would be happier if you could mend the bridges. If you stick to your guns and maintain the coolness, its only going to make the wound deeper. She sounds like a spoiled brat who needs to grow up, but she is missing you and would probably be open now to trying to change the way she is behaving if it would get you back onside. Meet her, tell her you miss her company but she needs to change and if she is unwilling to do this, you can't say you didn't try. You sound like a fab and empathetic individual. Best of luck!

  • Registered Users Posts: 1,123 ✭✭✭Ellie2008

    Your parents can forgive & forget automatically as you put it because your sister is their child. Yes it might hurt them that she is acting out but they are her parents, they have watched her grow since she was an infant, they have cared for her & worried about her & want what’s best for her. Think of all the experiences your parents have had with her, the excitement of finding out they were having a baby, holding her for first time, rocking her, observing all her many milestones along the way. Lots of people struggle in their 20s. Instead of only focussing on your sister’s negative behaviour why not consider what is causing her to lash out. I’d assume that your parents are worried about her.

    It is not your place to intervene in arguments between your sister & your parents. Let your parents be the parents, it’s a completely different relationship to the one you have with your sister. Very rarely is an issue in a relationship entirely down to one person. Your tone sounds quite preachy & I’m guessing that your sister resents your interference. For the sake of the family dynamic I suggest you stop interfering in your sister’s relationship with your parents.

    Your sister appears to be trying to extend an olive branch to you. Life is short. My advice would be to take it. In my experience sibling relationships can improve with age. I’ve also seen family rifts go on for years & not being resolved before one person dies. It’s down to you & your sister which way you go.

  • Registered Users Posts: 18,291 ✭✭✭✭_Brian

    Two of my four sisters just went too far in being nasty to my mam and speaking poorly of my dad who passed away 12 years ago.

    Just cut them out. Haven’t spoken to them in 4-5 years now and won’t ever again. My mam doesn’t speak to them now at all and they make no effort.

    It’s just life. Some people are too difficult to be bothered with.