Never had a relationship ever

ansely

Hi ok this is my life I'm 52 and have never had a boyfriend. I have never even kissed a man yet. I know how this reads (completely unbelievable) I don't know how l got here. I have been told many times I am good looking..nice...gosh...socialable lm pretty comfortable with all that. It's just on the rare occasion when men do a actually talk to me I shut down all I can think of is the kiss...my inexperience..being laughed at or worse pittied .l know I need counselling or some kind d of help but where do I start . Nobody knows about this I've almost led a double life. I'm sure my family wonder but I let them think I have a great life and live it just the way I want .please tell me what you think this has become such a huge wall I just cannot see what to do a out it

Airyfairy12

Why do you think you have this shyness around men? Did something happen when you were younger thats left you so nervous around them? Have you wanted to have sexual relationships with men? Some people dont, theres people who are A sexual and its totally fine, some A sexuals like to have a partner/companion but without any sexual contact. Others like to be totally alone. Maybe this could explain whats going on with you?
If thats not how you feel then all you can do is go see a good psychologist to talk it out and discover whats been going on.

tcif

OP, being inexperienced is never any reason to be pitied or laughed at. Anyone who would do so is an unkind jerk, to put it mildly, and it would say far more about them than it would you.

Secondly, if you look through this forum you'll see there are loads of people getting back into dating into dating in their 40's and 50's (and older) who maybe had one other serious relationship, met someone in their late teens or early 20's, split up 15 or 20 years later, stayed out of the dating game for a number of years after (because they still had youngish kids or because they were so hurt or for any number of reasons) and are now getting back in the saddle. My point is, anyone whose last first kiss was over 30 years ago might be just as nervous as you, and maybe consider themselves not that much more experienced, and just as anxious at the idea of experiencing someone new. And there are loads of people in that boat. You're not as alone as you might think in that.

Lastly if, as you say, you get stressed as soon as a man starts to talk to you about the thought of the kiss, you're jumping the gun. You need to try to relax and just let the conversation flow. You'll talk to lots of men you won't kiss (or even want to) so just try to get to know people first. If the fear of the first kiss is getting in the way of that, then talking to a counsellor might be just the thing, so you can get that fear in hand and let it happen when it comes, and enjoy it :-)

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