Communication issues?

LegacyUser

Hi Boardsies,

I had a chat with a friend a few nights ago about relationships and differences between the emotional needs of men and women. My friend raised a point of saying she began following my boyfriend on Instragram last week and noticed on the 'following' page that he liked a girl's selfie whom he follows. She was surprised by my nonchalant reaction as this didn't bother me as I trust my boyfriend. She is with her OH a few years and keeps in constant contact and spends all her free time with him. I assured her that while that is great however couples are different etc. She was alarmed that my boyfriend and I text sporadically albeit daily, with a few messages back and forth about our day before bed and see each other 1-2 times per week.

Anyway, our conversation got me thinking about my emotional needs and my current relationship of 6 months, which has been drama free and plain sailing since our first date. My boyfriend is not the emotive type and thinks of himself stereotypically as a real lad (football/the lads/pints etc). He told me he loved me after around 4 months and of course I felt reciprocal. He isn't very complimentary and to think of it, hasn't said he loved me since he initally said it, apart from when he have sex where he seems to pour all his feelings out at once. When we are together I know how by his behaviour towards me and how we get on that he is into me and we have great chemistry. There are times when he might not text for a day or so and we don't talk on the phone because he isn't a talker as he says. We are both late 20s and very busy but spend as much time together as we can at the minute. When he is out drinking with the lads he generally calls me and tells me how great I am but gets embarrassed the next day. I am wondering if it is just the case he thinks I am content and certain of his feelings and that I am sure he finds me attractive, but on reflection I'm not. We are at the point of after 6 months you know where you want a relationship to go, and I know for sure I am in this for the long haul with this one.

How do I bring this up with him in a way that won't freak him out and for him to know it's normal for him to let me in a little more at this stage? Or maybe I am creating an issue out of nothing? (Male perspectives particularly welcome!) Thank you.

retro:electro

Your friend is trying to stir sh!t and has you doubting your relationship.
If you're happy, ignore her and tell her to mind her own business.

LegacyUser

I think you need to talk to better friends. What exactly would you be bringing up with your boyfriend? "Here, I know we're good together, but me mate says she thinks it should be different somehow. By the way, she is basing that on Instastalking you".

If YOU need him to communicate a little more, talk that out between you and him, but don't base it on her projected insecurities and tread carefully before you undermine the good relationship you already have.

zoobizoo

If it wasn't an issue for you before, don't let it become one.

If you have great chemistry and very importantly, no drama, then you are in a good place.



Couples communicate differently.

I think your outlook before you started thinking too much about it seemed to be working very well, trust in yourselves. I think your diagnosis of him also seems about right, he's given you little or no reason to doubt where you are with each other.

Don't get hung up on where the relationship is or isn't going after six months. Good relationships don't run like projects it's organic.

That said, if you'd like him to open up more or think it would be nice to hear him talk a bit more of the sweet nothings when he isn't drunk, there's no harm in letting him know that! If he's the typical lad you say then he wouldn't be the first nor last needed a poke in that direction.

I think you're creating an issue out of nothing, or rather, your friend is. You're happy and drama free as you put it. If it's not broken no need to mess with it

jk23

Sounds like a good relationship to me, you still are getting to know one another in my opinion and I wouldn't worry about lack of opening up just yet

groovyg

Your friend sounds like a right pain, lives her whole life around around her boyfriend yet has the brass neck to try and find fault with your relationship.
I mean seriously he follows somebody on instagram and liked a selfie they posted ...so what !! thats what people do on social media. I have an Instagram account and like photos that are put up by people both male and female it doesn't mean I fancy the person because I liked their picture.
She's trying to create drama out of nothing, thank your lucky stars that you have a drama free relationship.

December2012

If your friend had not said this to you, would you have any questions at all? If not, then leave it be.

In general, if you would like to see each other more, or communicate more, or be more expressive, then go for it anyway if it feels natural.

Would you like to talk to him about your future generally? Are you in love?

SarahMollie

OP - please don't let this girl get into your head. She sounds totally co-dependent on her boyfriend and her instinct to InstaStalk is not normal or healthy (shes not 16 FFS!)

For what its worth, I met my OH when we were late 20's. We lived basically diagonally across the city from each other, so we mostly say each other once or twice a week, and texted (not absolutely every day) and overtime that turned into phonecalls most evenings, but it was always quite relaxed - there was no minimum amount of contact and it all happened organically.

We're still together and about to get married so clearly we managed to get to that point without living in each others pockets - if this lad is the right one for you, then don't let someone plant insecurities in your head and you'll be just fine.

Airyfairy12

Please ignore your friend, you sound like you were very happy before she brought this up and just for some perspective, ive a friend who goes ballistic if her partner likes another womans photo on facebook or follows a woman on instagram, hes faithful to her, they live together and look like a perfect couple, always posting lovey dovey selfies and she tells him she loves him yet she cheats on him all the time so I dont think your description of your relationship is any indication of deeper problems and really things could be much worse. Its only been 6 months, its early days so just relax and go with the flow.

witchgirl26

OP if you were happy with how things were before this conversation, then leave it. I would say "I love you" quite a lot but my other half doesn't. I know he loves me but he just was raised in a different environment to me where it wasn't said as often. I sometimes had to prompt compliments out of my other half ("do you like my outfit" etc) just because he honestly didn't think to say anything but has thought I looked lovely. He now knows that I like a compliment (meant genuinely) unprompted but there was no big conversation about it. Honestly it sounds like you have a healthy enough relationship where you have good chemistry, have some of your own outside interests and good enough communication. Don't compare to another relationship - there'll always be differences.