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Not many friends

  • 13-05-2016 8:09pm
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026
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    I'm a 26 year old single mother and I live at home with my parents. My mam is very good in minding my daughter when I need her to but I don't ask all that much because I feel guilty for going out and leaving my daughter behind. I felt lonely growing up and don't want her to feel the same way (even though she's only two and loves spending time with nana).

    I think it's my self esteem that is also stopping me. I am part of girlcrew but I never go to any of the events because I am scared of being judged. I feel like I come across as desperate to make friends.. Though I know you can't build a friendship on one night. I have a few friends now, but we don't see each other. I see one girl, A, regularly but the other two don't bother meeting up, or organizing. It's always me and A organizing things. I am bit fed up tbh. I want to make new friends but I just don't feel my self esteem is strong enough.

    What would you suggest I do? I know that I may not get out as regularly but I want to build up my friends as I can't be relying on the ones I have now all the time and being disappointed when they can't meet up and I've no one else to ask..

    Thanks


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Comments

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 16,768 tomwaterford
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    Go to the girl crew event (only vaguely know what it's about tbh)

    What's the worst will happen?...you get an evening out



    Though I feel your pain on lack of friends.....I'm the same myself...

    Though I've gotten to the stage where if I want to do something I just go and do it alone...it mostly works out ok

    Though I'd be lying if I said it's as good as if you were there having the craic with mates...but I just got too old to be getting upset by being let down by others aall the time and just really wanted to do stuff


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,172 FizzleSticks
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    This post has been deleted.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 385 batmanrobin
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    Hi, OP, you really should go to a girlcrew event. I'm a member myself and any event I've gone to all the girls have been lovely. Trust me, you won't be judged. Everyone there is kinda in the same boat and you have people of all ages, younger than you even, looking to make new friends. Some have children, some don't. Some are married, loads of us are single! It's a mixed bag really.

    It can be really hard to meet new people and to try to put yourself out there, but it does get easier. The more you do it the easier it will get.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 291 via4
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    There's a group on Fb called s.p.a.r.k it is a one parent group they sometimes do meet ups with the kids. I would definitely look into a mother baby group because you can kill two birds with one stone getting social time without needing to get a babysitter. Oh mumsnet is another group also.
    I always harp on about the gym on boards I'm sure posters are sick of me giving this piece of advice haha but the beauty of the gym is your not relying on anyone you can just go in and do your thing. It will take a few months but the regulars will get to know your face and you will eventually start chatting and getting to know people. I luckily met a nice girl at the gym n we meet up for coffee and that hour of meeting up n chatting to someone it keeps me sane. Before I joined the gym I was in a bad way very depressed but the exercise has helped so much it has saved me.
    I hear ya about girlcrew iv joined the group but haven't gone to anything I live so far away but I really want to get out and live life again. I am hoping to build up the courage to do something.
    I can completely relate to being desperate to make new friends I am conscious about not coming across as trying too hard because I know myself when my friends left me I became I different person I lost every shred of confidence I had I use to be such a happy fun up for anything person going on adventures etc.
    Now I am so quiet afraid to be myself because being that person I once was my "friends" we're quitehappyto cut me out of their lives. I can never fully relax around people now.
    Try and go to things on your own I know it's scary but I tried a meditation class it was so fab and even tough you are sitting relaxing even just sitting with other people in their company it is better than sitting at home alone.
    Is there any hobbies or interests that you did before you had the baby that you could look into again? Try and have one thing a week to look forward to believe me it helps.
    I hear ya about the unreliable friends. I just find ppl these days can be very selfish they will cancel plans that you have been really looking forward to without a proper excuse and they couldn't care less.
    There are a group of girls that I sometimes be with they don't really make me feel that comfortable but I say to myself just go out for the evening and pass no heed of the snide remarks. They are still into drinking and I'm just past that every weekend hungover thing but I sometimes like to have the odd drink once in a blue moon and this irritates them but I pass no heed anymore.
    Also if your heart can take a bit if rejection try tinder as a way to meet up n have some company. I met someone on it and I went from sitting on my own every night to coming in from work getting ready and going out for the evening doing all the things like going for food cinema cuddling up watching movies. It was short lived the guys intentions were not genuine but even just that one week of getting out of the house I was happy for the week haha.
    I just think it's so sadanytime I go onto boards there are so many of us in our late twenties very lonely and stuck for company, I was also written a post almost identical to yours in the past so I haven't got the solution quite yet but it is very sad in this day and age I feel.
    Also another way I try and look at it I try and look at it from the other side that ppl are that so busy these days they may not have the time to meet up. I have a girl that I got close to a few years ago n we try to meet up but life keeps getting in the way. We have organised to meet up next weekend but if it does not happen I won't be annoyed because she is very busy with her career atm.
    So for now all I ca say is keep chancing your arm with friends try and organise to meet and try not to take it personally if they genuinely can't meet but if they are not bothered just leave them be.
    I hope things will improve for you soon x


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 LegacyUser
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    Thanks for your replies. You are right in that I should go to an event. It's definitely is self esteem. I have an interest in languages, Irish and French mainly, and really want to go along to meetups but again it's a confidence issue. I know that the first one will be hardest so I am going to aim to head to one of them over the next month.

    Thanks again :)


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