How to leave with a child and limited income

LegacyUser

I am sick writing this but deep down I know that my relationship is over. We have a 1.5 year old. The thought of starting all over again terrifies me but after years of being spoken to badly, lied to, having him disappear for days on end, finding online dating and tinder accounts and so on, I just can't stand to think that my baby will grow up and think this is okay. He blames me for everything and says I think I'm better than him and I'm selfish and stupid. I don't want her to grow up thinking it's normal for mammy to have to beg daddy to hug her or to live in constant shouting and tension. That's when he's not completely ignoring me. I can ask him a question or say his name up to 5 times before he'll answer me.
Aside from the huge emotional upheaval leaving will cause, I also don't know how to do it. I'll need to find a place to live with my daughter. My partner doesn't even have a job so I know he will not be able to pay anything towards her. Can FIS still be granted if it's just one parent and child?
Please don't suggest family. If I leave him it will cause so much hassle and I want to do it as easily as can be.
I feel so guilty for my baby because I didn't want this for her but I don't want her growing up thinking this is okay. He even called me a stupid bitch while the toy show was on and turned something fun for her into a drama for us. It's just not fair on her either way.

intheclouds

What is your living situation? Can you ask him to leave?

milli milli

OP I'm sorry I don't have any practical advice, but I feel for you and you are being very brave by doing this. Yes you are right to leave this horrible man.
Is there a friend's house you can stay at just for a while to get on your feet? While you look for something more permanent?

Rubberchikken

talk to the local community welfare officer/social welfare office.
get all your facts together before you decide what to do.
at the end of the day, a child will be happy and secure in a peaceful home. if that's missing in yours, then maybe it's time to decide what needs to be done. good luck

Shrap

In answer to one question OP, yes the FIS is still payable to lone parents. And for what it's worth, I think you're dead right to want to leave now rather than your child grow up in a war zone. I hope you can find a way. I found it so hard to leave with kids and as I had to make a claim as a lone parent, that new claim couldn't even start for 3 months after separating - they leave it that long in case there's "any chance at reconciliation", which is a sickening way of telling you "we don't think you know your own mind" :mad: . I managed to leave when I inherited e5,000 from my Gran.

So, practically speaking, you're going to need a lot of money. Enough to pay a deposit, three month's rent (as, although you may qualify in the meantime for supplementary welfare allowance till your claim comes through, you also may come up against a "job's worth" welfare officer, and these decisions are waay more arbitrary than they should be), and enough to live during the interim. You should definitely go to your social welfare office to find out how to make a new claim as a lone parent and whether the FIS will automatically carry over or will you need to reapply.

In the meantime, have you any way of raising a few thousand? Like about 5? Just to see you through this? If not, start a credit union account today. Save into it every single week for (I think) 21 weeks at least (hopefully less - ask them) and you should be able to take out a loan for a personal purpose. Sorry to be such a downer here - I hope you might already have a credit union account?! Anyhow, what I'm saying here is that you might know well you're leaving ASAP, but you might have to sit tight and lay plans for quite a while hon.

LegacyUser

Why do you say not to suggest family? It seems like you think you will just be causing other people hassle? You have said many times in your post that this is not the life you want for your daughter. Do you think it is the life your family would want for you? Your daughter is to you, what you are to them. Don't underestimate other people. If you had a family member or friend in your situation and in need of help, would you be hoping they wouldn't come to you and save you the hassle of having to help them for a short while?

Please don't discount others. It wouldn't be forever. Just until you get yourself back on your feet. I love my children with all my heart. It doesn't matter how old I am, or how old they are, they will always be welcome home if they need it. And I hope I will raise them to help each other out if it's ever needed too.

The_fever

There is loads of help out there for women. May sound extreme but ring the local woman's refuge and they will guide you, they are wonderful people. Best of luck.