Feeling lost and lack motivation

LegacyUser

Hi guys, I really just felt like I need someone to talk to about how I am feeling. I will try to cut this post as short as possible while still getting the gist of my situation across.

I'm a 23 year old male, quite unhappy with life. I guess I should start at the first problem I've been having lately and it's what to do with my life. I'm currently in my first year at university, I kinda enjoyed it at first but I don't think I'm enjoying what I am doing anymore. For the last few weeks I've been really upset and down in myself, and anxious, and I've dodged class for the last 2 weeks. I'm quite far behind on my work, but I'm not really sure it's what I want to do. I don't really have an interest in university as I really cannot picture myself grinding through it for the next 4 years for a degree in something I might not even enjoy or want to do.

What I'm currently studying is a common entry engineering course (we briefly study mechanical engineering, computer engineering, software engineering and network engineering, all in one year, then in year 2-4 we pick one we like and we study that and get a bachelors at the end). I picked it because I liked the idea of being a software engineer as I like computers and IT but it turns out I HATE it, after studying java/python over the last 6 months I can safely say I really dislike it. I cannot at all see myself enjoying any of the other 3, so I've been asking myself "why slug through college unhappy for 4 years for a degree I don't want or will probably never use?"

The answer is because, outside of university it is quite hard to find work, as we all know. Realistically, if I found a job right now I would be happier than where I am now in class. I was unemployed for a year and decided to try university because it was something to occupy my time with. I have about 3 months left in university until the end of the first year, but really I hate going because it feels like a huge waste of time for me, I don't really like what I'm doing but my family and friends push me to do it because they don't want to see me "be a failure". I really don't enjoy it. Over the last 2 weeks I haven't attended, I don't think my family has noticed but one day they did and everyone went crazy, telling me I need to do it and making me feel really really guilty, as if to say if I don't go I will be a failure. I now believe that by not going I am letting everyone down and this is making me really anxious. I'm just not sure this is what I want to do, I'm pretty damn sure it's not, but I don't want to quit it and then instantly regret it. I lack motivation and just don't know what to do. If I leave I'm worried I will struggle to find work, and then I will feel like I should have never left university, even though I didn't enjoy it and it was probably the best thing to do. When does doing what you want/feel like become more important than what you should do? It feels like I'm doing something I dislike, even though everyone as labeled it as something I NEED TO do, to be happy.

However my head is also starting to be filled with the "what ifs" and possible regrets I might have if I leave uni, even though I'm not happy there. Maybe it is the right thing to do and if I leave and end up regretting it I will only be more sad, it's driving me crazy I just don't know what to do

Second problem I have is that I have been feeling really down lately. I think a lot as a person, especially when I am alone. My personal life is kind of messy right now, I find myself crying most times at night when I am alone, I feel anxious about even the smallest things. I have a younger brother and sister (22 and 19) who I keep worrying will see me as a failure if I leave my studies at university. I'm very lonely. I feel like I'm not good enough as a person and never will be to them, even though I know they more than likely don't think the same. I want to talk to one of them about how I've been feeling but I'm just really scared to
I also have some family issues and issues with my self esteem, that contribute to my daily mood of feeling depressed. I really dislike my current lifestyle and life structure, one thing I would love to do is lose weight and get fit but I can never find the motivation and stuff to see it through, or the time. I commute everyday to university (6 am-7:30 pm coming home in the evening, very little time to myself, and throw study on top of that ) It seems like I lack motivation for anything in life. I shy away from social activities with friends and stuff because lately I've been too upset. I keep thinking about my future and that I'll end up regretting choices I made or didn't make and it makes my head spin, there's just so many things I want to change but I just don't know how. I'm young and able and have a lot of things in life to take advantage of while I can, I want to get the most of life but I just feel so down and don't know where to start

Sorry for a long post or if it made no sense, I suppose I just needed to get the thoughts out somewhere. My life right now feels like a sloppy mess and I just would love some solidarity or a plan of sorts for the years to come but I can't seem to be happy or to find one

LLMMML

I think you should leave your course. It seems like you have maturely realised the course is not for you. It's a smart decision not to continue for years doing something you hate. Do you like any of the other engineering options? Maybe you're focussing too much on the computer engineering side?

Your family sound a bit difficult but it probably hasn't helped the situation that you were basically caught out skipping class. A lot of people your age will still be viewed as children by their parents, and in their heads they've caught their child skipping school. You probably need to sit down and talk to them about your concerns.

I would also advise trying your colleges counselling service. Your anxiety sounds quite serious and they may be able to help you deal with that.

LegacyUser

instead of leaving your course why not maybe asking if you can transfer to another course in the college? Usually you can do that if its to a similar enough course (eg an arts course to another arts course), and as you are still in first year you probably would be able to transfer into the same year group . Even If you wanted to change to something completely different within the same college you could although you'd have to start at the beginning, which is still worth a try ...

Amica

Hi OP, I feel for you. It's very difficult to figure out what you want to do in life, even without parents etc putting pressure on you to do what they believe is right for you. I would generally counsel anybody to leave the course (in life) they're on if they hate it and it's getting them down - that's a pretty big sign it's not right for them. However, you have also said that you are feeling depressed and anxious, that you feel alone and are struggling with other issues in life atm. I think you probably need time out to reflect on things and figure out what YOU want (not what your parents want, not what you think your younger brother and sister need from you etc). Maybe you should take a year off university, and think about whether you want to continue with your current degree or change to another degree etc. I also think you should talk to your parents, as another poster said. Tell them how you have been feeling. Let them know that your future is important to you but that you are deeply unhappy at the moment and that this may not be the right course for you.

I wish you the best of luck. Let us know how you're getting on