Have never maintained an erection when having sex

LegacyUser

hi,

I'm a 25 year old male. It's been about 2 years since I last had sex!

I've recently started seeing someone, and we ended up in bed together the other night, and after having a good time playing and exploring each other's bodies, etc, it was clear that she wanted to have sex. But I wasn't able to maintain an erection for long enough that it would have been worth putting on a condom and attempting penetration. So we just left it, with the hope that it would be better next time. It wasn't a big deal, but then it was only the first time we've been in bed so she probably had low expectations.

I thought a bit about it afterwards, and recalled that I've had this trouble before. I thought about it a bit more and have realised that I don't think I've ever had sex which hasn't been hindered by erectile problems. I've never been much of a ladies' man, and have never had a long term relationship either. I guess I never had to 'tackle' the problem properly because I've never had a relationship. I could always just accept that I was sh*t in bed and move on. Either she'd bring me to climax a different way, or we'd just not bother.

Now this one seems like it might be going somewhere, at the very least it will probably be regular sex. So I need to sort this out.

Has anyone else had this problem, and please tell me the solution!

FWIW I have no trouble maintaining an erection when I'm masturbating by myself. I watch quite a lot of porn, and have done so for the last couple of years. I'm sure that this doesn't help, so I'll cut it down/out, but I don't think that's the underlying problem, because even when I wasn't watching so much porn I had this trouble. So it's something psychological I assume. I am generally a bit nervous, but not hugely so to be honest. Particularly with this current girl, I feel more or less comfortable.

I spent time pleasuring her in different ways (which I've read before was recommended for this problem), but that doesn't help either.

Thanks

Tokyo

You say that you are comfortable with her, which is great, and by all accounts she sounds like a very understandign woman who is happy to work with you on this - but you don't seem too comfortable at all with yourself.

You say things like "I've never been much of a ladies' man".... "I could always just accept that I was sh*t in bed and move on"... it does sounds like you have quite a low opinion of yourself compared to her. But she's chosen to be with you, so that should tell you something, no?

It happens to most guys at some stage for an assortment of reasons, but if you have no issues in performing by yourself, and this has been happening for a while now, it sounds more anxiety related than anything else. The more pressure you put on yourself, the harder it is to perform, and you put even more pressure on yourself for next time, and it becomes a vicious cycle very quickly, and as such, have you considered that this might be something you could discuss with your doctor – once he's eliminated any physical cause as a precautionary measure, and to put your mind at ease?

Glebee

Talk to your doctor. If you feel to embarrassed going to your local doctor ,go to a doctor you don't know. It will help.

IlmoNT4

Stop watching porn OP, you would be doing yourself a massive favor by cutting it out entirely. Your sex life will improve but its going to take time.
You dont need to give up masturbation but just dont use porn.... Take it slowly with your new lady and have fun getting to know each other.

LegacyUser

More than likely porn and chronic masturbation has screwed you up. You were jackin constantly for the last two years, you've become conditioned to the iron grip of your hand.

Don't masturbate or watch porn for 2-4 weeks and you should be rock hard when it comes to sex.

Starokan

It happens to a lot of guys op and can be a real head melter. The porn is in all likelihood playing a role in it so I would cut it out. This happened to me a few years back , I had finished one relationship and embarked on another and for whatever reason erectile problems manifested.

No idea why but I found that once it happens once its almost in your mind, you expect it the next time and invariably it occurs. I went to my GP explained what was happening, I was prescribed a few tablets which would take care of the issue , advised to relax and come back if after the prescription ran out the problem remained. Thankfully it didn't remain , whatever was the issue in my mind righted itself. Everyone is different but this is a medical problem and your GP can help. My advise would be book an appointment and go talk it out

jimmyRotator

Why was my post deleted from this thread?

Granted the links to videos were snipped, but what was wrong with the rest of the content with regard to porn use having negative impact on sexual health?

seamus

As others have said, ease off on the self-pleasuring. Also look at other things - is your diet OK, do you get enough sleep, do you drink alcohol every night, do you smoke? These are all things that can affect erectile function.

There can also be a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy in it - worrying about it happening will cause it to happen, which means that you will worry about it more the next time. That's a tough one to get past, but all you can do is try to put it out of your mind. At the start of a "session", spend a good 10-15 minutes just looking after her, and you'll probably find that gets you so worked up that you'll forget all about it.

CdeC

type the great porn experiment into youtube