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Wedding invite

  • 12-08-2014 8:07pm
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026
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    A friend has sent me a FB message asking my address so that she can send me an invite to her wedding. I've been dating a guy over the last few months, she wouldn't know this as our contact is sporadic. I'm in my 30's and have been to numerous weddings on my own over the last few years, so for once would be great to have a +1... but obviously it's out of my hands.
    Is there any polite way of addressing it, at all? I don't want to offend either this girl or my boyfriend.


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Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 22,656 Tokyo
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    Why not simply respond and ask her if it would be okay to bring a +1, as your boyfriend is in town that weekend, or something similar? It's a very reasonable question to ask, and wouldn't be offensive. It's commonly asked, and your friend an simply say no, that the seating is fixed, or there's no extra space, without causing offense to you either.


  • Administrators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 14,910 Big Bag of Chips
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    How do you know she's not putting a +1 on it? Is there evidence on your Facebook page of you having a bf?

    Wait for the invitation to come, and then worry about it. I don't see anything wrong with sending an RSVP telling her about your bf and asking if it would be ok to bring him. She will be getting lots of replies, some will be people who can't go, so it will free up some numbers.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,900 Riskymove
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    Wait for the invitation to come, and then worry about it. I

    I disagree tbh

    when the formal invites come the numbers ahve been crunched etc and could be more of an issue

    its not a big deal either way but I'd ask now..at least you'd know the score


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,575 ZiabR
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    I would mentioned it before hand. Let her know you have a boyfriend now.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 113 Calmsurrender
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    You could use the msg as a chance to reconnect with your friend, ask her how things are with her/ wedding plans, etc then when she asks how you are you can tell her your news :)

    Does your boyfriend know her / know of her?
    If not, he can hardly be offended/put out about not being invited to a wedding of someone who doesn't know he exists.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 523 tenifan
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    kjhkljh wrote: »
    Is there any polite way of addressing it, at all? I don't want to offend either this girl or my boyfriend.

    How about: "oh cool. it's 123 hawthrorne way. Will be great to catch up with you again. i don't think you've met my new boyfriend nigel yet? anyway. yea, count me in"

    Something like that


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 158 dockleaf
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    tenifan wrote: »
    How about: "oh cool. it's 123 hawthrorne way. Will be great to catch up with you again. i don't think you've met my new boyfriend nigel yet? anyway. yea, count me in"

    Something like that

    This!

    Clever wording.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 332 IlmoNT4
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    just message her with your address and tell her your in a relationship and if possible could you bring your partner...

    I had one bride say no because of budget and numbers, no biggie, I went on my own and my partner came to the afters
    and I had another bride say no problem and he came to the whole wedding...
    I had another bride say maybe based on how many people rsvp-ed that they couldnt come... in the end he came

    People understand....but you gotta ask before the invitations go out and be straight and be prepared to be a good sport about it if the answer is no.....I get where your coming from, I've certainly done my time going to heaps of wedding alone but its a party so its no big deal. :)

    I even had one bride tell me that she was really only inviting +1's who were husbands/wife and not boyfriends/girlfriend, weird but hey its her wedding....


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,812 Addle
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    tenifan wrote: »
    How about: "oh cool. it's 123 hawthrorne way. Will be great to catch up with you again. i don't think you've met my new boyfriend nigel yet? anyway. yea, count US in"
    Avoid mixed messages!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 33,518 dudara
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    tenifan wrote: »
    How about: "oh cool. it's 123 hawthrorne way. Will be great to catch up with you again. i don't think you've met my new boyfriend nigel yet? anyway. yea, count me in"

    Something like that

    Personally, I wouldn't do that. I feel that tt's railroading them a bit. Me, I'd reply saying that I'd be delighted to attend their wedding, and then ask outright if the invitation is +1 as you have a boyfriend. Explain that you understand entirely if it's not.

    In my view, there's too much pussyfooting around at times.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,602 JeffKenna
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    loulou2009 wrote: »

    I had one bride say no because of budget and numbers, no biggie, I went on my own and my partner came to the afters

    Regardless of whether the bride knew your partner or not is it not insulting for them to be just invited to the afters and not the whole wedding? Almost like they're good enough for the afters but not the proper wedding itself. No invite would be better as opposed to that.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,532 Lou.m
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    Ask if you may bring a guest and say if not, there is no offense taken. It's no biggie if she says no she does not know him and it's understandable she may want to keeps costs down. It is kind enough of her to ask you. Maybe don't mention this to your BF at first to avoid offense until you know the score. If she says yes great. If she says no simply say to your BF that she is keeping costs down and the seating has been pre-arranged.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 254 An Bhanríon
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    I am currently organizing my wedding invitations and this is what I would personally prefer somebody to do... (others might differ, of course!)

    If somebody wants to bring a partner with them and know that I will not be aware they have a partner, I would rather they told me straight out. I am busy organizing my wedding and little hints such as 'have you heard I have a boyfriend' might go right over my head. I would need to be told straight out.

    That said, I would also appreciate to be given the option not to invite the new partner. Weddings are expensive events and in my case every guest I add to my list is an extra €55. This mounts up if you start adding lots of guests. So I would advise leaving it open and leaving the decision to the couple. After the RSVPs come in they might have some extra space. I was once invited to a wedding around a week beforehand. My boyfriend had been invited but the couple initially didn't have space on their guest list for me and for another partner. Then they got two declines and were able to invite myself and the other girl at the last minute.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 332 IlmoNT4
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    JeffKenna wrote: »
    Regardless of whether the bride knew your partner or not is it not insulting for them to be just invited to the afters and not the whole wedding? Almost like they're good enough for the afters but not the proper wedding itself. No invite would be better as opposed to that.

    I dont care very much about weddings and all the politics that goes on at them.... I avoid going to any of them these days.
    But when I was accepting wedding invitations ...It didnt bother me to have my partner come later, and my partner always has the option to not come along if he doesnt want to....
    I can see why some people might be put off but its their wedding and if you dont like it, then say your not going. Simple... :) ....When you think about it, weddings are kinda silly, it just seems to bring the crazy out in people. I said no more weddings, after I went to a wedding of a school friend who bitched about me to everyone after the wedding because I only gave her 70 euro in the wedding card rather than 200 euro, which she had told everyone in our group to spread the word that it was expected that singles had to give over 200 and couples 250. I didnt get a Thank you card and she's never spoken to me since.
    The only weddings I go to now are as my partners + 1


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,602 JeffKenna
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    loulou2009 wrote: »
    I dont care very much about weddings and all the politics that goes on at them.... I avoid going to any of them these days.
    But when I was accepting wedding invitations ...It didnt bother me to have my partner come later, and my partner always has the option to not come along if he doesnt want to....
    I can see why some people might be put off but its their wedding and if you dont like it, then say your not going. Simple... :) ....When you think about it, weddings are kinda silly, it just seems to bring the crazy out in people. I said no more weddings, after I went to a wedding of a school friend who bitched about me to everyone after the wedding because I only gave her 70 euro in the wedding card rather than 200 euro, which she had told everyone in our group to spread the word that it was expected that singles had to give over 200 and couples 250. I didnt get a Thank you card and she's never spoken to me since.
    The only weddings I go to now are as my partners + 1

    Well, with the benefit of hindsight you gave her €70 too much!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,971 Holsten
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    "My address is 123 O'Connell Street, Dublin, can I bring a +1? I've just got into a relationship and would love for my boyfriend to be there"

    Simple, easy, no mixed messages, straight to the point. Done.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 332 IlmoNT4
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    She is horrendous. €70 is a small price to pay to have her out of your life. :)

    You know it highlighted to me, that most of the ladies in that group from school are horrendous.... they all started this

    -my husband this
    -my child that
    -my house is

    Anyone who didnt have a husband (me) or a child (also me) or a house (me again) was excluded from meetups.... funny enough after that last wedding, none of the rest of them invited me to their weddings etc. I guess they realized I didnt have the 200 euro entry fee to they're weddings ....
    It didnt bother me all that much, it was a pity but who wants friends like those..


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 187 ladygirl
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    Hey Op

    I think it would be best to wait until the invitations come out. If you get a +1 then great - but if not I wouldn't ask if your new boyfriend can come. I think weddings are an expensive time for a couple, its enough to pay for the people you know and want there besides paying for people you don't even know.

    On the other side they may well give you a +1. If you do not get a +1 on the wedding invite why not ask them if they would mind if he joined you for the afters of the wedding (this should be no problem whatsoever)


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,159 stinkle
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    Will you know many people there OP? If so you might not get a plus one if she isn't aware you're in a relationship right now. Either mention it now, or as soon as you get the invite. When we sent ours one of OHs cousins was seeing someone and we didn't know, but they asked fairly quickly was a guest allowed and also acknowledged that they understood if we couldn't add him due to space.

    If you have to stay there/travel a long way then its good to know asap whether a guest is included or not too. Its a handy excuse to ask! But do be prepared that they might not have extra space or might not know until closer to the date.


  • Posts: 18,749 [Deleted User]
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    Why don't you just wait until you get the invite?
    If you get a plus one, well and good and, if you don't, then start thinking about whether its an essential to bring your boyfriend or not.


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