33, Single, living at home....

LegacyUser

So, here's the thing - I moved home about 18 months ago after a stint in a treatment centre for an eating disorder. I've been doing great and I actually get on really well with my folks plus I liked the security of knowing they are close-by and not reverting to old habits.

It's all good. I'm fairly independent, lived alone the last few years, before that with friends and my folks respect that and are busy with their own lives anyway.

The thing is, I have always wanted to buy my own place. I have a good job but if I keep paying €1200 a month in rent it makes it difficult to save, my folks only take money off me when I force them too, it usually ends up with me buying them gifts as it's the only way they'll take anything off me. I've been saving without even trying as a result and I'd really like to stick it out and get a deposit together for a house.

I've loads of friends and I'm fairly happy but I would like to meet someone and I feel really embarrassed telling them I live at home with my parents at my age. I feel ashamed and it doesn't help that I don't know one single person my age in the same boat. I've really accomplished so much in the past 2 years and being able to buy my own place would be the complete cherry on top but I don't want to completely rule out a love life either.

I've made my mind up, I'm going to be at home for another 15 months at least. Just wondering what guys think when they hear someone is at home with mammy and daddy at 33? Should I just wait until I get settled?

I realise I shouldn't care what people think and In ways I don't but I don't want to put myself out there to be judged either...

Thanks

nc19

It wouldnt bother me in the slightest (33yr old male)

i think its different for women than men tbh.

Most women would view a man in your situation as a loser in my experience where as most men wouldnt care in the slightest unless it meant having to meet the parents too early!!!

Stay as long as you can is my advise

December2012

I think the difference is you're staying at home to save, with a view to getting your own place and more independence.

That's very different than somebody staying at home to scrounge off their folks and stay Molly coddled by mammy and daddy and stay in the "child" zone.

Take your time, save and continue your recovery. 33 is fine.

Starokan

no guy will be bothered in the slightest, you have an excellent life plan in place , they will respect that

Diane Selwyn

Congrats on the recovery thats no small achievement! It will help for a mortgage application if you can show the bank a record of paying rent regularly and the easiest way to do that is to set up a regular standing order to your parents. If you explain to your parents that they are helping you out by taking the money they may feel better about it - maybe tell them they can save it up and buy you a housewarming present once you move. Its actually possible that they are a bit worried about you moving out where they can't keep such a close eye on your health so you might have to be pretty persuasive. Meanwhile I wouldn't worry too much about living at home - there are quite a lot of people in that position at the moment - I would only think it odd if someone was happy to stay home indefinitely with no plans to move or be independent. Good luck with it all

hellyeah

Im a 37 year old male and it would not bother me in the slightest if a potential partner was still living at home with parents.
I would see it as a plus since all your money is not going on rent!
You could go halves on the night out / date.!!:)
all the best op.

Alf. A. Male

I tend to look on "obstacles" like your living situation as a good litmus test, anyone who's put off by them wasn't right for you anyway.

MagicMarker

Why go back home to the parents? Why not just rent a room somewhere for a fraction of what you're paying now?

Azwaldo55

You are 33 so you should be standing on your own two feet.

Ande1975

Azwaldo55 wrote: »

You are 33 so you should be standing on your own two feet.

Did you not see the part where the OP mentioned she had been ill?

OP, I think its highly commendable that you are doing this. Save as much as you can. Its not forever and I know plenty of people who have done the same thing.
Good luck.

LegacyUser

<Mod snip - don't feed the trolls>

OP you do what's right for YOU nobody else matters. Not even strangers on the internet. But just know that I commend you for sorting your problem out and this is just another step to take to get where you want to be. Save save save and you will reap the benefits.

Lou.m

I am a little younger than you OP and I live at home for a multitude of reasons.

I also work with my mother in her business part of the time and she works from home.

Last year my dad was diagnosed with cancer. Mother has the starting of arthritis and to be honest even if she wasn't she would have needed support.

My brother is around our age and apart from a study period in Italy this year he lives at home he is a PHD student. He has friends who also live at home one is doing a post doctoral course. And also I have a friend who is married and studying and lives at home with his wife! I have cousins older than you who live at home. One is a single guy with a pretty good job he did own a house but sold it. The other is single mum who is 40 and to be honest they are happy interesting people.

If it does bother people don't worry they are not for you.

Do what suits you and your family.


I also had the most horrendous violent abusive relationship and was coming out of that.

I have dated two guys last year that were living at home too.

It is no ones business really.

If it does bother anyone then simply you two are not suited and that's fine. :-) A guy has the right to his preference if that is what he feels. The situation may not be right for him.

If anyone did find it an issue I would not hold it against them but there you go.

Aswaldo55 said

You are 33 so you should be standing on your own two feet.

Well then the OP is just not for you then You are entitled to your preference and opinion. I don't think you mean it in a nasty way it's just how you view it which is fine.


MagicMarker

Why go back home to the parents? Why not just rent a room somewhere for a fraction of what you're paying now?

Some people like their families.


If it bothers some men then it is a legitimate obstacle for them. That's ok. You can't live for other people do what you want to and what is in your best interests.

iusedtoknow

I think it's fine - as you are doing it for the right reasons completely. You're recovering from an illness AND you have an endpoint in sight. Thats really healthy

Most guys wouldn't think anything of it, especially for those reasons. Heck...I know 40 year olds in Spain still living with their parents, and it's perfectly normal there

Taltos

Azwaldo55 - please have a read of our charter as well as a few other threads. While blunt advice can be useful there are limits, and when you ignore the potential fragility of an OP in an effort to let your common sense triumph then we are at the point where mod action is needed. Also - posts you delete yourself are still actionable, the post above you removed would normally earn you an infraction/ban - consider this your final warning before such measures have to be employed.

Can I remind others, if you have an issue with a post please report it.

Thanks
Taltos

AnonMouse

If a guy judged you based on that, he is not worth having in your life

LegacyUser

Thanks everyone for your replies.

I do feel a bit better now, in answer to the person who asked why I don't rent a room, well I've thought about it and I know other people sharing with strangers and it seems a bit awkward if you don't gel, I actually get on really well with my folks so if I'm going to share I'd rather it be with them anyway. I don't really need supervision on the whole eating disorder thing anymore, that was at the start, It's always going to be there but I'm a lot stronger now.

Thanks all

If you're happy at home that's fine and it's not like you've never lived away.
I think finding a room somewhere would be a compromise if you want to move out, you don't need to pay 1200 a month at all.

SterlingArcher

nc19 wrote: »

It wouldnt bother me in the slightest (33yr old male)

i think its different for women than men tbh.

Most women would view a man in your situation as a loser in my experience where as most men wouldnt care in the slightest unless it meant having to meet the parents too early!!!

Stay as long as you can is my advise

This.

Women are extremely judgmental. turn what you see as a disadvantage into an advantage. It's the art of war Mon ami. as you will find a girl, and essentially her not minding your living situation. Will show she is less shallow and less concerned about your net worth and more about your self worth.. in turn she will be worth 10 of the other girls you could have had back to your own place.

This is a girl that will be worth your time in the long run.

rachblue

I'm 33 and when my lease is up next month I will be moving back in with my parents in order to save and hopefully buy my own house. Sometimes its a necessity of life. I think most people understand that its hard to save while you're renting. I'm newly single as well to make things worse! Hope it all goes well for you, at least you have a plan in place. Good luck

irishguy1983

rachblue wrote: »

I'm 33 and when my lease is up next month I will be moving back in with my parents in order to save and hopefully buy my own house. Sometimes its a necessity of life. I think most people understand that its hard to save while you're renting. I'm newly single as well to make things worse! Hope it all goes well for you, at least you have a plan in place. Good luck

I am in the same boat and I am actually looking forward too moving home! Being renting for years and I haven't saved a Euro.

Plus I am sick of house sharing and I'll actually have more space living with the folks.

Also I couldn't care less if people/women think less of me!

LegacyUser

I would not worry about what people think. You have lived away from home and you moved back because you were not well for a while.
Since you moving back home you have been in a better position to save money and your planning to buy your own home some time over the next 15 to 18 months.

I know several people who did this in the past as it give them the best chance to get there own homes. The one piece of advice I would give you is that you buy your own place after 15 to 18 months rather than waiting at home to met the man/woman of your dreams.

I would tell your parents that you plan to stay at home for the next 15 to 18 months so you can save to buy your own house. I would ask them could you set up a standing order to pay them rent each month into there bank account as the bank will want to see that you have being paying rent as well as saving when you apply for a mortgage.

Good luck with your plans.

Thomas D

AnonMouse wrote: »

If a guy judged you based on that, he is not worth having in your life

That's a ridiculous thing to say. People are entitled to judge potential partners on any number of criteria. Looks, intelligence, independence, wealth. There is nothing wrong if a man, llike myself, would be put off a woman living with their parents.

irishguy1983

Thomas D wrote: »

That's a ridiculous thing to say. People are entitled to judge potential partners on any number of criteria. Looks, intelligence, independence, wealth. There is nothing wrong if a man, llike myself, would be put off a woman living with their parents.

I personally wouldn't judge a person for living at home but then again if people can judge on looks, intelligence, etc. I suppose that is a fair enough point and pretty valid.

Rubberchikken

you owe no one any explanation. your life, so live it the way that makes you happy.
your parents sound like great people, who are probably so happy to see their daughter well and happy in herself, so accept that they would like to see you saving for your own place.
if owning your own home is your dream, then you'll get there. you sound determined to succeed so go for it:)

confrats on your recovery.