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social problem- talking to people

  • 07-09-2013 1:34pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I am finding it very hard to deal with people on a daily basis and I think it's starting to get noticeable.

    While I am in conversation with a person I seem to concentrate on my eye contact and starting looking up, down and all around the place, I find it hard to look someone in the face, my eyes start to get very watery. I also avoid groups of people when I can. The other day I wouldn't go into the barbers because there was 3 lads already in the que and my nerves were gone so I just kept walking past the place.


    I started a course last week and we all had to stand up and tell them our names so the tutor could add us to the attendance record. I felt like I couldn't speak and when it came to me I said my name and immediately my eyes watered up and I couldn't look at anyone.

    I spent a few years unemployed and spent a lot of my childhood on my own so I suppose that has a major effect on things?


    HELP PLEASE!!!


Comments

  • #2
    nyarlothothep
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,182 ✭✭✭nyarlothothep


    Watery eyes are quite normal, people get them from fatigue or if its windy or onions. Most people wouldnt notice and are probably fixated on their own problems. As regards eye contact, easier said than done but focus on what you and they are saying, pay attention to the words and the meaning they carry, that way you forget about eye contact as you shift your focus and it becomes natural. As for standing in a queue, 99% guaranteed nobody is going to notice you or talk to you, in my experience nobody ever pays attention or talks to anyone else in queues unless they already know each other.

    Speaking to groups of people can be hard though and that's quite normal, unless the group is open/friendly to others, ie talking to a group that wants to increase its members, it's totally normal not to want to talk to groups, the dynamic is wrong from the start. Even then talking to such friendly groups can be quite difficult. I guess talk to individuals or groups of 1-2 people first, then work up to more although I will say that approaching individuals off the bat isn't easy for a lot of people, society at the moment emphasises extroversion as the norm, in fact glorifies it which I think is rather unhealthy as it indicates a cognitive imbalance. I know from watching people at "social events" that most of them would force themselves to interact, this is indicated in that they might stand for about a minute and then muster up the will to talk to others, it doesn't come naturally in other words but it pays off (not that I stand there in a corner watching people all the time haha). Embrace your difference although you may not be so different and disregard those few who may judge you for it.


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