Not that into me?

LegacyUser

Have been texting & going on dates with this lad for about 8 weeks. I actually like him a lot, but it kind of dawned on me in the past few days that he has never initiated a date or meeting up.

He works in another county about 2 hours away, he does shift work, nights & long shifts etc but we would have some form of contact most days. He usually gets home for 2 or three days at a time and we always get together once or twice when he is here.

I would say contact is initiated an equal 50/50 of the time by both of us, maybe even slightly more by him, but he never suggests meeting up or asks me on a date or anything. I'm just thinking now that maybe he isn't really that into the whole thing & if I didn't suggest getting together that it probably wouldn't happen. He also always ends up being late, he wouldn't leave me waiting anywhere mind and always lets me know a good bit in advance that he has been held up and he needs to push it back half an hour or whatever.

I'm thinking maybe I should hold back a bit on contact/suggesting dates etc and see how it goes. I mean would someone just go along with the whole meeting up thing just because they didn't want to say no? If that's what is happening I am just setting myself up to get hurt.

Would be interested to hear others opinions or advice on this.

sffc

Yes OP they could - ppl have got married to people just not to hurt them. I think you should let him take the lead for a change yes. I know with me and my gf I try and make sure it not always me doing the planning. I love coming up with something nice to do you see but equally I love when she plans our dates . Makes me feel wanted ( sad I know )

dannyc31

Yes OP they could - ppl have got married to people just not to hurt them

.

what? where is the evidence for this? jesus i would find that hard to believe that someone would go to such a serious level and not mean a single word at the alter. if this is true i would lose all hope in humanity. :eek:

imo OP. its one of two things. 1. he just doesnt have the time to start anything serious now with working shift work and so doesnt want to lead you on that way.

or secondly as you said, he just isnt into you enough. its been said here before many times that when a man is really interested in you, he just cant really stop himself being really into you, that is, trying to get plenty of dates and spending plenty of time with you.

Merkin

If you want my honest opinion, if you have to ask whether someone is into you or not then the answer is probably no.

He might not ask you out because he is {insert appropriate excuse here.....lazy, busy, lathargic, depressed, has less than honed communication skills} but at the end of the day he is not asking you out and if he was keen he would be.

If you feel you're chasing him and he's not that pushed then pull back but be prepared that he may not react in the way you hope he might.

Cupcake_Crisis

As has already been said, i would advise you to just hold back on inviting him out, let him take the lead. But be prepared for the possibility that it could just dwindle. It could just be that he knows you'll take charge and do the asking so he feels he doesn't have to, or it could be that he just isn't as into things as you are.

Either way, it's best it happens in the early stages, before you get too emotionally invested

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the replies.

So I held back on contact the past few days. He text yesterday and I text back but cut off after the one. He rang me this morning, we spoke for over an hour and I made sure not to suggest anything which is actually harder to do than it sounds lol. He has a couple of days hols coming up and he basically said he was really looking forward to getting to spend more time with me, wants to go for dinner one night and invited me to his friends fortieth another (first time meeting the friends :-O). I'm guessing he is interested :-)

CaraMay

Great result op. maybe he just didn't ask cos ge didn't need to but now at least you know he likes you. Enjoy