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Housemates - living with students

  • 14-03-2012 11:33am
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026
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    Ok, so basically the problem is this - I'm 28, living with 4 other people at the moment. One is my friend, same age as me, then my friends sister, and two of her friends, all aged 20. Rent is slightly cheaper then other places in the area so I'm not going to move any time soon.

    Now, the 20 year olds are students, not too bad to live with. I can put up with a level of mess as long as people clean and such. What annoys me most is the way they've basically turned our sitting room into a den for them and other student friends who are in the house constantly. It's their first time living out of home so I suppose it's that whole sense of freedom thing.

    They invite their friends over without asking anyone else. And I'm talking 7 or 8 people, until 3/4am, playing music, banging doors, coming upstairs to use the bathroom. I don't feel comfortable using the sitting room.

    The last three weekends I've had to go stay at home in order to get a good nights sleep at the weekend. Several times now I've been woken up, to come downstairs only to find that people who don't live in the house are in the sitting room (my housemates boyfriend was there but, he doesn't live in the house). Last weekend as an example, they were going out and had said they weren't coming back to the house, only to turn up at 3am with 15 people in tow.

    Is it unreasonable to ask them not have friends over as much, weekdays or weekends? I'm trying to think of a sensible way to approach it with them. I don't want to sound like I'm nagging, but I think it's reasonable to expect that other housemates might want to chill out in their own home, and get a decent night's sleep at the weekends. I'd like to have a bit of notice if they are planning a big party (I'm not unreasonable), and limit their friends using our place as a base during the week. Sound fair?


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Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 21,263 Eoin
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    Moved from work problems


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 165 Pebbles68
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    I would have no problem demanding some respect and if they don't like it to get out. They moved in to where you already live and should make the effort to fit in to the existing atmosphere in the house, not to take over. And regularly bring in groups of strangers????? Personally I'd have flipped and thrown them all out instantly.

    You may be renting and sharing, but it is still your home. You don't get a chance to relax or sleep properly in your home. That's just not on. I wouldn't hesitate or worry about being impolite in making my position perfectly clear.

    And finally I'd be demanding extra rent from them. I'm sure you will notice a huge difference in your electricity bill if the heat/lights etc are being left on all that extra time.


  • Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 42,362 Beruthiel
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    They invite their friends over without asking anyone else. And I'm talking 7 or 8 people, until 3/4am, playing music, banging doors, coming upstairs to use the bathroom. I don't feel comfortable using the sitting room.

    For the life of me, I have no idea why you have allowed this to happen. You're a grown (working?) adult. Stand up for yourself!
    It is automatically expected that the people you share with, treat you with respect - that is, allow you to get 8 hours sleep per night in order that you can get up the next day.

    I would have put a stop to their 3/4am sessions the very first night.
    I would have landed down to them in my PJ's and lost the rag and thrown out their friends. (I'm a scarey person when woken at this time of night).

    For the ones sharing, tell them to hit the pub if they want to hang with their friends.
    This is your sitting room and you're paying for the privileged of having it and you're not handing over your hard earned money so their 'friends' get to use it instead of you.
    Tell them that there will be no more noise from them after 11pm.
    If they don't like these house rules, then can move.

    btw - you should have made all that clear to them when they moved in.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 701 christina_x
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    You seem very reasonable and are even going to the lengths of making excuses for your housemates' lack of manners. Don't - they are in the wrong. I'm also a 20y/o student and moved into a house of 24-27 year olds who work and wouldn't dream of doing that to them. We get on very well and do have parties and nights out together and such, but if we know anybody is working the next day/upcoming exams etc we respect that. Of course I don't mind if 2-3 friends come around for a few pre-drinks before going out (can't be avoided) but there isn't a crowd of people falling in the door, making noise and acting like they have no manners at all hours of the day. Friends regularly sleep on couches, but they are quiet when they come in, and are up and gone early - basically, apart from some bottles, you wouldn't know they were there!
    You should bring this up to your housemates, they are being disrespectful and it needs to be stopped. You have a right to enjoy your house in peace, their friends do not have a right to treat your house as the "party house" to trash and have the craic in, and then get to go home to their (relatively) clean and quiet houses when they like.
    Maybe their groups of friends can take turns for where they pre-drink? and only have a big group around when you are not working? It's only fair...


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 6,816 skooterblue2
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    I feel your pain. I moved to ireland when I was 28 and was living with a couple of 19-year-old lads and a woman around 23. It was horrendous :D I can look back and laugh now, but really, I'd never want to do it again.

    Of course I asked them to keep the noise down when they were up all night, but eventually I just decided I had to either suck it up or move.

    I moved, purely because I wanted to live in peace. Yes, it did cost a bit more each month but it was well worth it for a good night's sleep and living with fewer people meant there were times when I was actually alone :D

    By all means try and reason with them, but be prepared that no matter how you phrase it, they will see it as nagging.

    hi Op you are getting to that age when you need your own space. Yes these muppets are disrepectful. I am not excusing them but you cant change them, unless the rest of ye decided to kick them out. You can do it in your contract with anti social behaviour clause. I still think the easier thing to do is to move out


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,328 cafecolour
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    IMHO it primarily depends on your friend (who is your age). Is she with the students or is she annoyed by their antics?

    If she's also enjoying the parties, and it's the 4 of them versus just you, then you should find a new place to live (rent being slightly cheaper is irrelevant if it's a headwreck).

    If your friend is also annoyed with the antics of the students, then I think the two of you should talk to them together, and establish some basic ground rules.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,882 Mighty_Mouse
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    I'm 28, living with.............my friends sister, and two of her friends, all aged 20.
    Their 1st time leaving home.......20years old.........in party mode.........

    You will never win this battle. You will drive yourself nuts and get nowhere.

    One is my friend, same age as me,
    Could yourself and your friend not move out and find somewhere together?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 LegacyUser
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    Hi OP,
    As much as this probably isn't going to be the advice you want... move somewhere else.

    At 20 I'd have done the same thing as them to be honest, as would most of them and their friends.

    I'm closer to your age now and it would probably drive me nuts... you finally get over the novelty of party every night and reality sets in after college.

    I know a lot of people will say have a go at them and all that but to be honest it's unlikely they'll all just suddenly not want to party anymore and all want a quiet house, they won't.

    I think you just don't suit each other as housemates. If you won't want to move due to cheaper rent then you're making sacrifices and living a student life is one of them.

    I'm paying a lot more now for rent than I was back then... there's lots of studenty style accommodation nearby but I'm out in the workforce now and that life just wouldn't suit me so I end up paying a bit more for a place that suits me better. Unfortunately those are your options.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 369 gud4u
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    They're students, you're not, neither one of you have a thing in comman.
    Are you stuck with them till term ends or can you ask them to leave sooner.

    Either way it's clearly not working. How are you going to feel when you come down some morning after a student party with people your housemates barely know, and they have thrashed the place or stolen stuff, leaving you with the bill. (Not all students are like that, but some are:))

    I do recall going to ramdom parties as a student and things getting thrashed in houses I didn't even know.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 952 shangri la
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    I was in the same boat for 2 months last year. You have to move. They won't be quick about moving, they will resent you for being a 'drysh1te', basically they are children who will look at it as being chastised.

    next place you know what to avoid.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 952 shangri la
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    You probably would have to give a months notice?

    are the students moving home for the summer?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 865 FlashD
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    To be honest OP, you'd be wasting your time telling them what to do, absolutely nothing is going to change, it will only get worse with it coming to the end of the year of exams and all that.

    I ended up in a similar situation at one stage in my late 20's when 2 of the professionals in a houseshare I was living left, a pair of students moved in.

    Anyways, it didn't take a genius to figure what was coming down the line as I had been a student myself at one stage so I just found somewhere else double quick, told them I was leaving, packed the bags and walked off out the front door. All within the space of 2 weeks really. :D

    In your situation I would just mention to your friend that you are looking for somewhere new to live, give your reasons and move on.

    Life is too short.


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