Mutual feelings but to shy to act on them!

LegacyUser

Hi,

I'm a 23 year old guy and i'm single at the moment. For over a year now i've been trying to hook up with a friend of mine, the only thing is that i've been friends with her for so long that I don't even know how to start coming on to her!! Her best friend told me over a year ago that she fancies me which is making it even harder for me, I can talk to her all night but I get nervous then when trying to change the tone of a conversation. I've tried to get with her on nights out but she's incredibly hyper active and is generally all over the place in whatever pub or niteclub we go to, she can't sit still for more then a few minutes! After nights out back in a mutual friends house we've come close to getting together a few times but I always feel nervous and it kills me the next morning thinking of what could have been!

The worst thing about it is that I can talk to women on a night out without any problems and i'm a good looking lad, a bit short but nothing wrong with that I'm just so worried that if she turns me down that it'll just make things really awkward between us and that's the last thing I want.

Could someone here please give me advice on what to do with the situation? I really want to get with her but I just don't know how to, sounds like i'm 16 all over again! and i'm really worried about being shot down by her.

nowyouresix

You do this.... call her up...and ask her out on a date, something fun, not a night out kind of thing, just something fun. You will totally brick yourself calling her, but she will say yes, and you'll be delighted. Make sure you tell her it's a date. A real date. Just do it !!

LegacyUser

Cheers for the reply. It's something i've always wanted to do but i'm incredibly nervous about it! I'm just not sure how she'll react and it's killing me inside!

Beruthiel

Fortune favours the bold OP.
You cannot live your whole life living in fear like this. It's crippling.
Quit wasting time and just ask!

Miss Fluff

dazedandconfused wrote: »

Cheers for the reply. It's something i've always wanted to do but i'm incredibly nervous about it! I'm just not sure how she'll react and it's killing me inside!

OK well look at it this way. If you don't ask her someone else will. Then you'll be left kicking yourself for goodness knows how long, think of the regret you'd feel knowing you'd missed the boat because of not making one phonecall?! :eek: You're both single but you don't know how long more for. I'd be asking her out asap before someone else gets in there. Just do it.

ManOfMystery

Look at it this way OP. Most people who fancy someone ask them out totally blind - not knowing if the person likes them back or not. They take a risk. You, on the other hand, know she likes you, thanks to her best friend telling you.

Seriously, what's the worst that can happen? In the unlikely event that she might say no, just brush it off and you continue on as friends. But it sounds to me like she'll say yes anyway.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained

abceire

Also, you ask her out she says great, if she says no you move on and she will be a little flattered .
So yeah ask her out, go to the zoo or something fun, were it's just the two of you, you can talk properly and see how you get on when it's just you two.
You'll be over the moon if she says yes. So do it.

WhyGoBald

If you're really shy, there's a way to do it in stages. Say you'd like to catch up and ask her out for a coffee/lunch/a drink. If it goes well, ring her up and and ask her to do some activity with you or just go for a walk.

abceire

WhyGoBald wrote: »

If you're really shy, there's a way to do it in stages. Say you'd like to catch up and ask her out for a coffee/lunch/a drink. If it goes well, ring her up and and ask her to do some activity with you or just go for a walk.

I asked a girl to climb a small mountain with me, she not really into it, but was into going to dead zoo.

Fitseeker

I could have written this exact post about a year ago. In the end I didn't go for it and have forever kicked myself, she won't be single forever mate, you really do have to go for it if it's truly something you want. Believe me you'll regret it if you don't.

Magenta

Go for it!!!!

How many threads on this forum do you see about "I fancy my friend and am too afraid to ask them out" versus how many saying "I asked my friend out and they said no"- the odds are in your favour!!!!

snafuk35

dazedandconfused wrote: »

Hi,

I'm a 23 year old guy and i'm single at the moment. For over a year now i've been trying to hook up with a friend of mine, the only thing is that i've been friends with her for so long that I don't even know how to start coming on to her!! Her best friend told me over a year ago that she fancies me which is making it even harder for me, I can talk to her all night but I get nervous then when trying to change the tone of a conversation. I've tried to get with her on nights out but she's incredibly hyper active and is generally all over the place in whatever pub or niteclub we go to, she can't sit still for more then a few minutes! After nights out back in a mutual friends house we've come close to getting together a few times but I always feel nervous and it kills me the next morning thinking of what could have been!

The worst thing about it is that I can talk to women on a night out without any problems and i'm a good looking lad, a bit short but nothing wrong with that I'm just so worried that if she turns me down that it'll just make things really awkward between us and that's the last thing I want.

Could someone here please give me advice on what to do with the situation? I really want to get with her but I just don't know how to, sounds like i'm 16 all over again! and i'm really worried about being shot down by her.

She's just one women in a world full of women of such variety.
If she shoots you down you can always find someone else.
You shouldn't have made friends with her if what you wanted was a romantic relationship so just spare yourself a lot of hassle and just stop being her platonic friend. You don't have to give her an explanation and just walk away.
If she has feelings for you she will come after you.
But its this friendship thing that is in the way so you need to just blow that apart. That's the real barrier.
But alternatively - just get together with another woman.
What is so special about this girl? She's just the one you see and hear most of the time when the other women you are ignoring or not taking seriously could be a better choice.

allandanyways

I could have written this in reverse - absolutely mad about a gorgeous short lad in our group of friends but haven't got the balls to say anything to him. We get on so well, have loads in common, fond of an oul heart to heart on nights out, similar family histories etc.

I'm absolutely mad about him but can't tell if he likes me or not.

Ask her out for god's sake or just grab her and kiss her on a night out. Trust me, if her friend told you she likes you, she likes you. If yer man would do that to me, it would make my year.

Do it!! You will forever regret it if you don't.

Ickle Magoo

Just keep reminding yourself; faint heart never won fair maiden...

Just think how annoyed you'll be if you never act and she gets fed up waiting and someone else comes along who will bite the bullet. Just give her a bell, write a wee script first if you think you'll get tongue tied - you'll be delighted with yourself that you did and next time, it won't be so hard...

All the very best, OP. :cool:

missbelle

allandanyways wrote: »

I could have written this in reverse - absolutely mad about a gorgeous short lad in our group of friends but haven't got the balls to say anything to him. We get on so well, have loads in common, fond of an oul heart to heart on nights out, similar family histories etc.

I'm absolutely mad about him but can't tell if he likes me or not.

Ask her out for god's sake or just grab her and kiss her on a night out. Trust me, if her friend told you she likes you, she likes you. If yer man would do that to me, it would make my year.

Do it!! You will forever regret it if you don't.

Sounds like you should take your own advice girl