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What is the etiquette re female baldness?

  • 08-08-2011 4:03pm
    #1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8


    A new client came in to me today who removed her hat to reveal that she was bald. This was obviously not bald by choice.

    I was really shocked, and conducted the meeting with her carefully not allowing my eyes to look at her head. After the meeting, I sat with her for twenty minutes chatting over coffee.

    It was only after she had left that I wondered should I have said something. I have nothing but admiration for her courage dealing with what she is going through. However, would ignoring the obvious, be deemed disrespectful? Perhaps I should have said something to acknowledge her bravery or ask how she was / how long she had been on chemo for?

    I would be mortified if I even came close to seeming disrespectful to a chemotherapy patient. I go weak in hospitals if I even see the word 'oncology' and have had a terrible fear of ever having chemo ever since I was old enough to understand what it was.

    My questions are: Was this an isolated incident or are people openly displaying their illness by not wearing hats or wigs? Also, was I right not to say anything?


Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 29,205 ✭✭✭✭looksee


    Not an easy situation, and all sorts of issues are raised, but on balance I think you were right not to comment. It might depend slightly on the subject of the interview, but assuming it had nothing to do with health or emotional matters, it would have been difficult to comment with no risk of creating problems for one or both of you.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 570 ✭✭✭Count Duckula


    Would you point out to a burns victim that their face was scarred? Or gesture to a war amputee that they're missing an arm?

    Society puts enough pressure on women to look glamorous that she was being incredibly brave just taking the wig off in the first place. So, no, don't gawp at the woman made bald through cancer or alopecia or even her own personal choice. She's not there to satisfy your morbid curiosity.

    I cannot believe you could be so naive as to think this was even a valid question in the first place.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,540 ✭✭✭Giselle


    opalsphere wrote: »
    Perhaps I should have said something to acknowledge her bravery or ask how she was / how long she had been on chemo for?

    I would be mortified if I even came close to seeming disrespectful to a chemotherapy patient. I go weak in hospitals if I even see the word 'oncology' and have had a terrible fear of ever having chemo ever since I was old enough to understand what it was.

    My questions are: Was this an isolated incident or are people openly displaying their illness by not wearing hats or wigs? Also, was I right not to say anything?

    She may have been bald through alopecia, a hair loss disorder, rather than chemotherapy. If this is the case its just as well you passed no comment.

    I wouldn't pass comment personally unless she brought up the subject herself, as she may not be interested or strong enough to chat casually about what is most likely a painful subject, especially with a new acquaintance.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 8 opalsphere


    Thanks for the comments. I am upset that anyone would think from reading my post that I am insensitive to anyone going through this, as the opposite is true. Usually someone would wear a scarf, hat or wig. In the case of a person with a limb missing, they would wear either a prosthetic replacement or cover the area. In these cases, of course it would never be appropriate to acknowledge that I have noticed anything different. This lady was just so 'loud and proud' about the whole thing. I was wondering if I should have said something not to satisfy my 'morbid curiosity' as someone has accused, but to show respect for her situation by acknowledging her courage.

    Anyway, I didn't comment, so no harm done.


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 23 acwxx


    I would have been shocked too. It would be different if her hat had fallen off to reveal her situation, but you say that she removed her own hat? That sounds a bit in your face, looking for a reaction.
    I saw something recently where a childrens presenter on an English programme was wearing short sleeves even though her hand was missing. I thought that really crazy too, like something from a horror film. Can't imagine what they were thinking allowing her air-time. I feel sorry for anyone going through anything, we never know what will happen to us, but they should hide it as much as they can.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,425 ✭✭✭gargleblaster


    acwxx wrote: »
    they should hide it as much as they can.

    So bald men should wear hats or toupees, and not remove their hats in public?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,681 ✭✭✭confusticated


    acwxx wrote: »
    I would have been shocked too. It would be different if her hat had fallen off to reveal her situation, but you say that she removed her own hat? That sounds a bit in your face, looking for a reaction.
    I saw something recently where a childrens presenter on an English programme was wearing short sleeves even though her hand was missing. I thought that really crazy too, like something from a horror film. Can't imagine what they were thinking allowing her air-time. I feel sorry for anyone going through anything, we never know what will happen to us, but they should hide it as much as they can.

    Why? Should they be ashamed of having had an accident or being born missing a limb? Should this bald lady be ashamed of having cancer or alopecia? Was this presenter any less good at her job because she was missing a hand?

    If you make people who are "different" hide away, fairly soon you'd have nobody left!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 13,034 ✭✭✭✭It wasn't me!


    acwxx wrote: »
    Can't imagine what they were thinking allowing her air-time. I feel sorry for anyone going through anything, we never know what will happen to us, but they should hide it as much as they can.

    Why? So kids don't learn that not everyone is the same and that other people may have disabilities or disfigurements? I can't imagine a single reason why anyone should hide these things for anyone but themselves.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 205 ✭✭robodonkey


    At last! A thread I'm actually qualified to comment on. Kind of. I'm a man but the dilemma is still familiar. Let me explain.

    Up until 12 months ago I was like all other heads. Over a 2 month period every scrap of hair on my body fell out. No reason, not stress, not diet. It just fell out.

    Everyone who watched it happening understood or asked questions and got a reasonable response.

    In meetings with clients, customers and colleagues that would have known me "before", I make sure to put them at ease with my new look.
    With people I have not met before, no explanation is required.

    Folks are curious and sometimes concerned, strangers and people you may know. When they comment or ask, I explain. Simple.

    I do not think it strange for people to be curious about what can only be described as a curious appearance. We are genetically programmed to treat "different" as somehow something to be wary of.

    Just my tuppenceworth :)

    As I said, perspective of a man (a hairless one).


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 429 ✭✭johnners2981


    acwxx wrote: »
    I would have been shocked too. It would be different if her hat had fallen off to reveal her situation, but you say that she removed her own hat? That sounds a bit in your face, looking for a reaction.
    I saw something recently where a childrens presenter on an English programme was wearing short sleeves even though her hand was missing. I thought that really crazy too, like something from a horror film. Can't imagine what they were thinking allowing her air-time. I feel sorry for anyone going through anything, we never know what will happen to us, but they should hide it as much as they can.

    I hope you're trolling cause you sound like an idiot.

    Just because she lost her hand somehow does not mean she can't wear short sleeved clothes.
    People with abnormalities, derformities or however different they are should not have to hide away just so you don't feel uncomfortable.


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