My life is dull, passionless and passing me by

LegacyUser

Hi guys,

I'm going to launch straight into it - many thanks in advance for any responses given, the consideration of my situation by others means alot, and I will study all advice given carefully.

Where to start? Well I am 26. Unbelievable really, seeing as yesterday I was only turning 19 or so it seems. That seems to be my biggest issue - time. It is zipping by and my achievements in 2011 are about the same as they were in 2002. I am highly ambitious person, believe it or not but I seem to live in the clouds. I flit from one job to the other. When at home, I feel like I am suffocating, so save, then travel. Once abroad, I work ****ty job after ****ty job to keep myself going and then wonder why I left in the first place. I know this all sounds very woe is me but stick with me here because the misery I feel is very real.

I find it hard to describe but the only time in my life when I have been happy is when I am dancing. Not that I would describe myself as a particularly good dancer but when I look back on all the bad things that have happened to me in my life, from the age of 11 onwards it always seemed to end with me in my room dancing. Literally for hours. At times my parents thought I may have been autistic as it seemed to have a calming effect on me. When I'm not dancing, I'm miserable - this I know for a fact. However I am now at the point in my life where I am realistic enough to know that pursuing a career in dancing is redundant. 26 in that arena is ancient. So any hopes of being paid to do what I love are dead on arrival. Why did it take me 15 years to discover what I love to do? In the meantime I am suffering. I work a job I hate, I have few friends and my life consists of the following.

1. Wake-up
2.Work
3.Home
4.Internet
5.Gym
6. Junk Food (used to chain smoke but have since quit smoking)

It is literally a case of wash, rinse, repeat.

There is no excitement in my life, no passion. I seem to be stuck in a bubble and there is no way out in my eyes. I can't jack the job in, nor can I escape the reality that I am now on the fast track to 30 with little or nothing to show for it. I have never had a relationship, nor am I particularly close to my family. It all seems so pedestrian and at times I feel like this is it now - I am merely going through the motions.

I'd like to point out that I have tried to change my life but the old patterns keep returning. I did psychotherapy - made me feel initially good but in the long-run I was back to the same old tricks.

I have quit smoking and now go to the gym every night - it helps (alot) but there is still a void and an emptiness inside of me that won't go away.

I emigrated - literally left the country and went to Asia. I thought it would do me the world of good, but rather than having an epiphany I seem to have converted my lifestyle at home for more Asian surroundings but still the exact same run of the mill I did at home.

So that's me. Bar my 2-3 hours of effortless dancing in the late hours, my life is a mess. It's like waking up at 26 and realizing your passion was to be a footballer only to discover you needed to nurture your talents at it when you were young.

I am sorry if I come across conceited or spoilt. I do have blessings in my life but to be honest for the last 6/7 years it has been one long motionless journey. I cannot fathom what to do now. I have a void I cannot fill and life just feels so meaningless. Sometimes I think I need to be extremely radical and live on a farm, or a commune. I've actually booked myself into a skydive in 2 months just so I can feel alive, that's how dead I feel on the inside these days.

Any advice you have would be much appreciated. I don't want to sit and mope any longer. If someone can advise me on what they did to break a rut I will follow their lead. I want to escape this dullness.

Thanks for reading, I am sorry if I have bored/irritated you in anyway.

LegacyUser

You have already achieved more than many will in their entire lifetime. You have discovered your passion - something that lifts you out of all of this drudgery life seems to mire us down in. When you dance, you are lifted to a higher station. You are unburdened. You seem to be saying that at 26 life is over - by this I mean that I get the sense that you will never dance again because it is not a career option. Work is work my friend, not many of us are lucky to enjoy it. Would it have been ideal that you discovered this passion at age 3? Of course. But did you ever think how lucky you are to know you truly love to do something? Fewer still ever find this fulfillment, never mind making a career out of it - myself included (about to turn 26 and facing a similar crisis of faith, no idea of what I excel at or what direction I should take). Traditionally a person works what, 7-8 hours a day? 5 days a week? That leaves oh .... hours and hours to indulge your passion every week - maybe not in the paid sense (then again re-train and in three or four years you could be on your way to teaching dance...) but as an outlet (I hate the word hobby), as a celebration of life. There are people like you, you know - find a club and dance!

Beyond this I wanted to say that I think this crisis you face is something much larger. I feel you are depressed or lonely. Or both. On balance however - and this is not medical advice, just an opinion - my gut says you are lonely and not depressed, and have been for a very long time. I think a bigger issue for you is to find someone to dance with. Maybe you can combine the two.

I think a useful film for you to watch that puts what I want to say so much more eloquently is "The Way" - this is a film that is just out that on the surface deals with a father burying his son, but at its root is about people searching for meaning in life. It is set on the Camino de Santiago (The Way of St.James), which if you don't know is a famous walk of pilgrimage in Spain.


And you know what? Radical thinking is the way to go. If you want to live on that farm, then do. If you like skydiving, if it helps you feel alive, then train in it and do it each day for a living. Dance across those skies.

Good luck on your journey my friend.

solovely

I'm not really sure how people here can help you, as you say you have taken lots of positive steps to make your life more interesting and they haven't worked, and you have tried psychotherapy....maybe you should do some more? The issues seem to be with the way you see things rather than your life actually being really crap if you know what I mean, so many people would be having the time of their lives in your situation (which doesn't help to say I know).

What's the story with friends? Do you have many? Friends who dance? Have you joined any dance groups? Surely there are some where you live? Dance classes, dance groups, dance troups? Somewhere you can share your passion with other like minded people. What about taking a course in teaching dance? SO you may be past doing it for a living, but wouldn't it be amazing to share your passion with other people who want to do it too?

Not sure if you are male or female by the way?

Do you have/ have you ever had a partner? Do you want one? Have you ever done anything about getting one?

Affirmation and self help books could help. I am far from being an expert, but it sounds like you need to change your attitude from thinking life sucks to feeling happy and incredibly grateful for all the great things you have!

You say you are not close to your family? Any particular reasons? Maybe building bridges there could help too!

Look, I really don't know how to help you, and I'm sure others are at a loss too, which is why you haven't got many replies, but people do care. You do deserve to be happy. You just need to figure out how to make this happen.

Good luck

Catari Jaguar

Look up quarter life crisis. Lots of good advice books about them.

Another idea is to make a list of what you want to achieve and then go do it. Even if you only do one cool treat type thing a week it'll make you feel like you're living life.

Could you get part time work as a dance teacher for kids or adults??

LegacyUser

3435545453454 wrote: »

You have already achieved more than many will in their entire lifetime. You have discovered your passion - something that lifts you out of all of this drudgery life seems to mire us down in. When you dance, you are lifted to a higher station. You are unburdened. You seem to be saying that at 26 life is over - by this I mean that I get the sense that you will never dance again because it is not a career option. Work is work my friend, not many of us are lucky to enjoy it. Would it have been ideal that you discovered this passion at age 3? Of course. But did you ever think how lucky you are to know you truly love to do something? Fewer still ever find this fulfillment, never mind making a career out of it - myself included (about to turn 26 and facing a similar crisis of faith, no idea of what I excel at or what direction I should take). Traditionally a person works what, 7-8 hours a day? 5 days a week? That leaves oh .... hours and hours to indulge your passion every week - maybe not in the paid sense (then again re-train and in three or four years you could be on your way to teaching dance...) but as an outlet (I hate the word hobby), as a celebration of life. There are people like you, you know - find a club and dance!

Beyond this I wanted to say that I think this crisis you face is something much larger. I feel you are depressed or lonely. Or both. On balance however - and this is not medical advice, just an opinion - my gut says you are lonely and not depressed, and have been for a very long time. I think a bigger issue for you is to find someone to dance with. Maybe you can combine the two.

I think a useful film for you to watch that puts what I want to say so much more eloquently is "The Way" - this is a film that is just out that on the surface deals with a father burying his son, but at its root is about people searching for meaning in life. It is set on the Camino de Santiago (The Way of St.James), which if you don't know is a famous walk of pilgrimage in Spain.


And you know what? Radical thinking is the way to go. If you want to live on that farm, then do. If you like skydiving, if it helps you feel alive, then train in it and do it each day for a living. Dance across those skies.

Good luck on your journey my friend.

OP here.

I just want to say that there is something very inspiring about the way you write. It lifeted my spirits. I will definitely take this on board and re-read when I feel that dark cloud of confusion/regret.

CatFromHue

Breaktherut wrote: »

the only time in my life when I have been happy is when I am dancing

you said it yourself

do more dancing, whether in a club or class just give it a go.

LegacyUser

hi OP,
lots of people just work to give them money to do the things they love. If you love dance why not pursue it as a hobby. There are so many styles to learn and there are amateur classes in all of them which can go up to a very high level. You can even travel to other cities and do classes there to shake things up as I know that pineapple studio place in london does drop in classes.

you will be learning someting new, getting fit, meeting new people and pursuing your passion. if you get good enough you might try and audition for amateur dance shows and the like.

Chin up, your life sounds pretty ok to me compared to others and 26 is still very young.

dory

Your life sounds quite similar to mine; all that coming and going doesn't help with building relationships with people. It really sounds like a 1/4 life crisis. You just need to sit down and decide what you want to do. A gym is great but not a social outlet really (that said I met my last partner in a gym!). You need to get dancing in any way you can. I'm sure there is some youth group that would love a volunteer dance teacher. You could teach a dance troupe and bring them all over Europe for competitions. You could join one yourself. You don't need to be a professional dancer to dance every day.

poozers

Hi OP! im feeling the EXACT same as you! i may not be able to give you advice, but maybe consolation in the fact that you are not alone. ive been the same *****y job for the last 5 years...could never afford to quit and there are very little jobs out there (as we all know)! i've never saved money from a young age which im kickin myself now over, i've never done any extra curricular activities in school, or any thing out side of school from a young age! i dropped out of college twice! I have ALWAYS wanted to travel but i'm too nervous to go alone, and have few friends, all of whom have commitments and aren't interested in travel! and had never saved, and nor can i afford to do so now!!! I feel trapped in my home town, which i've never left, and sometimes i feel trapped in my relationship with my boyfriend!! and i still dont know what i want to do with my life, long term! i have a few ideas, but i dont want to commit to something now because i want to travel!!! vicious circle!!

ANYWAY.... im a total moper now in this post !! but you are not alone in feeling the way you do.. and i think the fact that you know you love dancing is really great! you should look into it a bit more, you may not be too old (i dont know much at all about the dancing industry)! and you got to travel...i havent gotten to do that yet!!! try focus on what you HAVE achieved more than what you havent... hope my post helps a little