condom issue.....please help!

LegacyUser

hey folks,

i have a problem that i need some help with, my girlfriend and i have been going out for 7 months, i love her to bits and absolutely crazy about her. last week we were fooling around together and i went to put a condom on but the minute i put it on i went soft, im not the biggest of manhood but they really do hurt me, the only way i can describe it is that its cutting off the circulation, anyway to cut a long story short she got really upset over it and is no convinced that "she doesnt do it for me anymore" which is completly untrue! now last night we were away and were again fooling around, i was rock solid and then the minute i put the condom on i went soft again, and she got upset again and so did i, she is at the point of breaking up with me because she says there is no point in us been together if we can have sex, other times we have been using condoms they have ripped on me, prior to this when she was on the pill this never happened, i tried to explain to her that its nothing to do with her and that they are really hurting me, i said that i will have to go and get a bigger size (wider) but she doesnt seem to think that it will work! i cant say i understand fully but i CAN only imagine how insecure this is making her feel, iv told her that they hurt me but she just doesnt seem to believe me, has anyone else every had this problem? id like to get a womans point of view on this aswell as to how my girlfriend might be feeling, id also like to point out that she has not gotten her flowers for about 4 months ( no she isnt pregnant) she has been to the doctor and all and that doctor said its normal but they will eventually come, the plan is for her to have her flowers and go on the patch. i really really really dont want to lose her, she is amazing, i love her to bits, iv tried to talk to her about it but its like she doesnt want to talk about it or know about it because it makes her so upset.

please folks, if anyone can help me out id be so greatful.

i also suggested to her that i need a wider size that wont be so uncomfortable on me and that i can use until her flowers arrive and then she can start on the patch but i fear that we might not still be together by midnight

LegacyUser

please folks, need some replies, can anyone share some advice

LegacyUser

The flowers? You mean her period, I'm guessing.

To be honest, you both sound a little immature. Calmly explain to her that the condoms are not working for you, and they hurt you. This is why you lose your erection. Reassure her that if you didn't turn her on, you wouldn't get a "rock solid" erection in the first place. Explain to her that it is like an tight elastic band around your penis.

As for no point being together if you can't have sex, tell her that once you find a condom that doesn't make you feel uncomfortable you will be able to have intercourse. Tell her that you really hope she can be patient with you, as you want to continue the relationship. There are other "activities" the two of you can get up too in the mean time.

You mentioned condoms have ripped on you before. Did you use them without feeling pain? Is it the same brand that you always used? If the pain is new, consider seeing a GP about. If it is just a case that your girth is too much for the condom you are using, looking into getting condoms with a larger girth.

LegacyUser

Thank you very much for your reply! In answer to your questions yes I have experience the pain with condoms before and no it was not with the same brand, an update on the situation is that she had her friends over lastnight and I was texting her but one of her text were "r we broke up?" I replied saying no... etc, I wastalking to her this morning on the phone and her questions was " so are we friends or what?" I then told her that I have done some research and the condoms that I was using actually have one of the smallest base width and that I now know which ones I need to stop me from been so uncomfortable when I use them! since this was said she has accepted that were still together but I can still kinda sense some anger or awkwardness in her voice? I prob won't get to see her now for a few days as we both do shift work, she seems kinda distant aswell, I also forgot to mention that this has never happened to me before even when I was not using condoms.

Is there anything else I can say to relieve the awkwardness??

Thanks again for your reply and I would still like to hear more opinions/advice on my current situation

LegacyUser

you have more than a condom issue...part of the problem is you have a girl who is fairly insecure & blaming herself for your lack of boner which is indirectly putting you under pressure... and.... pressure = you thinking too much = soft dick

this is a fairly common issue so don't think you are the only one....

if she is all paranoid and insecure about this you need to talk straight and be very direct with her.."look heres the deal, its not you etc"...and make sure she knows you mean what you say and understands its not that big a deal...this isnt a big deal....she is making it into a big deal by not chilling out....the first step to good sex is being relaxed and comfortable with each other with no issues floating around.....that is No.1 here.

my advice is to get some different condoms...just go to sex shop (they are cheaper there) and pick up a few sizes and try them on, on your own..also pick up some ky also as the lube off a condom goes after pulling out a couple of times...then get into a situation where you are both relaxed & horny with each other, make her cum by going down on her and take it from there...but DO NOT start thinking during sex "is it hard?" etc...thats the golden rule....

best of luck

Kimia

why are you going out with a girl who will break up with you at the drop of a hat? She sounds horrible - I can't believe you're chasing someone who dropped you like that. Talk about kicking a guy when he's down! She sounds very immature.

LegacyUser

hey folks!

first off i just want to say thank you so much for taking the time to reply to my thread, a little update on the situation, i was talking to her yesterday and we kinda had a argument over the whole situation, it basically boiled down to me repeatly explaining to her that it has nothing to do with my lack of been attracted to her, its down to the fact that these condoms are hurting me and that i have sorced a solution and that i need to get bigger ones, i also said to her that she is thinking way too much about the situation and its a simple solution, get bigger condoms, i also explained that i can understand how she can feel like its something to do to her but i alos explained how its gotten to the stage when im starting to question myself....do i have a problem down below? do i need to go talk to someone? do i need to go to the doctor etc. i also told her that i dont know one guy that this hasnt happened to, she also said that how come it hasnt happened with other condoms i have used and AGAIN i explained to her that there different sizes and the ones i have used lately are the ones causing the pain.

she also said that i never once made the effort to ring her and say "look we need to meet up and talk about this" even tho she was quiet happy to stay in all day sat with the girls and then spend all day yesterday with the girls??

anyway were going to meet up in about 2 hours and try and sort this out once and for all and see if its going to work out and continue the relationship.

i have taken all ur post on boards and once again thank you so much for taking the time out of ur day to reply to mine.

ill post back later on to update u guys on how it goes.

i really really do hope to god that we stay together because i really dont want to lose her.....

LegacyUser

Hey folks,

Well I met up with herself and we cleared the air a little, I managed to get her to make a decision on weather she still want to be in a relationship with me, her answer was yes, but....she said she isn't happy at the moment, I explained to her what the problem was and that we now have a solution to the problem. we decided to give it another few weeks and make a bigger effort together to save our relationship, I made it quiet clear that she can not leave it up to me to make all the effort but that she will have to make the same effort!

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also told her that i dont know one guy that this hasnt happened to, she also said that how come it hasnt happened with other condoms i have used and AGAIN i explained to her that there different sizes and the ones i have used lately are the ones causing the pain.

If your girlfriend can't grasp the basic concept that condoms come in different sizes you probably shouldn't be having sex with her to be honest.

She sounds incredibly young and immature.

There are plenty of women out there who won't pressure you about sex or use it as a weapon to blackmail you, maybe you should try and find one?

Soldie

Perhaps you should buy some condoms of varying sizes and try them on when you're on your own, without any pressure.

But I must say that I think it's utterly ridiculous that your girlfriend is prepared to finish things because you're having some condom trouble. I'd be inclined to finish things myself, if I were you.

LegacyUser

OP from what you said in your last post...i think she is also playing games with you but using her 'im not happy' as a control tool...and she knows exactly what she's doing.

. i would let her chase you...i.e. completely ignore her. you've done nothing wrong...personally id dump her instantly but thats just me...just decide if you want to be a sucker or not....

shellyboo

Your girlfriend sounds ridiculously immature and unsuuportive. Her reaction to this whole thing (the most minor of all minor sex issues, might I add) would have me questioning the entire relationship, if I were you.

What is she not happy with? It can't just be the condom thing, because that is a non-issuse. Men aren't Rampant Rabbits, they can't just be switched on at the drop of a hat, they're human being with insecurities as well. If she doesn't understand that then she't not exactly girlfriend material. Unless there's something else going on with her that she's unhappy about (and she's just using this as an excuse) I can't see how she could possibly be considering breaking up with you over this.

And if she is, well good riddance.

LegacyUser

I can see it from both sides.

When I started having sex, I was very immature and knew very little about everything. If that had happened back then, I'd probably had panicked and thought I was ugly, that my bf hated me, etc etc. So if she is rather ignorant about sexual stuff, in her mind, it might make sense.

On the other side, I completely sympathise with you and I think it's a huge pressure she is putting on you. And it's obvious it's a tiny straightforward problem – change the size of the condom.

I wouldn't think she's a horrible person, because although she is coming across as unsupportive, she is freaking out, and in her world, based on what she knows, it makes sense.

Now we all know better, so order some extra-large ones from the internet. I had a bf with the same problem and that's what we did.

Best of luck for you both.