Obsessed with ex-girl friend

grungepants

So im going crazy....

I walk through the city in dublin and i know she could be on the same street cause she lives in town....so i consciously try and look hurt and brooding so she might see me and fall back in love.

I see people in bars and restaurants through the windows and think she could be in there and i get self conscious.

If im doing the walk of shame out of town im really nervous that she'll see me hung over.

So i keep thinking that she's writing posts on boards so i get really excited when the person posting has things in common with the ex cause it could be her and i could say something to influence her or something like that.

So im going crazy?

grungepants

grungepants wrote: »

So im going crazy....

I walk through the city in dublin and i know she could be on the same street cause she lives in town....so i consciously try and look hurt and brooding so she might see me and fall back in love.

I see people in bars and restaurants through the windows and think she could be in there and i get self conscious.

If im doing the walk of shame out of town im really nervous that she'll see me hung over.

So i keep thinking that she's writing posts on boards so i get really excited when the person posting has things in common with the ex cause it could be her and i could say something to influence her or something like that.

So im going crazy?

Sorry to be blunt but yes, you need to get a grip here mate and by looking hurt and broody it will only make you look pathetic and vindicate her decision to end the relationship. However fair play for taking that step and talking about how you feel because it would be alot easier to bottle this up until it got out of control.
Look i understand breakups are not easy but you need to start enjoying your life again or you could well slip into a very sad and dangerous state of mind to be in.
you need to evaluate the relationship, write down the good times and the bad and the things you have learned from it and close the book.

Remember one door shuts and another opens.

18AD

You have given way too much power to the image of you ex. You have completely deferred all your personal responsibility with regard this situation. You need to stop waiting for some unlikely chance occurence to set everything right and take some action and responsibility for yourself.

Also, stop trying to coerce someone into liking you by playing totally inaffective emotional games.

If you really want to get back together then contact her. If that's not going to happen, then you have to move on.

I've been where you are (in a different situation, obviously) and yes, you will drive yourself mad if you continue thinking like this.

Best.
AD

18AD

18AD wrote: »

You have given way too much power to the image of you ex. You have completely deferred all your personal responsibility with regard this situation. You need to stop waiting for some unlikely chance occurence to set everything right and take some action and responsibility for yourself.

Also, stop trying to coerce someone into liking you by playing totally inaffective emotional games.

If you really want to get back together then contact her. If that's not going to happen, then you have to move on.

I've been where you are (in a different situation, obviously) and yes, you will drive yourself mad if you continue thinking like this.

Best.

AD

good man. better explanation then mine

Overheal

I don't think anybody has ever wooed anyone on a foundation of pity. You can stop that act right now, nobody is attracted to the most pathetic looking sod in the place. Can you remember the last time you went and approached a girl because they looked pathetic, miserable and pitiful? You haven't.

Stop acting. It's dishonest, it's pretentious, and you have no chance of success on this balls notion that she will see you and suddenly been won back by a scowl on your face. You stand a much better chance by just being yourself and forgetting about her. While you're on your 'patrol' through Dublin how many other people have you noticed that you might have been attracted to? Probably several. And acting like a sod is not going to get these passers by to display any interest in you. Sorry.

Sibylla

The only person you are hurting is yourself. You need to accept that it's over and move on. Stop living your life through her eyes. It will take time but behaving and thinking in this manner isn't good for you.

grungepants

Sibylla wrote: »

The only person you are hurting is yourself. You need to accept that it's over and move on. Stop living your life through her eyes. It will take time but behaving and thinking in this manner isn't good for you.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS

"Stop living your life through her eyes"
Thankyou...for god sake Ive been dieing inside for a while and this is exactly what I've been doing....living through her eyes.
Its so surreal.Its unnatural.And its put me off loving anyone ever again.And that sounds like something a melodramatic 20 something bad speller would say but I'm TRUELY SADENED.

Firetrap

Remember too that you can't make somebody love you no matter what you do. What you're attempting to do is manipulate her into either taking pity on the guy she has hurt or making her realise what a horrible mistake she's made. Neither of which are valid reasons for anyone to go out with you.

Neyite

You are not going crazy, but you are feeling hurt over the break up and want that hurt acknowledged in some way. But you have wallowed enough now, and you know it.

But, if anything, you will turn your ex off even more if thats the way you are when you meet her. Other posters have given great advice so I wont repeat their words again. I get that you are a bit obsessed with her, so turn it into a way that is helping you recover from the break up. Instead of thinking that she will be attracted to you if you bump into her and put on a pity-party (because she wont, its more likely that she will tell her mates you looked pathetic and they will all agree she dodged a bullet - sorry if its harsh), its better for you right now imagine how it would be if you bumped into her and you had a cool new hobby, take surfing for instance - she might see you with a new great group of mates, a sexy tan/new muscles, and a new found happiness. And by that time, you wont care about her. You will have gotten over her without realising. So find that hobby that gets you out of her regular haunts, gets her out of your mind and into your past where she belongs.

kevin99

I will be blunt with you. Cop yourself on and stop feeling so sorry for yourself.
She doesn't want you so move on.
Traispsing around streets where you might bump into her, looking all broody and upset isn't going to work either.
You strike me as someone who has always been used to getting what they want. Maybe this girl's rejection of you is your first real emotional setback in life. You need to learn the socials skills to deal with it.
From your post here I would suggest that perhaps your gf's rejection of you is the culmination of a lots of emotional baggage being dragged to the surface of your conscious.
Get out there with your mates and live.
Nothing as pathetic as someone feeling sorry for themselves.