Losing desire for sex

LegacyUser

Ok this is alittle strange for me and i don't know how to deal with this myself,
Short background, i fell in love with my girlfriend 2 years ago and moved to another country to be with her and am here to date. She's beautiful and amazing and i love her very much.

But lately I've been finding myself with alot less desire to have sex with her. I find myself seeing her less and less as 'sexy' to me, or more to the point, i don't think she tries to be sexy anymore.

not sure how to deal, is this a normal long term relationship thing that i've to get used to? i'm 27 and this is my first real long term relationship, so just wanna know if its normal and ok at the certain point to still be strongly in love with your partner but find the sexual desire decrease, alot.

LegacyUser

obviously the honeymoon period where you both want to rip each others clothes off all the time doesn't last forever......that said, how much of a decrease have you seen?

has it gone from every night to once/twice a week, once a month...less??

at 27, I wouldn't be happy to give up on sex...you should still have a fairly high sex drive. of course it'll have settled a bit in a relationship, and other things start taking priority as you get older...but for me, even after 5 years with my ex, we still had sex at least twice a week.

what's changed to lesson your desire - has she put on weight, stopped taking care of herself...sometimes the mystique is lost when you move in together and maybe ye shld make an effort to recapture it, have some private time, keep yourselves groomed and make an effort to 'date' or dress up now and again. it sounds like you haven't lost any of what you feel for her as your girlfriend, maybe just need a bit of spicing up?

LegacyUser

Yes from what I've experienced it is normal to have a changing dynamic in sex life

The initial "lust" type sex lapses in the course of a relationship
I guess familiarity = less passion / surprise / excitement (all or some of the above) leads to what I think you describing

You can bring sparks/spice back into it occasionaly, eg role plays , dressing up etc etc what ever floats your boat

But the lust does deminish and it becomes more companion like sex,
still good sex mind you just different with different dynamic to the first few years
Thats what I've experienced and I've always found to be the case, maybe others relate differently

The flip side is when you away from them do you miss them? if not then the relationship might have run its course, the space tells you if its the changing dynamic or the fissel out

LegacyUser

guest252 wrote: »

what's changed to lesson your desire - has she put on weight, stopped taking care of herself...sometimes the mystique is lost when you move in together and maybe ye shld make an effort to recapture it, have some private time, keep yourselves groomed and make an effort to 'date' or dress up now and again. it sounds like you haven't lost any of what you feel for her as your girlfriend, maybe just need a bit of spicing up?

I'd say sex is more like once a week, granted were both fairly busy most days and trying to push through paying off loans and get through the recession, this has put quite a bit of stress on us but were holding ok.

I think this *quoted* has more hit the nail on the head, even though its hard i do what i can to make sure i don't lose that effort in making my body still 'attractive' by keeping fit, clean..etc
My gf has toned down on this quite a bit in this area, i've spoken to her about it, example would be her waxing her legs once in a blue moon, and weight gain which i think is ok, don't obviously want to pressure her into doing things she doesn't want to, or at the same time make her feel bad for not, but looking for girl advise on this aswell in regards to that area?

LegacyUser

Hey Op, I'm a girl so I'll give you my advice.

I'd expect to keep up a certain level of 'grooming' and fitness for my partner, as well as for myself. It depends on your expectations - she can't have her legs smooth and silky every night, but it wouldn't hurt to shave/wax before they reach hairy monster stage. Maybe encourage her to wear a dress out some night so that she is 'forced' to shave then comment abotu how sexy her legs feel that night?

I don't really get how some girls leave themselves go completely - just cos ur with each other doesn't mean u have to stop trying to impress and turn them on. if it's been massive changes, it might be worth little encouragements or hints. if it's a few pounds of weight, no, but a couple of stone, or an obvious change in body shape then read back on advice other posters have given as to how to encourage your OH to tone up. That said - remember girls pick up on the slightest of hints and will read into your tone a LOT so be very careful how you come accross on this issue.

perhaps buy her some sexy lingerie? Unless it's very crass or tasteless, Id be very happy with my OH if he started showing me what he likes in that area.

but maybe you gotta look at outside factors - has she become depressed lately, a bit down, is there stuff weighing on her - all this can really affect her sexual desire and her desire to 'look good'....I know when I feel down, or stressed, I want to be comfy and not attractive...see if u can relieve some of the stress first, the most important thing I think to change is to get her feeling good abotu herself again and then she'll naturally start makign more of an effort to look good. maybe that might mean taking off the stress, or giving her a romantic night of just caring and looking after her, or helpign her to lose weight etc.

either way - if it's a case of your slowly losing desire for her over things she can change and things that really you'd have a right to expect in a relationship (that they maintain some level of hygiene/grooming/stable weight).....then I'd want to change those things and not lose teh guy over them.