Bitchy comment from friend of friend

LegacyUser

This is such a silly problem i know but its bothering me all week. I have a really good friend at college and shes Canadian. She had a Canadian friend staying with her for 2 weeks, one of her best mates from back home, and one night I went to the house to watch a movie and have dinner, her friend seemed really nice and we seemed to get along well. At one point she said something like 'Ugh I really hate mushrooms' (we were talking about pizza) and I said 'oh I love them' And then she said 'Well, I'm not YOU.' I just sad there, stunned, as I didn't think I was implying that her opinion was invalid or anything, I was just making conversation and I was flabbergasted to be on the receiving end of what I think was a very bitchy comment. It was all pretty awkward after that and I stayed quiet for the rest of the night. I know I'm being oversensitive but I'm quite hurt as the other Canadian girl is a great friend and I wanted her mate to like me and vice versa. Did she have a point? Was I being rude? Have I been rude all my life when I thought I was just making conversation?

shellyboo

No, she's being weird and bitchy. Don't fret about it, OP!

Ickle Magoo

Hey OP,

Obviously I don't actually know why she made such a comment from your innocuous statement but from the info in your post I would surmise she's jealous of the relationship you have with her best mate and her own insecurities and jealousies escaped as a bitchy comment lashing out at you.

I wouldn't let it bother you, it's hard when your best friends are in another country and meeting new people and doing new things, try looking at it from a slightly different angle and feel sorry for her rather than taking it to heart.

Best of luck.

Neyite

ive met a few canadians, and house shared with a few too - some can be very direct - not necessarliy bitchy as such, just quite blunt and forthright.

why not ask her outright if you annoyed her? it may have not been meant that way and you might have been worrying over nothing. if she did get annoyed with you, then do you really want to be friends with someone who has such a short fuse?

Stu

Don't fret about it. Canadians are much more direct than Irish People. We Irish tend to laugh things off but Americans, Canadians in my experience can be a bit too direct at times but its normal for them to snap back at something you might have said to offend them and then not give it another thought afterwards.

I'll bet the Canadian didn't expect you to get awkward over it and probably didn't think anything of it afterwards. If it happens again just take it with a pinch of salt and don't read anything into it. We Irish are very tactful and its probably a bit of an eye opener to meet someone from another country who doesn't do tact.

Denimgirl

it sounded bitchy alright!thats her problem,say yeah well different strokes for different folks!!

Pretty_Pistol

As what has been said already she was either jealous about seeing her best friends new best friend (YOU ) or she was just being American/Canadian and being very direct. I found a lot of Americans directness rude but it seemed to be the norm for them so I had to learn to not take it so personally. Either way try not to let it bother you.

miss5

She may have felt threatened by your friendship with her friend.
Seriously OP people who make you feel negatively about yourself
are not worth being around you don't base your self worth on one
loud mouth's opinion.

Overheal

tbh i think youre way overthinking this. sounds like it was a throwaway conversation - one which normally people never bother to remember. no point in dwelling on it. you dont honestly get hung up on each and every time you and any of your friends gets mildly cross with eachother, do you really? Most comments are spur of the moment and have nothing to do with animosity or anything else. Forget about it.

sam34

i really dont think this is a big issue, i doubt it ws intended to hurt or annoy anyone, it seems like a casual enough remark

i wouldnt lose sleep over it

Taltos

Yup - this was just her "direct" way of reinforcing she does not like mushrooms...

Different cultures all have ways of stating things - and sometimes you need to take a step back to think "did they really mean that?"

Truley

+1 on the culture thing, from my experience Canadians have a much more direct way of speaking, she probably didn't mean anything by it.

tenchi-fan

Agreed with everyone else.. it was just a culture clash.

Irish people have finely tuned sarcasm detectors. Canadians tend to emphasise their sarcastic comments to make sure you understand they "get" sarcasm.

That doesn't mean at the back of it there wasn't a dig or a jibe. I just think you're reading too much into it.

reprazant

Sorry, but I am not really seeing what was bitchy here.

She said that she didn't like mushrooms, you said that you did, but she said that he is not you i.e. she doesn't like mushrooms.

What exactly is bitchy there?

Ickle Magoo

reprazant wrote: »

Sorry, but I am not really seeing what was bitchy here.

She said that she didn't like mushrooms, you said that you did, but she said that he is not you i.e. she doesn't like mushrooms.

What exactly is bitchy there?

You mean she was just pointing out to the OP she wasn't the OP? Like the OP didn't actually know that? It's hardly everyday friendly banter to point out the glaringly obvious that you are not, in fact, someone else.

Whether it was meant to be bitchy, nippy, sarcastic or just ironic depends entirely on tone & body language at the time, if the OP thinks she was being bitchy, she probably was - but at the same time saying you like mushrooms in response to someone saying they don't isn't much of a conversation piece.

Nevyn

I think you are reading too much into it.

spinandscribble

Thaedydal wrote: »

I think you are reading too much into it.

agreed.

she probably thought it was a funny (if not ever so slightly passive aggressive) thing to say. Its not exactly a great way to hold a conversation but i've known people who would constantly talk to each other like this for lolz.

don't give it a second thought.

Elle Collins

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

You mean she was just pointing out to the OP she wasn't the OP? Like the OP didn't actually know that? It's hardly everyday friendly banter to point out the glaringly obvious that you are not, in fact, someone else.

+ 1... Lol

Reading the original post gave me the shudders as it reminded me so strongly of someone I'm related to. This is a seriously fcuked up person I am talking about. Because of severe insecurity and self-esteem issues she imagines she is being undermined at every turn. She routinely recieves the most innocent casual comments as vicious and deliberate undermining jibes! Having a conversation with her is one uphill struggle, let me tell you! :eek:

Actually it's awful, all joking aside. You feel like you're walking on eggshells the whole time and it has damaged our relationship to the point where there are long spells of time when I can scarcely tolerate her company. Sounds to me like you may have run up against one of these weird messed-up people OP. Maybe you should do what I do, which is just say to yourself: 'Ah sure God love her!'

IzzyWizzy

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

You mean she was just pointing out to the OP she wasn't the OP? Like the OP didn't actually know that? It's hardly everyday friendly banter to point out the glaringly obvious that you are not, in fact, someone else.

Whether it was meant to be bitchy, nippy, sarcastic or just ironic depends entirely on tone & body language at the time, if the OP thinks she was being bitchy, she probably was - but at the same time saying you like mushrooms in response to someone saying they don't isn't much of a conversation piece.

+1

I can't believe so many people honestly think it wasn't supposed to be bitchy. I'm 99.9% sure it was meant to be bitchy. And passive aggressive. Basically saying 'God, why do you think everyone would share your opinion, can't you comprehend that we're all different?' Yeah, saying 'oh I like mushrooms' isn't much of a conversation piece, but neither are lots of things people say in conversation. She's probably jealous and thinks OP is stealing her friend or she thinks OP is irritating, but responding 'I'm not you' to an innocent comment is anything but mature and direct. If it's between friends, sure, but it's not the sort of thing you say to someone you've just met.

I have lots of Canadian friends and for some reason, they are VERY sensitive to things we wouldn't even blink at. I find myself having to clarify things I consider to be glaringly obvious to most people. They (yes I know I'm generalising, that's another thing they hate ) seem to expect every comment to be preceded by 'well, I think...' or finished by 'that's just my opinion' as if it wasn't bloody obvious that it's just my opinion! In this case, the girl probably thought OP was trying to undermine her opinion.

I actually had a very similar argument with a girl a few years ago. I jokingly said 'how could anyone not like chocolate?' and she launched into a spiel about how it was so narrow minded to expect everyone to share my tastes, as if seriously did expect that :eek: I think it's a cultural thing. Like someone else said, I don't think their sarcasm detectors are anywhere near as finely tuned as ours. I have a dry sense of humour and don't really change my tone when I'm being facetious. Everybody gets it here but some other nationalities don't at all. I sometimes find myself having to do the sitcom style 'duuuh' sarcastic tone when I'm around certain people just to make it clear I'm not being serious!

So basically she probably took offence at the mushrooms comment and fired back a (much bitchier) retort. Don't lose any sleep over it, she doesn't sound very nice anyway.

LegacyUser

I don't really see the rudeness. She said she didn't like them, you immediately responded to that saying you love them...which would come across to me as 'can you you possibly not like them, they are so good' - seeing as you responded to her with an opposing statement, it wasn't you just randomly stating that you love mushrooms - and so she said well I'm not you - reinforcing her position that she doesn't like them. How is that rude? When you said "I love them" immediately after her saying she hates them you were also saying well I'm not you, just in different words.

Unless she used some incredibly snarky tone, or rolled her eyes, or flounced off in a huff, I think you misread it - as a comment I wouldn't think that was rude...just a response to your immediate response that opposed what she had said.

IzzyWizzy

Canadian here wrote: »

I don't really see the rudeness. She said she didn't like them, you immediately responded to that saying you love them...which would come across to me as 'can you you possibly not like them, they are so good' - seeing as you responded to her with an opposing statement, it wasn't you just randomly stating that you love mushrooms - and so she said well I'm not you - reinforcing her position that she doesn't like them. How is that rude? When you said "I love them" immediately after her saying she hates them you were also saying well I'm not you, just in different words.

The whole point is, it wouldn't come across to me, and I'd venture to say, most Irish people like that. It's just a comment, it's just making conversation. Expressing an opinion is just that, it's not invalidating the other person's opinion.

Nevyn

Look you have gotten friendly with her friend and it sounds like she is a bit on the defensive and thinks that maybe you are in some way replacing her, so is asserting herself to point out the differences between you and/or she doesn't like where in the social pecking order you are for some reason. Honstly it's her issue, let her make snarky comments and just smile at her, it's her showing her self up, leave her to it.