Thoughts??

LegacyUser

Hi guys, going unreg for this one. Sorry it's long.

Basically have been with the OH since September 2007, fell madly in love very quickly and both knew from early on that we would get married. Got engaged at the weekend just gone and getting married in August (we have planned it since last summer between ourlselves and didnt formally get engaged until last weekend). The OH lives in England (she is English) and I in Dublin. We have had a long distance relationship in those 2.5 years...not a problem. Regular flights and we are both in our 30s. She was over here for the weekend just gone and I proposed...lovely weekend and spent Sunday with my parents. she flew back Monday afteroon. She rings me at 7.30 am Tuesday morning which is highly unusual and says she must tell me something....

Basically when she got back to England WWIII had erupted. she had several phone messages from her sister, her friend John, his wife Karen and a mutual friend of theirs. I have never met these people (except the sister) although I have heard her mention their names a few times. I should state that John and the OH know each on and off for the last 10 years or so...nothing ever happened but they would flirt outrageously with each other and OH enjoyed teasting him. But nothing ever happened or was ever going to. Harmless flirting. This is what OH tells me..

What happened was this...John and Karen are married with kids and in late 30s. He works for Ford which is close by and where OH both her car and gets it serviced. They are having marital difficulties. Last Saturday (as in Easter Saturday) night he rings my OH around 10pm and asks was she going to the pub..she wasnt as she had a cold and was in bed. He asked could he call around...he did and they sat in the living room chatting about his marriage problems. OH lives alone in her own house. He subsequently fell asleep on the couch and OH went to bed. She made him tea in the morning and he left.

John and the wife continue their problems last week and he tells her that he had spent the night at my OH. She went bananas as she hates my OH anyway. She called OH left messages, phoned her sister told her what happened, all the friends gossiped in the pub over the weekend just gone that my OH was a home wrecker etc etc and basically that OH and John have been having an affair. OH got home to this Monday evening. Her sister gave her hell. OH rang the wife Karen wnd was accused of all sorts, OH told her nothing happened and wife demanded she call over to the house which OH duly did. There was the wife, John and her sister. The wife grilled my OH in the kitchen about how long have the been seeing each other etc etc. JOhn was not allowed talk. OH told her taht they are friends and that nothing happened. In fact it was the first time John had ever been in her house and they had never ever spelt together. OH answered all questions. Karen also asked did I know about this.

I knew nothing about this until OH rings me. OH is also worried that Karen is on a war path and determined to cause as much collateral damage as possible and that she will approach me in the street or at the OH's some time. She also told Oh to stay away from hubby.

Of course I was shocked that John had stayed the night as the OH is very much about honesty and telling everything to me no matter how uncomfortable.

OH said:

a. They did not sleep together
b. He did not make any move on her at all
c. He spent the night on the couch in his clothes and she in her bed
d. There was no improper conduct whatsoever

OH is very upset about it, she knows it was very very stupid to allow him into the house to spend the night.

What has annoyed me was that during our conversation I was under the impression for the first 30mins that he came over and went home. She eventually (after much questions from me) said that he stayed the night and actually said "Oh I never said he went home.." as if I was wrong by assuming he went home after his tea....!!!!

Well what do people think?

Thanks for reading.

LegacyUser

OP here...

I guess what I am asking is:

You have 2 people who admit to finding each other attractive, the guy calls over late and stays the night and nothing happens....am I foolish or naive to belive that?

The OH and mutual friends believe that he stayed in OH's house because it would cause as much strife as possible for his wife...he pressed the nuclear option just to piss he off.

LegacyUser

mmmmmmmmm wrote: »

am I foolish or naive to belive that?

The OH and mutual friends believe that he stayed in OH's house because it would cause as much strife as possible for his wife...he pressed the nuclear option just to piss he off.

I don't think you're foolish to believe what your OH said. You want to marry her, so you must know her enough by now to know that she isn't the type to mess around.

I'd advise your OH to stay away from this John character....staying at another woman's house just to piss his wife off is a nasty thing to do (has he no male friends he could talk to?). He's trying to drag everyone down with him. I'm not surprised his wife doesn't like your OH, her husband is probably telling her all sorts of lies!

It sounds like your OH has gotten involved in WWIII (as you succinctly put it : ) and is way out of her depth. Tell her to take a step back from this couple. It's not her responsibility to sort out their problems

Good luck