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Too late to learn the rules?

  • 29-03-2010 11:37am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hello, I'm just on a bit of a rant I suppose.

    Since December, I just seem to have had bad luck. Some of this luck I brought on myself, the rest just seems to be good old fashioned bad luck. Relationship wise, I can't seem to get a break no matter how easy I take it. I give myself time to get to know the person, I don't project any needs I might have on to them, I know my needs are my responsibility. Yet I'm still being treated badly by possible partners, as if I'm not worth caring about.
    I've had a tough year so far academically wise too. I just found out I got a fairly crap grade for something I put a lot of work into. Due to the nature of the assignment, a strong decisive personality is needed.

    All this leads me to believe there is something very wrong with me that I just can't see. I'm obviously presenting myself in a way that others just don't find attractive. Over the last year or so, I've gone in to myself more and more. I talk to people when I'm out, but I just can't help feeling like a non entity, of no value and just want to pass myself until it's time to go home again. Then at home I mull over where my life has gone wrong, and beat myself up because I wasn't mature enough when I was younger to know what I wanted. I truly feel I'm now being punished for not knowing the rules of the 'game' and it's too late to try now. I'm 34.

    I've just read through this and it feels like I'm looking at someone else's rant! I never thought I'd get to a stage where my confidence was on the floor. I used to always have a positive outlook of the future. I think part of it is that I've just realised what the unspoken rules are, I'm trying to play by them now, and I'm getting nothing out of it. I'm getting nothing but grief.

    Thanks for reading. Is anyone here in their thirties going through the same?


Comments

  • #2
    Emme
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,055 ✭✭✭Emme


    OP, I'm 3 years older than you and know exactly how you feel. I won't say that it will get easier, but you willl get stronger and for me the biggest challenge of all has been not to become bitter. If you can look back at the hard knocks and honestly say that they made you stronger and more positive and you didn't let them make you bitter than you've achieved something.

    I think that you're being very hard on yourself. If you're doing a tough college course and trying to fit everything else in as well that's difficult.

    I don't know if you're male or female but women who don't "get it right" in relationships in their 20s are often inadvertently punished by society in their 30s which is ridiculous. For men getting older isn't such a big deal but they can be fraught by insecurities regardless of this. Some people find the right person in their 20s and good luck to them, others find the right person later or never at all.

    Try to work out what your priority is. I presume it's college, so focus on that and leave relationships on the back burner. However, if you're female and you want children bear this in mind when working out your priorities.

    Good luck. You haven't done anything wrong so no need to feel that you're being punished.


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