Going in for the kill!

dceire

Recently I've found myself in positions where I've been on nights out talking to girls I'm attracted to and in two specific cases I knew through a mutual friend that they fancied me too. My problem lies in taking what is general chit chat and friendly banter and turning it into a signal of interest in them and possibly more.

I wouldn't consider myself as been hugely successful with women but I'm not completely hopeless either. This problem of not being able to communicate interest and, for want of a better phrase, 'going in for the kill' has left me in the friend zone more times than i care to recall. I think that often my problem could be that i don't wish to appear to be presumptuous or crude in my approach and tend to be too subtle because of this.

I'd really appreciate any suggestions as its starting to feel like its holding me back a bit. Last night I was out with a group of friends and one of the above mentioned girls was out, we talked for ages and got on really well but I honestly just couldn't make that leap from friendly chit chat and fooling around to anything more than that.

Kevster

You have entirely the wrong outlook on this. There is no 'kill', for example - Instead, you should just enjoy the conversation that you're having with the girl(s) and continue it into the night. If you don't get to 'be' with her that night, then so what? be happy that you had a great conversation with a pretty girl. In the long term, you'll develop a good reputation. See them as having a beautiful mind that can be explored, instead of just having a beautiful body (that can also be explored but in different ways, and at different rtime altogether).

Colonel_McCoy

I think its time to make the leap, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Remember you miss 100% of the shots you never take

Wibbs

Kevster wrote: »

You have entirely the wrong outlook on this. There is no 'kill', for example - Instead, you should just enjoy the conversation that you're having with the girl(s) and continue it into the night. If you don't get to 'be' with her that night, then so what? be happy that you had a great conversation with a pretty girl. In the long term, you'll develop a good reputation. See them as having a beautiful mind that can be explored, instead of just having a beautiful body (that can also be explored but in different ways, and at different rtime altogether).

Normally I'd be tending to thanking Kevsters take on a thread, but I don't agree with this or at least the core principle of it.

I think this is where too many actual nice blokes(not saps) screw up and end in friendzone or "get lucky" far less than they should or have less choice where they should and can get hurt by some women because they feel their options are limited.

I do agree that you should just relax and enjoy the conversation. Very much so. As for the beautiful mind, yes that's nice and defo required, but lets face it if you didn't find her physically attractive your interest in her mind and talking to her for the night would be a helluva lot less. In the majority of cases it's all about the attraction up front. She's well aware of this most of the time too.

It would be my humble that a good reputation for a man is not one where it's obvious to the woman he's interested, but makes no move. Most of the time it is obvious to the woman as well.

So lets say you meet someone you like her and and she's interested. You explore her mind for the night and make no obvious indicator that you're interested. She will wonder why, especially if she's signaling her interest and you're not responding. Straight into friendzone or at least next time you meet you'll have a higher hill to climb. What you're telling her is that you're not interested, or you are but aren't socially clued in or too meek and nervous to let her know.

I'm not saying lunge at her or that you have to go for the snog in a set time or any of that. God no(though you'll have more success if you did do that, dopey though it may be). I'm saying if you meet someone you like the look of and then find you like the rest of her and she's chatting to you, interested in staying around you and keeping the night going, show her you're interested in her romantically. Flirt a little, tease her, let her flirt and tease you. Suggest sitting down to chat away from both your groups. If that goes well ask her out. That sort of thing.

My 2 cents anyway.

pwd

In my experience girls are impressed by a forthright approach.

dceire

Thanks for the replies so far guys.

Kevster, as i said in my post i was reluctant to use the phrase 'in for the kill' but i think what i really want to achieve is to take friendly conversation etc and turn that into them knowing my interest in them as more than a friend, a number, a date, that type of end result. I am not interested in just one thing, in fact i feel like I'm ready for a relationship again after a good period having past since my last one.

I am thinking of texting my friend and asking for her friends (the girl i was talking to the other night) number so i can ask her out. Anyone think this is a good/bad idea?

tbh

dceire wrote: »

Thanks for the replies so far guys.

Kevster, as i said in my post i was reluctant to use the phrase 'in for the kill' but i think what i really want to achieve is to take friendly conversation etc and turn that into them knowing my interest in them as more than a friend, a number, a date, that type of end result. I am not interested in just one thing, in fact i feel like I'm ready for a relationship again after a good period having past since my last one.

I am thinking of texting my friend and asking for her friends (the girl i was talking to the other night) number so i can ask her out. Anyone think this is a good/bad idea?

its a good idea. it's ALWAYS a good idea, even if she says no. you can't control how she'll react, you can only be responsible for your own actions. Don't die wondering.

On the "going in for the kill" bit - say you're chatting up a girl, and ye both know ye fancy each other - she says something like "So listen, I've had a great night - would you fancy meeting up again sometime?" Wouldn't you be impressed that she had the confidence to do that? Wouldn't you be relieved that the awkward bit was over? Wouldn't you be attracted to someone who can make the call that easily?

and yet all she did was say a sentence, and that's all you have to do.

themusicman

dceire wrote: »

Thanks for the replies so far guys.

Kevster, as i said in my post i was reluctant to use the phrase 'in for the kill' but i think what i really want to achieve is to take friendly conversation etc and turn that into them knowing my interest in them as more than a friend, a number, a date, that type of end result. I am not interested in just one thing, in fact i feel like I'm ready for a relationship again after a good period having past since my last one.

I am thinking of texting my friend and asking for her friends (the girl i was talking to the other night) number so i can ask her out. Anyone think this is a good/bad idea?

Do it....do it now....dont wait.....and when you get her number dont forget to introduce yourself because she wont know who you are....nothing ventured etc

alantc

Kevster wrote: »

You have entirely the wrong outlook on this. There is no 'kill', for example - Instead, you should just enjoy the conversation that you're having with the girl(s) and continue it into the night. If you don't get to 'be' with her that night, then so what? be happy that you had a great conversation with a pretty girl. In the long term, you'll develop a good reputation. See them as having a beautiful mind that can be explored, instead of just having a beautiful body (that can also be explored but in different ways, and at different rtime altogether).

OP, you're right. There is a point when you've chatted for a while, she's comfortable and now it's time to actually kiss the girl you've been trying to kiss. If you don't get to 'be' with her that night, you might lose her to whoever she meets out the next night. Being happy you had a conversation with a pretty girl isn't as good as being happy you went home with a pretty girl. Don't kiss them and in the long term girls will start to think you're gay.

You have to get her alone, girls are more comforatble kissing when their friends aren't watching. Suggest going to the bar together to get drinks. If you're getting the signs, she'll probably agree to get a shot with you. Knock back the shot, look at her, smile, she smiles back, look at her lips, if she looks at yours kiss her. (maybe not necessary for you to be so scientific, but I'm sure that will help someone)

dceire

Ok so I eventually got her number from my friend today and text her. After a bit of a nervous wait she text back saying that she was up for meeting up. So we're on for next week sometime when we're both free, so happy days.

Any suggestions for a first date?

themusicman

dceire wrote: »

Ok so I eventually got her number from my friend today and text her. After a bit of a nervous wait she text back saying that she was up for meeting up. So we're on for next week sometime when we're both free, so happy days.

Any suggestions for a first date?

Glad that it worked:D

Will leave the date suggestions to those who can remember....its so long since I had a first date I would be no help

Kevster

Wibbs wrote: »

Normally I'd be tending to thanking Kevsters take on a thread, but I don't agree with this or at least the core principle of it.

Don't worry - I question this approach too, sometimes, but I jusdt thought that it'd help the OP become more confidant (gradually, I mean). If you use my approach too much though, then they'll asctually lose interest and you'll be tagged '[possibly gay] friend'.