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Distressing sitiuation

  • 30-04-2009 9:56am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    This is something I need to write about in the hope of getting some help and advice.

    I work full time as a childminder for a neighbour in their home when they go out to work. I'm very fond of the child that I mind. The child has special needs and i absolsolutely love minding the child. The child is great craic and craics me up laughing everyday. No day is ever the same and my working days go very fast despite working very long hours. The family treat me well and I like working for them and I'm so lucky to have a job that I love. It would be secure as well for the next few more years until the child goes to school.

    My mam works part time as a housekeeper for the same family. My mam isn't happy working there. She has a problem organising her work. She's only supposed work about 10 hours a week but she never finishes on time.

    She used to give out a lot to me at work a few months ago. She expected me to launch straight into cleaning the second the child went for a nap. She expected me to dump the child in front of the television and clean. She'd shout at me at work to clean. She'd call me names. She oftened compared me to a housewife giving me a lecture about well how did she manage to do everything when we were young (as in mind the kids and do the housework).

    I was here in PI a few months ago and got some great advice. Her cleaning rants have eased but there's a lot of tension in the air at work. She's simply not happy there and she goes around in a proper mood huffing and puffing about the amount of work she has to do. I asked her a question last week and she gave out terrible abuse to me saying things like: "I don't work for you, i work for so and so, and not you. I don't take orders from anyone especially you....". I wasn't giving her orders. I asked her did she do the childs room yet because the child would have been going for a nap. I was given today of work and my mam gave out to me last night because she wanted me to cancel my plans to go to work and help her work.

    I must have to say it can't be easy on my mam. The house would be in a proper mess for her. I do my bit when I'm there. I'd often try and clean away after meals but there's not much i can do really with minding the child and all.

    I came so close a few months ago to telling the lady that we work for what was happening at work but when it came to it I couldn't. My mam isn't happy and there's so much tension in work and I don't know what to do if there is anything i can do. I'm there to mind the child and not to clean, and my mam has to realise that she wouldn't have a job if the family were not so busy.


Comments

  • #2
    star-pants
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,429 ✭✭✭✭star-pants


    I understand your frustration.
    Thing is - your mother is the housekeeper, you're the nanny. There's a difference. Just because she's related to/knows you she thinks you should help her. Should you? there's no harm the odd time giving a hand, but she's being paid to do one job, you're being paid to do another.

    A friend of mine was a nanny for a special needs child & the mother expected her to clean the house too, do errands etc. I thought this was ridiculous because she was being underpaid as a specialneeds nanny as it was without the added housework. This woman would actually leave a mess from the night before (when my friend wasn't there) and expect her to clean it the next day. Eventually she put her foot down and left.

    If your mother is really unhappy there, she should leave. And you shouldn't feel obligued or pressured by her to do *her* job. The only way you can really sort this is by talking to your mother. You could of course go to your boss, but that would be unfair just due to the fact your co-worker is your mother.
    I would sit your mother down, explain that it's not that you don't want to help, but that she has her job, you have yours and she shouldn't make you feel bad for not helping. Explain that it's causing an awful lot of tension in the house & it's unfair on all of you. If she's really unhappy perhaps she should do housewifery for another family.


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