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Boyfriend is friends with exes

  • 25-02-2009 9:50pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Would this bother you? My new boyfriend is very good friends with one ex-girlfriend (sees her all the time) and friends with 3-4 others as well. Whenever we go out they're always around (all part of a big group of friends). The one he's good friends with is nice to me and she has a boyfriend but it still makes me feel a bit awkward. Am I just being silly or is it strange to hang around with exes from your past?


Comments

  • #2
    John Mason
    Hosted Moderators Posts: 10,661 ✭✭✭✭John Mason


    sorry, what is your problem?

    its not very clear from your post. is he flirting with these ex's, kissing them in front of you? feeling their ass ? continuously texting, phoning and email them?

    does he meet in private, dark corners when you are not around?


  • #3
    glezo
    Closed Accounts Posts: 95 ✭✭glezo


    exfriends wrote: »
    Would this bother you? My new boyfriend is very good friends with one ex-girlfriend (sees her all the time) and friends with 3-4 others as well. Whenever we go out they're always around (all part of a big group of friends). The one he's good friends with is nice to me and she has a boyfriend but it still makes me feel a bit awkward. Am I just being silly or is it strange to hang around with exes from your past?

    my bf is gud friends wit most of his ex's, this doesnt worry me much because he has spilt from them and picked you
    ya it can be awkard when their around most of the time thinking bout the past but remember look for the future not the past


  • #4
    star-pants
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,429 ✭✭✭✭star-pants


    It depends on how he interacts with them, as pfb said - if he's openly flirting etc then it's not right. But I have a friend who makes a point of staying friends with his ex's. I personally found it weird for him to be teasing and joking with an ex when his current gf was there but seems it was normal enough. He stays friends with them but that's all. Because he gets to know them and likes them as friends and doesn't want to lose that when you break up with someone.


  • #5
    That_Guy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 51,342 ✭✭✭✭That_Guy


    If you're going out with him then it shouldn't bother you. If some of his exes seem to have boyfriends then I wouldn't worry about it.

    I know that he's had previous encounters with these girls but they're exes for a reason so don't worry about it.


  • #6
    Liam Byrne
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18,163 ✭✭✭✭Liam Byrne


    I'm pretty good friends with a few exes, and happily "casual acquantances" with a few others (i.e. still in touch the odd time, and still want to know they're doing ok / happy / with someone sound).....in fact, apart from one or two notable exceptions (for damn good reasons) I'd be happy to meet most of them for a drink or a chat......

    And any time I'm going out with someone they have to be able to deal with the above - it's who I am.

    Even the ones that I do get on with are exes for a reason, though (and I don't mean that in a bad way - they'd say the same) so they're not "a threat" to anyone new.....

    In fact, people who AREN'T exes are the ones who I'd view as potential "threats".....


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  • #7
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,217 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    It's only strange if there's three people in your relationship. You your partner and an ex. Where there is an imbalance. If he's keeping it secret. If you've never met them, If there's excessive personal emotional contact etc. If he can do the friends thing and their new partners are around and you're introduced to them and it's all above board, then cool. He picked you.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



  • #8
    banshee_bones
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,160 ✭✭✭✭banshee_bones


    People stay on good terms with their ex's all the time. I think it shows a healthy mature approach from your boyfriend. Just becauses ex's stay in contact means theres anything necessarily going on.

    Hes with you now so just relax and dont be worrying!


  • #9
    bluecell99
    Closed Accounts Posts: 259 ✭✭bluecell99


    Can understand where you are coming from on this.My question would be why he feels the need to socialise with exes?Has he other friends?I would feel slightly unconfortable as well if he chooses to be with them a lot.

    perhaps tell him how you feel and while its good - as other posters have said -that hes not doing it in secret,it still seems somewhat immature and a bit un feeling to you his partner.Maybe he should ration time with them and try to develop other friendships.Clearly thus far he seems not to have taken your feelings into account.You have to decide the next move or just put up with situations which dont suit you.


  • #10
    MagicMarker
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 32,865 ✭✭✭✭MagicMarker


    bluecell99 wrote: »
    Can understand where you are coming from on this.My question would be why he feels the need to socialise with exes?Has he other friends?I would feel slightly unconfortable as well if he chooses to be with them a lot.

    perhaps tell him how you feel and while its good - as other posters have said -that hes not doing it in secret,it still seems somewhat immature and a bit un feeling to you his partner.Maybe he should ration time with them and try to develop other friendships.Clearly thus far he seems not to have taken your feelings into account.You have to decide the next move or just put up with situations which dont suit you.
    Nonense.

    It's quite clear that his exes ARE his friends. It's not like he's planning on ''spending time with the exes'', he's hanging out with friends, a few of them happen to be exes as well!

    OP, so long as everything is above board and he's not keeping anything from you, then you have nothing to worry about.


  • #11
    fifomania
    Closed Accounts Posts: 606 ✭✭✭fifomania


    Doesn't sound like you have much to worry about.
    I know what you mean though. I had an ex who was best friends with his ex and they did everything together, she knew more about what he was at than I did and it annoyed me no end.
    But you's are out in a large group and he is with you and his ex has a boyfriend, it's not like they're being secretive or anything. I wouldn't worry needlessly :)


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  • #12
    Dakeyras
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 570 ✭✭✭Dakeyras


    depends how much you trust him. if you trust him its not a problem but if you are worried he'll go back to his ex them it is a problem. alas it is your problem, if you dont trust him enough should you be with him?

    I was good friends with an ex and was open and honest about it to the girl i was going out with. she couldnt handle it, it drove her mad even though was nothing there. was her issue and no one elses


  • #13
    wolfpawnat
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,124 ✭✭✭wolfpawnat


    exfriends wrote: »
    Would this bother you? My new boyfriend is very good friends with one ex-girlfriend (sees her all the time) and friends with 3-4 others as well. Whenever we go out they're always around (all part of a big group of friends). The one he's good friends with is nice to me and she has a boyfriend but it still makes me feel a bit awkward. Am I just being silly or is it strange to hang around with exes from your past?


    I know how you feel, my bf is friends with his ex, and there is no flirting or anything and my bf and I have just had a baby and his ex came up to Dublin to congratulate us and everything, but yes, I too get a little awkward from time to time. She is nothing but lovely to me and we get on very well but I too still can't understand why I feel this way.

    But I also remember, they went out for 5 years and know each other for 8. I think it shows maturity on both their parts that they can still be friends.


  • #14
    Dakeyras
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 570 ✭✭✭Dakeyras


    i dont mind to be mean or anything but is it not your issue and not your boyfs or his exs? they obviously dont have a problem with it. just a question?


  • #15
    Dakeyras
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 570 ✭✭✭Dakeyras


    actually, come to think of it. id be kinda jealous if my girlfriends ex came up to see our baby (not that i have a girlfriend or a baby). note kinda means a lot


  • #16
    convert
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,339 ✭✭✭convert


    bluecell99 wrote: »
    Can understand where you are coming from on this.My question would be why he feels the need to socialise with exes?Has he other friends?I would feel slightly unconfortable as well if he chooses to be with them a lot.

    perhaps tell him how you feel and while its good - as other posters have said -that hes not doing it in secret,it still seems somewhat immature and a bit un feeling to you his partner.Maybe he should ration time with them and try to develop other friendships.Clearly thus far he seems not to have taken your feelings into account.You have to decide the next move or just put up with situations which dont suit you.

    If it's anything like my situation, we're all part of a group of friends who regularly meet up for a few drinks, or a night out. It's not like I'm going out of my way to socialise just with them. It's the same for my other half.... It's a little bit odd at the start, but isn't problematic unless they start behaving in appropriately.

    I don't think your boyfriend is deliberately not taking your feelings into consideration. He probably didn't realise it made you feel that way and didn't think it was much of an issue as he's clearly moved on. So, OP, I wouldn't worry about it, but maybe if you wanted to get it off your chest have a chat with him and explain that it makes you feel slightly awkward.


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