Think I'm losing it......

mysticmike

First time poster. Feel I have to offload and would apprciate advice.

My trouble is I'm think I'm slowly losing it mentally with a diminishing capacity to cope.

I work in the public sector, operating at a middle/senior mangement level. I'm quite well paid but find the job soul destroying and have no interst in progressing any higher up the chain. I'd leave in the morning if I though I'd do well in another job but my confidence is so low, I feel I'd just be useless. I'm floundering almost to the point of debilitaion. I can't apply myself or concentrate well enough to anything I seem to do these days. I don't feel I'd be of any use to any serious employer.

On the face of it, I have no reason to feel so down. I have a beautiful wife and child, a reasonably high paid job (75K), a nice house, no financial worries and am in fairly good health. I'm educated to Masters level (human resources) and am fairly intelligent (IQ 145).

However, I feel a fairly low sense of worth. I place no value on the work I do and am disillusioned at the nature of the organisation I work for. I have no opportunity to apply the skills I possess. This may be a mid-life crisis, I don't know. I'm 43 and feel that life is passing me by (if it hasn't already done so). The feelings I have are debilitating me to the point of almost total disinterst, apathy and inaction. I wish there was some way to break the cycle. I'd love to quit my job but I haven't the stones to do so. I wouldn't know where to look for an alternative.

Anyone any advice?

g'em

Hi OP, I'm moving this from Men's Health to Personal Issues where I feel it will be more appropriate and you will probably get a better response.

g'em

Jimmy Bottlehead

Any hobbies or interests?

Pigletlover

Sounds like you need a break from your job. You may just need a few weeks away to de-stress, or maybe you need to look at a change in career paths. try and take some time out

SpookyDoll

I'm quite well paid but find the job soul destroying and have no interst in progressing any higher up the chain.

I place no value on the work I do and am disillusioned at the nature of the organisation I work for.

The feelings I have are debilitating me to the point of almost total disinterst, apathy and inaction.

OP, I'd say you are speaking for 99% of people working in offices. 9 to 5's here. So what if you dont want to progress on, dont then, no one is making you. Tread water and take the cash, its what everyone does.

Its an unwritten rule that everyone goes through the motions and makes the appropriate noises where relevant but no one actually gives a crap.

Im suprised this is only hitting you now, its situation normal as far as most people I know are concerned.

I think you need to look outside work and concentrate on making your life fun and enjoyable and fulfilling there and change your mindset to realising we work to live not the other way around.

Everyone in work is coasting, flying under the radar and is mentally somewhere else anyway. So what. Its only work, keep your head above water yes, but otherwise its not important.

I dont care one jot about some big faceless machine I work for and neither does anyone else. There is so much more to life.

LegacyUser

OP, ok you have to look outside the box. You are probably living your life between the hours or 9 and 5 and during that time you are just cruising through and after have you dinner and then its feet up and watch the TV!! You have to think about doing more like after work activities and activities to do during the weekend. You will start looking forward to doing things! And remember it is an option to take a leave of absences!!!

Pikasso

SpookyDoll wrote: »

OP, I'd say you are speaking for 99% of people working in offices. 9 to 5's here. So what if you dont want to progress on, dont then, no one is making you. Tread water and take the cash, its what everyone does.

Its an unwritten rule that everyone goes through the motions and makes the appropriate noises where relevant but no one actually gives a crap.

Im suprised this is only hitting you now, its situation normal as far as most people I know are concerned.

I think you need to look outside work and concentrate on making your life fun and enjoyable and fulfilling there and change your mindset to realising we work to live not the other way around.

Everyone in work is coasting, flying under the radar and is mentally somewhere else anyway. So what. Its only work, keep your head above water yes, but otherwise its not important.

I dont care one jot about some big faceless machine I work for and neither does anyone else. There is so much more to life.

Couldn't disagree more! Heed that advice and you'll go under. Stick with the job for the moment - paying your bills and being responsible for your family are your first priorities. Make the decision to leave your job in the next couple of years, say it out loud to yourself and a weight will lift from your shoulders.
Next, make a list of your talents, skills, attributes. Follow this with a list of what you would like to do. When you're finished study what you've written and decide what you are going to do. Make sure this is all written down - attach pictures and drawings to re-inforce your desires.
Next - act. Start making plans for leaving your job and look forward to the future with enthusiasm.
Also, consider getting help from a life and career coach.
Be pro-active and your life WILL change.
Best of luck with the rest of your life. And remember - wet Tuesdays at the end of summer will always get you down, but at least it's the first day of your fantastic future

LegacyUser

It can be a shock in your middle years to discover that things we placed importance on in youth no longer gives satisfaction. I think you are going through a sea-change and previous idealistic attitudes to "career" and what that means are now being replaced by more realistic views.

At the moment you sound a bit depressed so I can see why changing jobs seems such an insurmountable impossibilty. I dont blame you, changing jobs may just mean changing one set of problems for another. Also in the economic conditions at the moment it would not be so easy and €75 grand per year is not to be sniffed at.

My advice would be to change the way you are thinking rather than the actual job. You say it is soul destroying, is it really the job or is it just a prison you have created in your mind?

I would also advise you to nurture your outside life, and make that a priority, too often we men use our jobs as a measure of our success and happiness but there is more to life than career.

Get out at the weekends, not just to the routine places but try to inject some adventure and variety into your life, it may be a cliche but a change is as good as a rest!
Good luck.

BroomBurner

OP, I agree with Spookydoll to an extent. I've often felt like I thought there should be more to life and that work was draining me because it is so unbelievably boring. However, I have changed careers numerous times and have discovered that there is no "perfect" job. You will have to sacrifice something to gain something else, so consider what you will have to lose first before taking a leap in to another career. Spookydoll is right in saying that what you do outside of work means a lot more than what you do in work, in the general scheme of life.

Also, don't forget that your career isn't actually all that important. I know a lot of people will say that that's wrong, but it isn't.

Seeing as your in the public service, could you request a career break? That would be the best option for you. You could explore different jobs, etc. but have the safety net of returning to your job after a few years. Having that security is really lucky.

Beruthiel

mysticmike wrote: »

I work in the public sector

Then if you have a bit of money put aside take an extended break and go travel Europe or Asia.
Life has certainly not passed you by at 43 and there is more to it then just a job. All your bits are still in working order, go have fun while you still can!

What are you doing in your spare time? If you have other stuff going on outside your job then it shouldn't be the main focus in your mind.
Make a list of things that interest you, then go do it.
You are only limited by your imagination.

dazberry

OP its a work thing and its absolutely no reflection on you.

I deal with it in two ways:

Firstly I now consider my job as short-term, in that there may not be any immediate options - but keeping positive,open minded and forward looking - I will find something better - soon.

Secondly, I now work to meet my workplace expectations - not my own - as my expectations would be far higher and the disparity became a major cause of my stress and unhappiness. As far as I'm concerned I'm now here for the money only.

D.

mysticmike

Sincere thanks for all the advice, thoughts and experiences.

I think I've been happy up to recently to regard my job as a means to an end and to just put up with it. As I get older, I find i can't do this any more. It's sapping my soul.

I think I need to develop my hobbies and interests so they provide a better release. With a young son, all of my spare time has gone on family commitment and I might need to broaden my intersts somewhat.

that said, the job is still painful and i would agree that a longer term strategy might be needed to overcome this one. A career break might be an option.

Thanks again for all the replies.

JuliusCaesar

mysticmike wrote: »

On the face of it, I have no reason to feel so down.

mysticmike wrote: »

However, I feel a fairly low sense of worth.

When you are feeling down there may not be any obvious reason for it. However, it seems that you have invested your job with your 'worth', so if you are disillusioned with work, your own self is effected. Do you get a sense of worth from your family? Your hobbies? Your interests? Could you apply any of your skills in voluntary work of any kind? Have you spoken with your wife about how you feel? What do you get a sense of meaningfulness from, if anything?

bug

mysticmike wrote: »

First time poster. Feel I have to offload and would apprciate advice.

My trouble is I'm think I'm slowly losing it mentally with a diminishing capacity to cope.

I work in the public sector, operating at a middle/senior mangement level. I'm quite well paid but find the job soul destroying and have no interst in progressing any higher up the chain. I'd leave in the morning if I though I'd do well in another job but my confidence is so low, I feel I'd just be useless. I'm floundering almost to the point of debilitaion. I can't apply myself or concentrate well enough to anything I seem to do these days. I don't feel I'd be of any use to any serious employer.

On the face of it, I have no reason to feel so down. I have a beautiful wife and child, a reasonably high paid job (75K), a nice house, no financial worries and am in fairly good health. I'm educated to Masters level (human resources) and am fairly intelligent (IQ 145).

However, I feel a fairly low sense of worth. I place no value on the work I do and am disillusioned at the nature of the organisation I work for. I have no opportunity to apply the skills I possess. This may be a mid-life crisis, I don't know. I'm 43 and feel that life is passing me by (if it hasn't already done so). The feelings I have are debilitating me to the point of almost total disinterst, apathy and inaction. I wish there was some way to break the cycle. I'd love to quit my job but I haven't the stones to do so. I wouldn't know where to look for an alternative.

Anyone any advice?

You work in the public sector.

Therein lies your problem.

In my experience a lot of people in the public sector which I know of feel like you do.
I'm not joking.

Move within the public sector if you can. Get into "project development" or "project work" it's the most interesting, it keeps your job security but allows a new challenge, and gained confidence.

There are two types of people in the public sector in my personal experience.
People like yourself; intelligent, possibly dilligent, and down trodden.
Then the others, idiots, who can talk the talk but little else.

Best of luck and you aren't alone in your thoughts.

Seriously though, think of a move sideways to projects, it will help you build confidence because the work will be varied and allow you to show your skills and give you a little self worth.

mysticmike

JuliusCaesar wrote: »

Do you get a sense of worth from your family? Your hobbies? Your interests? Could you apply any of your skills in voluntary work of any kind? Have you spoken with your wife about how you feel?

Family life is fantastic. Couldn't ask for more but as mentioned previously my hobbies/interests have been on hold. For the same reasons, I've lost a certain amount of contact with my friends. I'd admit I need to find new interets and friends around the personal circumstances I'm in now (family commitments and less free time.

My wife also puts it down to working in the public service. She worked in it years and got out in time. She didn't earn as much as I do, though, so the risk of moving wasn't so great.

JuliusCaesar wrote: »

What do you get a sense of meaningfulness from, if anything?

For those who don't work inthe public service, this can be difficult to understand. There's so much red tape to follow that the core activities get forgotten. The place suits institutionalised monkies and/or cute hoors who are either happy to toe the line or are otherwise happy to play the game to their own advantage.

bug wrote: »

Move within the public sector if you can. Get into "project development" or "project work" it's the most interesting, it keeps your job security but allows a new challenge, and gained confidence.

Thanks for the advice Bug. The reality is that getting into any area in particular is difficult even if it's screamingly obvious that you're suited. For example, my degree in HR was funded by my employer but subsequent attempts to move into the field wre met with "Sorry, we're putting someone else there". It's not even as if they'd consider you subsequently. It would be funny if it wasn't so pathetic.

Sincere thanks to everyone for thir contributions and interest.

dazberry

mysticmike wrote: »

For those who don't work inthe public service, this can be difficult to understand. There's so much red tape to follow that the core activities get forgotten. The place suits institutionalised monkies and/or cute hoors who are either happy to toe the line or are otherwise happy to play the game to their own advantage.

I work in a bank - its exactly the same. TBH there isn't really any way out of it without leaving because it is such a big part of your life - but its often the little wins that make it workable in the short term. I played guitar for years but was never all that good - but found a great resolve in practicing and have really moved up to another level. I also go walking/running an hour a day now - and haven't been this fit since i was half my age :eek:.

D.

bug

mysticmike wrote: »

The reality is that getting into any area in particular is difficult even if it's screamingly obvious that you're suited. For example, my degree in HR was funded by my employer but subsequent attempts to move into the field wre met with "Sorry, we're putting someone else there". It's not even as if they'd consider you subsequently. It would be funny if it wasn't so pathetic.

What about other bodies/institutions?

Maybe think about getting out of your current area of the public sector? You don't have to work in the same place.

Keep an eye out.

Tragedy

Change job, dont become one of those people who've been bet down by the public sector job they loathe but that pays too much for them to leave.

Honestly, met far too many already working in the public sector myself