Asking a fella out!

LegacyUser

OK so I'll try and keep this short and sweet - just looking for some help! My friend is twenty and she's liked this guy - an acquaintance for a long time now (around 3 years) she's never made a move on him but they've built up a slight rapport however she has admitted that she never will/could (she's pretty shy at making 1st moves but has been in several relationships over the years). The other night I voluntered to ask him out for her - we don't know him from a social setting (he works in cafe we frequent) as there's no mutual friends so I'd have ask him for her during the day some afternoon...

Basically I'm asking for some advice - How should approach it? What should I say? She's awfully worried about him being involved with someone else and being embarassed about the turn down etc AND it is a cafe we love so we would be going in afterwards - couldn't go a week without their special coffees :P

SO any advice? Cheers!

STUBBORNGIRL

HelperOutter! wrote: »

OK so I'll try and keep this short and sweet - just looking for some help! My friend is twenty and she's liked this guy - an acquaintance for a long time now (around 3 years) she's never made a move on him but they've built up a slight rapport however she has admitted that she never will/could (she's pretty shy at making 1st moves but has been in several relationships over the years). The other night I voluntered to ask him out for her - we don't know him from a social setting (he works in cafe we frequent) as there's no mutual friends so I'd have ask him for her during the day some afternoon...

Basically I'm asking for some advice - How should approach it? What should I say? She's awfully worried about him being involved with someone else and being embarassed about the turn down etc AND it is a cafe we love so we would be going in afterwards - couldn't go a week without their special coffees :P

SO any advice? Cheers!

I hate to say this but i think you should leave this to your friend to do her own asking out! i can understand you want to see her happy but this either needs to develop by itself or she needs to do something about it. It cries immaturity and will look really bad to the guy who is being asked out.

I remember a guy came up to me before and said - ah my friend really fancies you - i told the friend to tell his friend that while i am flattered and all that i jsut couldnt be with someone that didnt have the confidence to ask me out himself. This is something to be aware of.

But i do say fair play to you for wanting to be the true friend - but you aint doing your friend any favours in the long run!

LegacyUser

You could ask the guy if he is seeing anyone before you embarass your friend,by giving the game away.If he's not involved,you're half way there!

MJOR

How old is she? Surely she should ask him herself. He might think its weird if you take the whole my friend like you thing

RedXIV

I'm with the girls, point out to your friend that if you doing the asking, there's a good chance he might prefer you to her. seriously, tell her all she has to do is ask the guy if he wants to go drinking with her and her mates, if he's interested he'll make the effort, if he's not, he'll still be polite, beauty of catching him in work

Damzilla

Not a good move. She has to ask him herself. It will look terrible coming from you. You're not 13 anymore!

girl2

Well firstly my main worry would be that if you ask him if he's seeing anyone etc....he might think its you who is interested.

However, I was in this position......someone I work with fancied my next door neighbour (now she's a woman of 40). Anyways, she's mad looking to hear all the biz......so here's me going calling to his house (now this is the weirdest carry on ever!) and Im asking him all sorts of questions.....is he for out at the weekend......is he seeing anyone.....all the time thinking he might be thinking Im interested.

Anyway.....no such penny drops.....and nothing happens. Sooooooooo, I have to find another excuse round to his place......so I more or less told him that I knew of someone who I thought he and her should hook up and see how things go, seeing as theyre both single. They do, and theyre still together to this day.

Thats 3 years on!

BankMan

I reckon you wont be helping your matey by asking him out on her behalf. It will come across a bit schoolyardish. Maybe try to help her out by a bit of social engineering instead ?

allybhoy

hmm it probably wud sound better coming from her, but if your friend is really shy, maybe the next time your in there (on your own) start a little chat with him and then casually ask what he thinks of your mate, something like

"...sooo.....Jenny's nice isnt she?". Just say it in a jokey kind of a way,
then if he goes "yeh she is"
you:- "you know she's single ATM, maybe you should ask her out"
Just see what he says,he'll probably be flattered. And that way it doesnt look like your blatantly asking him out on behalf of your friend, but be wary of two outcomes here.

1. He might think your friend is minging.
2. He might fancy you instead.

Deadeyes

You would be helping your friend more by trying to persuade her to do the asking. Asking someone out you don't really know outside the normal social envirnoment where you've got the dutch courage can be nerve wracking, but will do wonders for her confidence.
There is this girl I see most days on the walk to work, and I decided I would ask her out for a drink. It took me months to actually gain to courage to stop her. Sadly she had a boyfriend but agreed to meet up "as friends", nothing ever came of it but for ages afterwards I felt ten feet tall, I was so chuffed with myself that I did it.
Point out to your friend that she has nothing to lose, nothing ventured nothing gained as they say. Even if he has got someone already, he will be very flattered, it will make his week. That could be her good deed for the day.

Singer73

I so hate referencing Friends episodes, because it makes me sound like a big girl, but does noone remember the one where Jean Claude Van Damme was asked would he go out with the friend (either Monica for Rachel, or Rachel for Monica) and he ended up going out with the wrong one. This is bound to happen, because Friends is, like, so totally like real life. So get a really unattrtactive girl who has bad breath to see if he is single, so that he won't fancy her... Stop this nonsense. Ask him out. Rejection is part of life. Risk, reward etc.

Reku

MJOR wrote: »

How old is she? Surely she should ask him herself. He might think its weird if you take the whole my friend like you thing

Have to agree, anytime I've heard this one I err on the more pragmatic side and simply assume that it's a gag in poor taste. Even if they were to somehow convince me they were genuine I'd still feel that they don't think enough of me to make the effort themselves, they are sending a friend so they have a reduced risk of social embarassment as I'm not worth risking the potential face to face rejection for. If I'm not worth that then I don't see how I'm worth dating other than as a passing amusement.

Try get your friend to ask him herself, no harm in helping her feel him out and find out if he is single and such, but she needs to do the asking herself otherwise she learns nothing from this. It would be nice if he says yes, but even if he doesn't at least your friend can learn to realise that the world didn't end just because she was rejected when she asked him out and it won't end the next time she asks a guy out either.

STUBBORNGIRL

RedXIV wrote: »

I'm with the girls, point out to your friend that if you doing the asking, there's a good chance he might prefer you to her. seriously, tell her all she has to do is ask the guy if he wants to go drinking with her and her mates, if he's interested he'll make the effort, if he's not, he'll still be polite, beauty of catching him in work

Thank you couldnt agree more!!

It has just brought back a memory from years ago when i was really immature and my friend asked a guy out for me and in the end it was her that he liked and they started dating! Needless to say i was devastated but i realised i was my own worst enemy!

Good advice though and one for the notes!

Dave!

Don't do it. Either let your friend do it, or give it a miss. Maybe talk to the bloke and see (subtly) what he thinks of your friend, but don't ask him out for her.

I know if someone's friend asked me out for them, they would likely go down somewhat in my estimation, and come across as immature/adolescent. In fact that did happen! It was strangers though. Without even looking at the friend I said I had a girlfriend...

(this is not boasting, it aint often I get asked out )

colly10

Basically I'm asking for some advice - How should approach it?

Don't, it's not acceptable if she's over 14, your not doing her any favours getting involved.