More heathen humour

Tabnabs

Heathen Humor: The River

One day, three men were hiking and unexpectedly came upon a large, raging, violent river. They needed to get to the other side, but had no idea of how to do so. The first man prayed to Odin, saying, "Please Odin, give me the strength to cross this river."

Poof!

Odin gave him big arms and strong legs, and he was able to swim across the river in about two hours, after almost drowning a couple of times.

Seeing this, the second man prayed to Thor, saying, "Please Thor, give me the strength..... and the tools to cross this river."

Poof!

Thor gave him a rowboat and he was able to row across the river in about an hour, after almost capsizing the boat a couple of times.

The third man had seen how this worked out for the other two, so he prayed to Frigga saying, "Please Frigga, give me the strength and the tools... and the intelligence... to cross this river.”

And poof!


Frigga turned him into a woman. She looked at the map, hiked upstream a couple of hundred yards, then walked across the bridge.

Tabnabs

Heathen Lightbulb Jokes


How many Reconstructionist Heathens does it take to change a lightbulb ?
- None; if our ancestors managed without lightbulbs, so can we !

How many Fundamentalist Heathens does it take to change a lightbulb ?
- None; the light from the burning monastery is enough, thank you.

How many Scandinavian Heathens ?
- About a dozen. One holds the lightbulb and the others drink enough to make the room spin.

How many Lokeans ?
- Think twice. Do you really want a Lokean to handle your electricity ?

Well, how many Lokeans ?
- *answer is lost in the wailing of the firetruck siren*

How many Theodish ?
- The whole tribe, but the performance will be lead according to custom by the Heogh Beolb Changere.

How many Folkish ?
- Just one, but it takes a while to find one with pure enough ancestry to be worthy to touch the lightbulb.

How many Universalists ?
- Lots. Each has got a differently sized bulb, and tries to make it fit.

How many Organized Heathens ?
- Seven. One to hold the Hammer Ritual and hallow the four walls, one to sing a galdr with Kenaz, one to perform Seidh on behalf of
the deceased bulb´s spirit, one to write the newsletter report, and three to go off and found their own way of light-bulb changing.

How many Vanatru does it take to screw in a light-bulb ?
- "Screw is such a base word for Sacred Sexuality..."

How many Lore-Cracks ?
- Well, since Snorri didn´t mention lightbulbs, none were excavated and there´s no Old Norse word for it,
I´m afraid we cannot say for certain whether lightbulb changing was an integral part of our ancestors´ faith.

How many Modernist Heathens ?
- I don´t know. Let´s call the electrician.

How many Homesteading Heathens ?
- "Now lightbulbs, you gotta plant them in spring..."

How many Odinists ?
- None. The death of the lightbulb is part of Odin´s plan for humankind. It will return from Hel after Ragnarok.

How many Soulmatrix Workers ?
- Just one. As the old lightbulb´s litr and önd seem to have gone out in a flash of odhr, he invokes the bulb´s disir
and invites its fylga to settle into the new bulb according to wyrd, hopefully with better hamingja next time.

How many Seidhworkers ?
- A chorus of nine is chanting, while the Seidhworker accompanies the late bulb´s spirit to the Gate of Hel (hoping it will be reborn
to its tribe later), then conveniently screws the new bulb in from his High Seat under the socket.

How many RuneVitkis ?
- One, but it´s really hard to scratch runes on the glass.

How many Christian-Bashers ?
- Lightbulbs are the product of a Christian culture. Good riddance !

MeditationMom

Many Thanks - most delightful and informative summary of paganism. Say no more, I am returning to Monotheism immediately. Enough controversy there with just One God.
Fun visit-

joseph dawton

Along the same lines

How many pagans does it take to change a lightbulb?
None - they all live in eternal darkness.

Nevyn

MeditationMom wrote:

Many Thanks - most delightful and informative summary of paganism. Say no more, I am returning to Monotheism immediately. Enough controversy there with just One God.
Fun visit-

That is not a summation of paganism but of heathenism which is those who are under the guidance of the Norse Gods.
Mayny think that Paganism isone think but it is infact an umbrella term.

Nevyn

Oh my

http://www.destinyslobster.com/asatru/barbie.html

Tabnabs

Thaedydal wrote:

Oh my

http://www.destinyslobster.com/asatru/barbie.html

A very good article, thanks for that