So many problems

LegacyUser

Hi all. I don't really know where to start with this thread but I'll give it a shot. At this time in my life, I really feel that i just cannot go on. I hate all the people I thought were my friends (backstabbers), i'm in the thick of a financial crisis, any girls I really like and get friendly with just don't want to be anymore than friends, I've spiralled into drug abuse and generally I just don't want to go on anymore. To top that off I'm only 20.

I've tried counselling, I've tried looking on the bright side but I just cannot get myself over this. I've recently started taking ecstacy as a form of escape from my probelems and i feel so ashamed for letting myself do it, but I'm looking at it from the perspective that this will eventually kill me and end this misery my life has become.

I cannot understand how I came to this point in my life, but then again nothing has ever really gone smoothly for me. My early years and school days I was tormented and bullied beyond anything you could imagine. I hate myself for letting that happen. That phase really put this hatred inside me for the people who did this. I could literally snap into a blind rage just even thinking of ways I'd love to take revenge on all of them.

Last night I began planning ways to end it. I feel so low at the moment, i just can't go to work, can't eat and just do not want people around me. I just want to disapear.

If you have any advice on what to do (e.g booking myself into a mental hospital) it would be appreciated?

Thanks

LegacyUser

I don't know the practicalities of it, but you should deffo try to get help from a councellor again. Your GP could refer you?

You're going through a bad patch - seek help and I'm sure you can turn things around.

Drugs wont help at all, give them up now.

Don't beat yourself up about taking them though, and also, it's not your fault you were bullied and tormented, it's only the fault of the ****heads who did it.

You're still young, get help and i'm sure you'll be able to get past the things that are ruining your life now.

Good luck.

Esel

As far as I know, the vast majority of hospitals have a phychiatric registrar. You can just go to the A&E dept. Obviously, you could go straight to a psychiatric hospital if you prefer.

If you can hold on til tomorrow, you could visit your GP, who should be able to give you some good advice, as well as appraise your state of mind. Sounds like you will be receptive to any help he/she offers. You may be prescribed anti-depressants if the doctor feels they are appropriate. Do not expect any miracle quick results from these, however - it can take anywhere from two to eight weeks for the therapeutic effects to build up. Just hang in there. Your doctor can also give you a cert for work if you really can't face it at the moment. Do you have any employee assistance services where you work?

You can ask your doctor for a referral to your local community's out-patient psychiatric clinic - there you will be seen by a psychiatrist. They have a range of services available - including counselling and psychotherapy. These services are free, but you may have to wait a while for the counselling sessions.

Sounds like you would benefit from talking out your issues with a professional. I know you say you've tried it before, but I wonder about the qualifications of your previous counsellor?

Ecstasy is not a good idea for anyone, especially for you at the moment. It severely depletes your body's supply of serotonin, a very important feel-good neurotransmitter. That may be a major part of the reason you are feeling so down. Alcohol is a depressant drug, so you would be well advised to steer clear of it at present.

Exercise will really help, especially the kind that gets you slightly out of breath - like brisk walking, easy jogging, cycling etc. It boosts the endorphin levels in your body, which helps you feel good.

You would also benefit from a simple relaxation technique such as deep relaxed breathing. Sit upright in a comfortable chair in a quiet room, close your eyes and breathe slowly and deeply, using your diaphragm to breathe - you should feel your belly expanding if you are breathing in using your diaphragm. Concentrate on your breaths - count each inhalation from 1 to 5, then start again from 1. If thoughts intrude, just let them go and return to counting your breath. Do this for 15-20 minutes twice a day. You should feel much more relaxed after each session.

It might sound facile to you given how you are feeling at present, but you will get better, it will just take time.

As I said, if you can wait til tomorrow, go to your GP as a first step.

tman

esel wrote:

Ecstasy is not a good idea for anyone, especially for you at the moment. It severely depletes your body's supply of serotonin, a very important feel-good neurotransmitter. That may be a major part of the reason you are feeling so down. Alcohol is a depressant drug, so you would be well advised to steer clear of it at present.

that may sound like a typical text book answer to your problem, but it's absolutely spot on.
if you're feeling in any way mentaly unstable, steer well clear of pills. if you're like me, the following few days after taking them will leave you totally ****ed sideways if you have to deal with pretty much any serious personal issue. if you were already feeling down before you took them, you'll end up feeling the lowest that it's possible to feel and will most likely have thoughts running through your mind that would never even enter it on a normal day.
just lay off them until you can get yourself into a decent headspace.

Ruu_Old

All the above advice is 100%. You are not going to get your head straight when you are on drugs. Please go and see a GP and get help, at least try.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies guys. I know all about the ecstacy and what it does to me, but I've just given up caring about it now. I'm scared to death of booking myself in to a psych ward because I know I am guaranteed to lose my mind while I'm in there. Does anyone know what its actually like to be in one? I've heard stories of people becoming so insane inside them, they never get out again? I don't want that to happen to me. I feel so alone and isolated know. I think i'm fighting a battle i just cannot and will not win...

Miss Fluff

You may not even need to be admitted, so don't go freaking youself out about it just yet. Get a GPs appointment for tomorrow morning and go and discuss it with them.

If you are feeling low today the Samaritans will help you, they are professionals and will be able to lend a sympathetic ear.

Their number is 1850 60 90 90.

There are people who are there to help you Sickandtired and by going and seeking the correct help you are taking the first steps to a better life. I think you are being really brave, don't give up, you're worth far more than that. x

stevejazzx

Sickandtired wrote:

Thanks for the replies guys. I know all about the ecstacy and what it does to me, but I've just given up caring about it now. I'm scared to death of booking myself in to a psych ward because I know I am guaranteed to lose my mind while I'm in there. Does anyone know what its actually like to be in one? I've heard stories of people becoming so insane inside them, they never get out again? I don't want that to happen to me. I feel so alone and isolated know. I think i'm fighting a battle i just cannot and will not win...

i had to deal with a freind who was confined to a psychiatric hospital in lucan
it wasn't easy, he felt embarrassed most of all, i told him that all that stuff didn't matter, he needed time to think and realise life doesn't happen in a moment sometimes a turnaround can take a long time and to feel love from people can take even longer. he was there for 2 months and hes ok now, better than ok he s back to himself. Once he told me he was going to kill himself and i told him he couldn't, there were too many people who wanted him to be alive, too many people despite what he said that loved him.
remember there are people who deeply care for you and there will be more people in your future who will give this life meaning for you,
give yourself time, take the good advice from this thread and see your gp, you will find that people will really open up to you and want to help you, its human nature,
good luck

LegacyUser

About 5 years ago, I was in a similar situation to you. Firstly, though probably next to impossible for you to belive now, you WILL get over these problems. Not all at once and maybe not for some time but I'm confident that you will.

I had a whole mix of problems that all built up and then came to a head around the same time. BIG financial troubles (which were as a result of my spending hugely abroad as a means of escape). Feelings of depression (health and other factors). Was on the verge of dropping out of college (which I did in the end). Lost my job. Started drinking secretly (though this was found out). Didn't feel like I was able to address ANY of the problems so just went into survival mode, trying to get through each day and then not really wanting to see the next. The daytime drinking increased.. sleeping a lot, trying to hide from the world.

Although some of my problems stemmed from things and circumstances well before 5 years ago.. the whole spiral downward took less than 6 moths. I even attempted suicide (which is something I find hard to admit to myself, even now )

Please, don't think I'm trying to explain your problems or pretend that we're the same. You sound like you are going through a lot and everyone's problem are unique. But, you are not unique in having them. People have gone through worse and have gone on to live happy, fulfilled lives. Please don't try and deal with it all on your own.

If your family are supportive try to tell them (I know it's hard). If you would prefer, seek professional help. I think you may need both. You GP is a good starting point. Your GP should be able to give you advice on the options.

I went on a course of anti-depressants for 6 months. By themselves, they would not have been enough to get me through. It was only when I found a purpose and direction in my life that I really managed to start looking forward.

A year and a bit later & I was a LOT better. Hopefully, you'll be the same (in less time!).

Take Care.

Samaritans are good if you want to chat.

Sry for long post

LegacyUser

I've arranged an appointment with my GP for tomorrow morning. I've called the samaritans before and to be honest, they are useless. They are just thought to use repetetive phrases like "It will be okay" and "I'm sure its not as bad as you think". I'd just like to thank you guys for your advice on this. I'm not sure whats going to happen to me but hopefully something will come of this appointment tomorrow which could put me back on track. Thanks again.

LegacyUser

hey! i was in the psychiatric hospital in Lucan St Eds, only out a few weeks and iv never felt better, its the best thing i ever did although the idea is scary as hell. dont listen to the scaremongering stories, theyr people who dont have clue.
I was pretty bad, not eating, cutting myself, sucidal thoughts, basically just a bad depression and its the most horrible experience but you've got to ***remember this is just an illness and you can get over it, nothing is really as bad as it seems***
If you need to take timke off work you will quailify for social welfare. vhi or bupa cover all cost of a stay in hospital so dont worry on that score.
Seriously dont think of a "psych ward, being commited" type thing its nothing like that at all. there will be no men in white coats coming to get you.
I had a great aul time in Eds actually, there was plenty of fun to be had at times.
I hope it goes well with your gp and you get the help you need. stay away form the ecstacy thats not going to get you anywhere. you cna get through this believe me. everyone told me that when i was sick and they were right i never thought i would feel as good as i do now. and you will feel better too, once ya start getting help.

Wurly

Ok, firstly!! Lets get this all into perspective. From reading your post, am I right in saying that the problems you face are the following?

1. Girls you like dont want to be anything more than friends.
2. You have a drug problem.
3. You have a severe financial problem.
4. You have a general feeling of despair.

Ok, now lets deal with each of those problems one by one.

Problem 1.

Could you be coming across as a bit intense and desperate to these girls? Girls like a laid back, confident guy. Not someone who's needy. Plenty of relationships start off as friendships. You never know what the future holds. Being with someone shouldnt define you, if it does then you're in trouble. Value these friendships and be thankful for them. The right girl will come along eventually. But you have to come across in a positive light for that to happen.

Problem 2.

They say the first step to solving a problem is identifying and admitting it, which you have done. You are taking drugs to fill a void. Now, how was that void created? What is missing? What do you do for fun? Do you go to the gym? Do you play a sport? Do you have any hobbies? Basically what im saying is, try to fill your life fully of healthy activities so you wont have time for all the destructive crap. Also, you will save money when you stop doing drugs. Which leads me to.....

Problem 3.

You didnt say why you are in debt or by how much. I'm basically living off €200 a month until I pay off my loan. Its a massive pain in the tits but what can you do? Draft up a budget for yourself and stick to it meticulously. Set up a direct debit so the money comes out automatically. Get a second job if you have to. Im starting mine tonight.

Problem 4.

Ok, this is actually the biggest problem of them all in my opinion. I think you are suffering from severe depression. And I think you may need to combine medication and counselling together. Dont give up on counselling, you may just need to find the right person to talk to. In November 2004, I was diagnosed with severe depression. I was crying every second of every day, tried to commit suicide and just didnt care about anything. Now that ive comne out the other side and have nearly finished my treatment, I realise just how ill I was. Please dont try to take your own life. There is no-one else like you on this planet. You are unique and wonderful, your head is just mixed up. Does that mean you're worthless? Nope, just human. I was bullied incredibly badly all through school, primary and secondary. I live with a father who is mentally ill and a mother who is emotionally stunted. I didnt deserve the bad childhood I got, how could I, I was a child!!! Neither did you. But you must grieve the loss of your childhood and allow yourself to move on and put it to rest. Please make an appointment to see another counsellor today and speak to your GP about medication. There is no shame in this. You should be proud of yourself for wanting to get better. Good luck. PM me if you need to. I'll be there to listen. (O: xxx

LegacyUser

Firstly to Tri, thank you for your post. I suppose I owe you a couple of answers to your questions:

1. Girls you like dont want to be anything more than friends.
I've always tried to be relaxed around them and don't feel I come across as desperate. Half of the time I can't even pick up the courage to ask them out. I've always been like this, just have no confidence around them.

2. You have a drug problem.
Ashamed to admit it but yes I do. I came very close last night to trying heroin but stopped myself. That even for me is a step to the point of no return. Ecstacy yes, but the problem is while I'm on them, I am who I want to be. I'm someone else...

3. You have a severe financial problem.
Would you call 13k in debt a severe financial problem? Car loan, personal loans that have piled up over these short few years and a variety of other moneys I owe. Unescapable....

4. You have a general feeling of despair.
Don't really want to go into what I feel like....

Went to the doctor this morning. he's reffering me to a counsellor and put me on a course of Elavil. Hope this works...

Wurly

Well that great, glad you went to the doctor. I was never €13k in debt but I was €10k so I know how you feel.

I know you want to be someone else, I did too. Now, I wouldnt swap me for anything!! Believe it or not, when you're better you'll feel the same.

And as for the drugs, if you feel you cant control yourself with them, seek help for this immediately. All they will do is destroy anything you have left. You have to look at the big picture here and bear in mind how they will affect you in the long run.

Good luck! (O: