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Where are all the good single men gone too?

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  • 15-12-2010 2:05pm
    #1
    starlit
    Registered Users Posts: 12,342 ✭✭✭✭


    Can't seem to find them anywhere these days! They are either taken, players, jokers or manchildren! Where are the good single men these days!? What gives? Can women just meet their dream man just like that anywhere unexpected and end up together, what are the odds?


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    #2
    Cavehill Red
    Registered Users Posts: 6,109 ✭✭✭Cavehill Red


    :eek:



    *Backs out of thread, terrified.*


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    #3
    Sir Digby Chicken Caesar
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 23,556 ✭✭✭✭Sir Digby Chicken Caesar


    well they're probably not in the backend of nowhere, so that could be something you might want to work on.


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    #4
    starlit
    Registered Users Posts: 12,342 ✭✭✭✭starlit


    Ya laugh all you want. I'm only asking how people happen to meet their life partner at a night out, party, work, shops, online, sports events, through friends etc and end up together thats all. None of which has worked out for me. It is just tiresome that I feel like I'm missing something...a key ingredient to bag myself someone that I, my friends and family would approve off that I could spend my whole life with. I just wonder will it ever happen for me. The men I know are either engagged, in a relationship, friends and none of which are right for me.


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    #5
    c montgomery
    Registered Users Posts: 2,122 ✭✭✭c montgomery


    Im over here. The thing is im incredibly good looking so maybe you have just been too intimidated to approach me;)


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    #6
    suicide_circus
    Registered Users Posts: 19,802 ✭✭✭✭suicide_circus


    Stop thinking about "bagging" a man for a start and worrying about whether your friends or family will approve.


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    #7
    Retail Hell
    Closed Accounts Posts: 78 ✭✭Retail Hell


    A lot of Men have emigrated


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    #8
    stupidusername
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,762 ✭✭✭✭stupidusername


    I agree snuggles. I've been wondering the same myself recently. Any guys I have come across in the past few months have been: stalkers, cunts, cheaters... seems to be something wrong with them all. Have come across one decent guy, but he's more a friend than anything more.

    if you find some send em my way :)


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    #9
    Larianne
    Registered Users Posts: 35,954 ✭✭✭✭Larianne


    This is cliched and you probably will curse me for saying it but someone will pop up when you stop looking!

    Just enjoy your life and don't focus on it so much. You will give off a vibe of desperation and guys will run a mile.

    Go out and do things you enjoy or take up a new hobbie, go to new events. Widen your circle of friends.


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    #10
    starlit
    Registered Users Posts: 12,342 ✭✭✭✭starlit


    Retail Hell wrote: »
    A lot of Men have emigrated

    yes I have noticed! :( Hard not to worry about that sort of thing...feel like I'm never going to find my partner I'm not getting any younger i'm 25 not emigrated yet...I see so many people of my age and my friends in relationships and who are engaged and some even married and has kids it just seems like something is missing. Obviously you must love yourself, and be a happy person and have your life on track before any relationship can begin...


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    #11
    Antomus Prime
    Registered Users Posts: 2,463 ✭✭✭Antomus Prime


    I'm rite here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)


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    #12
    suicide_circus
    Registered Users Posts: 19,802 ✭✭✭✭suicide_circus


    Larianne wrote: »
    Widen your circle
    snigger


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    #13
    RedXIV
    Registered Users Posts: 8,410 ✭✭✭RedXIV


    Sorry I'm taken :D

    Got picked up by another boardsie at a boards beers. Hence I suggest you get yourself to boards beers ;)


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    #14
    starlit
    Registered Users Posts: 12,342 ✭✭✭✭starlit


    Larianne wrote: »
    This is cliched and you probably will curse me for saying it but someone will pop up when you stop looking!

    Just enjoy your life and don't focus on it so much. You will give off a vibe of desperation and guys will run a mile.

    Go out and do things you enjoy or take up a new hobbie, go to new events. Widen your circle of friends.

    I feel like I've been there done that but I know I need to expand into new hobbies and friends etc. Its a little difficult when living with mammy and even when I lived in the city I didn't really engage with men...I was a bit overwhelmed by the sense of freedom I guess being away from home and all. I tended to stick with my own group of friends I made and not go beyond that circle. Actually when I am out I'm not at all desperate. I tend to give off a friendly vibe for the most part but sometimes I might be not letting the guy approach me. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to attract the wrong type, I don't want a lech and certainly don't want an old man. It seems to be far too common lately its been nearly always old men well over 40 out or men who are attached. Very few single nice lads about!

    Ya I enjoy life but start to enjoy it too much and men get the wrong idea and seem to think I am happier with it and they don't seem to want to interfere with that. Sometimes I like a guy he don't like me back, then there are guys who like me but I don't like back, very hard to find a balance! Anytime it did it didn't last...or it got awkward etc.


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    #15
    starlit
    Registered Users Posts: 12,342 ✭✭✭✭starlit


    RedXIV wrote: »
    Sorry I'm taken :D

    Got picked up by another boardsie at a boards beers. Hence I suggest you get yourself to boards beers ;)

    Good for you, but the online dating thing didn't work out for me...it was either creeps, stalkers, seeing the same faces pop up all the time on online dating sites, needy, not my type of guys...

    I guess dublin is a bigger city than tralee or cork!! lol ;) mmmm i'v had the intention of going to a boards beers but have been putting it off or other things have cropped up...think I wait till the bad weather has eased, don't want to break anything! I might venture if I am in dublin again...

    Thanks for advice everyone!:cool:


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    #16
    Tom10
    Registered Users Posts: 736 ✭✭✭Tom10


    I hope OP you are kidding - I mean do you really think men change from being good to being not good given their age or generation????

    If you are finding men but not the right ones you either change what you are looking for or you change where your looking, simple as...


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    #17
    starlit
    Registered Users Posts: 12,342 ✭✭✭✭starlit


    Tom10 wrote: »
    I hope OP you are kidding - I mean do you really think men change from being good to being not good given their age or generation????

    If you are finding men but not the right ones you either change what you are looking for or you change where your looking, simple as...

    No I'm not kidding! Its just been more apparent the last few times I have been out and the talent has gone so bad not even a dog or cat would roam there!

    Ya its true, I just haven't been meeting the right ones and those I do get together with well, nothing comes of it! I just haven't had a connection with someone or fancy someone enough to go out with them long term!
    No I don't think that, I mean like good as in a 'good catch'. I don't just mean if a guy is good or not depends on their age some are just jokers and players and manchildren no matter what age and they won't change!


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    #18
    Beaucoupfish
    Registered Users Posts: 173 ✭✭Beaucoupfish


    Im a single guy.33, Educated, open minded, can cook, do DIY, relaxed etc but unfortunately like a lot of other single guys I'm unemployed and broke so therefore feel like I'm off the market.


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    #19
    Tom10
    Registered Users Posts: 736 ✭✭✭Tom10


    snuggles285 wrote: »
    No I'm not kidding! Its just been more apparent the last few times I have been out and the talent has gone so bad not even a dog or cat would roam there!

    Ya its true, I just haven't been meeting the right ones and those I do get together with well, nothing comes of it! I just haven't had a connection with someone or fancy someone enough to go out with them long term!
    No I don't think that, I mean like good as in a 'good catch'. I don't just mean if a guy is good or not depends on their age some are just jokers and players and manchildren no matter what age and they won't change!

    Well then you are looking for them in the wrong places I would think. Make a list of things you want in a person, then try to be where that person will be (near impossible that I would think). Speaking personally I know that the friends I've had who would be great boyfriends were usually single because they didn't fit what people would think of as conventionally good looking but you couldn't meet better people. So really the choice is yours, if you want somebody that will truly worship you then you have to widen your search, if your looking for Mr. Perfect you'll be waiting a long time for that one chance and if you want what you have keep going with what your doing.

    It's not rocket science, you get back what you put out there.


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    #20
    syklops
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18,966 ✭✭✭✭syklops


    snuggles285 wrote: »
    Can't seem to find them anywhere these days! They are either taken, players, jokers or manchildren! Where are the good single men these days!? What gives? Can women just meet their dream man just like that anywhere unexpected and end up together, what are the odds?

    There is a big difference between good single men and a woman's dream man. The number of my friends who are single and are not players, jokers or manchildren is ridiculous.


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    #21
    starlit
    Registered Users Posts: 12,342 ✭✭✭✭starlit


    syklops wrote: »
    There is a big difference between good single men and a woman's dream man. The number of my friends who are single and are not players, jokers or manchildren is ridiculous.

    Good men, should re-phrase 'good catch'. A dream man well he doesn't have to be mr perfect but if he ticks the important boxes well...They are too nice???


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    #22
    Stheno
    Moderators, Business & Finance Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 51,687 Mod ✭✭✭✭Stheno


    Op I think you should relax, you talk about a "good catch", but then the men who tick the boxes are "too nice" etc.

    As someone else said really just relax, you'll meet someone when you least expect it.


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    #23
    Malari
    Registered Users Posts: 18,150 ✭✭✭✭Malari


    What's wrong with jokers? I like jokers :o

    I have found, in my circles of friends over the years, that those with clear ideas of the type of partner they want often find it harder to find someone they like! Maybe just start giving second chances OP. Often a public persona of a guy you meet who is always telling stories/jokes, or acting the maggot can be quite different one-on-one. he could meet your requirements of a "good" guy and will show a different side if you give him a chance?


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    #24
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,101 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    Sir Digby Chicken Caesar wrote: »
    well they're probably not in the backend of nowhere, so that could be something you might want to work on.
    Sez he livin in Carlow. :p:D
    Beaucoupfish wrote:
    Im a single guy.33, Educated, open minded, can cook, do DIY, relaxed etc but unfortunately like a lot of other single guys I'm unemployed and broke so therefore feel like I'm off the market.
    Yep and it many ways it will. For a start you'll feel off the market because you want to pay your own way and your confidence would be knocked. For a woman it would be equally soul destroying in general terms, but in relationships it's gonna be less. I can think of few men who would be that concerned about it(unless they smell freeloader). Though dont lose hope either as I know a fair few women who would be less concerned too, so long as the guy is actively trying. But I would still think there's a gender diff there alright. Online dating throws this up. Apparently the things women are more likely to be less than truthful about in self description are their age and weight, whereas men are more likely to less than truthful about their salary.

    I dunno sounds like guys coming out with I can't get a woman. Depends what you're looking for and where you're looking. The world is full to the brim with decent men(and women). Indeed I'd go so far as to say, if you're not meeting them you're doing something wrong, or are looking for the wrong things. What do you define as a "decent catch" for a start? And the bit about them "being too nice" is a rocky road to nowhere.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



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    #25
    Demonique
    Registered Users Posts: 2,823 ✭✭✭Demonique


    I don't understand all this 'bagging a man' thing.

    The world won't end if you don't settle down, marry and have kids.

    You don't need a man to feel fulfilled.


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    #26
    coffee_cake
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Politics Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 81,309 CMod ✭✭✭✭coffee_cake


    snuggles285 wrote: »
    yes I have noticed! :( Hard not to worry about that sort of thing...feel like I'm never going to find my partner I'm not getting any younger i'm 25 not emigrated yet...I see so many people of my age and my friends in relationships and who are engaged and some even married and has kids it just seems like something is missing. Obviously you must love yourself, and be a happy person and have your life on track before any relationship can begin...

    Jesus christ woman you're only 25! that's practically a baby in the grand scheme of things!
    relax :eek::eek:


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    #27
    dublingal80
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,540 ✭✭✭dublingal80


    Op, I dont mean for this to come across harsh or mean, but you sound desperate. you are only 25! I think you need to take a step back from it all and breathe. Dont let finding a man become a chore... Have you tried dating people that arent your usual type?

    I was single for about 2 and a half years when i was your age. I had finished a relationship and had no urge to meet anyone. I couldnt have been less interested. Then a friend was having a birtday party, i knew a handful of people, really didnt want to go but I did and met a guy and ended with him for 4 years.

    We since then broke up, but a friend of one of his friends got in touch with me completely out of the blue a few months after i was single and asked me out. He wasnt my type, I wasnt sure what I wanted but i didnt see the harm in going out for dinner and 4 months later I couldnt be happier.

    The last 2 guys I met was when I had no interest in meeting anyone at all

    And ps, whats wrong with a nice guy?? Seriously, i couldnt recommend a "nice" guy any more strongly!! Its the only type of guy to go for :D


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    #28
    starlit
    Registered Users Posts: 12,342 ✭✭✭✭starlit


    Malari wrote: »
    What's wrong with jokers? I like jokers :o

    I have found, in my circles of friends over the years, that those with clear ideas of the type of partner they want often find it harder to find someone they like! Maybe just start giving second chances OP. Often a public persona of a guy you meet who is always telling stories/jokes, or acting the maggot can be quite different one-on-one. he could meet your requirements of a "good" guy and will show a different side if you give him a chance?

    Jokers are ok, but I don't know when they are being serious or not. They could take offence to something I think is funny and they could joke away and I might find it insulting! I have given guys like them a chance and they took it too far with their jokes that really upset me. I'd like a guy to have a sense of humor but not to a degree that might offend people.
    Demonique wrote: »
    I don't understand all this 'bagging a man' thing.

    The world won't end if you don't settle down, marry and have kids.

    You don't need a man to feel fulfilled.

    I know, you don't necessarily need to be settled down or married to have kids. That's not what I am getting at. Its 'bagging a catch of man' really. Has everything I want in a man, or is similar to me at least like some ways more than others. Shar similar interests and views. Boyfriend/husband material that sort of thing. I don't have a particular look I go for in a guy but its personality is what I want.
    Wibbs wrote: »
    Sez he livin in Carlow. :p:D

    Yep and it many ways it will. For a start you'll feel off the market because you want to pay your own way and your confidence would be knocked. For a woman it would be equally soul destroying in general terms, but in relationships it's gonna be less. I can think of few men who would be that concerned about it(unless they smell freeloader). Though dont lose hope either as I know a fair few women who would be less concerned too, so long as the guy is actively trying. But I would still think there's a gender diff there alright. Online dating throws this up. Apparently the things women are more likely to be less than truthful about in self description are their age and weight, whereas men are more likely to less than truthful about their salary.

    I dunno sounds like guys coming out with I can't get a woman. Depends what you're looking for and where you're looking. The world is full to the brim with decent men(and women). Indeed I'd go so far as to say, if you're not meeting them you're doing something wrong, or are looking for the wrong things. What do you define as a "decent catch" for a start? And the bit about them "being too nice" is a rocky road to nowhere.

    I'm not bothered about a salary or anything like that, a decent standard of living is all I'd ask in that stakes. He doesn't have to be flashy. Its a decent nice man yet not too nice is what I want in a man. A decent catch well good sense of humor (not offending), tall, handsom (above average looking but not drop dead gorgeous), loyal, honest, fun, educated, independent, confident, a provider, considerate, thoughtful, kind, loving and friendly person. Money is not a big thing for me. Its personality is more important than looks, but needs to be compatible. I wouldn't want him better looking or uglier than me! I'm just a little fussy. I'll post a link of the what turns you off someone in AH thread.


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    #29
    stupidusername
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,762 ✭✭✭✭stupidusername


    Have to say that just because the OP is looking for someone doesn't mean that she' coming off as desperate. I mean I know I don't anyway. I mean I miss being in a relationship but in no way am I desperate for a man.

    And I'm 26 btw. It doesn't matter to me what age I am, I'm not working against any biological clock (don't want children) and don't want to get married, all I know is I like being with someone, and am feeling a little lonely lately.


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    #30
    starlit
    Registered Users Posts: 12,342 ✭✭✭✭starlit


    dublingal80 wrote: »
    Op, I dont mean for this to come across harsh or mean, but you sound desperate. you are only 25! I think you need to take a step back from it all and breathe. Dont let finding a man become a chore... Have you tried dating people that arent your usual type?

    I was single for about 2 and a half years when i was your age. I had finished a relationship and had no urge to meet anyone. I couldnt have been less interested. Then a friend was having a birtday party, i knew a handful of people, really didnt want to go but I did and met a guy and ended with him for 4 years.

    We since then broke up, but a friend of one of his friends got in touch with me completely out of the blue a few months after i was single and asked me out. He wasnt my type, I wasnt sure what I wanted but i didnt see the harm in going out for dinner and 4 months later I couldnt be happier.

    The last 2 guys I met was when I had no interest in meeting anyone at all

    And ps, whats wrong with a nice guy?? Seriously, i couldnt recommend a "nice" guy any more strongly!! Its the only type of guy to go for :D

    Don't get me wrong, I have dated people who wouldn't have been my type but didn't work out. I'm not at all desperate, I'm just dumfounded that I haven't met anyone that I would consider a life partner thats all! I'm not a girl that would go out with just any guy like! Even past boyfriends never thought I'd marry them because I never loved them or even fancied them enough to go the distance. I wonder if its something I'm doing wrong. There have been very few men that I like that have liked me back.

    Oh, I've no problem with nice guys, its if when they are too nice I don't like that whole hopeless romantic stuff, I like romance but don't like it over done! Then again, there are guys prentending to be nice to get what they want so...so hard to know if the guy is being genuine and sound or not!?
    I haven't had many boyfriends and have dated a good few men who weren't boyfriends as such but I've never really been in a proper serious committed realtionship, I'm worried whne I do meet someone for that kind of thing I will screw it up and I be left on my own...I don't want that.

    Link:
    http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=69571779&postcount=351


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    #31
    dublingal80
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,540 ✭✭✭dublingal80


    I didnt mean for it to come across in a bad way when i said desperate. i didnt know what other word to use.

    Its just for me, some of the stuff the op has said comes across as a little full on... such as:
    I'm only asking how people happen to meet their life partner at a night out, party, work, shops, online, sports events, through friends etc and end up together thats all. None of which has worked out for me

    and

    I'm missing something...a key ingredient to bag myself someone that I, my friends and family would approve off that I could spend my whole life with.

    A dream man well he doesn't have to be mr perfect but if he ticks the important boxes well...They are too nice???

    Its just, from my point of view is that you are out there looking for a husband op, someone that you will last forever with, so you have your list of things you want and you are fussy with what you want, which is understandable, you deserve the best... but you also could be missing on wonderful men just because they are "jokers"

    I really think, even for a few months, just get out, have fun and stop looking for a potential husband and just have fun with your friends... you never know, your friends could bring out there friends on a anight out and you could easily fall in love with one of them!

    I have a friend who met her husband on a wednesday night out in a pub. i was with her, place was empty. In he walked and the second she saw him she was like, wow, i have to talk to him. When he saw her he thought, wow, i need to talk to her and now they are married. IT was an after work drink in an empty pub, not dressed up or actively looking and thats where she found him

    Another friend was dating and not finding anyone, she was looking to settle and have babies cos the clock was ticking VERY loudly. A guy in her work offered to drop her home cos it was raining, he asked her out in the car, she wasnt sure because she saw him as a friend for ages. They went on a date and now they live together with kids

    Both of them found their o/h completely out of the blue and i think op if you just relax a little bit you will find the man of your dreams.
    :D


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