Best joke ye ever heard..Read first post. - Page 504 - boards.ie
Boards.ie uses cookies. By continuing to browse this site you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Click here to find out more x
Post Reply  
 
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
27-07-2015, 18:11   #7546
dolanbaker
Moderator
 
dolanbaker's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Táim i mo chónaí i mBaile Átha Luain,Co.Ros Comáin
Posts: 16,342
A wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman.

‘You disrespectful pig!’ she cried. ‘How dare you do this to me – a faithful wife, the mother of your children? I’m leaving you. I want a divorce!’

And Paddy (for it was he) replied, ‘Hang on just a minute, love, so at least I can tell you what happened.’

‘Fine, go ahead,’ she sobbed, ‘but they’ll be the last words you’ll say to me!’

And Paddy began – ‘Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn’t eaten for three days! So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for y ou last night, the ones you wouldn’t eat because you’re afraid you’ll put on weight.

The poor thing devoured them in moments. Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw them away.

Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don’t use because you say they are too tight. I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don’t use because I don’t have good taste.

I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don’t wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don’t use because someone at work has the same pair.’

Here Paddy took a quick breath and continued – ‘She was very grateful for my understanding and help, and as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, ‘Please… Do you have anything else that your wife doesn’t use?’
dolanbaker is offline  
Advertisement
27-07-2015, 18:54   #7547
tayto lover
Registered User
 
tayto lover's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 21,740
It was better the first time you told it
tayto lover is online now  
27-07-2015, 19:29   #7548
dolanbaker
Moderator
 
dolanbaker's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Táim i mo chónaí i mBaile Átha Luain,Co.Ros Comáin
Posts: 16,342
Quote:
Originally Posted by tayto lover View Post
It was better the first time you told it
Bloody train got shunted, hhhit the key too many times !
dolanbaker is offline  
Thanks from:
27-07-2015, 20:52   #7549
Hagar7
Registered User
 
Hagar7's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Norway am I telling anyone that.
Posts: 189
Quote:
Originally Posted by EoghanIRL View Post
^^ good one.
Ahem,you do know there'll be a thank you card at your doorstep tomorrow morn and a dozen guys doing community service.
Hagar7 is offline  
27-07-2015, 21:10   #7550
sm213
Registered User
 
sm213's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 61
The hardest part of Grandma's dementia was slowly watching her forget about dre.
sm213 is offline  
Thanks from:
Advertisement
Yesterday, 20:14   #7551
Miss Demeanour
Registered User
 
Miss Demeanour's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 1,448
Have you heard about the man caught masturbating in the newsagents?
No!? I'm surprised.........!
It was all over the papers!
Miss Demeanour is offline  
Today, 16:33   #7552
MonkieSocks
Registered User
 
MonkieSocks's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Larriers
Posts: 1,990
A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.

The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed.

She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.

The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit.

She gives the Blonde mortician a blank check and says,

'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'


The woman returns the next day for the wake.

To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly.

She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied.

You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?'

To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check.

'There's no charge,' she says.

'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!' she says.

'Honestly, ma'am,' the blonde says, 'it cost nothing.

You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit.

I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.'


















'So I just switched the heads.'
MonkieSocks is offline  
Post Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Remove Text Formatting
Bold
Italic
Underline

Insert Image
Wrap [QUOTE] tags around selected text
 
Decrease Size
Increase Size
Please sign up or log in to join the discussion

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Share Tweet