One-Liner Jokes

ONE PIKIE TO ANOTHER IS THERE A B&Q IN TALLAGHT THE OTHER ONE REPLIES NO BUT I THINK THERES AN S&Q.

There's no point in explaining it, as the joke has just gone over your head it happens to people some times.

What do you call a bra stretched across a road? A boobie trap!

What do northsiders call duct tape?

Chrome.

1. Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.

2. Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

3. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said "Implants?" She hit me.

4. I don't do drugs. I get the same effect just standing up fast.

5. Sign in a Chinese Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea.."

6. I live in my own little world. But it's OK. They know me here.

7. I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.

8. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

9. I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected.

10. There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and The Fool's.

11. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

12. I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore, I am perfect.

13. Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.

14 Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?

15. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.

16. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words:
"Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been.”

16. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words:
"Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been.”

Excellant!!!!

What didi the dyslexic,agnostic, insomniac do?
stay up all night wondering the existence of dog!

why did susie fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms

Why didnt she get back up again?
because she had no legs

why didnt anyone help her up?
because she had no friends!

Very sorry.

what did susie get for christmas
cancer

knock knock
whos there
NOT SUSIE!

12. I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore, I am perfect.

thats my logic

Best collection I've seen in a long time.

Why did the scarecrow get a payrise?

Because he was out-standing in his field

(works better told rather than written)




>What were hitlers last words before his men got in their tanks?
>"get in your tanks"

LOL!!:D

Odd definitions, some might even say queer.

Vaginatarian = lesbian

Fagnostic = someone who doesn't know if they are gay or not.

Originally posted by filmlaw74
What do you call an Italian football player with a rubber toe?
Roberto

still laughing at this one 5mins later

I replaced my car headlights with strobe lights
... now it looks like I'm the only one moving.

My neighbor put in a circular driveway
... but now, he can't get out.

I bought some powdered water once
... but I didn't know what to add.

I put instant coffee in a microwave once
... and almost went back in time.

I Xeroxed a mirror just to see what would happen
... Now I have an extra Xerox machine.

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory
... But, you couldn't park anywhere near the place.

I've started taking La maze classes
... I'm not having a baby; just having trouble breathing.

Whenever I sit and think of the past
... it brings back so many memories.

I remember when the candle shop burned down
... Everyone stood around singing "Happy Birthday".

It doesn't matter what temperature a room is
... it's always room temperature.

I make all my own water - -
... two glasses of H, one glass of O.

I installed the deer whistles on my car backwards
... now everywhere I go, I'm chased by a herd of deer.

I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards
... I got a full house and four people died.

I once bought a humidifier and a de-humidifier
...Then, I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.