how to meet genuine nice men...i know they are out there ..where?

cantdecide · 06-02-2013 10:24am

confuseddotcom wrote: »

Did anyone ever get set up on a Blind Date?! Some people may have completely different concepts of a blind-date, maybe for some it means someone that they don't know personally but that they "know of," but like I mean completely blind with no idea whatsoever of what the other person looks like! :eek: Possibly a recipe for disaster lol but there could be some positive results out of it? :pac:

I wonder is that Dinner-Date Website based on blind-dates or do potential matches have initial contact/chat?

I went on a blind date before Christmas. I thought I'd be completely freaked out but it was fine really. It didn't work out. I was bemused that our friends thought we were compatible. I could find almost nothing so it was a little awkward. It wouldn't stop me doing it again. Nothing ventured, nothing gained and all that.

Eve_Dublin · 06-02-2013 10:58am

I tried to set up a friend with another friend wh both live in London. The fella turned up with a massive hangover and the excuse that he didn´t realise it was a blind date. Eh....what else did you think it was when I categorically stated it was and you agreed to it and of course, the fact that you were meeting up with a complete stranger for dinner? I wouldn´t attempt it again, tbh. It´s often the case you see something in that person that the other person doesn´t. It´s more than just having something in common with someone, a huge part of it is simply chemistry.

TommieBoy · 06-02-2013 11:04am

I went on a few blind dates a few years ago just to get my friends off my back (I had been moping over a lost love for too long). They were mostly terrible, but it was my fault. I didn't give anyone a chance. They seemed like nice guys, who were as uncomfortable as I was on the date. Had I relaxed, it would've been tolerable, if not pleasant.

I went on a two-couple set-up on New Years day. Which I would do again because it inadvertently offers another option and less pressure. I didn't hit it off with the guy I was set up with, and the other couple didn't enjoy each others company, so the date kinda naturally progressed where we switched partners and that was more relaxing. Could say I even had fun (and I don't like dating, it seems too forced). So a group blind set-up might be a fun option.

cantdecide · 06-02-2013 11:13am

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

a huge part of it is simply chemistry.

Sure and you'd think that when you have mutual friends and you see some commonality in them it should be as much about knowing what motivates them and how they're mind works rather than more shallow things like a shared hobby.

In my (only) case I walked wondering what our friends were thinking; the only thing we had in common on any level was that we were both single. Some people just shouldn't play cupid.

TommieBoy · 06-02-2013 11:41am

cantdecide wrote: »

In my (only) case I walked wondering what our friends were thinking; the only thing we had in common on any level was that we were both single. Some people just shouldn't play cupid.

Makes me laugh, cos my friends only reasoning for setting me up with the New Years guy was "he's your age, so you will like each other" (like that's :rolleyes: the criteria for a perfect match) .... so why did I have more fun with the guy twice my age??? My married friends have good intentions, but they don't seem to get it or get me, I guess - dunno

janeo80 · 06-02-2013 9:24pm

Yeah I wonder about blind dates, do people agree to them? Also, what is the deal with online dating? Is it like a last resort or can genuinely good matches be made? And... I would have always been of the mindset where you absolutely never ever ever meet people from the internet in real life, but has that all changed with facebook and whatnot?

TommieBoy · 06-02-2013 11:46pm

janeo80 wrote: »

Yeah I wonder about blind dates, do people agree to them? Also, what is the deal with online dating? Is it like a last resort or can genuinely good matches be made? And... I would have always been of the mindset where you absolutely never ever ever meet people from the internet in real life, but has that all changed with facebook and whatnot?

...in my case, agree would not be the right word - coerced maybe

We are of a similar mindset of not meeting off the internet.. So I wonder the same thing about online dating and meeting internet acquaintances - good idea or awkward and bad choice?

An acquaintance of mine met his wife on the net, they chatted long enough (at one point, they were both married to others) to think they were a perfect match and got :eek: engaged. They married the first week after meeting... Needless to say, it has not worked out well - real life with all its complexities is no match for the limited (fantasy-like) world of the web. A girlfriend left her hubby over someone she met in a chat room - the "person they show to the world, is not the full picture of who they are, and sometimes they are the opposite" she said

sooooo I am interested to hear what others think... For me the net brings out some of my better and some of my worse qualities - its been a real learning process to discover who I am and who I want to be.

But I digress - personally, I wouldn't want to meet any of my friends, cos frankly, I like them too much

A boards pal says meeting net friends is awkward.... and I wouldn't want to put them thru that, nor have any awkwardness between us when I logged back on. Boards is a respite from real world stuff. That said, there is one I am willing to meet for coffee.

TommieBoy · 07-02-2013 9:04am

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

It´s often the case you see something in that person that the other person doesn´t. It´s more than just having something in common with someone, a huge part of it is simply chemistry.

What if you

rarely get 'chemistry' or feel the fluttering butterflies when you meet anyone? Can it be a learned response? Or is it simply a love at first sight, spontaneous, uncontrolled reaction?

emmm.......think I would rather give a good guy (whom I may not feel initial attraction to) a chance, rather than give any bad boy a chance, even if I felt an initial attraction.... Does that make sense? Is chemistry as important as appreciation? And can it develop into attraction?

beks101 · 07-02-2013 10:04am

TommieBoy wrote: »

What if you rarely get 'chemistry' or feel the fluttering butterflies when you meet anyone? Can it be a learned response? Or is it simply a love at first sight, spontaneous, uncontrolled reaction?

I think chemistry is the defining factor really. It's what makes you want to touch, kiss, hold hands, get intimate, be physically as close as possible. Without it you just have a friendship really.

But it works differently for everyone. Personally I can't remember EVER experiencing the lightning bolt. But I definitely know for sure when I'm attracted to someone, because I'm 100% aware of their presence in any social situation, find myself stealing glances, want to be as close as possible. I'll even notice my own physical cues - I might play with my hair or fix my clothes a bit when I'm around them, maybe get a bit uncharacteristically shy, keep them in my peripheral vision.

I'll just feel it in my gut really. Its absence can be annoying when you're dating a particularly lovely guy and it's just...nothing. My brain is saying "come on, he's perfect!" but my gut just won't play ball. Happened with a guy I was seeing before my last ex. He was lovely, sweet, smart, caring, good looking, into me...and I was just hmmming & hawing over him and thinking "I don't know..." and then the ex came along and I knew instantly the first guy was a goner. He just stirred something in me and that's what needs to happen for me.

I think the key thing is to just be good at knowing what your own response is. Maybe you don't feel it in a split second, maybe you're a slow burner. Or maybe like me it's not like heaven and earth moves the second he walks in the room but you find it hard to keep your eyes off him all the same.

TommieBoy · 07-02-2013 6:14pm

beks101 wrote: »

I think chemistry is the defining factor really.
...like heaven and earth moves the second he walks in the room but you find it hard to keep your eyes off him all the same.

Thanks for sharing your experiences and wonderful description beks101

..."like heaven and earth moves..." hmmm, I felt that instantly once...with one who continues to take my breath away at the mere mention of his name. He is off-limits. Never felt that way with ANY other guy... I hope this chemistry stuff is not limited to just one man - the "once-in-a-lifetime, you had your chance" thing... Is it possible to feel attraction to someone who is not the love of your life?

beks101 · 07-02-2013 6:51pm

TommieBoy wrote: »

Is it possible to feel attraction to someone who is not the love of your life?

I think this 'One True Love' thing is bullshit. If that was the case most of us would've given up after our first serious relationship.

Relationships, IMO, are conditional, circumstantial and based on two like-minded or opposite-minded people meeting at the right time in their lives and falling for one another. Sometimes that feels like a bit of a pill to swallow because it can be such a needle-in-the-haystack scenario, and maybe a bit of magic is involved in making all the events conspire to find you that person, but there are nonetheless countless people who can fit that description. Tracking them down is the tricky part.

I think this sums it up pretty well

TommieBoy · 07-02-2013 8:24pm

Oh LOL Gee

Thank you for that beks

...nothing like a bit of humour and another persons perspective to shed some light on the unknown. TY

Lux23 · 08-02-2013 5:43pm

I met my loving, caring and handsome boyfriend in Coppers, I can imagine that most people wouldn't recommend as the place to meet the man of your dreams. So I guess that goes to show that it can happen anywhere.

Eve_Dublin · 09-02-2013 6:51pm

I had that "bolt of lightening" feeling once in my life. It was pure physical attraction. I still remember that feeling. Made a total prat of myself trying to "attract" him that night. Went out with him for 9 months, should've ended it a lot sooner but fancied him so much, I couldn't. He did in the end (we always fought). I don´t think I had a broken heart when it ended, it was more withdrawls from that feeling as we didn't really get along that well. I´m very wary of that feeling now and it´s not what I've been looking for since then. It was all consuming. A nice healthy balance between liking the person initially and fining the idea of having sex with them appealing is a good place to start.

Tower77 · 09-02-2013 7:11pm

Id say hold on and hang in there. There comes a point in a persons life like me in my mid 30s that you get tired of the same old pub -club scene. It can be difficult also to see friends move on and get married and feel like you've been left hanging. Confidence was always my problem but there comes a point I believe where you have to say what of it and take a risk if you meet someone you genuinely like.

confuseddotcom · 09-02-2013 7:29pm

Do ye remember there was a programme on telly a good while back where some guy was trying to find a girlfriend in Ireland, and they looked at all the avenues and methods he used in his attempts. I think he was a Comedian-wannabe? Don't know his name or anything. If I recall he did find a girlfriend at the end of his search but I think it was reported at a later stage that they broke up. Is he still single? Married? Few kids? Wonder whatever happened to him......

seenitall · 09-02-2013 7:31pm

^^ Karl Spain.

mood · 09-02-2013 7:42pm

confuseddotcom wrote: »

Do ye remember there was a programme on telly a good while back where some guy was trying to find a girlfriend in Ireland, and they looked at all the avenues and methods he used in his attempts. I think he was a Comedian-wannabe? Don't know his name or anything. If I recall he did find a girlfriend at the end of his search but I think it was reported at a later stage that they broke up. Is he still single? Married? Few kids? Wonder whatever happened to him......

That wouldn't an everyday situation. For one thing any potential dates/girlfriends would have to be willing to be filmed for a TV programme.

miamee · 09-02-2013 7:43pm

seenitall wrote: »

^^ Karl Spain.

That's him. He has a girlfriend alright but not the girl from the show as far as I know.

confuseddotcom · 10-02-2013 2:40am

Nor would Take Me Out!

Have never actually watched that. I watched the English one alright an odd time but wouldn't be able to look at a minute of the Irish one! I think we r doomed! :eek::pac:

0ph0rce0 · 10-02-2013 3:13am

I haven't moved from my bed all weekend cause i have given up on trying to find me a nice woman, Then you read this thread and makes you feel even worse that there actually are woman out there, BUT I CANT FIND THEM

Please send all women to

PO BOX 135
Dublin

mood · 10-02-2013 12:16pm

0ph0rce0 wrote: »

I haven't moved from my bed all weekend cause i have given up on trying to find me a nice woman, Then you read this thread and makes you feel even worse that there actually are woman out there, BUT I CANT FIND THEM

Please send all women to

PO BOX 135
Dublin

If it was only that simple!!!

Nymeria · 10-02-2013 1:31pm

mood wrote: »

There is no way being funny holds anyone back. Surely it's a bonus.

Apparently, men don't want funny women -

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/this-britain/why-men-dont-fancy-funny-women-525001.html

"Men see being funny as a male thing," explained Dr Rod Martin, who led the project. The findings are published in the scientific journal Evolution and Human Behaviour this week.

Hundreds of men and women in their twenties were questioned. Asked if they found a sense of humour to be attractive in women, most men said yes. But when they were asked if they would want to be with a woman who cracked jokes herself, the answer was a resounding no.

"When forced to choose between humour production and humour appreciation in potential partners, women valued humour production, whereas men valued receptivity to their own humour," said Dr Martin.

http://www.youbeauty.com/mind/columns/a-beautiful-mind/wanting-a-partner-with-a-good-sense-of-humor

'A study by Eric Bressler, Rod Martin and Sigal Balshine in the journal Evolution and Human Behavior suggests that this apparent contradiction comes from a difference between the way men and women define “good sense of humor.”

When women say that they want a man with a good sense of humor, they generally mean that they want someone who will both make them laugh and will laugh at their jokes. In contrast, when men say that they want a woman with a good sense of humor, they mean primarily that they want someone who will laugh at their jokes.'

Of course this doesn't apply to everyone, but it may be why there is a prevalence of male comedians. In my everyday life I would meet just as many funny women as men, but possibly there isn't an audience out there for funny women.
I'm not saying that it's unanimously true, however maybe some men don't want to be 'out-joked' by their girlfriend.

Wibbs · 10-02-2013 1:41pm

It may have another aspect. I read of one study that found young men who were considered "funny" had higher testosterone and slightly higher IQ's and higher social comfort than those who were considered less funny. It was observed that men would compete to be funny in front of women. It's possible that funny = higher testosterone and more sociability which may evolved to be attraction triggers for women. Women being funny(and like you I know plenty) might be uncomfortable for some men? It's seen as a man thing? There are other examples of that were women "acting like blokes" is considered a turnoff, so maybe?

jaffacakesyum · 10-02-2013 2:01pm

Yeah I definitely think humour is turn off for a lot of guys. I'm not saying I'm hilarious, but I do love comedy and have been told by most of my friends that I'm funny. (Clearly not on boards though, I'm a moany b1tch on here most of the time :pac: ).

I find men just aren't attracted to a woman who can tell jokes or be the class clown kinda thing. It's seen as unladylike I guess. I have a lot of guy mates so we can mess around and joke a lot but when it comes to me wanting to attract a guy, I definitely pull back on my humour a bit because I know it's not attractive to a lot of men.

Nymeria · 10-02-2013 2:19pm

jaffacakesyum wrote: »

Yeah I definitely think humour is turn off for a lot of guys. I'm not saying I'm hilarious, but I do love comedy and have been told by most of my friends that I'm funny. (Clearly not on boards though, I'm a moany b1tch on here most of the time :pac: ).

I find men just aren't attracted to a woman who can tell jokes or be the class clown kinda thing. It's seen as unladylike I guess. I have a lot of guy mates so we can mess around and joke a lot but when it comes to me wanting to attract a guy, I definitely pull back on my humour a bit because I know it's not attractive to a lot of men.

My perception of it is that for some guys being funny is their 'thing', its how they not only attract women, but how they get attention from others, so maybe they don't want the competition, especially if they perceive women to be solely the audience for their humour. The stereotypical 'joker' in school or in a group does tend to be men.

I'm probably making generalisations (aren't we all on this thread), but like Wibbs pointed out, being funny is seen more widely as a man's domain. Stand up comedians, comedic actors - very few women. And the women that do tend to 'make it' are those that imitate men's style of comedy. I think it's almost seen as threatening for some guys when a woman can hold her own, as in, she's taking the focus off them and will be less receptive to their charms.

I could even go further and quote from a femenist perspective 'women just shut up and laugh because we're trained from birth that we're supposed to be pleasant, pliable, and inoffensive, and that we should pander to men at all times lest we be labeled an undesirable'. (http://jezebel.com/5914084/hey-men-im-funnier-than-you). Ok its a little extreme, but I still found myself nodding along while reading some of it.

Sorry, I'm probably dragging the thread a bit off topic....just waiting for the rugby to start

.

janeo80 · 10-02-2013 2:40pm

"....the findings suggested that men see themselves as the ones who should be delivering the lines and feel threatened by humorous women........."

That's exactly what I was talking about when I said originally that my cracking sense of humour (another joke!) was a turn off for guys... They appear on nights out to laugh at my jokes blah blah, but then take the number of/take an interest in my quiet and more "ladylike" companion(s). That's loosely based on a typical nights out, not actually how it happens, but I always wind up being "the funny one" and the quiet one is the "sexy one" even though sometimes it's just because she has nothing worthwhile to say at all.

It's just baffling that it would be intimidating... I feel like wit and intelligence (and modesty?) can be a turn off, which is so disappointing! If I were to keep my mouth shut and be "mysterious" or elusive or whatever people get from people who don't open their mouths, I'd only wind up with a shallow prlck which wouldn't make me any happier either... Better off single and being myself, but why isn't my slightly-blokey yet zany and interesting self as well received as I think she should be?

Jeeeeeeeeeez I sound like a total moron in that post so please don't quote any of it, but that's what goes through my head when I see guys hitting on idiots, and I get ignored. Which happens too often for me to ignore it!

Lots of great posts up there btw, sorry for bringing it all back to my life!

Tigger99 · 10-02-2013 4:02pm

Jane you've made a lot of generalisations in your post but I get that you are frustrated with the whole dating thing.

I think there is a happy medium. Ive never attracted to the guy in the group thats coming out with all the jokes as I'd assume that he's a bit full of himself, couple that with a guy being v self confident I'd just think player or its all about him and I stay away. I like the guy thats just chatting away with everyone else, like I'd be doing.

Basically short version, I'd find the jokey person intimidating, and I'm a girl.

jaffacakesyum · 10-02-2013 4:14pm

Tigger99 wrote: »

Basically short version, I'd find the jokey person intimidating, and I'm a girl.

Well there you go. If you as a woman are intimidated by the jokey types, I can only imagine how a lot of guys feel :pac:

They are, of course, generalisations but just based on my experiences of the dating scene, I do find there is a gender difference. As a bisexual female, I find I can attract other women with my sense of humour much more than I would attract men with it.

janeo80 · 10-02-2013 4:30pm

I've only made generalisations based on what generally happens to me, don't mean to offend!

Interesting point on the attracting men/women with humour!

I dunno, I think it's more first impressions it's great, easy to break ice with people etc., and my friends would say it's probably my number one quality having the lolz, but it just doesn't go down well with guys for me! Aw well!

how to meet genuine nice men...i know they are out there ..where?

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