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21-07-2014, 14:57   #6511
3rdDegree
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Witchie View Post
I'm heading out for a curry later with some Muslim friends. Hope I'm not up all night with the Shiites.
Almost as bad:

Q. How do you infuriate a Muslim?
A. Tell him you're going to Killala at the weekend.
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21-07-2014, 16:09   #6512
dolanbaker
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Q. How do you infuriate a Muslim?
A. Tell him you're going to Mecca* at the weekend.

*To Play Bingo.
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21-07-2014, 18:06   #6513
foxy farmer
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A drunken man wandered into the ladies toilet in a hotel in Athlone by mistake and was heading for a cubicle unzipped and ready for action.
"Excuse me" squealed an elderly lady. " This is for ladies only".
Smiling he replied "So is this maam so is this"
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21-07-2014, 21:24   #6514
Witchie
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Did you hear about the pervert woodworm?

He ate the drawers off the dresser.
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22-07-2014, 19:20   #6515
Hagar7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Witchie View Post
Did you hear about the pervert woodworm?

He ate the drawers off the dresser.
That was so bad it was funny.
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22-07-2014, 19:55   #6516
Man.UnitedLad
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What do you call a snobby criminal walking down the stairs?

A condescending con descending.
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Yesterday, 01:09   #6517
byrner88
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Paul McCartney once said that he only writes music about things that are real.

Really Paul? And would you say you do this eight days a week?
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Yesterday, 16:44   #6518
3rdDegree
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Quote:
Originally Posted by byrner88 View Post
Paul McCartney once said that he only writes music about things that are real.

Really Paul? And would you say you do this eight days a week?
I don't think the singing frogs were very realistic either.
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Yesterday, 18:31   #6519
dolanbaker
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Funny Responses

UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2)
Jeremy Paxman: What is another name for 'cherrypickers' and 'cheesemongers'?
Contestant: Homosexuals.
Paxman: No. They're regiments in the British Army who will be very upset
with you.


BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2)
Jamie Theakston: Where do you think Cambridge University is?
Contestant: Geography isn't my strong point.
Theakston: There's a clue in the title.
Contestant: Leicester .


BBC NORFOLK
Stewart White: Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World?
Contestant: I don't know.
White: I'll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your hand
and your elbow?
Contestant: Arm.
White: Correct. And if you're not weak, you're...?
Contestant: Strong.
White: Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name?
Contestant: Louis.
White: Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song
What A Wonderful World?
Contestant: Frank Sinatra?


LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS )
Alex Trelinski: What is the capital of Italy ?
Contestant: France .
Trelinski: France is another country. Try again.
Contestant: Oh, um, Benidorm.
Trelinski: Wrong, sorry, let's try another question. In which country is the
Parthenon?
Contestant: Sorry, I don't know.
Trelinski: Just guess a country then.
Contestant: Paris .


THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2)
Anne Robinson: - Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all
written books about their experiences in what: - Prison, or
the Conservative Party?
Contestant: The Conservative Party.


BEACON RADIO ( WOLVERHAMPTON )
DJ Mark: For ?10, what is the nationality of the Pope?
Ruth from Rowley Regis: I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?


UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE
Bamber Gascoigne: What was Gandhi's first name?
Contestant: Goosey?


GWR FM ( Bristol )
Presenter: What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963?
Contestant: I don't know, I wasn't watching it then.


RTE RADIO 2FM ( IRELAND )
Presenter: What is the name of the long- running TV comedy show about
pensioners: Last Of The...?
Caller: Mohicans.


PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC RADIO MANCHESTER )
Phil: What's 11 squared?
Contestant: I don't know.
Phil: I'll give you a clue. It's two ones with a two in the middle.
Contestant: Is it five?


RICHARD AND JUDY
Q: Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman?
A: Forrest Gump.


RICHARD AND JUDY
Leslie: On which street did Sherlock Holmes live?
Contestant: Er. . .
Leslie: He makes bread . . .
Contestant: Er . ...
Leslie: He makes cakes . . .
Contestant: Kipling Street ?


LINCS FM PHONE-IN
Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?
Contestant: Barcelona .
Presenter: I was really after the name of a country.
Contestant: I'm sorry, I don't know the names of any countries in Spain .


NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1)
Question: What is the world's largest continent?
Contestant: The Pacific


ROCK FM ( PRESTON )
Presenter: Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a
famous painting by Leonardo da Vinci.
Contestant: Who Framed Roger Rabbit?


THE BIGGEST GAME IN TOWN (ITV)
Steve Le Fevre: What was signed, to bring World War I to an end in 1918?
Contestant: Magna Carta?


JAMES O'BRIEN SHOW (LBC)
O'Brien: How many kings of England have been called Henry?
Contestant: Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth ... ER?ER ...
Three?



CHRIS SEARLE SHOW (BBC RADIO BRISTOL )
Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna ?
Caller: Japan .
Searle: I did say which European country, so in case you didn't hear that, I
can let you try again.
Caller: Er .... Mexico ?


PAUL WAPPAT (BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE )
Paul Wappat: How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last?
Contestant (after long pause): Fourteen days.


DARYL DENHAM'S DRIVETIME (VIRGIN RADIO)
Daryl Denham: In which country would you spend shekels?
Contestant: Holland ?
Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet.
Contestant: Iceland ? Ireland ?
Denham (helpfully): It's a bad line. Did you say Israel ?
Contestant: No.


PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR)
Wood: What 'K' could be described as the Islamic Bible?
Contestant: Er. .. .
Wood: It's got two syllables . . . Kor . . .
Contestant: Blimey?
Wood: Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run . . .
Contestant: (Silence)
Wood: OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I . . .
Contestant: Walked?


THE VAULT
Melanie Sykes: What is the name given to the condition where the sufferer
can fall asleep at any time?
Contestant: Nostalgia.


LUNCHTIME SHOW (BRMB)
Presenter: What religion was Guy Fawkes?
Contestant: Jewish.
Presenter: That's close enough.


STEVE WRIGHT IN THE AFTERNOON (BBC RADIO 2)
Wright: Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging
character clad only in a loin cloth did he play?
Contestant: Jesus
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Yesterday, 21:11   #6520
chughes
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 3rdDegree View Post
I don't think the singing frogs were very realistic either.
Nor is Magneto and Titanium Man.
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