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'I Wouldnt ride her into battle', 'Her face looks like a bag of bent euros'

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Comments

  • #252
    Diamond_Ninja
    Registered Users Posts: 223 ✭✭Diamond_Ninja


    She fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.

    Thats a favourite of my Dad, uses it frequently :D


  • #253
    sparks24
    Registered Users Posts: 260 ✭✭sparks24


    Mickey H wrote: »
    Sweating like a hooker in confessions.

    sweating like a priest in a playground


  • #254
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,170 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    PhlegmyMoses wrote: »
    She had a fanny like a hippo's yawn.
    On that theme; shagging her was like waving your arm around in a humid room.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



  • #255
    SafeSurfer
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,591 ✭✭✭SafeSurfer


    He's such a liar he has to get somebody else to call his dog.



    You couldn't wipe your arse without getting **** on your finger.



    He is the two ends of a bollix.



    He suffers from high self esteem.

    Multo autem ad rem magis pertinet quallis tibi vide aris quam allis



  • #256
    jebuz
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,771 ✭✭✭jebuz


    kfallon wrote: »
    You don't have a birth cert, you have an apology letter from Durex!

    I read this first and I was thinking why would a paint company give you a letter of apology...

    I get it now


  • #257
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,170 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    You do the work of two men. Laurel and Hardy.

    He's so fat if you threw an ashtray at his head the fcuker would orbit.

    If opposites attract your girlfriend must be a gorgeous member of mensa.

    You disprove evolution.

    You've your head so far up your arse to need a glass navel to get around.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



  • #258
    number10a
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,062 ✭✭✭number10a


    All courtesy of my grandmother who spouted these well into her 80s:

    Other aul wan: "Who's the father of yer wan's children?"
    Nana: "Sure if you sat in a patch of nettles, how do you know which one stung you!!"

    "That fella! Sure he'd stick it into a beehive!"

    "She'd get up on her father if she had half a chance."

    "He's as ugly as a basket of assholes."


  • #259
    aaronjumper
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,128 ✭✭✭✭aaronjumper


    "He's worth ten men. Nine of em dead an' one of em dyin".


  • #260
    Kxiii
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 864 ✭✭✭Kxiii


    He's such a liar, if he came in wet you'd look outside to see if its raining.


  • #261
    neil_hosey
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,712 ✭✭✭neil_hosey


    shed a face like a dog after licking piss off a nettle.


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  • #262
    Dr conrad murray
    Closed Accounts Posts: 141 ✭✭Dr conrad murray


    sweating like a priest in a playground


  • #263
    Rezident
    Registered Users Posts: 1,804 ✭✭✭Rezident


    You're a model!? What do you model, balaclavas?


  • #264
    midlandsmissus
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 3,838 ✭✭✭midlandsmissus


    You wouldn't work on batteries.



    Face like a half chewed toffo and half eaten apple made me laugh out loud :)


  • #265
    L.Jenkins
    Moderators, Computer Games Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 19,241 Mod ✭✭✭✭L.Jenkins


    "Head on ya like the back end of a city link bus."

    "Head on ya like a boiled shíte!"

    "You've got a face only a mother could love. Unfortunately for you, you have two dads."

    "I'm feeling as rough as a bears árse!"


  • #266
    ladysarastro
    Registered Users Posts: 208 ✭✭ladysarastro


    He's a face on him that looks like someone tried to put a forest fire out with a screwdriver


  • #267
    midlandsmissus
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 3,838 ✭✭✭midlandsmissus


    We should vote on the best one.

    You've a Face on ya for modelling balaclavas is another of my favourites :D


  • #268
    El Tarangu
    Registered Users Posts: 1,620 ✭✭✭El Tarangu


    Don't know if this one's been posted already, but here goes:

    "I'd call him a cúnt, but he lacks the warmth and depth".


  • #269
    Daveysil15
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,301 ✭✭✭Daveysil15


    She's had more pricks than a second hand dart board.

    She's seen more bare arses than a coppers torch.


  • #270
    Knex*
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 22,477 ✭✭✭✭Knex*


    She has a face like roadkill.

    You were definitely shat out as a baby anyway.


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  • #271
    D1976
    Registered Users Posts: 370 ✭✭D1976


    My favourite

    She has a face that´d bring tears to a sledgehammer


  • #272
    ch750536
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,736 ✭✭✭ch750536


    One I actually used.

    I wouldn't **** you with his dick (points to bar owners dog).


  • #273
    ch750536
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,736 ✭✭✭ch750536


    She's a complexion of rice crispies.


  • #274
    hamco
    Registered Users Posts: 61 ✭✭hamco


    "She looks like a whores abortion"

    With a face like that only her mother could love her!


  • #275
    Daveysil15
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,301 ✭✭✭Daveysil15


    As much use as a condom machine in the Vatican.

    She's got half the Black Forest hanging out of her armpits.

    She's got a face like a squeezed tea bag.


  • #276
    christmas2012
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,827 ✭✭✭christmas2012


    hes got a face like an orc

    hes got a face like shrek


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  • #277
    Daveysil15
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,301 ✭✭✭Daveysil15


    syndeyfife wrote: »
    She has a fanny like a burst couch..

    This is brilliant. :pac:


  • #278
    luckyfrank
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,054 ✭✭✭luckyfrank


    She has a fanny on her like a badly stuffed kebab


  • #279
    Daveysil15
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,301 ✭✭✭Daveysil15


    About as innocent as a Nun doing pressups in a Cucumber field.

    As useful as a one armed trapeze artist with an itchy arse.


  • #280
    hamco
    Registered Users Posts: 61 ✭✭hamco


    Look at you with your fake nails, fake tan, fake eye brows and a fake smile.
    :D
    R ya sure ya werent made in China?:o


  • #281
    Daveysil15
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,301 ✭✭✭Daveysil15


    She's got a fanny like a horse's mouth crossing the line of the grand national.


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  • #282
    tayto lover
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 52,213 ✭✭✭✭tayto lover


    He wouldn't get a ride in a carnival.


  • #283
    Jello
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,739 ✭✭✭Jello


    Sweating like a blind lesbian in a fish market.


  • #284
    AnamGlas
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 593 ✭✭✭AnamGlas


    I'd rather get up on a Monday morning!


  • #285
    Galwayguy35
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 16,669 ✭✭✭✭Galwayguy35


    He'd get up on a hairy hand
    He wouldn't get a ride in a whorehouse


  • #286
    Kevwoody
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,015 ✭✭✭Kevwoody


    Your mother should have swallowed you!


  • #287
    sparkthatbled
    Registered Users Posts: 629 ✭✭✭sparkthatbled


    "Stirring the Porridge"

    ...gick!


  • #288
    Bazgina
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 24 ✭Bazgina


    body off baywatch.... face off crimewatch.


  • #289
    sgb
    Registered Users Posts: 770 ✭✭✭sgb


    Look at her she's gorgeous

    I'd use her ****e as toothepaste


  • #290
    Mickey H
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,822 ✭✭✭Mickey H


    Classic from an elderly neighbour: "She has a face on her that would turn back a traveller's funeral".


  • #291
    Dave!
    Closed Accounts Posts: 27,857 ✭✭✭✭Dave!


    Rough as a badger's arse


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  • #292
    Squidgy Black
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 21,721 ✭✭✭✭Squidgy Black


    WD40 couldn't even get the rust off your flaps...


  • #293
    Unique User Name
    Registered Users Posts: 324 ✭✭Unique User Name


    Person 1 - "You're a homo"
    Person 2 - "You're a homo"
    Person 1 - If I wanted my own cum back, I'd wipe it from your Mothers face.


  • #294
    arybvtcw0eolkf
    Closed Accounts Posts: 24,878 ✭✭✭✭arybvtcw0eolkf


    She's got tits like two zeppelins in a balloon race :pac:

    I'd suck farts out of her arse!.


  • #295
    dj jarvis
    Registered Users Posts: 3,485 ✭✭✭dj jarvis


    shes not suitable for soft ground

    face like a bag of smashed crabs

    doctor said he could not give her a smear test - why ? have you ever tried to open a toasted cheese sandwich ?

    im here all week


  • #296
    diabloro
    Registered Users Posts: 50 ✭✭diabloro


    I wouldn't even get up on her to get over a wall.


  • #297
    Deus Ex Machina
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,556 ✭✭✭Deus Ex Machina


    you would know shes from a shīt family just by seeing her cheap clothes and phone !!

    she has no mates to go out with let alone any lad who would ride her :p


    she is going to be as poor as her ma and she drives a 98 micra ;)


  • #298
    marcsignal
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,072 ✭✭✭marcsignal


    you look like your da's mate......

    think about it



    ie: your da's best mate was riding your mother at some point
    :P


  • #299
    cruiser178
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,654 ✭✭✭cruiser178


    The best part of ya is still running down your ma's legs.


  • #300
    shuridunno
    Closed Accounts Posts: 111 ✭✭shuridunno


    I wouldn't give him the steam off my p*ss.

    He didn't lick that off a stone.

    Ask me arse.


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  • #301
    2 stroke
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,921 ✭✭✭2 stroke


    I wouldn't ride her with yours.


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