What was your biggest "get me out of here!" moment in a relationship?

02-01-2017 10:25pm

Saipanne wrote: »

What? How did she anticipate that?

I left probably the biggest fart of my life when I came while shagging a girl. I knew it was going to happen, so I held her head so that I covered one ear and moaned loudly in the other in time with the farts, which pulsed out with every wave.

I think I got away with it.

Ha ha i think the towel being suddenly jammed might have got the stimulus going

Mister Vain · 02-01-2017 10:32pm

Saipanne wrote: »

I held her head so that I covered one ear and moaned loudly in the other in time with the farts, which pulsed out with every wave.

And they say men can't multitask. :pac:

cantdecide · 02-01-2017 10:34pm

Deleted User wrote: »

Ha ha i think the towel being suddenly jammed might have got the stimulus going

Towel movement?

Lady Chatterton · 02-01-2017 10:44pm

I was young.........I confused jealousy and possessiveness with love. When the abuse became physical, I called time.

Mister Vain · 02-01-2017 10:51pm

mfceiling wrote: »

From reading this entire thread it has made me realise that 95% of the madness in a relationship comes from the female side!!

Well a common theme I hear is women not liking mammy's boys, especially when she keeps walking in with tea and biscuits while they're trying to shag.

Birneybau · 02-01-2017 11:24pm

Mister Vain wrote: »

Well a common theme I hear is women not liking mammy's boys, especially when she keeps walking in with tea and biscuits while they're trying to shag.

Called it Mister Vain.

Robsweezie · 03-01-2017 12:00am

Birneybau wrote:

Called it Mister Vain.

Called it Mr Wrong

king size mars bar · 03-01-2017 12:04am

Called it insane

king size mars bar · 03-01-2017 12:09am

I left probably the biggest fart of my life when I came while shagging a girl. I knew it was going to happen, so I held her head so that I covered one ear and moaned loudly in the other in time with the farts, which pulsed out with every wave.

I think I got away with it.

[/QUOTE]

I can't stop laughing at this post, class!

bobwilliams · 03-01-2017 12:11am

Woke up to be greeted by her poo stained knickers on the wooden floor.
Shagged her once more then headed her on.

RebelButtMunch · 03-01-2017 12:18am

She nipped out to the loo before the event. I wondered why. We did the deed. When I turned on the light the sheets were a lovely shade of pink.... I asked her and she admitted to taking out her tampon beforehand. Walked her home the next morning and left it at that.

Avatar MIA · 03-01-2017 12:24am

RebelButtMunch wrote: »

She nipped out to the loo before the event. I wondered why. We did the deed. When I turned on the light the sheets were a lovely shade of pink.... I asked her and she admitted to taking out her tampon beforehand. Walked her home the next morning and left it at that.

In the highly unlikely event that the actual girl is reading this, can I apologise profusely on behalf of my sex.

Oh, and by the way, could you write up your 'get me out of here moment' about the time you were unfortunate to sleep with a whimp.

RebelButtMunch · 03-01-2017 12:26am

Avatar MIA wrote: »

In the highly unlikely event that the actual girl is reading this, can I apologise profusely on behalf of my sex.

Oh, and by the way, could you write up your 'get me out of here moment' about the time you were unfortunate to sleep with a whimp.

Classy

Stealthfins · 03-01-2017 12:30am

Lady Chatterton wrote:

I was young.........I confused jealousy and possessiveness with love. When the abuse became physical, I called time.

I blame that 80's band Chicago for all those jealous love sick people.

Lyrics like theirs should be banned, Peter Cetera must have had dramatic relationships lol

Avatar MIA · 03-01-2017 12:30am

RebelButtMunch wrote: »

Classy

To be fair I remember a friend telling me a similar story and I felt similar to you. We were a few years off from doing our leaving cert, so don't feel so bad about it now.

RebelButtMunch · 03-01-2017 12:35am

Avatar MIA wrote: »

To be fair I remember a friend telling me a similar story and I felt similar to you. We were a few years off from doing our leaving cert, so don't feel so bad about it now.

Ouch. Thanks. I won't.

Birneybau · 03-01-2017 12:59am

king size mars bar wrote: »

Called it insane

I know what I want and I want it now...

The flying mouse · 03-01-2017 1:10am

Lived with Portuguese girl for years and when she got drunk she would turn into a violent possessive witch, Screaming and throwing things no matter where we were, She attacked me physically loads of times, and all because I am such a nice guy.........So Eventually we got married.

Now divorced

.

enda1 · 03-01-2017 2:03pm

GingerLily wrote: »

It was weird it made him more convinced we were meant to be something! There were other crazy things.

Also I hope I share more than 0.2% DNA with him, humans all share like 99% with chimps or something!! Lol

I was refereeing to of that which does vary between humans. So 0.2% of the variant DNA, like you say loads is identical between all humans and with chimps etc.

He does sound odd though! 'We're related! Let's fuck!' eh....

SuperS54 · 03-01-2017 2:56pm

Went out with a Spanish girl for a few weeks while she was over studying, kept in contact after she went back to Spain and 6 months later she announced that she was coming back to Ireland and would be staying at my place for 6 weeks in the summer. Being a happy go lucky innocent at the time and being that she was more than a little attractive and you guessed already her prowess between the sheets I didn't object.

Things started off reasonably well but fairly quickly started to go off the rails. After the first 3 weeks she was complaining of many things but in particular how expensive Ireland was which was somewhat surprising as she was living rent free, going out for free and basically her only expenses were infrequent trips to Dunne Stores when she would try to cook.

In week 4 her Spanish credit card and ATM card were both eaten by an ATM machine for an unexplained reason so she immediately cancelled them (but still insisted that I get them back which is a story in itself). She now has no cash and shows no sign of attempting to get any. Given there were only 2 weeks to go I decided to just soldier on, bedroom magic had significantly declined and the Spanish temperament was no longer culturally interesting.

I knew a point had been reached when I was driving home from work and spotted her struggling up a long hill back to the house with 2 shopping bags as it was starting to spit rain and decided to just keep driving, at least I'd get 20 mins at home with a smoke and cup of tae before having to listen to her s&^%e...She must have known it was me driving by as it was a quiet road and I was driving a very distinctive car at the time but she never mentioned it, perhaps because of the very exciting news she had to tell me...Her father had managed to transfer 100 punts to her bank account which meant that she would be able to stay for at least another month! How great was that!?

I had to break the devastating news that the landlord was selling the house and I'd be moving home. Was never so happy leaving an airport as the day I dropped her off a week later!

dotsman · 03-01-2017 5:43pm

bobwilliams wrote: »

Woke up to be greeted by her poo stained knickers on the wooden floor.
Shagged her once more then headed her on.

I hope you hadn't just given her a rimmer!

wherearemykeys · 03-01-2017 5:54pm

One particular get me out of here moment stands out....

Met this guy thorough work a few time. He called me one day in the office, asked me out. Nice guy, about 10 years older than me so in his 30s, educated, good career, good looking, nice car, etc. Ticked all the boxes!! We had been on a few dates, coffee, cinema - nothing too serious.

But one Friday evening he text to say he would pick me up from work and we should get a chinese take away, wine and go back to his house (my first time going to his house). He decided we wouldn't get it from a chinese restaurant/take away but instead we would get it in Tesco..... odd i thought but went with it. When we went to pay, he insisted on paying for it with his "gold credit card" (which he waved in my face as we queued) rather than letting me pay the £20 cash or whatever little amount it was. More than a little flash, but grand, went along with that as well

We got to "his house" only to learn he lived with his parents. His mother heated up our chinese in the microwave for us and poured the wine. His Dad had just light the fire and the candles in the sitting room for us, to make us "comfortable". His mother then announced that they were off our for a drink and that they might see me in the morning "if i was lucky *wink *wink" It was the creepiest thing i ever experienced

Needless to say i became very unwell after eating the Tesco Chinese and got him to call me a taxi home. Never contacted him after that.

osarusan · 03-01-2017 7:22pm

Some of these would make fantastic comedy sketches.

La_Gordy · 03-01-2017 7:53pm

wherearemykeys wrote: »

His mother then announced that they were off our for a drink and that they might see me in the morning "if i was lucky *wink *wink" It was the creepiest thing i ever experienced

omfg

Ahm surprised they didn't lock you in!

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy · 03-01-2017 8:47pm

I knew as soon as you said he'd a "nice car" there's a good chance he still lives at home!

I remember seeing an episode of Take Me Out, this little smug body-builder hunk.. first round he's in the gym pumping iron.. all the girls leave their lights on.

Second round, he's swanning around a car park in his lovely new BMW 4x4; lights all remain on.

Final round it's a clip of his dear old mum, explaining how she loves mollycoddling him, still does all his cooking, cleaning and washing for him and makes his bed whilst he goes to work.. boom boom boom boom all the lights go off, no date for him :pac:

Chaos Black · 03-01-2017 8:53pm

To be fair, some people can live at home due to health complications regarding a parent(s). They might not be immediately visible issues either or ones you would discuss on a first or 5th date.

Either way though, bringing someone back to your house and getting the entire family to help out, is probably not the best way about it! Maybe they were joking? Or the parents just want him forever single

ardinn · 03-01-2017 9:24pm

My parents would do that but it would just be to mortify me thinking it's hilarious - then ask why im single - dickheads!

cantdecide · 03-01-2017 9:32pm

wherearemykeys wrote: »

It was the creepiest thing i ever experienced

Is there an Oscar for most apt username?

catbear · 03-01-2017 9:33pm

wherearemykeys wrote: »

We got to "his house" only to learn he lived with his parents. His mother heated up our chinese in the microwave for us and poured the wine. His Dad had just light the fire and the candles in the sitting room for us, to make us "comfortable". His mother then announced that they were off our for a drink and that they might see me in the morning "if i was lucky *wink *wink" It was the creepiest thing i ever experienced

If the parents looked like they only had a couple of years max in them would you have stuck around?

Mister Vain · 03-01-2017 10:54pm

wherearemykeys wrote: »

We got to "his house" only to learn he lived with his parents. His mother heated up our chinese in the microwave for us and poured the wine. His Dad had just light the fire and the candles in the sitting room for us, to make us "comfortable". His mother then announced that they were off our for a drink and that they might see me in the morning "if i was lucky *wink *wink" It was the creepiest thing i ever experienced.

If his parents weren't so creepy and didn't try to poison you would you have stuck around?

What was your biggest "get me out of here!" moment in a relationship?

Comments