What was your biggest "get me out of here!" moment in a relationship?

02-01-2017 9:09pm

Mister Vain wrote: »

A fella I work with was shagging a girl in his car when she had a bowel movement.

Feel sorry for the girl here. When the muscles relax at the point of orgasm this is known to happen in some cases.

Dutch pal was telling me he had a girl in the cowgirl position one night and she shoved a towel up his arse. He followed through when he came

Mister Vain · 02-01-2017 9:14pm

Deleted User wrote: »

Feel sorry for the girl here. When the muscles relax at the point of orgasm this is known to happen in some cases.

Dutch pal was telling me he had a girl in the cowboy position one night and she shoved a towel up his arse. He followed through when he came

I feel sorry for the fella. After going through 50 air fresheners he eventually took the whole seat out of the car.

Saipanne · 02-01-2017 9:15pm

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Dutch pal was telling me he had a girl in the cowboy position one night and she shoved a towel up his arse. He followed through when he came

What? How did she anticipate that?

I left probably the biggest fart of my life when I came while shagging a girl. I knew it was going to happen, so I held her head so that I covered one ear and moaned loudly in the other in time with the farts, which pulsed out with every wave.

I think I got away with it.

BeardySi · 02-01-2017 9:15pm

Mister Vain wrote: »

A fella I work with was shagging a girl in his car when she had a bowel movement.

Sh!t happens...

eeguy · 02-01-2017 9:18pm

Saipanne wrote: »

What? How did she anticipate that?

I left probably the biggest fart of my life when I came while shagging a girl. I knew it was going to happen, so I held her head so that I covered one ear and moaned loudly in the other in time with the farts, which pulsed out with every wave.

I think I got away with it.

You ol' romantic

Conor Bourke · 02-01-2017 9:19pm

Treadhead wrote: »

Sh!t happens...

When you party naked

hairyprincess · 02-01-2017 9:19pm

Grayson wrote: »

I went for drinks with a girl who turned up wearing a tiara. She spent two hours insulting me and that was the last time I saw her.

Sorry about that......shall we try again??

AndrewJRenko · 02-01-2017 9:20pm

Saipanne wrote: »

Deleted User wrote: »

Dutch pal was telling me he had a girl in the cowboy position one night and she shoved a towel up his arse. He followed through when he came

I left probably the biggest fart of my life when I came while shagging a girl. I knew it was going to happen, so I held her head so that I covered one ear and moaned loudly in the other in time with the farts, which pulsed out with every wave.

I think I got away with it.

You didn't see the earlier post in the thread then, I guess?

02-01-2017 9:23pm

AndrewJRenko wrote: »

You didn't see the earlier post in the thread then, I guess?

I seen a one or two 'follow through' posts alright but cant remember the exact details.

Saipanne · 02-01-2017 9:24pm

AndrewJRenko wrote: »

You didn't see the earlier post in the thread then, I guess?

No. Plus you messed up the quotes, so I'm not really sure what you're referring to.

Have another lash, there.

02-01-2017 9:25pm

Saipanne wrote: »

What? How did she anticipate that?

I left probably the biggest fart of my life when I came while shagging a girl. I knew it was going to happen, so I held her head so that I covered one ear and moaned loudly in the other in time with the farts, which pulsed out with every wave.

I think I got away with it.

Ha ha i think the towel being suddenly jammed might have got the stimulus going

Mister Vain · 02-01-2017 9:32pm

Saipanne wrote: »

I held her head so that I covered one ear and moaned loudly in the other in time with the farts, which pulsed out with every wave.

And they say men can't multitask. :pac:

cantdecide · 02-01-2017 9:34pm

Deleted User wrote: »

Ha ha i think the towel being suddenly jammed might have got the stimulus going

Towel movement?

Lady Chatterton · 02-01-2017 9:44pm

I was young.........I confused jealousy and possessiveness with love. When the abuse became physical, I called time.

Mister Vain · 02-01-2017 9:51pm

mfceiling wrote: »

From reading this entire thread it has made me realise that 95% of the madness in a relationship comes from the female side!!

Well a common theme I hear is women not liking mammy's boys, especially when she keeps walking in with tea and biscuits while they're trying to shag.

Birneybau · 02-01-2017 10:24pm

Mister Vain wrote: »

Well a common theme I hear is women not liking mammy's boys, especially when she keeps walking in with tea and biscuits while they're trying to shag.

Called it Mister Vain.

Robsweezie · 02-01-2017 11:00pm

Birneybau wrote:

Called it Mister Vain.

Called it Mr Wrong

king size mars bar · 02-01-2017 11:04pm

Called it insane

king size mars bar · 02-01-2017 11:09pm

I left probably the biggest fart of my life when I came while shagging a girl. I knew it was going to happen, so I held her head so that I covered one ear and moaned loudly in the other in time with the farts, which pulsed out with every wave.

I think I got away with it.

[/QUOTE]

I can't stop laughing at this post, class!

bobwilliams · 02-01-2017 11:11pm

Woke up to be greeted by her poo stained knickers on the wooden floor.
Shagged her once more then headed her on.

RebelButtMunch · 02-01-2017 11:18pm

She nipped out to the loo before the event. I wondered why. We did the deed. When I turned on the light the sheets were a lovely shade of pink.... I asked her and she admitted to taking out her tampon beforehand. Walked her home the next morning and left it at that.

Avatar MIA · 02-01-2017 11:24pm

RebelButtMunch wrote: »

She nipped out to the loo before the event. I wondered why. We did the deed. When I turned on the light the sheets were a lovely shade of pink.... I asked her and she admitted to taking out her tampon beforehand. Walked her home the next morning and left it at that.

In the highly unlikely event that the actual girl is reading this, can I apologise profusely on behalf of my sex.

Oh, and by the way, could you write up your 'get me out of here moment' about the time you were unfortunate to sleep with a whimp.

RebelButtMunch · 02-01-2017 11:26pm

Avatar MIA wrote: »

In the highly unlikely event that the actual girl is reading this, can I apologise profusely on behalf of my sex.

Oh, and by the way, could you write up your 'get me out of here moment' about the time you were unfortunate to sleep with a whimp.

Classy

Stealthfins · 02-01-2017 11:30pm

Lady Chatterton wrote:

I was young.........I confused jealousy and possessiveness with love. When the abuse became physical, I called time.

I blame that 80's band Chicago for all those jealous love sick people.

Lyrics like theirs should be banned, Peter Cetera must have had dramatic relationships lol

Avatar MIA · 02-01-2017 11:30pm

RebelButtMunch wrote: »

Classy

To be fair I remember a friend telling me a similar story and I felt similar to you. We were a few years off from doing our leaving cert, so don't feel so bad about it now.

RebelButtMunch · 02-01-2017 11:35pm

Avatar MIA wrote: »

To be fair I remember a friend telling me a similar story and I felt similar to you. We were a few years off from doing our leaving cert, so don't feel so bad about it now.

Ouch. Thanks. I won't.

Birneybau · 02-01-2017 11:59pm

king size mars bar wrote: »

Called it insane

I know what I want and I want it now...

The flying mouse · 03-01-2017 12:10am

Lived with Portuguese girl for years and when she got drunk she would turn into a violent possessive witch, Screaming and throwing things no matter where we were, She attacked me physically loads of times, and all because I am such a nice guy.........So Eventually we got married.

Now divorced

.

enda1 · 03-01-2017 1:03pm

GingerLily wrote: »

It was weird it made him more convinced we were meant to be something! There were other crazy things.

Also I hope I share more than 0.2% DNA with him, humans all share like 99% with chimps or something!! Lol

I was refereeing to of that which does vary between humans. So 0.2% of the variant DNA, like you say loads is identical between all humans and with chimps etc.

He does sound odd though! 'We're related! Let's fuck!' eh....

SuperS54 · 03-01-2017 1:56pm

Went out with a Spanish girl for a few weeks while she was over studying, kept in contact after she went back to Spain and 6 months later she announced that she was coming back to Ireland and would be staying at my place for 6 weeks in the summer. Being a happy go lucky innocent at the time and being that she was more than a little attractive and you guessed already her prowess between the sheets I didn't object.

Things started off reasonably well but fairly quickly started to go off the rails. After the first 3 weeks she was complaining of many things but in particular how expensive Ireland was which was somewhat surprising as she was living rent free, going out for free and basically her only expenses were infrequent trips to Dunne Stores when she would try to cook.

In week 4 her Spanish credit card and ATM card were both eaten by an ATM machine for an unexplained reason so she immediately cancelled them (but still insisted that I get them back which is a story in itself). She now has no cash and shows no sign of attempting to get any. Given there were only 2 weeks to go I decided to just soldier on, bedroom magic had significantly declined and the Spanish temperament was no longer culturally interesting.

I knew a point had been reached when I was driving home from work and spotted her struggling up a long hill back to the house with 2 shopping bags as it was starting to spit rain and decided to just keep driving, at least I'd get 20 mins at home with a smoke and cup of tae before having to listen to her s&^%e...She must have known it was me driving by as it was a quiet road and I was driving a very distinctive car at the time but she never mentioned it, perhaps because of the very exciting news she had to tell me...Her father had managed to transfer 100 punts to her bank account which meant that she would be able to stay for at least another month! How great was that!?

I had to break the devastating news that the landlord was selling the house and I'd be moving home. Was never so happy leaving an airport as the day I dropped her off a week later!

dotsman · 03-01-2017 4:43pm

bobwilliams wrote: »

Woke up to be greeted by her poo stained knickers on the wooden floor.
Shagged her once more then headed her on.

I hope you hadn't just given her a rimmer!

wherearemykeys · 03-01-2017 4:54pm

One particular get me out of here moment stands out....

Met this guy thorough work a few time. He called me one day in the office, asked me out. Nice guy, about 10 years older than me so in his 30s, educated, good career, good looking, nice car, etc. Ticked all the boxes!! We had been on a few dates, coffee, cinema - nothing too serious.

But one Friday evening he text to say he would pick me up from work and we should get a chinese take away, wine and go back to his house (my first time going to his house). He decided we wouldn't get it from a chinese restaurant/take away but instead we would get it in Tesco..... odd i thought but went with it. When we went to pay, he insisted on paying for it with his "gold credit card" (which he waved in my face as we queued) rather than letting me pay the £20 cash or whatever little amount it was. More than a little flash, but grand, went along with that as well

We got to "his house" only to learn he lived with his parents. His mother heated up our chinese in the microwave for us and poured the wine. His Dad had just light the fire and the candles in the sitting room for us, to make us "comfortable". His mother then announced that they were off our for a drink and that they might see me in the morning "if i was lucky *wink *wink" It was the creepiest thing i ever experienced

Needless to say i became very unwell after eating the Tesco Chinese and got him to call me a taxi home. Never contacted him after that.

osarusan · 03-01-2017 6:22pm

Some of these would make fantastic comedy sketches.

La_Gordy · 03-01-2017 6:53pm

wherearemykeys wrote: »

His mother then announced that they were off our for a drink and that they might see me in the morning "if i was lucky *wink *wink" It was the creepiest thing i ever experienced

omfg

Ahm surprised they didn't lock you in!

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy · 03-01-2017 7:47pm

I knew as soon as you said he'd a "nice car" there's a good chance he still lives at home!

I remember seeing an episode of Take Me Out, this little smug body-builder hunk.. first round he's in the gym pumping iron.. all the girls leave their lights on.

Second round, he's swanning around a car park in his lovely new BMW 4x4; lights all remain on.

Final round it's a clip of his dear old mum, explaining how she loves mollycoddling him, still does all his cooking, cleaning and washing for him and makes his bed whilst he goes to work.. boom boom boom boom all the lights go off, no date for him :pac:

Chaos Black · 03-01-2017 7:53pm

To be fair, some people can live at home due to health complications regarding a parent(s). They might not be immediately visible issues either or ones you would discuss on a first or 5th date.

Either way though, bringing someone back to your house and getting the entire family to help out, is probably not the best way about it! Maybe they were joking? Or the parents just want him forever single

ardinn · 03-01-2017 8:24pm

My parents would do that but it would just be to mortify me thinking it's hilarious - then ask why im single - dickheads!

cantdecide · 03-01-2017 8:32pm

wherearemykeys wrote: »

It was the creepiest thing i ever experienced

Is there an Oscar for most apt username?

catbear · 03-01-2017 8:33pm

wherearemykeys wrote: »

We got to "his house" only to learn he lived with his parents. His mother heated up our chinese in the microwave for us and poured the wine. His Dad had just light the fire and the candles in the sitting room for us, to make us "comfortable". His mother then announced that they were off our for a drink and that they might see me in the morning "if i was lucky *wink *wink" It was the creepiest thing i ever experienced

If the parents looked like they only had a couple of years max in them would you have stuck around?

Mister Vain · 03-01-2017 9:54pm

wherearemykeys wrote: »

We got to "his house" only to learn he lived with his parents. His mother heated up our chinese in the microwave for us and poured the wine. His Dad had just light the fire and the candles in the sitting room for us, to make us "comfortable". His mother then announced that they were off our for a drink and that they might see me in the morning "if i was lucky *wink *wink" It was the creepiest thing i ever experienced.

If his parents weren't so creepy and didn't try to poison you would you have stuck around?

blackcard · 03-01-2017 10:13pm

bobwilliams wrote: »

Woke up to be greeted by her poo stained knickers on the wooden floor.
Shagged her once more then headed her on.

Who says romance is dead?

Eimee90 · 03-01-2017 11:59pm

me_right_one wrote: »

You do know you can *not* be a virgin, and still refrain from being promiscuous, don't you?

I was being sarcastic if you read the original post. :rolleyes:

04-01-2017 10:16am

I'm a very socially awkward person.

So when the numerous hours of back-and-forth chit chat with women on Tinder resulted in a first date I was ecstatic. We had matched a week or two back to my surprise and started talking about our personal interests; TV shows, movies, and what not. After my conversational cannon fodder of questions started to run dry, I decided "**** it" and asked if she wanted to see Rogue One with me last Friday night. She said yes!

The night comes and I decide to start getting ready by picking out some nice looking clothes aside from the typical bull**** that I wear on a daily basis. Jeans, a white shirt, boots, and a nice jacket I'd received from my mother on Christmas. It was raining too so I grabbed an umbrella on my way out.

I get on the train and walk to the rendezvous. I wait 10 or so minutes and see her walking down the street. Nervous, I walk out into the rain with the umbrella to meet her. We shake hands, say hi to one another, and I ask if she's ready to head down to the movie theater. She says yes and off we go.

Here's where it went south.

We're walking through the rain and come up to a big, water-filled street corner. I'm not sure whether it was nerves or my own lack of social skills which compelled me to do what I did, but I immediately stop and start to take off my jacket. Confused, she asks what I'm doing to which I reply, "I got this." She quickly realizes what I'm about to do and starts saying "Oh, you don't have t-".

I cut her off by throwing my jacket into this huge puddle expecting her to walk on it and onto the curb like you see in old movies/shows. The silence quickly makes me realize what I've done. I mutter out a "After you..." and she continues to stare at me.

Without a word, she ghosts me on the spot. I pick my jacket up out of the puddle and make my walk of shame home.

Maybe next time.

This is not my story

dinorebel · 04-01-2017 10:21am

Deleted User wrote: »

I'm a very socially awkward person.

So when the numerous hours of back-and-forth chit chat with women on Tinder resulted in a first date I was ecstatic. We had matched a week or two back to my surprise and started talking about our personal interests; TV shows, movies, and what not. After my conversational cannon fodder of questions started to run dry, I decided "**** it" and asked if she wanted to see Rogue One with me last Friday night. She said yes!

The night comes and I decide to start getting ready by picking out some nice looking clothes aside from the typical bull**** that I wear on a daily basis. Jeans, a white shirt, boots, and a nice jacket I'd received from my mother on Christmas. It was raining too so I grabbed an umbrella on my way out.

I get on the train and walk to the rendezvous. I wait 10 or so minutes and see her walking down the street. Nervous, I walk out into the rain with the umbrella to meet her. We shake hands, say hi to one another, and I ask if she's ready to head down to the movie theater. She says yes and off we go.

Here's where it went south.

We're walking through the rain and come up to a big, water-filled street corner. I'm not sure whether it was nerves or my own lack of social skills which compelled me to do what I did, but I immediately stop and start to take off my jacket. Confused, she asks what I'm doing to which I reply, "I got this." She quickly realizes what I'm about to do and starts saying "Oh, you don't have t-".

I cut her off by throwing my jacket into this huge puddle expecting her to walk on it and onto the curb like you see in old movies/shows. The silence quickly makes me realize what I've done. I mutter out a "After you..." and she continues to stare at me.

Without a word, she ghosts me on the spot. I pick my jacket up out of the puddle and make my walk of shame home.

Maybe next time.

This is not my story

Sounds like a great Knight.

BetsyEllen · 04-01-2017 10:35am

Deleted User wrote: »

Without a word, she ghosts me on the spot. I pick my jacket up out of the puddle and make my walk of shame home.
Maybe next time.

Oh God...did she literally just turn around and walk away?

Lt Dan · 04-01-2017 10:44am

corner of hells wrote: »

It all started very well , she was a student nurse,shy and quiet at first with a cheeky sense of humour.

I never saw the warning signs .. the roadrage , the way she played camogie , the occasional flashes of rage.

It ended when she tried to head butt a doorman in a pub.

Seriously, that's my kinda girl. Powa

Lt Dan · 04-01-2017 11:19am

hullaballoo wrote: »

I had a smooth enough run of things in terms of no major drama with relationships except for one year when I moved to another city for college and ended up going off the rails a bit myself.

I made the mistake of getting together with one of the girls I was living with but she was very hot and cold, refused to sit beside me watching a movie one time, threw a drink over me out of nowhere - I mean we were just having a chat and next thing I'm soaked in beer - when we were having a quiet one in a pub early in the evening. I ended up getting barred because she told the bouncers some concoction or other that they believed. I suppose her bullsiht story was more believable than the truth!

I said I didn't think it was working at that stage, which she seemed ok with but then I started getting these letters slid under the door of my room! Pages and pages of foolscap handwritten notes. The contents of these ranged from being very sorry for messing around to be apoplectic with rage at some imagined slight. This bit is relevant later - the way our rooms were laid out, and being student accommodation, our rooms were side-by-side and our beds were either side of the usual paper thin walls.

She started getting very friendly with another lad who I think was on her course or something so I thought phew, I'm off the hook. Not so.

I went out for a pint with one of my mates one night and ended up heading back with a girl and then the rest of it. I started seeing a lot of this new girl then but was wary about bringing her back to my apartment for obvious reasons but she was sharing with another girl who was getting a bit nose out of joint that her buddy was getting such regular service and she wasn't having an easy time of getting the ride. So, the inevitable comes around and I have to take the new girl back to mine.

I thought we'd get away with it when no one was up when we got back. Slipped into my rooms quietly, quick bone rattler and off to sleep.

Next morning we wake up starving and talk about going for breakfast but the new girl is having trouble remembering where her shoes are and my jacket has gone walkabouts. Turns out that my laptop and guitar had also disappeared. Out the window of a 4 story apartment block and into an open basement courtyard used by the offices the building was shared with, so, 5 stories down! Smashey smashey. And it was raining.

Had to get the off duty security man out to open the offices up so I could get the jacket and shoes back and try and get them dry, rest of the stuff was fukt. This all took a few hours. Meanwhile, new girl is left upstairs on her Todd making small talk with the other girl. "Sorry I ruined your shoes but sure they're only Penney's. hullaballoo is a prick, isn't he?"

What happened to the new waun? Did you ever see her again? Did she think any bad of ya? Morto

Lt Dan · 04-01-2017 11:28am

Deleted User wrote: »

I'm a very socially awkward person.

So when the numerous hours of back-and-forth chit chat with women on Tinder resulted in a first date I was ecstatic. We had matched a week or two back to my surprise and started talking about our personal interests; TV shows, movies, and what not. After my conversational cannon fodder of questions started to run dry, I decided "**** it" and asked if she wanted to see Rogue One with me last Friday night. She said yes!

The night comes and I decide to start getting ready by picking out some nice looking clothes aside from the typical bull**** that I wear on a daily basis. Jeans, a white shirt, boots, and a nice jacket I'd received from my mother on Christmas. It was raining too so I grabbed an umbrella on my way out.

I get on the train and walk to the rendezvous. I wait 10 or so minutes and see her walking down the street. Nervous, I walk out into the rain with the umbrella to meet her. We shake hands, say hi to one another, and I ask if she's ready to head down to the movie theater. She says yes and off we go.

Here's where it went south.

We're walking through the rain and come up to a big, water-filled street corner. I'm not sure whether it was nerves or my own lack of social skills which compelled me to do what I did, but I immediately stop and start to take off my jacket. Confused, she asks what I'm doing to which I reply, "I got this." She quickly realizes what I'm about to do and starts saying "Oh, you don't have t-".

I cut her off by throwing my jacket into this huge puddle expecting her to walk on it and onto the curb like you see in old movies/shows. The silence quickly makes me realize what I've done. I mutter out a "After you..." and she continues to stare at me.

Without a word, she ghosts me on the spot. I pick my jacket up out of the puddle and make my walk of shame home.

Maybe next time.

This is not my story

Crap, these stories tend to be funny (and not at the expense of the writer) Feel sorry for you , nice gesture. While weird, she sounded like a bit of a cow just to run off like that

everlast75 · 04-01-2017 1:00pm

MPFGLB wrote: »

Surely this is far more appropriate...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ABXtWqmArUU

Deise Vu · 04-01-2017 1:00pm

I was on about the third date in a crowded pub where my date was squeezed onto a long chair against the wall and I was sitting on the other side of a table opposite her. We had had a few and the pub was very noisy so everyone was almost shouting to be heard. There was at least four total strangers sitting nearer to her than I was when the music stopped just as she asked "so are you only interested in the sex?"

She was looking expectantly at me waiting for an answer, as were the four total strangers sitting either side of her. It was like the job interview panel from hell. The fact that she was the original bobfoc (Body Off Baywatch, Face Off Crimewatch for non-Viz readers) meant everyone pretty much already knew the answer. I muttered something about 'talking later' and stared embarrassed at my shoes for about 10 minutes. When we finished the drink I suggested we try another pub. I have had to walk the walk of shame a few times in my life but never out of a crowded pub. I was never so relieved to close a door behind me.

On the plus side, when I informed her later that it was just the sex, she said she didn't mind!

What was your biggest "get me out of here!" moment in a relationship?

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