The Online Dating Thread 3..**READ 1ST POST Oct 2012**

Piliger wrote: »

No idea ... I wasn't born then

Well, the truth is that the media and women in general are constantly telling us that men are obsessed with women's look and women look for personality. It has become an accepted paradigm that we are almost not allowed to challenge.


So women really are driven by looks :rolleyes:

I didn't reply to a male model who contacted me as by reading his profile I know we wanted different things. So yes I definitely don't think looks are the most important thing. Personality and wanting the same things are.

Piliger wrote: »

Well you are wrong. With the acceleration of divorce etc and the natural ending of relationships, there is a huge number of 40s and 50s online in OD. I don't believe the difference is number is at all significant.

I would agree with Piliger there are a large number of men /women divorced and separated doing online dating in this age category . It is not easy for us to meet people outside of online dating and you can be upfront re your circumstances etc . I suppose if you are not looking at this age group or demographic yourself you will not know this . As i said lots of inbox messages in my mailbox from men my own age and a bit older .

I'm guessing those on here in their 20s and 30s who are based in Dublin are filling their boots to an extent with OD. But what about elsewhere? And if you're, say, over 40?

For me, even living in London with the huge numbers involved in OD I find it a struggle to get dates even after all the spadework I've previously outlined on this thread. I'm 43, with no "baggage" either.

Now if I was living in a rural area I could envisage problems, but in a big metropolis?

Is everyone just extremely picky these days? Nothing wrong with that and I am to a little degree (maybe that's why I'm single!) - but a cup of coffee? Jesus!

Mr_Spaceman wrote: »

I'm guessing those on here in their 20s and 30s who are based in Dublin are filling their boots to an extent with OD. But what about elsewhere? And if you're, say, over 40?

For me, even living in London with the huge numbers involved in OD I find it a struggle to get dates even after all the spadework I've previously outlined on this thread. I'm 43, with no "baggage" either.

Now if I was living in a rural area I could envisage problems, but in a big metropolis?

Is everyone just extremely picky these days? Nothing wrong with that and I am to a little degree (maybe that's why I'm single!) - but a cup of coffee? Jesus!

Anyone over a certain age have a certain amount of baggage once passed 30's. Very few people don't have baggage. You one of the lucky few in your age group to not have baggage.

You think in London there be more of a choice? More people meaning more choice?

You'd be surprised it can be harder maybe to meet people in rural areas but if anything the pool is smaller and cast the net in a small area it can be easier to find someone but not easily meet as many compared to in a bigger city/town. Choices are limited in a smaller area compared to a bigger one.

True I think people are being more careful who they choose as a partner. Can't help if being fussy but being too open can be either a good or bad thing but means you attract all sorts then if you close the net a bit but I suppose widening it means you might meet someone you might not think is your type. Meeting various types get you to know what suits you not what you think suits you as a partner.

I probably could write a list for the reasons I am single....

seachto7 wrote: »

@Mr_Spaceman , jeez, I would have thought London would be rich pickings.....

I know - especially for a man with my rugged good looks and charm!

Still, I have a date tomorrow, so once more into the breach, dear friends!

Piliger wrote: »

No idea ... I wasn't born then

Well, the truth is that the media and women in general are constantly telling us that men are obsessed with women's look and women look for personality. It has become an accepted paradigm that we are almost not allowed to challenge.


So women really are driven by looks :rolleyes:

I think they are probably driven by looks + personality as a combo. So someone they really fancy with a 'good enough' personality will win out over someone with a 'very good' personality who they don't fancy as much. Which makes sense really.

I think if most people are honest, Online Dating proves how powerful physical attraction is to most of us. You are excited when you receive a message from someone whose appearance excites you, it's harder to respond to someone whose appearance has no effect on you.

That being said, I would try not to base my response on a handful of pictures. I would never meet someone I found attractive unless I thought we clicked in other ways. In fact, with all of the guys I've met, their personality/interests has absolutely been the deciding factor. I've received messages from guys I thought were hot and never met them cos of an attitude/boring-ness. Of the five guys I've met, I wasn't terribly excited by the appearance of any of them beforehand. In real life, I was attracted to two, and far more attracted to one than I'd have imagined. So I think everyone should give people the benefit of the doubt - and who knows, you might get lucky!

@hollypink - I'm in two minds about that guy. On the one hand, his honesty seems almost like a braver move. But the "I'll get back to you if it doesn't work out" does sound arrogant and condescending. More broadly, I think he's crazy! Cut out all other options after one good date ... chickens and hatching comes to mind.

foxinsox wrote: »

Aaaaaaaand it's all gone tits up!

Note to self: don't get good feelings about them... jinxes it!

I reckon it was the age thing..

But - I find it really find it hard to understand how a guy (this particular guy not all guys) could spend 5 hours with me, chatting having a laugh, he was the one who said he wanted to see me again, he was the one who went for the kiss.. got a lovely goodnight text saying he had a great night.

Today nothing... I text him about 8pm said "Hi, did you have a good day?"

Nothing back..
Thought ok maybe he's busy etc.. no bother..

I go on dating site - I'm blocked!
facebook - defriended!

The thing that bothers me is that it would be so simple to text some reason? Is that too much to ask?

ffs - here we go again.............

foxinsox wrote: »

Aaaaaaaand it's all gone tits up!

Note to self: don't get good feelings about them... jinxes it!

I reckon it was the age thing..

But - I find it really find it hard to understand how a guy (this particular guy not all guys) could spend 5 hours with me, chatting having a laugh, he was the one who said he wanted to see me again, he was the one who went for the kiss.. got a lovely goodnight text saying he had a great night.

Today nothing... I text him about 8pm said "Hi, did you have a good day?"

Nothing back..
Thought ok maybe he's busy etc.. no bother..

I go on dating site - I'm blocked!
facebook - defriended!

The thing that bothers me is that it would be so simple to text some reason? Is that too much to ask?

ffs - here we go again.............

Sorry to hear that - but if that's the kind he is aren't you better off without?

You sound nice so I'm sure there's a nice guy round the corner for you

foxinsox wrote: »

thanks..

*but I will say, sometimes I'm online but I could be off making coffee, or on the phone or have another tab open and forget I'm on dating site page also..

* me being optimistic and not losing all faith in online dating.

I was out working all day Saturday, and my PC was off, but I was told later that I as online all day .... you cannot trust the 'online' thing.