Dumb/Great Facebook Status {merge} [No Names]

Custardpi · 10-04-2013 11:58pm

coolhull wrote: »

3 things to be grateful for:

1/ I can delete ''friends'' from FB

2/ I can ignore ignore ''friend'' requests

3/ I can use Google to find out WTF 'replace negatives with plosives' means

Possibly they left out the "ex" at the start. I generally find that a very effective way to deal with any problems.:D

Paddy Cow · 10-04-2013 11:59pm

Pushtrak wrote: »

Someone on my friends list liked this:

:eek:
/l\

wnolan1992 · 11-04-2013 12:24am

LizT wrote: »

"Every1 seems 2 b looking 4 the perfect relationship, I'm just looking 4 the burger that looks as perfect as the poster "

Can't tell if piss-take....

Both of those searches have yielded little success for me.

:P

leggo · 11-04-2013 12:29am

Richard Hillman wrote: »

"GAZ cnt pull birds cuz.charlotte not der get a fukn grip he so rathr do it wile she der.... Actualy cnt stand dat prick.ne more"

Gary is not able to court females because Charlotte is not present. He really needs to evaluate himself, rather than court females whilst Charlotte is there. I have great disdain for Gary now.

I think Even that hardly makes sense.

D'you know what? I actually saw that episode (the girls we know force us to watch it every week) and it actually makes sense in context.

But then again, it completely doesn't to any rational person.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give to you...Geordie Shore. And the ****ing idiots who comment about it.

pragmatic1 · 11-04-2013 12:35am

People who change their facebook profile pic every five seconds in the hopes of getting comments like, "looking great hun".

You insecure mother****ers.

Kotek Besar · 11-04-2013 8:11am

Pushtrak wrote: »

Someone on my friends list liked this:

Me: God, can I ask You a question?
God: Sure
Me: Promise You won't get mad
God: I promise
Me: Why did You let so much stuff happen to me today?
God: What do u mean?
Me: Well, I woke up late
God: Yes
Me: My car took forever to start
God: Okay
Me: at lunch they made my sandwich wrong & I had to wait
God: Huummm
Me: On the way home, my phone went DEAD, just as I picked up a call
God: All right

Me: And on top of it all off, when I got home ~I just want to soak my feet in my new foot massager & relax. BUT it wouldn't work!!! Nothing went right today! Why did You do that?
God: Let me see, the death angel was at your bed this morning & I had to send one
of My Angels to battle him for your life. I let you sleep through that

Me (humbled): OH

GOD: I didn't let your car start because there was a drunk driver on your route that would have hit you if you were on the road.

Me: (ashamed)

God: The first person who made your sandwich today was sick & I didn't want you to catch what they have, I knew you couldn't afford to miss work.

Me (embarrassed):Okay

God: Your phone went dead bcuz the person that was calling was going to give false witness about what you said on that call, I didn't even let you talk to them so you would be covered.

Me (softly): I see God

God: Oh and that foot massager, it had a shortage that was going to throw out all of the power in your house tonight. I didn't think you wanted to be in the dark.

Me: I'm Sorry God

God: Don't be sorry, just learn to Trust Me.... in All things , the Good & the bad.

Me: I will trust You.

God: And don't doubt that My plan for your day is Always Better than your plan.

Me: I won't God. And let me just tell you God, Thank You for Everything today.

God: You're welcome child. It was just another day being your God and I Love looking after My Children...

REPOST if you Believe in HIM ♥
Worth posting.

I actually think that's rather nice! Perhaps it's just me..

Apanachi · 11-04-2013 8:16am

Kotek Besar wrote: »

I actually think that's rather nice! Perhaps it's just me..

Yeah, it's just you

Quazzie · 11-04-2013 8:50am

Pushtrak wrote: »

Someone on my friends list liked this:

Me: (ashamed)

The basis of Catholicism summed up in two words.

krudler · 11-04-2013 9:11am

Kotek Besar wrote: »

I actually think that's rather nice! Perhaps it's just me..

It's really not, its the abusive relationship of christianity summed up, I hurt you because I love you, now love me unconditionally.

anyone who loves stupid statuses look up Hope Ur Ok Hun XXX's page, its full of hilarious made up statuses that are spot on when it comes to attention seekers, this gem from from today:

de fukin klingfilm didnt wurk n me lil princess rihanna has dem nits. she wuz ballin her eyez out 2day in skool. sum lil fuk wuz callin her creepy crawley hed. me poor lil angle is so upset. n i had 2 get a numbur 1 all over on tyrones hed n sum lil ****hed wuz callin him baldy conshuns. cuddles n curdys 4 me brave lil souljurs 2nite

kunst nugget · 11-04-2013 9:31am

Kotek Besar wrote: »

I actually think that's rather nice! Perhaps it's just me..

But it's like someone surviving a near fatal car crash, suffering a ruptured spleen and several broken bones, and saying 'Well, I could have died. God was really looking out for me!' Well if he was really, really looking for you, he probably wouldn't have let you crash in the first place otherwise what you have is an interventionist God who only steps in after having a good skit at you fooking yourself up.

Penn · 11-04-2013 9:46am

kunst nugget wrote: »

But it's like someone surviving a near fatal car crash, suffering a ruptured spleen and several broken bones, and saying 'Well, I could have died. God was really looking out for me!' Well if he was really, really looking for you, he probably wouldn't have let you crash in the first place otherwise what you have is an interventionist God who only steps in after having a good skit at you fooking yourself up.

Agreed. Crashed my car a few weeks ago. People were saying I was lucky I wasn't injured.

No, if I was lucky, I wouldn't have crashed.

Drakares · 11-04-2013 10:07am

http://i.imgur.com/abDGTf1.jpg

Jesus wept

coolhull · 11-04-2013 10:19am

Drakares wrote: »

http://i.imgur.com/abDGTf1.jpg

Jesus wept

Wouldn't you wonder how these math geniuses find time to go on FB?

iDave · 11-04-2013 1:46pm

Here is a textbook FB attention seeking post that is the basis for this thread and the 'u ok hun xxx' page. Complete with the 'hugs' responses and appalling spelling.

RoboRat · 11-04-2013 1:53pm

Worst ones are

OMG, you wont believe what happened next, click on the the picture and type (insert whatever here).

Low and behold 100,000's of dunces will do exactly that and then realise that NOTHING HAPPENS.

Duh.

Custardpi · 11-04-2013 1:55pm

RoboRat wrote: »

Worst ones are

OMG, you wont believe what happened next, click on the the picture and type (insert whatever here).

Low and behold 100,000's of dunces will do exactly that and then realise that NOTHING HAPPENS.

Duh.

I've heard those are actually ways to get some of your personal information. Not quite sure how it works though. I'm always amazed when I see people on my wall, (many of whom are very well educated) have clicked on one of these.

RoboRat · 11-04-2013 2:02pm

I've heard those are actually ways to get some of your personal information. Not quite sure how it works though. I'm always amazed when I see people on my wall, (many of whom are very well educated) have clicked on one of these.

I think they are also used by companies who 'sell likes' so a company can get a load of likes and fans without having to put in the effort. Same as those posts where a company has 1,000 iPads to give away.

Brian_Zeluz · 11-04-2013 2:27pm

krudler wrote: »

It's really not, its the abusive relationship of christianity summed up, I hurt you because I love you, now love me unconditionally.

Sounds more like Chris Brown than Christianity.

Custardpi · 11-04-2013 2:32pm

Brian_Zeluz wrote: »

Sounds more like Chris Brown than Christianity.

Actually, given the weird, cult-like following around that particular piece of sh1t there's often not a huge amount of difference.

krudler · 11-04-2013 2:42pm

Brian_Zeluz wrote: »

Sounds more like Chris Brown than Christianity.

Now you're getting it

skeleton_boy · 11-04-2013 4:34pm

"I wish they made condoms for women to wear on their heads. Men sure do like to **** with our minds"

Go on try it, with any luck you'll sufficate and die.

coolhull · 11-04-2013 7:12pm

skeleton_boy wrote: »

"I wish they made condoms for women to wear on their heads. Men sure do like to **** with our minds"

Wouldn't a wooly cap do just as well?

Thwip! · 11-04-2013 7:15pm

Brian_Zeluz wrote: »

Sounds more like Chris Brown than Christianity.

Chrisbrownity

Brian_Zeluz · 11-04-2013 7:19pm

Thwip! wrote: »

Chrisbrownity

Haha well played

Grayson · 11-04-2013 8:39pm

pragmatic1 wrote: »

People who change their facebook profile pic every five seconds in the hopes of getting comments like, "looking great hun".

You insecure mother****ers.

Someone I know posted a pic today. It's two photo's side by side in one image. One is a before, the other is an after one. The girl is large in the first one and slimmer in the second one. The problem is that the photo's are bad. They're grainy, bad lighting, bad poses & bad expressions. Whereas I'm sure the girl probably looks ok in RL, in these photo's she's terrifying. The comment was "looking great girl". This is obviously someone who hates their friend.

ElvisChrist6 · 11-04-2013 10:50pm

"So we're all sitting together having something to eat in the sitting room and out of absolute silence, **** lifts up his plate and goes, "here ma, what's the story with this, there's sauce all over the kipp". I don't know what was worse, the look on my ma's face or trying not to laugh. Haha, my family are off their trollies. (it was a joke btw for all you buzz kills out there :-P my mam laughed to........afterwards :-P)"

And how they laughed! I really don't know what I'm missing, or what exactly the "buzz kills" would say...

Custardpi · 11-04-2013 11:01pm

I have no idea what a "kipp" is but that's a remarkably well spelled & punctuated post for Facebook (assuming you haven't corrected it yourself). That said, I'm still not sure what he's on about, which I guess demonstrates that orthographical precision isn't everything.

Czarcasm · 11-04-2013 11:36pm

ElvisChrist6 wrote: »

"So we're all sitting together having something to eat in the sitting room and out of absolute silence, **** lifts up his plate and goes, "here ma, what's the story with this, there's sauce all over the kipp". I don't know what was worse, the look on my ma's face or trying not to laugh. Haha, my family are off their trollies. (it was a joke btw for all you buzz kills out there :-P my mam laughed to........afterwards :-P)"

And how they laughed! I really don't know what I'm missing, or what exactly the "buzz kills" would say...

Sounds like the ending of an episode of The Waltons.

ElvisChrist6 · 11-04-2013 11:53pm

Czarcasm wrote: »

Sounds like the ending of an episode of The Waltons.

That's pretty much what I thought when I first saw it!

Paddy Cow · 12-04-2013 2:53am

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

MORAL :
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.

2. Free your mind from worries - Most never happens.

3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.

4. Give more.

5. Expect less from people but more from yourself.

You have two choices... smile and close this page,
or pass this along to someone else to share the lesson .

Czarcasm · 12-04-2013 6:50am

Paddy Cow wrote: »

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

MORAL :
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.

2. Free your mind from worries - Most never happens.

3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.

4. Give more.

5. Expect less from people but more from yourself.

You have two choices... smile and close this page,
or pass this along to someone else to share the lesson .

That's actually not that bad in fairness, except for the "sharing is caring" bit at the end. Advice being an insult unless asked for and all that.

RoboRat · 12-04-2013 8:34am

Would have been a better story if the Donkey got out of the well, steadied itself, and aimed a well shot kick to the farmers pus....

or ran off and got a soldier to pop a cap in the farmers ass...

irishgeo · 12-04-2013 8:55am

Mr. Wong wrote: »

Just saw this doing the rounds. God have mercy on us all..
https://fbcdn-sphotos-b-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/555597_4918897095647_1162129593_n.jpg

Ahh yes once he gets out of jail the council will have given her a house.

wnolan1992 · 12-04-2013 11:52am

ElvisChrist6 wrote: »

"So we're all sitting together having something to eat in the sitting room and out of absolute silence, **** lifts up his plate and goes, "here ma, what's the story with this, there's sauce all over the kipp". I don't know what was worse, the look on my ma's face or trying not to laugh. Haha, my family are off their trollies. (it was a joke btw for all you buzz kills out there :-P my mam laughed to........afterwards :-P)"

And how they laughed! I really don't know what I'm missing, or what exactly the "buzz kills" would say...

Oh-ho-ho-ho! What a great wheeze that was. He poured sauce... hahahaha... all over the kipp (kippers? Or kip? Or maybe KP?) ..... hahahaha!

yerwanthere123 · 12-04-2013 5:36pm

"Lifes sh*t at times bt u gt ta keep u head up no matter wa d sun will always cum ou"

Inspiring :')

kunst nugget · 12-04-2013 5:44pm

yerwanthere123 wrote: »

"Lifes sh*t at times bt u gt ta keep u head up no matter wa d sun will always cum ou"

Inspiring :')

That is the first time I've seen Dublinese txtspk. It's amazingly phonetic.

Custardpi · 12-04-2013 6:03pm

kunst nugget wrote: »

That is the first time I've seen Dublinese txtspk. It's amazingly phonetic.

You could actually imagine that fitting reasonably well into Finnegan's Wake.

unknowngirl!! · 12-04-2013 6:41pm

Seeing a lot of this lately!

FB.gif

SusieBlue · 12-04-2013 6:54pm

The amount of people that think the "hope ur okay hun xxx" page is real never fails to amuse me, there's always at least 2-3 people commenting on every status telling her to learn to spell and get a job. Some people don't get the humour of it at all!

yerwanthere123 · 12-04-2013 8:38pm

kunst nugget wrote: »

That is the first time I've seen Dublinese txtspk. It's amazingly phonetic.

But.. the person isn't from Dublin :eek:

Gunslinger99 · 12-04-2013 9:07pm

Tara Small Scoreboard wrote: »

the countdown is nearly up....have some great news to share tomorrow! please anyone who knows the 'truth', dont post anything here! so excited!

Stupid attention whore...as if she thinks her life is a soap opera. Get over yourself, love. And all the idiots who keep 'liking' her self-obsessed statuses and posting comments, find a newhobby
or something.

Was there ever a big reveal to this gem ?

kunst nugget · 12-04-2013 11:12pm

yerwanthere123 wrote: »

But.. the person isn't from Dublin :eek:

Well, inside them beats the heart of a true scobe

April O Neill · 12-04-2013 11:22pm

WhiteRoses wrote: »

The amount of people that think the "hope ur okay hun xxx" page is real never fails to amuse me, there's always at least 2-3 people commenting on every status telling her to learn to spell and get a job. Some people don't get the humour of it at all!

I know, how could you "like" and follow that page without knowing it's a huge pisstake?

Such a funny page though, best thing I ever liked on FB.

daisybelle2008 · 13-04-2013 9:41pm

From failbook, looks like an Irish one

http://cheezburger.com/7303222528

daisybelle2008 · 13-04-2013 9:42pm

mariebeth · 14-04-2013 1:41pm

WhiteRoses wrote: »

The amount of people that think the "hope ur okay hun xxx" page is real never fails to amuse me, there's always at least 2-3 people commenting on every status telling her to learn to spell and get a job. Some people don't get the humour of it at all!

I'd love to be able to actually 'like' that page but even though I know it's a piss take, trying to read her updates would give me a headache!

JohnMearsheimer · 14-04-2013 11:57pm

This is from a girl I worked with in Canada. She is the biggest gom and most delusional person I've ever met. Her Facebook posts keep me entertained!

'Wooo deleting spree is turning out to be quite fun! 100 people gone so far! You should really look into your settings and stuff! It's amazing what you can & cannot control on here! Major clean up of my social networking all round.

Just watched something on tv about Facebook and it was a bit of an eye opener! So I'm going to keep chopping away!! Got a couple of messages so far haha, sorry guys if you don't talk to me how the hell am I supposed to know you read the crap I post on here? You're all essentially stalkers if you're not friends! hahaha'

yerwanthere123 · 15-04-2013 12:21am

JohnMearsheimer wrote: »

This is from a girl I worked with in Canada. She is the biggest gom and most delusional person I've ever met. Her Facebook posts keep me entertained!

'Wooo deleting spree is turning out to be quite fun! 100 people gone so far! You should really look into your settings and stuff! It's amazing what you can & cannot control on here! Major clean up of my social networking all round.

Just watched something on tv about Facebook and it was a bit of an eye opener! So I'm going to keep chopping away!! Got a couple of messages so far haha, sorry guys if you don't talk to me how the hell am I supposed to know you read the crap I post on here? You're all essentially stalkers if you're not friends! hahaha'

What. A. Moron.

Custardpi · 15-04-2013 12:29am

JohnMearsheimer wrote: »

This is from a girl I worked with in Canada. She is the biggest gom and most delusional person I've ever met. Her Facebook posts keep me entertained!

'Wooo deleting spree is turning out to be quite fun! 100 people gone so far! You should really look into your settings and stuff! It's amazing what you can & cannot control on here! Major clean up of my social networking all round.

Just watched something on tv about Facebook and it was a bit of an eye opener! So I'm going to keep chopping away!! Got a couple of messages so far haha, sorry guys if you don't talk to me how the hell am I supposed to know you read the crap I post on here? You're all essentially stalkers if you're not friends! hahaha'

In fairness that sounds relatively mild compared to some of the stuff that's been posted here. At least she's self aware enough to realise that what she posts is "crap", which is more than can be said for many other FB users.

leggo · 15-04-2013 10:47am

On the other hand, though, it's not self-aware enough to realise that a Facebook friendship is a two-way thing and assumes that the people she doesn't know are hanging on her every word, while she's aloof and cool enough to want to delete them from her life. Also sounds like the type of person who'd moan if the same happened to her.

So yeah, I'm gonna go right ahead and say that, on the basis of that, she's a twat.

Dumb/Great Facebook Status {merge} [No Names]

Comments