One-Liner Jokes

We've just trained the family dog to go fetch a bottle of red wine from the kitchen rack.

He's a Bordeaux Collie, if you're interested..

What people don’t know is Cilla Black has a warehouse.

It supplies supplies.

Time flies like an arrow

And fruit flies like a banana

Our cat is called Boston.

To us, he's more than a feline.

Anyone want to swap some bum jokes?

I've got piles.

I used to love Robbie Williams until I discovered Geometry…..

Now I’m loving angles instead.

Did you hear about the cheese who painted his wife?

He double Gloucester.

What’s the difference between a window and an envelope??

Nobody looks at you funny when you’re licking an envelope.

Which Icelandic singer was named after a city in England?

Is it......

A. Norwich
B. York
C. Leeds

I was at a speed dating event, recently.

"Have you got any pets?", one girl asked.

"Yeah, one goldfish", I replied.

"Got any hobbies?", she said.

"Yes, he absolutely loves swimming.."

The inventor of the lozenge has died.

There will be no coffin at his funeral.

Just watched a superb Hollywood film about camping during the lockdown.

Directed by Tentin Quarantino.

I went into a chemists shop yesterday and asked for a deodorant...

The girl said, "ball or aerosol?"

I said, "neither, it's for my armpits!"

If Honor Blackman had married Richard Todd, would she have been lonely for the rest of her life?

Overnight Oats sounds like the name of a racehorse who sucks

I've been invited to a hair-washing party...

I can't think of an excuse not to go

I took a poll recently. 100% of people in the tent were upset.

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Not a lot of people know this but the singer Bill Withers had a brother called Bear, who wrote telephone hold music.

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?

Put it in the oven 'til it's Bill Withers

The other day I spotted an albino dalmatian.

It's the least I could do for him.

How do non-binary serial killers murder their victims?

They / them...