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The snip

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  • 26-04-2008 3:30pm
    #1
    Quality
    Registered Users Posts: 6,900 ✭✭✭


    Would you expect your man to get a vasectomy when you are finished having your family?

    Let the husband get the snip....? 59 votes

    Yes, snip away
    0% 0 votes
    No way
    100% 59 votes


«13456

Comments

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    #2
    Oryx
    Subscribers Posts: 19,425 ✭✭✭✭Oryx


    I tried. He wouldnt.:D


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    #3
    Cathmandooo
    Registered Users Posts: 17,324 ✭✭✭✭Cathmandooo


    No not at all, people can change their minds or not realise that they actually want more children til they're pregnant again. I know you can get them reversed but I'm sure that would cost a lot of money. Life can change very quickly, I'd like to keep mine and his options open.


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    #4
    Abi
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,058 ✭✭✭✭Abi


    Of course. We have the two children we wanted. Do not want any more. I've held up my side of the bargain.


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    #5
    Nightwish
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,129 ✭✭✭Nightwish


    No way. I'd consider getting sterlised myself though, even though I dont have any kids. I really really really really dont want any in the future.


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    #6
    Nevyn
    Closed Accounts Posts: 43,045 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    In the case nightwish you would have to go aboard to make that happen.


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    #7
    coffee_cake
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Politics Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 81,309 CMod ✭✭✭✭coffee_cake


    Nightwish wrote: »
    No way. I'd consider getting sterlised myself though, even though I dont have any kids. I really really really really dont want any in the future.

    +1


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    #8
    Abi
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,058 ✭✭✭✭Abi


    Thaedydal wrote: »
    In the case nightwish you would have to go aboard to make that happen.

    If she didnt go aboard, she mightnt need to get the tubes done!

    :pac: ;)


    On-topic, in a case where you have a family already and you have sat down, talked it through and both agreed honestly that its not what you both want. Snippity snip snip. I've had my fair share of the scalpel now to whoop the shi.t out of the arguement of 'oh noes not my manhood!'

    Its only fair on the woman. Himself is scheduled for it, and it has been added to our wedding fund as part of the clause! Im sick of the worry tbh. Although other preventitive methods are used atm, they arent as preg-preventive as the snip. Be fair to the one who has the babies, and has her body thrown into the loop for another 9mths.


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    #9
    Thrill
    Registered Users Posts: 5,485 ✭✭✭Thrill


    It's a bad idea to get the snip imo. Relationships often fall apart and people go their separate ways. If that happens and he were to meet someone else, want to settle down and have kids with the new love of his life, then he's screwed.

    A man would want to be nuts to get it done. A woman either, unless she was absolutely 100% sure she never wanted another. Theres no telling what the future holds. I know of plenty of failed marriages/relationships involving people with kids. I wouldn't be surprised if everyone else here has as well. They go on and meet new partners and have kids together.

    That would be denied to those who've had the snip.


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    #10
    Silverfish
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 16,696 Mod ✭✭✭✭Silverfish


    I'd never expect a man to do anything with his bits unless he wanted to, tbh.

    If he wanted one, grand, but I wouldn't expect him to.


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    #11
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Yes it is only fair after years of hormonal contraception and baby producing.


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    #12
    thebman
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,012 ✭✭✭✭thebman


    I wouldn't get it done and the only fair argument is nonsense unless he held a gun to your head over it IMHO.


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    #13
    justsomebloke
    Registered Users Posts: 10,407 ✭✭✭✭justsomebloke


    *backs out of the thread while all his equipment is still working*


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    #14
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    brim4brim wrote: »
    I wouldn't get it done and the only fair argument is nonsense unless he held a gun to your head over it IMHO.

    It is not blackmail, it is about mutual responsibility for family planning.
    I don't really understand what the fuss is about, it is not like we are talking about castration.
    If I were a man I would prefer the snip to possible future hormonal options.


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    #15
    thebman
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,012 ✭✭✭✭thebman


    Moonbaby wrote: »
    It is not blackmail, it is about mutual responsibility for family planning.
    I don't really understand what the fuss is about, it is not like we are talking about castration.
    If I were a man I would prefer the snip to possible future hormonal options.

    Right so you discussed all this with him in advance right? When you were taking hormonal contraception you said, okay now you know I'm going to ask you to get the snip because of this?

    and he replied okay.

    because otherwise saying I went through all this so now you have to get the snip out of the blue is blackmail in my books.


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    #16
    Crumble Froo
    Registered Users Posts: 8,196 ✭✭✭Crumble Froo


    oh god! no! never would i expect it, let alone ask it!

    we have absolutely no intention of ever having kids (he's got his own, and i only like them when i can run away back to my own home at the end of it), and i am rather against hormonal contraception, for a few personal reasons, and i would never dream of asking him to get the snip. it had actually honestly never crossed my mind, tbh.


    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YVR5MPDUKko


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    #17
    Jemmy
    Registered Users Posts: 3,385 ✭✭✭Jemmy


    Im only 23 long way off that but i dont see why it cudnt be an option!
    Ive had to be on the pill and others for long enough, wud make things easier! But of course if he was dead set against it that wud be ok.

    My uncle had it done and it was no big deal! Yes i know weird i know but very close to my aunt! Plus she a very open woman! lol


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    #18
    Crumble Froo
    Registered Users Posts: 8,196 ✭✭✭Crumble Froo


    oh. turns out my b/f would have absolutely no problems with it.


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    #19
    tallaght01
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,778 ✭✭✭tallaght01


    I'd be pretty shocked if anyone "expected" their partner to undergo an operation.

    If a bloke came in here and said he expected his wife to undergo sterilisation he'd, rightfuly, get a pretty rough ride.


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    #20
    Cathmandooo
    Registered Users Posts: 17,324 ✭✭✭✭Cathmandooo


    tallaght01 wrote: »
    I'd be pretty shocked if anyone "expected" their partner to undergo an operation.

    If a bloke came in here and said he expected his wife to undergo sterilisation he'd, rightfuly, get a pretty rough ride.

    personally I'd treat her the same, to me it's completely wrong. No one should 'expect' anyone to do anything, particularly something so long term. I hate women / men who dictate in relationships, it gets under my skin.

    If he wants the snip, discuss it and come to an agreement. Simple as. never tell him to get it done, you're a dictating so and so then.


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    #21
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    I would expect a partner to want to have a cheap, minor, 15 minute surgical procedure. Rather than have me go through a hospital stay and general anesthetic, or take artifical hormones for 30 years, or suffer the side-effects of hormones themselves.

    Honestly I wouldn't get involved with the kind of person who felt that contraception was my problem.


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    #22
    thebman
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,012 ✭✭✭✭thebman


    Moonbaby wrote: »
    I would expect a partner to want to have a cheap, minor, 15 minute surgical procedure. Rather than have me go through a hospital stay and general anesthetic, or take artifical hormones for 30 years, or suffer the side-effects of hormones themselves.

    Honestly I wouldn't get involved with the kind of person who felt that contraception was my problem.

    Right so you've gone through all this so he owes you = emotional blackmail.
    You'd essentially try to make him feel guilty about all the things you went through in order to get him to agree to it if he said he didn't want to from my reading of your post.

    In any case, I'm not getting too involved in this thread because I honestly don't care because I'm not at this crossroads in my life. I'd just say that the guy might not know whats involved and might be scared sh*tless of getting the operation done and then you try to pressure him into it, it would just be a sh*tty thing to do IMHO.

    You should (again IMHO), have information ready for him when/if he says no to explain whats involved as if he's like most guys know and myself, most of his information on what he'll feel like after this operation comes from Scrubs which isn't the most accurate place to get your information :D You should also consider the reaction of his friends towards him if he gets it done. Will he be mocked/jeered by them for it or what?

    Its not quite as simple as he should do it for you because you ask him to and you've done stuff for him in the past. I'm sure he appreciates what you did for him in regard to contraception and probably made a special effort on more than one occasion to do something nice for you because of it. I don't see why he should automatically be happy to have this done though for you though.

    My two cents /leaves thread.


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    #23
    tallaght01
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,778 ✭✭✭tallaght01


    Moonbaby wrote: »
    I would expect a partner to want to have a cheap, minor, 15 minute surgical procedure. Rather than have me go through a hospital stay and general anesthetic, or take artifical hormones for 30 years, or suffer the side-effects of hormones themselves.

    Honestly I wouldn't get involved with the kind of person who felt that contraception was my problem.


    Well then, that's fine. if you expect him to want to have it done, then presumably you're going to wait until he offers.

    No dramas there, then ;)


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    #24
    ChewChew
    Moderators Posts: 24,367 ✭✭✭✭ChewChew


    brim4brim wrote: »
    In any case, I'm not getting too involved in this thread because I honestly don't care because I'm not at this crossroads in my life. I'd just say that the guy might not know whats involved and might be scared sh*tless of getting the operation done and then you try to pressure him into it, it would just be a sh*tty thing to do IMHO.

    You should (again IMHO), have information ready for him when/if he says no to explain whats involved as if he's like most guys know and myself, most of his information on what he'll feel like after this operation comes from Scrubs which isn't the most accurate place to get your information :D You should also consider the reaction of his friends towards him if he gets it done. Will he be mocked/jeered by them for it or what?

    Its not quite as simple as he should do it for you because you ask him to and you've done stuff for him in the past. I'm sure he appreciates what you did for him in regard to contraception and probably made a special effort on more than one occasion to do something nice for you because of it. I don't see why he should automatically be happy to have this done though for you though.

    My two cents /leaves thread.


    Brim4Brim, where exactly are you getting the whole 'blackmail' thingy from?? I think the points being made are that its an ending option for a couple who have their family any no longer want anymore.

    And also when a man going for a vasectomy, who is married and already has children, does not just go to the hospital and say ''yeah I want the snip'' there is a hell of a lot more to it than that. Himself and his partner have to attend counceling before the procedure. They have to be 100% sure that they are BOTH prepared for the consequences of it. So the man is very well informed. He is not going into it blind. And the en who generally get the procedure done, are more than willing to have it done because they too have had their family and dont want to extend it.


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    #25
    SarahSassy
    Registered Users Posts: 3,145 ✭✭✭SarahSassy


    brim4brim wrote: »
    Right so you've gone through all this so he owes you = emotional blackmail. You'd essentially try to make him feel guilty about all the things you went through in order to get him to agree to it if he said he didn't want to from my reading of your post.

    What a load of tripe.... Where are you getting emotional blackmail from???

    If you have been in a committed relationship with someone, have had kids with them and as a woman have taken care of the contraception issue for maybe 20 years, then it should be discussed and the easiest thing is for him to take care of business... Its not healthy for women to be on the pill long term and if he wants sex then he should take 50% responsibility for contraception.


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    #26
    Macha
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators Posts: 6,376 Mod ✭✭✭✭Macha


    It's a toughie.

    On the one hand I wouldn't go so far as to demand that my partner does it as my partner doesn't demand that I take the pill, I choose to take it. If the male pill existed, he'd be happy to take it.

    Then again, condoms alone are not reliable enough so something else has to be done. Assuming I'll hit the menopause at around 50, I reckon after about 15 years of taking artificial hormone treatment and having popped out two kids (fingers crossed) I'll have fulfilled my part of the bargain.

    Edit: are there any reversible operations for sterilisation, male or female? If so, they sound like a good bet...


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    #27
    Reku
    Registered Users Posts: 3,766 ✭✭✭Reku


    AFAIK "the snip" is both surgically reversible and can also actually reverse itself, as such it's not a 100% sure fire contraception and it's not a definite end to the man's chances to have kids should he leave his current partner for someone else. As such it should not be relied upon alone unless he's getting regular checks of the sperm count in his semen and the fear of being unable to have kids should he decide he wants too is not a valid arguement against it.

    Now here's a question for you ladies, quite a few of you seemed to be of the oppinion that it was entirely a woman's right to have an abortion without consulting the father. What about a man's right to have a vasectomy and not consult his partner? Some seemed to even feel that the woman isn't even under any obligation to tell the former father-to-be, how would you feel about a woman finding out that the reason she had never gotten pregnant was that her partner had had a vasectomy and never told her?

    How is having a baby against the father's wishes and then forcing them to be either an active father or pay maintanance all that different to denying a woman the chance to be a mother because she thinks it can happen when it's unlikely due to the man having had a vasectomy? In each case one person is being selfish and ignoring the needs and desires of the other.


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    #28
    doonothing
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,745 ✭✭✭doonothing


    Man I can't wait to have kids... If I was ever asked to get the snip, I'd flip! I like having everything, y'know, in biological working order. I would never, ever even DREAM of asking a partner to get sterilised.

    When's this man-pill anyway..


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    #29
    thebman
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,012 ✭✭✭✭thebman


    SarahSassy wrote: »
    What a load of tripe.... Where are you getting emotional blackmail from???

    If you have been in a committed relationship with someone, have had kids with them and as a woman have taken care of the contraception issue for maybe 20 years, then it should be discussed and the easiest thing is for him to take care of business... Its not healthy for women to be on the pill long term and if he wants sex then he should take 50% responsibility for contraception.

    Well it wasn't discussed in advance with the guy so out of nowhere the other person demands they under go this procedure stating all the things they've done before as the reason they should do it without asking any questions or complaining at all.

    Sounds like the person is trying to make the guy feel guilty for all she's done before (which as I've already stated, he didn't make her do it and there were other alternatives if she was unwilling). She is acting like this was always going to happen but did she ever even discuss it with him?

    Sorry you can't just out of the blue say I did this for years and now I want you to do this without it coming across as putting the other person under pressure without justification in my books.

    She can ask the guy but she can't make kind of demands that it occur IMHO. If it was the other way around, how would women feel about this situation? I'm sorry, I think you'd be kicking up a lot of fuss about how wrong it was for the guy to ask you to do it and use previous things he's done for you as the reason why you should do it without kicking up any fuss.


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    #30
    nomorebadtown
    Closed Accounts Posts: 634 ✭✭✭nomorebadtown


    tallaght01 wrote: »
    I'd be pretty shocked if anyone "expected" their partner to undergo an operation

    exactly.

    who would expect their loved one to undergo an unnecessary medical procedure?:confused:

    i wouldnt be apposed to it...but thats a LONG way in the future, hopefully:p


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    #31
    Balmed Out
    Registered Users Posts: 4,714 ✭✭✭Balmed Out


    If i found out a girl i was dating would expect this id dump her immediately. Not only because i would never see myself wanting this but because its oh so incredibly selfish. How anyone could expect someone to vandalise their body for them is beyond me.
    If i was to die before a partner id have no problem them finding someone else. Being snipped would be a big stumbling block to this if a guy meets a woman who hasnt had and wants kids.


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