The try harder if ye want a second joke thread thread.

Seamus was the most prominent businessman in town and, among other things, owned the only grocery store.
He was aghast when a local girl informed him she was carrying his child.
He didn't want to marry her but he didn't want to end up on the wrong end of a paternity suit either and so he did a deal with her whereby he would provide her and her son with groceries and provisions until he reached the age of 18.
Every week she called to the shop and collected the bag of goods and when the son became big enough he was sent down to collect the ever growing bag.
His little bit of pleasure now a distant memory, Seamus grew to resent more and more the weekly visit and the loss of money it represented.
One weekend the, by now, strapping young man arrived with the bag as usual.
"Any harm to ask you what age you are?" Seamus enquired.
"I'll be 18 tomorrow", the young man answered.
"Well, take this bag home to your mother and tell her that this is the last consignment of groceries she'll be getting from me. And watch the look on her face"
The puzzled youngster related the story verbatim to his mother. After thinking about it for a while she said, "You go back down to Seamus and tell him that you're not his son at all, and watch the look on his face".


Shure,maybe it never hppened at all?

kennyboy9563 wrote: »

I needed a pair of heavy duty trousers for work so I went into an army surplus shop and asked if they had any camouflage trousers. The bloke said he did and went off to get me a pair. After five minutes waiting,he came back and said "sorry, I can't see them anywhere"

I just got sick in my mouth

kennyboy9563 wrote: »

A couple were lying in bed together on the morning of their tenth wedding anniversary when the wife says, 'Darling, as this is such a special occasion, I think that it is time I made a confession: Before we were married I was a hooker for eight years.'

The husband ponders for a moment and then looks into his wife's eyes and says, 'My love, you have been a perfect wife for ten years! I cannot hold your past against you, maybe you could show me a few tricks of the trade and spice up our sex life a bit?'

She said, 'I don't think you understand, my name was Gordon and I played rugby for Leinster. .. ...'

i think the order's a bit messed up there buddy.

Peanut Butter Jelly wrote: »

i think the order's a bit messed up there buddy.

how so ?

A CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time.

So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site.

She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.

"Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. What's your name?
"Morris Feinberg," he replied.

"Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?"
"For about 60 years."

"60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"
"I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims."
"I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop."
"I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults and to love their fellow man."
"I pray that politicians tell us the truth and put the interests of the people ahead of their own interests.."

"How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?"

"its like talking to a f...ing brick wall."

Cecil and Basil two gay lovers were taking a stroll by the riverbank when suddenly Basil lost his footing and fell in. In his panic he screamed "throw me a bouy throw me a bouy

Cecil standing by the river felt so proud of his friend saying. " Oh good old Basil game ball to the last"

admiralofthefleet wrote: »

So what if there's horse meat in Findus meals. Prince Charles has been eating horse for years now!

The funniest thing about this is the fact that somebody actually thanked it