Time to change my life around for the better minus drink.

Carpet diem · 24-10-2014 9:17pm

Was s tough week but happy to come out the other side with a bit of a smile. Looking forward to relaxation and nice simple sober weekend.

Sounds simple but it's fantastic.

24-10-2014 11:22pm

Carpet diem wrote: »

How does one go about building up self confidence and sense of self?

I was a bit of a lay about waster when I was in college. And I think I justified that to myself by looking at the people around me who were "better" than me - and telling myself I would never be "as good" as them - so why even try?

I can not tell you how to build up these things like you asked. But I can certainly tell you how I did it. If it helps.

I shifted my focus. I simply decided that I was no longer going to judge my self or my self worth against the people around me.

Instead I set myself a really simple goal.

It was this simple:

"From now on.... every day.... I will go to bed being "better" than the person who woke up that morning".

In other words I decided that my self confidence and my sense of self was going to be predicated on bettering myself on the person I was the day before.

And HOW I did that was irrelevant. One day it might be running a little bit further or longer than the day before.... or id learn something i didnt know the day before...... or id do meditation longer or better than the day before..... or I would show more compassion to someone today than I did the say before.....

... the simple point was.... that my self worth derived from bettering MYSELF in the 24 hours that was given me to do it. In some SMALL way or other. And it was small. Each and every day it was tiny.

But I did it every day.

And I STILL do it every day. I havent given up yet.

And my self pride and self worth? It comes from keeping up that journey. I havent set a goal. I havent told myself ill be better than anyone else when I am done. I just wake up every day... and go to bed every day.... thinking "Yup, ive done it again.... the TODAY me has kicked the ass out of the YESTERDAY me once again"

But THATS JUST ME. I dont know if it will work for you. Or anyone else on this thread. But its gotten me where I am today. And I have been told a few times that where I am today is enviable.

Carpet diem · 24-10-2014 11:28pm

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I was a bit of a lay about waster when I was in college. And I think I justified that to myself by looking at the people around me who were "better" than me - and telling myself I would never be "as good" as them - so why even try?

I can not tell you how to build up these things like you asked. But I can certainly tell you how I did it. If it helps.

I shifted my focus. I simply decided that I was no longer going to judge my self or my self worth against the people around me.

Instead I set myself a really simple goal.

It was this simple:

"From now on.... every day.... I will go to bed being "better" than the person who woke up that morning".

In other words I decided that my self confidence and my sense of self was going to be predicated on bettering myself on the person I was the day before.

And HOW I did that was irrelevant. One day it might be running a little bit further or longer than the day before.... or id learn something i didnt know the day before...... or id do meditation longer or better than the day before..... or I would show more compassion to someone today than I did the say before.....

... the simple point was.... that my self worth derived from bettering MYSELF in the 24 hours that was given me to do it. In some SMALL way or other. And it was small. Each and every day it was tiny.

But I did it every day.

And I STILL do it every day. I havent given up yet.

And my self pride and self worth? It comes from keeping up that journey. I havent set a goal. I havent told myself ill be better than anyone else when I am done. I just wake up every day... and go to bed every day.... thinking "Yup, ive done it again.... the TODAY me has kicked the ass out of the YESTERDAY me once again"

But THATS JUST ME. I dont know if it will work for you. Or anyone else on this thread. But its gotten me where I am today. And I have been told a few times that where I am today is enviable.

I have to say that is unreal advice - concentrate on on self! Thanks !

24-10-2014 11:35pm

Carpet diem wrote: »

I have to say that is unreal advice - concentrate on on self! Thanks !

But not totally on YOUR SELF either. You could better yourself.... for example..... by improving your relationship with a sworn enemy.... for example.

So it is not totally inward.

So the focus is on bettering yourself each day... but bettering yourself might mean concentration on "the other" too.

Once you go to bed happy that you have improved YOU in the wakefuls hours given you.

daukey34 · 24-10-2014 11:54pm

Try AA buddy

Carpet diem · 26-10-2014 8:51am

Sobriety is a gift that needs to be worked on and taken care of.

I'm working on it myself and I definitely could be doing more which I will. For instance when I go home I need to watch a DVD or something to fill the time cause let's be fair it can be bit not boring but time drags on a bit.

I'm very happy to lying in bed bed of a bank holiday Sunday at half 7 with clear head, not feeling angry with myself, angry towards others, not wakening up with a mouth like an ash tray after my first 3-4 hours sleep.

I have to say the debate on it forum website has been brilliant and makes for good thoughts.

One thing I have found from my endeveours to give up the drink is you just need an ultimate determination to get there and even people closest to you might get in your way but you just need to break down walks to get to SOBER and stay SOBER.

I have great difficulty with work occasions, weddings, funerals etc. In most situations I recommend not going at all. Pull out last minute or just dint turn up. If you really have to go , go and leave early. Have your jacket handy so you can just do a legger. **** what people say, everybody looks out for themselves and themselves only! Look out for number 1 and that is yourself.

Sunnyisland · 26-10-2014 9:22am

Carpet diem wrote: »

Sobriety is a gift that needs to be worked on and taken care of.

I'm working on it myself and I definitely could be doing more which I will. For instance when I go home I need to watch a DVD or something to fill the time cause let's be fair it can be bit not boring but time drags on a bit.

I'm very happy to lying in bed bed of a bank holiday Sunday at half 7 with clear head, not feeling angry with myself, angry towards others, not wakening up with a mouth like an ash tray after my first 3-4 hours sleep.

I have to say the debate on it forum website has been brilliant and makes for good thoughts.

One thing I have found from my endeveours to give up the drink is you just need an ultimate determination to get there and even people closest to you might get in your way but you just need to break down walks to get to SOBER and stay SOBER.

I have great difficulty with work occasions, weddings, funerals etc. In most situations I recommend not going at all. Pull out last minute or just dint turn up. If you really have to go , go and leave early. Have your jacket handy so you can just do a legger. **** what people say, everybody looks out for themselves and themselves only! Look out for number 1 and that is yourself.

Great post carpet diem, it seems your now getting it, well done.

Carpet diem · 27-10-2014 2:09pm

Got my run in so far today and getting on lot better with OH. It feels good because she really is a great person.

I remember last time I stayed with a mate. He be mad to meet for drinking but next day mad to get you out of the house of I stayed in his spare room.All very artificial and no way to socialize really. Today I'm handing around with someone that wants to do something together.

GerB40 · 27-10-2014 4:22pm

Next week it'll be 6 months without a drink. I honestly didn't believe 6 months ago that I'd be saying that and I'm pretty happy with that. I've went through a whole summer (usually a non stop drinking session), my birthday (no excuses needed) and following Tipp in the hurling (having been going to Tipp games all over the country since 2001 filled to the gills with drink every time, going to them sober was tough).
P.S. Losing the final was tougher though

I haven't taken tablets for three weeks either so I'm just waiting for two separate withdrawals to hit me like a tonne of bricks. It won't be fun (pretty fúckin rank actually) but I always felt like I was cheating sayin I was sober when I was falling back on prescription tabs (not prescribed by my doc) to avoid the worst of the withdrawals.

It felt like I was taking five steps forward an one step back..

But there's fewer feelings better than waking up on a Monday morning after a long weekend with a clear head and positive attitude.

I hope everyone else is doing well and if you're not, remember, there's an army of support here on this thread. Don't be afraid to ask for help because most are too willing to give it.

Sláinte

Carpet diem · 27-10-2014 4:36pm

GerB40 wrote: »

Next week it'll be 6 months without a drink. I honestly didn't believe 6 months ago that I'd be saying that and I'm pretty happy with that. I've went through a whole summer (usually a non stop drinking session), my birthday (no excuses needed) and following Tipp in the hurling (having been going to Tipp games all over the country since 2001 filled to the gills with drink every time, going to them sober was tough).
P.S. Losing the final was tougher though

I haven't taken tablets for three weeks either so I'm just waiting for two separate withdrawals to hit me like a tonne of bricks. It won't be fun (pretty fúckin rank actually) but I always felt like I was cheating sayin I was sober when I was falling back on prescription tabs (not prescribed by my doc) to avoid the worst of the withdrawals.

It felt like I was taking five steps forward an one step back..

But there's fewer feelings better than waking up on a Monday morning after a long weekend with a clear head and positive attitude.

I hope everyone else is doing well and if you're not, remember, there's an army of support here on this thread. Don't be afraid to ask for help because most are too willing to give it.

Sláinte

We're the tablets just to stop you drinking ie antabuse or to stop withdrawals? Very well done btw! Great success!

GerB40 · 27-10-2014 4:55pm

Carpet diem wrote: »

We're the tablets just to stop you drinking ie antabuse or to stop withdrawals? Very well done btw! Great success!

To stop withdrawals. By the end of my drinking I was taking between 15 and 40 valium some nights and they seemed the easiest way to avoid the dreaded post acute withdrawal syndrome. I honestly thought it would work, fúck me what was I thinking??

Anyway I've learned a lesson but the whole experience has made me wonder if I'll ever be normal again. The tabs will always be in the back of my mind when I'm feeling shítty so hopefully these three weeks are the beginning of the road to recovery pt 2.

And thanks for the best wishes.

Edit: My doc would never give me any sort of tables that could be addictive, she knows I can't be trusted with them. I got them "elsewhere".

Carpet diem · 27-10-2014 5:07pm

You seem determined and you will succeed . Hotels definietly are a trigger for me as are airports. As soon as I set foot in one I'm looking for the bar.
I know that now as I will travel work more in the future.

I dint get the withdrwals too bad myself , I'm more the drinker that had.drank too much over long period of time with very heavy drinking. I think in AA they say there is the acute drinkuer and the heavy. I'm the latter but they are both problems that need to be dealt with. Just cause I'm not the acute drinker doesn't mean I don't have an issue, I used to think that but now I don't!!

GerB40 · 27-10-2014 5:23pm

Carpet diem wrote: »

You seem determined and you will succeed . Hotels definietly are a trigger for me as are airports. As soon as I set foot in one I'm looking for the bar.
I know that now as I will travel work more in the future.

I dint get the withdrwals too bad myself , I'm more the drinker that had.drank too much over long period of time with very heavy drinking. I think in AA they say there is the acute drinkuer and the heavy. I'm the latter but they are both problems that need to be dealt with. Just cause I'm not the acute drinker doesn't mean I don't have an issue, I used to think that but now I don't!!

Actually that leads me to a question I've been wanting to ask for a while. What constitutes an alcoholic? It seems a very broad term and I'm not sure if I really count as one.

Drink has ruled my life for years but personally I look at that as being a compulsive drinker but I know alcoholics who have it way worse than I do and by comparison I'm fairly tame.

In short how do I know if I am an alcoholic or just somebody who let alcohol get the better of me? Or is there any difference?

I haven't been to AA because I don't feel worthy (for want of a better word) enough to converse with people with much bigger problems..

Carpet diem · 27-10-2014 7:12pm

Should be few guys in here that can give a better answer than myself?

Sunnyisland · 27-10-2014 7:24pm

P

GerB40 wrote: »

Actually that leads me to a question I've been wanting to ask for a while. What constitutes an alcoholic? It seems a very broad term and I'm not sure if I really count as one.

Drink has ruled my life for years but personally I look at that as being a compulsive drinker but I know alcoholics who have it way worse than I do and by comparison I'm fairly tame.

In short how do I know if I am an alcoholic or just somebody who let alcohol get the better of me? Or is there any difference?

I haven't been to AA because I don't feel worthy (for want of a better word) enough to converse with people with much bigger problems..

Here's a few reasons why you might be heading down the long road of alcohol abuse,one that is hard but not impossible to turn of.

1. inability to control alcohol intake after starting to drink
2. obsessing about alcohol (ie, next time the person can drink, how they are going to get alcohol, who they're going to go out drinking with)
3. behaving in ways, while drunk, that are uncharacteristic of their sober personality
4. repeating unwanted drinking patterns
5. surrounding themselves socially with heavy drinkers
6. getting drunk before actually arriving at parties/bars (pre-partying)
7. increasing sense of denial that their heavy drinking is a problem because they are able to succeed professionally and personally
8. setting drinking limits (ie, only having 3 drinks, only drinking 3 days per week) and not being able to adhere to them
9. driving drunk and, by sheer luck, not getting arrested or involved in an accident
10. always having to finish an alcoholic beverage or even another person's unfinished beverage
11. using alcohol as a reward
12. drinking daily
13. living a double life by separating drinking life from professional or home life
14. binge drinking (more than 5 drinks in one sitting)
15. having chronic blackouts (memory lapse due to excessive drinking) and not remembering what they did for a portion of their drinking episode
16. feeling guilt and shame about their drunken behaviors
17. taking breaks from drinking and then increasing alcohol consumption when they resume drinking after a period of time
18. people have expressed concern about their negative drunken behaviors
19. engaging in risky sexual behavior when intoxicated
20. not being able to imagine their life without alcohol in it

Re AA the part where I loved was the the knowledge that everyone was there because of one reason only, there desire to stop drinking, we all had that in common and it did not matter a dam where your from or what you did did not work at, Alcoholism/abuse/heavy drinking has no boundaries

Sunnyisland · 27-10-2014 7:31pm

Carpet diem wrote: »

Should be few guys in here that can give a better answer than myself?

:-) Your opinion on it Carpet diem are just important and knowledgeable as anyone else's :-)

Carpet diem · 27-10-2014 7:49pm

realies wrote: »

:-) Your opinion on it Carpet diem are just important and knowledgeable as anyone else's :-)

I believe there are two types of problem drinkers that fit within the category of alcoholism

1) heavy drinker.

One who has persisted over a sustained period of time to binge drink and where their drinking becomes a determinent to their daily living. Because this drinking is over a long period of time it is not something you can change very easily. This is why help is needed. The drinker van ofen go cold turkey for a few days but then binges again.

2) acute drinker.
One who needs a drink as soon as they get up in the morning and constantly keeps topped up and will go to any lengths for a drink.

Both types manifest themselves in different ways but both will lead to the same outcome for the person. That is why they both are the same problem imo.

GerB40 · 27-10-2014 7:51pm

realies wrote: »

P

Here's a few reasons why you might be heading down the long road of alcohol abuse,one that is hard but not impossible to turn of.

1. inability to control alcohol intake after starting to drink
2. obsessing about alcohol (ie, next time the person can drink, how they are going to get alcohol, who they're going to go out drinking with)
3. behaving in ways, while drunk, that are uncharacteristic of their sober personality
4. repeating unwanted drinking patterns
5. surrounding themselves socially with heavy drinkers
6. getting drunk before actually arriving at parties/bars (pre-partying)
7. increasing sense of denial that their heavy drinking is a problem because they are able to succeed professionally and personally
8. setting drinking limits (ie, only having 3 drinks, only drinking 3 days per week) and not being able to adhere to them
9. driving drunk and, by sheer luck, not getting arrested or involved in an accident
10. always having to finish an alcoholic beverage or even another person's unfinished beverage
11. using alcohol as a reward
12. drinking daily
13. living a double life by separating drinking life from professional or home life
14. binge drinking (more than 5 drinks in one sitting)
15. having chronic blackouts (memory lapse due to excessive drinking) and not remembering what they did for a portion of their drinking episode
16. feeling guilt and shame about their drunken behaviors
17. taking breaks from drinking and then increasing alcohol consumption when they resume drinking after a period of time
18. people have expressed concern about their negative drunken behaviors
19. engaging in risky sexual behavior when intoxicated
20. not being able to imagine their life without alcohol in it

Re AA the part where I loved was the the knowledge that everyone was there because of one reason only, there desire to stop drinking, we all had that in common and it did not matter a dam where your from or what you did did not work at, Alcoholism/abuse/heavy drinking has no boundaries

15 out of 19 (I don't drive so that one wouldn't apply to me). Thanks for putting that up, it made me realise what I already knew but preferred to ignore. I suppose going to a meeting or two couldn't do any harm, it seems like I'll be welcomed there..

GerB40 · 27-10-2014 8:09pm

Carpet diem wrote: »

I believe there are two types of problem drinkers that fit within the category of alcoholism

1) heavy drinker.

One who has persisted over a sustained period of time to binge drink and where their drinking becomes a determinent to their daily living. Because this drinking is over a long period of time it is not something you can change very easily. This is why help is needed. The drinker van ofen go cold turkey for a few days but then binges again.

2) acute drinker.
One who needs a drink as soon as they get up in the morning and constantly keeps topped up and will go to any lengths for a drink.

Both types manifest themselves in different ways but both will lead to the same outcome for the person. That is why they both are the same problem imo.

By these criteria I'd definitely class myself as a heavy drinker. Thanks for the help lads, I know now what I have to do. I never felt deserving enough to go to AA (probably says more about me than anything else) but ye sold it well

Now to gather the courage to actually do it...

Carpet diem · 27-10-2014 9:51pm

There is no other drug or activity in the world where it is acceptable for people to waste days hungover, looking like a mess , eating craps, , turn up for work late ( I know it can be after Xmas party etc) .

Abcxyz12345 · 27-10-2014 10:20pm

I have been struggling too with me being in AA. I haven't felt like I was 'bad enough' as I hadn't lost my job & house etc. I took my last drink 10 days ago & it was only during this week I was called in by my boss for me not doing my work & being upset/angry & generally being inappropriate in a work setting. I've realized now that I was on a very slippery slope to having some of the behaviours of 'alcoholics'.

I also think my self worth has been so low that i actually think I am undeserving of the opportunity to try what AA says it offers. That's actually really sad.

I find the meetings heartbreaking only because I identify with so much of what others say.

I'm going to change my habits of attempting to be self-sufficient (or trying to be!) and trust this new opportunity of AA. As another poster here on this thread has said 'what have I got to lose?' Thank you

GerB40 · 27-10-2014 10:42pm

Carpet diem wrote: »

There is no other drug or activity in the world where it is acceptable for people to waste days hungover, looking like a mess , eating craps, , turn up for work late ( I know it can be after Xmas party etc) .

It's really a societal thing. Ireland and the U.K have a drinking culture whereby getting shítfaced is the goal. In Europe or the U.S they go for a few Christmas party drinks and actually have a few drinks.

Now obviously not all Irish people go out to get plastered, visa versa with Europeans/Americans but it is considered the norm.

Until the whole "drinking culture" issue is sorted out this will never change..

iusedtoknow · 27-10-2014 10:50pm

GerB40 wrote: »

It's really a societal thing. Ireland and the U.K have a drinking culture whereby getting shítfaced is the goal. In Europe or the U.S they go for a few Christmas party drinks and actually have a few drinks.

Now obviously not all Irish people go out to get plastered, visa versa with Europeans/Americans but it is considered the norm.

Until the whole "drinking culture" issue is sorted out this will never change..

To a degree I agree with you

But...

I only started to get into problems when I moved to Spain. There is a problem with alcohol there too - not as large as Irelands, but it is there.

Also...in the US, especially where I live (San Francisco) there is a huge party culture. Everything work related involves drink...everything. We have weekly get togethers for happy hour, any networking function has a seemingly endless supply of alcohol....and every week,there are more AA meetings starting in the city.

Amazingfun · 28-10-2014 1:24am

Fair play to realies and carpe diem and all for such good sharing of your hard won experience.

Just had to note how rare it is I meet people who think themselves undeserving of AA....most seem to be cocky/arrogant types (like my good self

) who thought ourselves far too good for it lol. You will both be very welcome in any meeting of AA and I wish you well on your first journey to one.

Here is a site that lists all of the meetings in Ireland:

http://www.alcoholicsanonymous.ie/Information-on-AA/Find-a-Meeting#info

Carpet diem · 28-10-2014 3:24pm

Amazingfun wrote: »

Fair play to realies and carpe diem and all for such good sharing of your hard won experience.

Just had to note how rare it is I meet people who think themselves undeserving of AA....most seem to be cocky/arrogant types (like my good self ) who thought ourselves far too good for it lol. You will both be very welcome in any meeting of AA and I wish you well on your first journey to one.

Here is a site that lists all of the meetings in Ireland:

http://www.alcoholicsanonymous.ie/Information-on-AA/Find-a-Meeting#info

Ha thankd I've a bit to go to be mentioned in sane sentence as realies!

Carpet diem · 28-10-2014 11:02pm

Intend to spend the week working and exercising hard and getting stuff done.

Keeping occupied and also making progress in different areas of my life.

The forum is very quiet today!!

Sunnyisland · 28-10-2014 11:41pm

Folks we all had to start somewhere,and all I do is try and pass on what was passed onto me, Some fantastic people helped me in my journey and it's great to try and help other likewise people.

Thanks for all your lovely comments, there heartwarming to read.

Doublin · 29-10-2014 3:11pm

GerB40 wrote: »

By these criteria I'd definitely class myself as a heavy drinker. Thanks for the help lads, I know now what I have to do. I never felt deserving enough to go to AA (probably says more about me than anything else) but ye sold it well

Now to gather the courage to actually do it...

I think most of the 'real alcoholics' (if that's your thought process) would have more of an admiration of you than scorn. You have taken the bull by the horns at an earlier stage then they have/could have had. I was blind to my dependency, didn't give it any thought. Get knocked down, get up again & continue as usual, I was never concerned about my health just kept going until this drink came & bit me on the ass. The only thing I could never beat on my own.

AA is a good mix of people with different histories/experiences & any decent person there will listen to and give support. Two random examples:

Was in a meeting in Sherrard St. years ago. When the floor was opened there were some saying the usual stuff, saying how great they were etc. Then one guy talked for a minute saying he had a slip and felt like ****. The next couple of people sharing went back to saying how great everything was. Then P (a regular there who went to the brink & clawed his way back) spoke up and said something along the lines of we are all in this together, here is someone we should be supporting not spewing how great we are, that this is what AA is about, giving support to those that need it. Changed the whole tone of the meeting and after it the lad who slipped was being offered help by the majority as everybody rallied around to help in anyway they could.

Used to go to another meeting where there was a lady in her 50's whose drinking pattern was getting everything done during the day then come 7pm would sit down to watch soaps & open a bottle of wine. While I couldn't relate to that story when I heard her speak I could understand the effects drink had on her life (and that is what it's all about, its the effect it has on your life). We became friends in the end, me the raging alco lunatic impression she had and her the couple of glasses of wine at night, no big deal, impression I had.

Carpet diem · 29-10-2014 8:07pm

Doublin wrote: »

I think most of the 'real alcoholics' (if that's your thought process) would have more of an admiration of you than scorn. You have taken the bull by the horns at an earlier stage then they have/could have had. I was blind to my dependency, didn't give it any thought. Get knocked down, get up again & continue as usual, I was never concerned about my health just kept going until this drink came & bit me on the ass. The only thing I could never beat on my own.

AA is a good mix of people with different histories/experiences & any decent person there will listen to and give support. Two random examples:

Was in a meeting in Sherrard St. years ago. When the floor was opened there were some saying the usual stuff, saying how great they were etc. Then one guy talked for a minute saying he had a slip and felt like ****. The next couple of people sharing went back to saying how great everything was. Then P (a regular there who went to the brink & clawed his way back) spoke up and said something along the lines of we are all in this together, here is someone we should be supporting not spewing how great we are, that this is what AA is about, giving support to those that need it. Changed the whole tone of the meeting and after it the lad who slipped was being offered help by the majority as everybody rallied around to help in anyway they could.

Used to go to another meeting where there was a lady in her 50's whose drinking pattern was getting everything done during the day then come 7pm would sit down to watch soaps & open a bottle of wine. While I couldn't relate to that story when I heard her speak I could understand the effects drink had on her life (and that is what it's all about, its the effect it has on your life). We became friends in the end, me the raging alco lunatic impression she had and her the couple of glasses of wine at night, no big deal, impression I had.

I like the meetings where they are reading through the steps and then have a chat about them after.

I find normal meetings bit mundane and can go Any direction. Everyone to themselves I guess

Carpet diem · 30-10-2014 8:28pm

Putting the head down this week and certainly paying off.

Keep ploughing away

Doublin · 30-10-2014 8:38pm

Carpet diem wrote: »

I like the meetings where they are reading through the steps and then have a chat about them after.

I find normal meetings bit mundane and can go Any direction. Everyone to themselves I guess

Hey, can I ask what you like about the steps meetings? I never got into them tbh, maybe a history of me rebelling against anyone giving me rules :pac:, but maybe this time I should take a different approach.

Carpet diem · 30-10-2014 8:49pm

Doublin wrote: »

Hey, can I ask what you like about the steps meetings? I never got into them tbh, maybe a history of me rebelling against anyone giving me rules :pac:, but maybe this time I should take a different approach.

I find there can underlying ideas behind each of the readings that you can apply to your own life situations.

Carpet diem · 02-11-2014 4:19pm

Things I've improved in the last while:

-Getting my exercise in - joined new gym
-Eating a lot healthier
-Moving on to healthier food in order to loose the pounds gradually.
-Sleeping better and getting up on time
-Relationship has improved somewhat ( but not as much as I thought it would - women are tough work!)
-Being more focussed on what I do in life rather than filling my head with random stuff and ignoring what I actually should be good at
-Checkup up with doctor and dentist to keep on top of stuff
- More organised ( lunch prepared night before, shopping done Sunday, gym bag packed night before ) - all easy Said than done!

KeefF · 03-11-2014 9:19am

Carpet diem wrote: »

Things I've improved in the last while:

-Getting my exercise in - joined new gym
-Eating a lot healthier
-Moving on to healthier food in order to loose the pounds gradually.
-Sleeping better and getting up on time
-Relationship has improved somewhat ( but not as much as I thought it would - women are tough work!)
-Being more focussed on what I do in life rather than filling my head with random stuff and ignoring what I actually should be good at
-Checkup up with doctor and dentist to keep on top of stuff
- More organised ( lunch prepared night before, shopping done Sunday, gym bag packed night before ) - all easy Said than done!

Identify completely with all of this.

Carpet diem · 03-11-2014 9:54am

The longer I'm sober the more I see what harm drugs especially alcohol do to you. Very sad.

I think I've finally realised that drinking is not for me. I never fitted in to that culture, I wasn't being me, I wasn't being true to myself, I didn't become the person I wanted to become, I became an asshole, I became angry, I achieved little, I rocked the boat all the time, I became a failure.

Now that is all changing little by little. Drinking friends are being dumped/dissapearing because it needs to be done, I'll be left with only very little friends but so what. I have myself, my self respect , my dignity, my sanity and really that's all that matters.

iusedtoknow · 03-11-2014 11:36am

Carpet diem wrote: »

-Relationship has improved somewhat ( but not as much as I thought it would - women are tough work!)

This is a key thing to remember - not drinking won't automatically fix everything that is wrong in your life, it will make things easier to deal with...but it isn't a magic spell

Carpet diem · 03-11-2014 11:47am

iusedtoknow wrote: »

This is a key thing to remember - not drinking won't automatically fix everything that is wrong in your life, it will make things easier to deal with...but it isn't a magic spell

That is very true thanks - One of the times I went back drinking because I thought all my problems would be solved but I got my landing!

Life is full of ups and downs -

With the drink there are so much more downs than ups and any up I had I tended to make it a down.

Without the drink there are ups and downs but I can feels the ups so much now and I can deal with the downs do much better now.

hubba · 03-11-2014 3:12pm

Carpet diem wrote: »

I didn't become the person I wanted to become, I became an asshole, I became angry, I achieved little, I rocked the boat all the time, I became a failure.

+1 Carpet diem - that's just how I felt. Such a waste of potential but at least we have come to our senses and are doing what's in our power to get on the right path and live life as the 'real' us. Who we were meant to be. You are doing great, CD. Keep it up.

Carpet diem · 04-11-2014 1:17pm

Cooked a lovely breakfast for myself this morning - an omellette. Could never do one properly before and got it right today with a bit of patience and learning from previous mistakes.

I was thinking there was more to it - I was able put the time into feeding myself properly, taking care of myself, enjoying the moment. The satisfaction from it was great. This is me enjoying my sobriety and eating properly but food that was tasty.

It's a small thing I know but it's the addition off all the small things that add to a good day.

04-11-2014 1:50pm

Yea never underestimate the joy of cooking. Like most people I once viewed it as a chore that had to be gotten out of the way so I could get back to the rest of my life - which at the time was nothing to speak of anyway. Now I see it as an end in and of itself - a process one can enjoy engaging in - as much as enjoying the final results. It has ceased to be something I get out of the way in order to get back to my life and hobbies - and started to become part of my life and hobbies. And not only am I better for it - healthwise and mentally - the people I feed are too as I have become better at it.

Carpet diem · 05-11-2014 8:34pm

Is it me or is it the longer I stay the less serious I am about issues ? Good thing me thinks.

tealcottage · 05-11-2014 8:43pm

Carpet diem wrote: »

Is it me or is it the longer I stay the less serious I am about issues ? Good thing me thinks.

I think when we get on top of things and know where we are going, we can get a bit more relaxed about things.
I think that's okay as long as you know what you need to know and have it firmly engraved in the back of your mind.

I hope that sounds okay.

Kevin the Kid · 06-11-2014 1:19pm

Carpet diem wrote: »

The longer I'm sober the more I see what harm drugs especially alcohol do to you. Very sad.

I think I've finally realised that drinking is not for me. I never fitted in to that culture, I wasn't being me, I wasn't being true to myself, I didn't become the person I wanted to become, I became an asshole, I became angry, I achieved little, I rocked the boat all the time, I became a failure.

Now that is all changing little by little. Drinking friends are being dumped/dissapearing because it needs to be done, I'll be left with only very little friends but so what. I have myself, my self respect , my dignity, my sanity and really that's all that matters.

So true,
As you age your body and capacity for drinking changes as does your mind. Your sanity is worth holding onto the most of all. The rest will fall into place.
Friends will come and go. It may take some time but it will be worth it in the end. Good friends will respect our choices.

Abcxyz12345 · 06-11-2014 2:20pm

Hi, I'm still not drinking & the daily anxiety continues to lessen - although still there. Back eating & sleeping. The last period of drinking though brought me to a dark place & it's brought up a lot of stuff for me which Id like to talk about with a counsellor. I met with one who I felt had a good insight into alcohol/addiction & I would like to proceed. I also have been attending AA meetings & I spoke to a lady who said she would be happy to sponsor me if Id like to etc. I would really like this but then she explained she can't if I'm going to a counsellor - advice is often conflicting etc. I'm really disappointed. It's an either/or situation apparently (according to AA) but I suppose I really want to sort myself out this time. She said say I can go to a counsellor when I finish the programme/steps with her. Maybe I'm taking too much on too... I don't know. Any one else have experience of this? Thank you

Amazingfun · 06-11-2014 2:27pm

First off-no one "speaks for AA" (including me btw lol). We are all just individual members.

But various people have different ways of doing things and this woman apparently has had experiences in the past that has led her to this policy. If you don't "want what she has" then ask someone else or just stick with your counselor I guess?
I sponsor a few people and have been sponsored myself so I speak from my own experience. I can understand her position on it to be honest.

Carpet diem · 06-11-2014 11:10pm

Bad bout of being fed up came overt me this evening.

Not sure what is wrong. The old me wanting to be out there on a Thursday night.

tealcottage · 06-11-2014 11:29pm

Carpet diem wrote: »

Bad bout of being fed up came overt me this evening.

Not sure what is wrong. The old me wanting to be out there on a Thursday night.

Probably just a bump on the road where you have to hold a tight grip on the steering.

Carpet diem · 06-11-2014 11:38pm

On the plus side I went to toastmasters which I have been meaning to do for a long time.

It was very good really and even more than I thought it would be. Need to become a member and start cracking at it now and looking forward to developing myself.

Abcxyz12345 · 07-11-2014 12:14am

Amazingfun wrote: »

First off-no one "speaks for AA" (including me btw lol). We are all just individual members.

But various people have different ways of doing things and this woman apparently has had experiences in the past that has led her to this policy. If you don't "want what she has" then ask someone else or just stick with your counselor I guess?
I sponsor a few people and have been sponsored myself so I speak from my own experience. I can understand her position on it to be honest.

Thank you Amazingfun. She is someone who I do think I want what she has - her views on life & her actual lifestyle too. I identify with her previous drinking experience too. I suppose my worry was will I be able over the next while without counselling - but perhaps that's the unfamiliarity of AA etc. I've been in counselling before & I still ended up in a bad way. Maybe it's time to try something new... It's something for me to think about before I make a decision about which route I'll take next. Thanks again

Abcxyz12345 · 07-11-2014 12:15am

Carpet diem wrote: »

On the plus side I went to toastmasters which I have been meaning to do for a long time.

It was very good really and even more than I thought it would be. Need to become a member and start cracking at it now and looking forward to developing myself.

Well done Carpet Diem... Something on my 'to do' list too!

Time to change my life around for the better minus drink.

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